When the stars align

Trigger warning: depictions of sexual abuse

She must have reached about thirty-six…possibly forty-six, when the last star disappeared behind the giant mountain top and into the dark summer sky. Her sister Lindy peaked outside to ask her when she was going to come inside; as she threw the water she had just washed the dishes in from the zinc bowl. The water splashed onto the garden bed where she was hoping to grow fresh tomatoes for the family. “Has he stopped yet?” Sindi asked as she stood up from the unfinished patio where she had gotten lost counting stars. “He is busy talking to Taps now” Lindy answered softly as she guided her younger sister into the humble little kitchen. Sindi doesn’t know why she thought she would be able to sneak past the kitchen table unnoticed as their home only had three rooms. The kitchen was comfortably claustrophobic housing a big green table covered in a red and white polka-dotted table cloth. No chairs were surrounding it but instead a two-piece missed-matched lounge suite – if you could call it that served as seats. It was topped off with a two-plate stove, refrigerator and other random ornaments that brought back happier memories. “Don’t you greet?’ she heard as she froze in her tracks. It was the same icy baritone voice covered in liquor breath that she tried to avoid, first by counting stars and then by trying to make her way to the bedroom anonymously. Sindi nodded her had as a sign of acknowledgement mumbling ‘good evening’ then quickly slipped left into the bathroom. As compact as it was it provided ablution and bathing facilities. The walls were covered in an off-white-grey-meets-whatever was left in the paint-can colour. Ornaments were hanging from the walls with some randomly placed on a small cupboard that kept everyone’s toiletries, and a mirror covered in stickers that they had stuck on as children. It was a tight squeeze but it was sufficient. She wanted it to seem as if she was busy but she was buying time to make her way to the bedroom. While standing behind the bathroom door counting, she reached over to the zinc washing tub that served as a basin knowing she wanted no part of what was building up on the other side of the door. She could hear the calm before the storm had disappeared as he banged his fist against the table. The home was so small that you could practically hear whatever was happening in whichever part of the house whenever it was happening. Lindy and Taps were trying to distract his thoughts by bringing up events that had not really occurred. They spoke about an old school friend who came to see him earlier that day to catch up, and as Sindi listened to the story she could not help but feel impressed by Lindy’s storytelling and Taps’ acting. It was believable at best. She thought of how things were when her mother was still alive. Her mind shuffled through some of the pleasant memories her family shared before tragedy struck. Remembering that day when she was called out of her class, Mr Williams had just begun the chapter on astronomy when she was called to receive the news in the school foyer. She sunk into the arms of the school secretary and wailed to the point where it felt like she had no tears left to cry. Somewhere in between the conversation in the kitchen and the flashbacks in her mind she found herself getting lost again. Sindi longed for that warm, loving voice her mother greeted her with every morning. How she always made sure her school uniform sat just right before telling her to enjoy her day. She yearned for the late afternoons when her mother would return from work, Taps would rush to help her at the gate while she and Lindy made sure everything was placed as perfectly as it had been left by her mother. Almost involuntarily she started counting again. This time anxiously. The conversation in the kitchen had ceased and trouble loomed closer. Footsteps stalkingly made their way to the bathroom where she had sought refuge for a few brief moments. As she saw the doorknob turn it was as if she saw herself in the star that disappeared behind the mountain earlier that evening. Fading into the darkness with no recollection of whether the bathroom light was on or not. Blocking out everything and just drifting on an indigo blanket across the skies. Smothered in hopeless sweat, echoes of drunken breath, powerless but forced to react. When she finally began to feel herself move back into her body, he had made his way back to the kitchen where it was quiet with neither Taps nor Lindy continuing their stories of before. After cleaning herself up Sindi made her way to the bedroom. It was as tightly touched as the other two rooms. There was a pinewood wardrobe for her and Lindy’s clothing, she opened it and took out a t-shirt and tracksuit pants. Before closing it she stared at a beautiful blue blouse that used to be her mother’s before Lindy claimed it. “Would you like some tea?” she heard Taps ask cautiously as he entered the room but she just shook her head negatively as she got dressed. He sat on one of the two beds in the room. It is a double-bed shared by Sindi and Lindy, the other bed was squeezed in next to the wall and another cupboard for his clothing. “Is he going to sleep here tonight?” Sindi asked defeatedly as she pointed to the bed usually occupied by Taps because their father was too drunk to make his way to it. As unsure as Taps was he did not want to risk asking him and then ending up in another argument. It was almost as if they all existed peacefully the less they said. Words were used sparingly with sentences placed strategically and used only when necessary. The house was no longer the home it once was. Lindy locked up inside then made her way from the kitchen to the room where she joined Taps on the bed. The three of them sat silently anticipating their father’s next move because if Taps sleeps on his bed before he did there would be trouble too. Lindy tried to spark up a conversation about the future “Working at the restaurant really makes me wish I had enough money to open one too.” she tried. “Once I hit that jackpot sis.” Taps joked with her. “When will that be? You’re not even old enough to vote.” she playfully dismissed him hoping Sindi would tease along but she just forced a smile. Being younger than his siblings Taps was not always included in their decision making but he always acted like their older brother and would do anything for them. He always felt the need to protect Sindi even though she was two years his senior. When it came to Lindy he always appreciated how much she had done for them especially the way she naturally assumed the maternal role when their mother died. “Don’t be so sure of yourself. It could be sooner than you think.” he assured her almost as a matter of fact. Lindy looked at him after realising that there was a seriousness in what he had said. “As long as you let me know what you’re planning before the time and not once you’re up to your neck in it” she added as she repositioned herself on the bed. Taps then changed the topic to his own ambitions and spoke about how he would love to play professional soccer once he was done with school. Sindi did not say anything while they waited on her to escape into the future with them. A deafening silence bounced across the paint-thirsty walls of the small room for a few minutes. Lindy played with a piece of loose string from one of the blankets while Taps stared at a crack that seemed to run along the wall endlessly. “All I ever think about is the stars…” Sindi started almost whispering. “…you know just appearing briefly. Shining some light in the dark but never staying too long and then gone before you know it…” she continued. “…that is what I want to be” she concluded as her siblings looked at her curiously. “So you want to be famous?” Lindy asked as she was trying to make sense of what her sister had said with her vacant eyes. “I count stars until it feels like the numbers have run out on me. When I am angry it stops me before I do something I might regret, and when I am sad it makes me feel like I am somewhere in the atmosphere just a little close to her. It makes me feel like I have left this place.” Sindi explained almost tearfully as the sadness in her voice pierced through the room. Her hopeless tone felt like a dark sheet had covered every corner of it. It was like a really loud scream was held captive inside her while fear ran through her veins. Lindy and Taps both looked at her knowing why she felt that way and they felt guilty that they had not helped. Past attempts to come to her aid just made it worse for their sister. Taps remembered when he tried to help one afternoon a few Decembers ago only to end up with a broken arm. Another time Lindy pleaded with her father not to hurt her sister but she ended up with a busted lip. Thereafter it was as if his attacks on their sister became more frequent and endured much longer. Sindi then got up from the bed and began fluffing the floral pillows that do not quite match the bedspread that had The Big Five on its cover. The trio was ready to crawl into bed, Taps walked towards the kitchen to see if his father was showing any signs of sleep. He prepared himself for another argument as he peaked into the kitchen trepidatiously, but to his relief, he saw his father asleep on one of the sofas with his long legs dangling over the armrest.

It was just after four in the morning when Sindi gave up counting stars. She was distracted by the small crowd that had gathered outside their gate. Their conversations were inaudible although she thought she might have heard her name, but when she looked to see she was blinded by the red and blue lights. Taps and Lindy stood a few steps away from the kitchen door. She caught one last glimpse of her father’s dead body before it was covered. He had multiple stab wounds to his neck and as gruesome as it looked all she felt was apathy. The forensic team tried to manoeuvre their way through their small house. A tall lanky man tried to make his way past the refrigerator and then accidentally knocked off one of the magnets that held up a photograph of their mother. Just as Sindi headed towards the kitchen door to pick up the photograph that had fallen to the blood-covered floor, the detective who had asked them so many questions earlier that evening stepped out to light a cigarette. She moved closer to her siblings and out of the way as the strangers continued invasively. “There are no signs of forced entry and neither of them has any idea of how this could have happened” the detective said over his phone while ashing his cigarette into the garden bed. They looked at each other uncertain of what to make of what the detective was saying. Taps gave his jacket to Lindy as she was getting cold but Sindi remained motionless. She stared into the kitchen with her eyes fixed gravely on her mother’s photograph as a strangely comforting feeling came over her.