Blood sweat and tears

“Hi darling, come, sit next to me.” Babs patted the sofa, her glossy blood red finger nails threatening to go straight through the beige fabric. “Are you excited about your birthday tomorrow? Mummy’s little baby turning eighteen! I can’t believe it.”

Tom hung in the lounge doorway in his pyjamas. Babs patted the cushion again and he reluctantly made his way over. Carefully stepping over his Father’s outstretched legs who sat in his favourite chair hiding behind a huge newspaper. Tom chucked himself next to Babs, the sofa nearly swallowing him whole, which might not have been a bad thing he thought. She stroked his hair and ran the back of her hand softly down his cheek.

“You look pale son, you have dark rings under your eyes. Are you sleeping ok? Are you eating properly? Is it school? Are you being bullied? Is it a girl?....is it a boy? You can tell us you know....Malcolm….put down that damn paper would you. Your Son’s eighteen tomorrow! Spend a little time with him.”

Tom pushed his mother’s hand away.

“I’m fine mum honestly. Why are you still reading a newspaper Dad? You know you can get all of that on the internet.”

“Son, the internet is full of paedophiles, rapists and murderers, and besides, you can’t beat the old traditional ways.” He lowered the newspaper. “As you’ll find out tomorrow.”

Tom fiddled with the string on his pyjamas.

“Actually….about tomorrow…I-”

“No need to be nervous son, we all have to come of age.”

Malcolm lay the paper on his lap. “I remember my first drink. My father took me out to his local haunt. I was so nervous….ha! He got me my first drink and I couldn’t even finish it, in the end he had to help me. Never let me live that one down. Must give the old man a call sometime, feels like years since we last spoke.”

Tom stared into his lap. Babs shot Malcolm a look that would have killed most mortals. 

“Your Dad was out drinking last night, with Jerry, weren’t you dear….made such a row when he got home….What time did you get back Malcolm?”

Malcolm shrugged.

“I don’t know, just before dawn I guess. We just hung around at the local bar until closing time. But Jerry always makes me drink too much. He’s such a bad influence. We did however finish the night with an unusual shot of the red stuff, a forty year old vintage. Tasted just like honey. That son is a rare drink I can tell you. Can’t remember the last time I had one of those-”

“Mum….Dad…..I need to talk to you. I’ve been a bit confused lately and I’ve had something on my mind for a while now and this seems the right time-”

Malcolm sprang forward.

“Are you gay son? You know if that’s what you’re trying to tell us then your mother and I have known that since you were four years old. Not a problem. Nope, no problems here.”

“WHAT! No, Dad No, I’m not gay. What do you mean you’ve known since I was four years old? Mum what does he mean?”

Babs shot Malcolm a look that could have brought a corpse back to life then killed it again.

“Oh he doesn’t mean anything darling….we just noticed you are a little more…sensitive than other children. It’s a good thing really. So what is it darling, what’s on your mind?"

“Well I’m glad that if I was gay, which I’m not, you would be ok with that…It’s-”

“PORN!” Malcolm sprang forward again eyes wide. “Is it porn son, have you discovered porn? It’s perfectly natural you know. Especially in a man your age.”

Malcolm sat back his eyes slightly glazed. “You know I remember when I was your age. I know it seems decades ago to you. But me and some friends found ourselves late one night, at an all girl’s school. Ah yes, it was like the Holy Grail. We positioned ourselves at the window to the shower block. I can’t tell you what happened to me that night son it was like someone had switched all the lights on. And I wasn’t burning low energy bulbs if you know what I mean. We just sat there for hour’s mast-”

“DAD! STOP!”

“Well son, just saying, it’s all perfectly natural and nothing for you to worry about. Just wished I’d discovered porn when I was your age. Still, your mother and I are making up for lost time aren’t we dear?” He winked at Babs.

“Dad please stop. It’s not porn. I’m just-”

“DRUGS! Is it drugs? Are you putting drugs in your body son? Oh no not drugs, please tell me it’s not drugs. You know I had a friend once who put recreational drugs under each eyelid, under his tongue and up his a-hole before a night out. You wanna know what happened to him Tom? YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?”

“I-”

“I’ll tell you what happened Tom. He was so wasted he woke up in a barn surrounded by dead sheep. Blood everywhere! The farmer was up early to milk the cows. Found him lying there. Shot him dead on the spot and fed him to the pigs. Poor Chap. So don’t tell me you’re putting drugs up your a-hole Tom. No. No son of mine is going to put drugs up his a-hole and under his eye lids. We’ll get you booked into a clinic or something. But it stops now Tom do I make myself clear? Do you want to be fed to the pigs?”

“DAD! I’m not taking drugs, I’m not watching porn, much, and I’m not gay.”

Tom sat quietly while Babs mouthed obscenities at Malcolm.

“Mum….Dad….Its worse than that I’m so confused……..I’m…. I’m a….. I think I’m a.

“FOR GOODNESS SAKE BOY WOULD YOU JUST SPIT IT OUT!” Malcolm threw the newspaper on the coffee table. “Put us out of our misery won’t you.”

Tom shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m a vegetarian...I think I’m a vegetarian.”

The room fell silent. Malcolm clenched his jaw, dug his fingernails into the arm of the chair and stared unblinking at Tom. Babs fanned herself with her thin pale fingers. Tom looked from Malcolm to Babs and back to Malcolm.

“Well say something then.”

Malcolm tried to contain himself but he could feel drops of sweat appearing on his forehead. Finally he exploded.

“YOU’RE A VEGETARIAN? YOU MAKE ME SICK. I CAN HARDLY BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU. I’M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU SON. I THOUGHT WE’D BROUGHT YOU UP PROPERLY AND YOU BRING THIS INTO OUR HOUSE!”

“I’m sorry Dad, I’m sorry!” Tears streamed down Tom’s face.

Babs got up and sat on the arm of the chair. She stroked Malcolm’s hair. 

“Calm down dear this is no good for your heart. He’s young and confused. It’s such a tricky age. Malcolm turned slowly towards Babs. He looked her straight in the eyes.

“But Babs, we’re vampires…..its tradition. He can’t be a vegetarian. I’ll be a laughing stock.”

Malcolm got to his feet and grabbed his cloak from the rack.

“I need a drink…I’ll be back before dawn.” He slammed the door and took off down the road.

“I’m sorry Mum it’s just who I am. I’m sorry.”

Babs squeezed in next to Tom and he rested his head on her shoulder. She stroked his hair and they sat in silence for a while.

“I’ll get us a nice drink…would you like your favourite?”

Tom looked up and smiled.

“Yes please mum that would be really nice.”

“Right you are, two strawberry milkshakes coming right up!” 

As Babs got to the kitchen door she hesitated looking back at Tom.

“Honey….you know I said it was a strawberry milkshake?”

Tom looked up.

“Yes Mum.”

Babs looked at her little boy for a moment sitting in his pyjamas. Then turned for the kitchen and smiled to herself.

“Oh….Nothing honey. Coming right up.”