Kids

Moving Day

There’s always something special for a child on moving day. A new house, new areas to explore, and being the oldest child getting to call dibs on the room of your choice. 

“Moving day, moving day, moving day!” shouted Christopher as he ran through the house. There was an unspoken rule that on moving day a child had the first twenty minutes to run around the house and explore every room without question. Closet doors were flung open, lights were turned on, basements and attics were explored without fear. Christopher was twelve and his younger brother John was ten and their younger sister Maliree was three. 

“John lets go!” said Christopher. As they took off running from room to room and floor to floor. 

“What room are you gonna take?” asked John

“Don’t rush me, I’ll figure it out in a minute.” scolded his older brother.

“Eew, this room is already painted pink. That’s no! Sis can have this one,” said Christopher

“Stop running upstairs boys!” Yelled their mother. The two slowed their pace to fast walking but slow walking was impossible. 

“Wow! I want this room,” said John.

“Never gonna happen, this is the biggest room and it’ll be mom and dads.” Christopher snickered.

“It would make sense to me if I had it. There’s a bathroom right inside and I could go whenever I needed too.” Answered John. He wasn’t going to admit it but on occasion, he still had an accident in the bed at night, but he was working on it. He knew his brother would pick on him endlessly so he never told him. Instead John turned away from the room with defeat in his eyes. He’d have to find another way to overcome his problem. 

While John was standing at the door to his parent's bedroom Christopher found a room in the back of the house next to the stairs going up to the attic. The stairs separated this bedroom from the hallway bathroom. Something about this room was different. At first glance Christopher knew he’d seen something odd but he didn’t understand it right away. He walked around the room grazing his fingers along the old wallpaper. The room was large enough to have two windows and outside he could see the neighbors house. He walked to the closet and opened the door and found a few old wire hangers inside but nothing else but dust. He stepped out into the hallway and looked both right and left. Up the stairs and down the hall. He looked at the bathroom and at the hall closet next to the room that would be John’s if Christopher had any to say about it. Something was different but he couldn’t figure it out.

Christopher turned slowly in a circle and looked at every detail. This was an old house. Maybe a hundred years old or more. There was fancy wood trim everywhere, and a decorative wood trim that separated wallpaper from the top and the wood panels on the bottom. His father later told him it’s called chair rail. Of course Christopher couldn’t understand how anyone could sit on or hang a chair off of it. The wood was too narrow. He’d have to figure this out some other time. He was deep in thought when his brother John came over to look into the room behind him. 

“Hey, what’s this room look like?” 

“It looks like my room. So stay out!” Christopher said sharply

“What, I can’t even look at it?” asked John

“You can look but I’m claiming it for mine; and don’t touch anything.” 

John didn’t understand what he was going to touch. The room was empty. John reached out his hand now and again to touch the wall or the window sill to spite his brother’s demands. He made it around the room and back out the door. He hadn’t noticed anything particular about this room and went to the bathroom and then the room across the hall. 

“I like this one,” said John. 

“It’s all yours,” said Christopher as he stepped back into his room and walked around. He couldn’t get it off his mind. His room was different somehow and he went to his brother's room to see if he saw the same thing. His brother’s room looked perfectly normal. He had two windows facing the neighbor’s house and another two facing the back yard. Christopher was almost disappointed he’d not looked in this room first. He was impressed with the size. He looked out the windows and enjoyed the views and he felt maybe he should change his mind and give his brother the smaller one. Maybe even give the room to his baby sister. His parents could always paint the pink walls a different color. 

“John, Christopher! Let’s go get some lunch.” Their mother called. This stopped them thinking about the rooms and they moved on to more important things. At their age food was always tops. 


Sitting down at lunch Christopher and John fought over the window seat and John won because he’d gotten there first. 

“So boys, what do you think of the new house? Do you like it?” asked their father. With mouths full and heads shaking the boys agreed they liked it. Christopher was still thinking about his room and how different it was to the others. He’d found something different but he still couldn’t figure out what it was until John started talking about his room again. 

“And I have windows all around. With a huge closet. It’s the best.” said John. Windows thought Christopher. That’s what’s missing in his room: the back windows. Why did John have them and he didn’t? He was deep in thought about this when his mother interrupted him. 

“Chris, are you in there?” she mocked. “What do you think about your room? Which one did you take?”

“I took the one to the right of the stairs but I don’t know. I might take Johns. I might like that one better.” he mumbled between bites of fires. 

“Hey, that's not fair. You chose the other room, and you said I couldn’t touch anything in there, but I did when you weren’t looking. I touched the walls and the window sill, and the closet door and everything. Nothing you could do about it.” John said triumphantly. 

“Whatever nerd. It’s a room and I don’t have to have it if I don’t want to, I’m the oldest,” answered Christopher. 

“OK, boys. That’s enough or I’ll choose who gets what room.” their father said.


After lunch they returned to the new house and waited for the moving truck to come. Christopher was still looking at his room and wondered why he didn’t have windows on his back wall, and his brother did. Looking high and low he couldn’t find anything different about the room. The walls looked the same and the old hardwood floors looked the same. Then it dawned on him to look outside and see if there even were windows out the back of his room. Running outside he ran to the back of the yard and looked up to see there were windows back there, but no way to see in them or why. His eyes lit up as an idea hit him. He ran to the kitchen under his room and looked around for another set of stairs but couldn’t find any. He even went into the basement again and couldn’t find any additional reason why there would be windows at the back of his room but no way to get to them. Before walking back up Christopher almost thought he might ask his dad and mom for some help. He walked to the front porch and looked at them but changed his mind. 

After a minute he thought about it and realized he’d not looked in the closet. Running up to his room, his parents telling him to slow down going up the steps, he pounded his way back down the hall and closed the bedroom door. Flinging open the closet and pulling on the chain light he looked around but it looked like a wall and nothing different. Then he looked at the floor and saw some scrape marks where something had been moved in a half-circle. Looking down further he didn’t see a lot of marks, only some moving from left to right. He tapped on the wall and it sounded hollow. He pushed in the center and then on the right side. The wall moved. The movement scared him a little but it excited him more. His original idea was right. There was a hidden room behind the wall of his bedroom. Pushing harder the door slid open fairly easy and light from the windows shone in. What he found made his heart race with excitement. There was a room as long as his with a ceiling as high as his, but it had furniture in there with bookshelves. The little room had an old leather chair that looked to be a hundred years old and covered in dust. There were cobwebs and dust all over the place. The bookshelves had hundreds of books lined top to bottom from one end to the other with books he’d never heard of before. Candles were hanging on the wall that had been used at one time; they were half-burned but still usable. The windows had curtains to pull down over them and there were some stone masks of old people up high. There were items on the top of the shelves that looked like bones and large shark teeth. This was the most amazing discovery he’d ever had in his life. He walked around the room and checked out the books. Most were children's books but they were very old and some had titles he’d never heard of in school. He read some allowed. “The Iliad, The Odyssey, The adventures of Jason and the Argonautica, The Three Musketeers, Heidi, Robinson Crusoe, The House that Jack Built, and Fifty Fables of Children.” The books went on and on and Christophers' eyes shined as bright as the sun. This room was a reading room for a kid from a hundred years ago. He couldn’t believe it. 

As he looked around he thought he’d never tell anyone about this room. He didn’t have to because no one knew it was there but him. If he wanted to hide there away from his little brother and sister he could all day and no one would bother him. He reached the other end of the room and noticed a narrow set of stairs leading up to the attic. If his day wasn’t exciting enough it was about to get better. He climbed up the steps, his tennis shoes leaving footprints in the dust as he went. At the top he found a room in the attic. There was a round window shining light through. The room had a small desk, a chair, a globe so big it had to sit on the floor. Christopher's body shook with excitement. He saw an old wooden telescope to look out the window at the stars. He saw maps on the wall showing places marked with pins and strings leading to pictures. Under the window was an old trunk with books and papers on top. Hand-drawn pictures hung from the ceiling and another bookshelf with more books about countries, and an atlas titled “The Known World, 1863 - 1894” Whoever had this room was into exploring the world and space. 

Christopher was in a world of his own. He’d found something he’d never forget and wanted to keep it a secret. He used to be into video games and watching television. After what he’d found today, his first day in his new house, he didn’t think he’d ever use those things again. Looking out the round window he had a view over the houses behind him and the street below clear to the old churches that sat downtown. He saw his dad walking out back to the garage and look inside. Pulling back quickly so he wasn’t seen he knocked some old books off the old trunk. One fell open and there were words written inside in neat but child-like handwriting. The first page he read had a date on it 3 July 1908. The note that followed read:

Watched Mr. and Mrs. Alexander’s cat Bartlbey enter the house by the kitchen door, with a mouse. The cook shewed Bartlbey out the door and disposed of the mouse in the waste bin outside. Looking down at the street corner, I’m still watching for the 1901 Albion with the license plate 3-812. No other locomobiles have passed today, one delivery man with a horse cart and milkman and his milk cart. It rained for 24 minutes and then the sun shone. The street was muddy when Mrs. Appleton walked downtown. Father is calling me for supper. End of notes Michael.


This made the whole experience even more exciting. Christopher knew the name of the boy who lived here a hundred years ago. Looking around the room he tried to imagine what this other young man looked like. He wondered how old he was when he lived here and when he started writing these notes. All this and more made Christopher curious so he looked around the room for any sign of a picture or a drawing of Michael from 1908. Opening drawers on the desk he found toys, and keepsakes, notes, and letters, magnifying glass and pencils. Things he expected he’d find in the drawers. He went back to the trunk and picked up other books full of notes and stories of mischief. There were old magazines with adventure stories in them and a few more books, a lot of papers with drawings on them explaining stars, animals, and other locations Michael from 1908 had traveled too. Turning to the bookshelf he saw high up in a small frame a picture of a young man. Christopher grabbed a chair and stepped up and looked at the young man. Prying off the back of the frame he read the photograph. Michael C. E. Williams 1905; age 10. 

The moving trucks arrived and Christopher returned to his bedroom holding the picture and the notebook he’d found. He left them inside his closet and closed the door. As the movers unloaded the truck Christopher helped pick his boxes and take them upstairs to his room. He wasn’t thinking about the job at hand because he was thinking about the boy named Michael who lived in this room before him. His mind raced trying to figure out what might have happened to him. Was he still alive? How come no one had found his stuff. Then he thought about the dates and realized the guy would have to be 125 years old. He kept thinking about the dates on the notebook and the date on the picture. That meant Michael was only 10 years old just like John when he wrote about Bartleby the cat and that old car. When he was finished unpacking he wanted to start cleaning the dust off the bookshelves and upstairs. He wanted to look through all the books and read as many as he could. He was excited to read through more of the notebooks and see what he could learn about life back in the 1900s. 


He rushed through his unpacking, had his bed made, and clothes were thrown in a drawer. He made a half-hearted attempt to put his stuff in a place they would be neat but dealt with later. As the day crossed into night Christopher ate a quick meal of delivery pizza and ran back to his room to start reading the notebook again. Barely a page into the stories and his eyes grew tired and he drifted off to sleep. 

The next morning he woke up and had breakfast. His mother told him he needed to do a better job at organizing his room because it wasn’t going to stay like that forever. This is a new house not the old one. Christopher didn’t like it because he had to know more about Michael. He worked hard and found a way to make everything look good so his mother wouldn’t complain. He ran back into the room after she’d left and grabbed more notebooks. He sat in his room for hours that day reading more and more about this kid Michael. After a while he felt as if the boy was a friend he’d only met in letters. By the end of the notebooks Christopher learned that the car he’d been looking for never showed up again and he couldn’t tell Mr. Miller who the man was that splashed mud on his wife’s dress. He talked more about Bartleby up until the day he died. He talked about the stars and the adventures he’d had from state to another and the trip to London, Paris, and Africa. The notebooks told of everything the boy did from a young age. He’d had more adventures in his life than Christoper ever did at the same age. He’d met real American Indians, seen the Eiffel Tower, rode on a camel, and even shot a gun on a safari. Christopher came to the last page in the middle of the last notebook. All the questions he’d had about Michael made sense now. 

1 April 1912

Today I leave for London with my parents and brother Simon to see England, Scotland, and Wales. We’re all looking forward to seeing Buckingham Palace and the changing of the guards. Mother wants to visit relatives in Scotland while my father wants to see an uncle in Wales. We are very excited and can’t wait for our return trip. Father has booked the whole family in cabins on the RMS Titanic. Farewell Michael.



Posted May 24, 2020
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73 likes 35 comments

01:12 Jun 03, 2020

This was so great. I loved the excitement to finding The room and uncovering the amazing adventures.

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16:06 Oct 23, 2020

Thank you for reading and commenting on this story. I've written a new one for the current weekly prompt called "December 6, 1941". I'd like to hear your comments and feedback on this one if you have time.

Everyone's comments and critiques have been so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time.

Robert

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02:36 Aug 30, 2021

I like the ending.

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21:03 Aug 31, 2021

Thank you, I appreciate your taking the time to read my stories.

Robert

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Joshua Thomas
23:03 Feb 23, 2021

I have a certain story to submit, but sadly there isn’t a prompt out for it

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01:08 Feb 24, 2021

I've found that to be the case before. I've written the story and sat on it for a while, waiting for the right time. I have a story I've started and I have 2 parts left to it to finish it. I hope the opportunity comes soon.

Robert

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Joshua Thomas
22:22 Feb 23, 2021

The only suggestion I would give to you, to further move the story to its rising point, is that maybe there could be something the main character, Chris, finds and he has to keep it a secret from everybody else, including his parents and siblings. And then maybe someone could find out, and then the story could progress from there, the moral, “only keep secrets, if they could harm someone.” But you know just a suggestion..

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01:05 Feb 24, 2021

No problem, I like suggestions. I'm building a website with my stories if you're interested. More often than not I'd like to announce to followers when I've posted a story, but we can't on here. If you'd like to follow me there, that would be great. Check it out!

robertgrandstaffhomepage.com

Robert

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Joshua Thomas
21:06 Feb 22, 2021

This story takes the reader on a breathtaking adventure. There is no actual ‘dangerous adventure,’ but you expect one thing, but then irony comes in. You don’t expect the room to have any special qualities, but then you are proven wrong. Chris thought his new room looked boring, by how the author describes it, but the author shows how even something that looks dull can take the protagonist on an amazing adventure. Overall its a great story

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01:56 Feb 23, 2021

Well, thank you! I hope you read other stories I've posted to my page and let me know what you think. I've been asked to make the story longer and I hope I have time to someday. It will be a nice children's book. Keep in touch!

Robert

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03:51 Mar 04, 2021

Hey everyone, I’ve posted another incredible story to Reedsy. Check it out and let me know what you think.

By the way, I can’t thank you enough for following me and commenting on my stories. I’ve started a website. If you’re interested in keeping in contact, please visit me at robertgrandstaffhomepage.com

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Roger Meachem
20:11 Oct 18, 2020

Robert, it's some time since you submitted this and perhaps it's now done and dusted. I know that when I finish a story and file it away, I don't like to revisit. But, in case you're still revising this one here are a few notes from my reading.
One, it's an excellent idea! You build slowly to the first disclosure - that there's a hidden room and then again to the next disclosure - the diary and the insights it gives right up to the fateful last entry.
I like the two main characters - by himself, Christopher might not give us enough tension, but John as a counterpoint helps us build a picture.
Now, a couple of suggestions: You do a pretty good job describing the house, but the key is 'The Room', and here you run into difficulty because you have to keep on referring to the most important place as 'The Room'. You use the word 'room' over twenty times in the first third of the story. I'd suggest you find another way to tell us where Christopher is? For example, you write."
'After lunch, they returned to the new house and waited for the moving truck to come. Christopher was still looking at his room and wondered why he didn’t have windows on his back wall, and his brother did. Looking high and low, he couldn’t find anything different about the room. The walls looked the same, and the old hardwood floors looked the same. Then it dawned on him to look outside and see if there even were windows out the back of his room.'
Consider: After lunch, they returned to the new house and waited for the moving truck to come. Christopher was still exploring the strange room and wondered why he didn’t have windows on his back wall, and his brother's did. Looking high and low, he couldn’t find any differences between the two. The walls looked the same, and the old hardwood floors looked the same. Then it dawned on him to look outside and count the windows. (The readers can work out what windows he's looking for)
I'd also consider having Christopher explore that room a little more slowly and introduce a little tension? John finding his brother's ability to disappear into his bedroom more than a little intriguing. Perhaps John begins to bother his brother? Those windows will be a problem for C as well if the parents decide they need to clean them. : )
You've condensed a really rich tale into a frame too small for it imo. There's so much here that, as a reader, I wanted to explore. I think you've a book here rather than short story.

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21:16 Oct 18, 2020

Roger,
Many, many thanks! This was my first story on Reedsy. I did a little editing but I see I could have done better. I like your critiques. Yes, it's hard to write an entire, fully developed story, in just 3000 words. I've been asked a couple of times to revisit this and make a book. Sounds like a great idea. When writing is my only job I'll do this someday. I hope I have that chance. Thanks again!

Robert

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16:06 Oct 23, 2020

Thank you for reading and commenting on this story. I've written a new one for the current weekly prompt called "December 6, 1941". I'd like to hear your comments and feedback on this one if you have time.

Everyone's comments and critiques have been so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time.

Robert

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Corey Melin
19:28 Oct 04, 2020

Superb read. A situation that I would absolutely adore if I was to experience. A secret room and items of the past. Fantastic. Near the end once I saw the date I knew it had to be the Titanic. Very well done

Reply

16:06 Oct 23, 2020

Thank you for reading and commenting on this story. I've written a new one for the current weekly prompt called "December 6, 1941". I'd like to hear your comments and feedback on this one if you have time.

Everyone's comments and critiques have been so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time.

Robert

Reply

19:30 Oct 04, 2020

Well done, I had a good time with this story. I've read that you must write the stories you want to read. This is one of those stories.

Thanks for the read. I do everything I can to read those stories from those who comment on what I've written. I will get to you as soon as I can.

Robert

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Philip Clayberg
21:37 Sep 28, 2020

I really really like this story (especially after Christopher made his discovery of Michael's stuff). I was going to say, "Please write more of it". Maybe Christopher learns that one or two members of Michael's family actually stayed ashore (for whatever reason or reasons), so that at least they avoided the sinking of the Titanic (or were rescued). Maybe Michael himself was on the ship and survived the sinking. And maybe Christopher got to meet the roughly 120-year-old Michael. Wouldn't that be cool?

Btw, I'm an ex-US-Army brat (my late father was in the Army for 23 years), and moving tended to happen about every 2-3 years. It was always fun and interesting to roam the house before the furniture was unloaded from the moving van and rooms were furnished. What wasn't fun was having to say good-bye to friends because moving tended to be from one state to another or (sometimes) one country to another. When you're growing up, making new friends is a repeating process (whether one is outward-going or more inward). And you hear questions like, "Where are you from?" from classmates and friends. In my case, I was born in Germany, moved to Turkey, and then -- at age 5 -- moved to America. So I would ask in return, "What do you mean, where am I from?" And I think they expected me to be from the same state I went to school in. I think my late father was the only one who actually grew up in the state he was born in. My mother (born in Arkansas), my two older brothers (born in Virginia and California), and I didn't.

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01:57 Sep 29, 2020

You’ve been all over the world at such a young age. I’m impressed! I’m the fifth generation to serve in our military since my family came to the USA. Four of the five of us were in a combat zone on November 11th, Veterans Day. My great grandfather was in WWI, my grandfather in WWII, my dad in Vietnam, and I was in Iraq. It’s a proud history I believe. Now I have a nephew who’s attending West Point.

Thank you for liking my story. I’ve always believed you had to write the story you’ve always wanted to read. This was one of those stories. I’ve heard others say it would be a great book and there’s potential. I like your ideas and would consider them if I decide to expand this story. Thank you for the suggestions. I hope you get to read others in the future and please let me know what you think. I’m doing a series with the main character names Alan Harding. I’ve written 4 parts to it and have more in mind. Check it out!

Robert

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Philip Clayberg
04:57 Sep 29, 2020

Not all over the world. Just a small part of it (central Europe, western Asia, and eastern USA). I had a friend who (when he was in the Army) was stationed in Turkey and Japan. His father began in the USAAC, and then when that split in half, went with the USAF half, and was stationed in Morocco at one point. Now that's some serious traveling.

My late father was the only one (so far) to serve in the military. He's buried (half of his ashes were, I mean) at Arlington Memorial Cemetery. The other half of his ashes were buried in the garden at the last church he was a member of. I think my father chose a career in the military as a way of avoiding going to medical school and becoming a doctor like his older brother and their father (my father had no interest in becoming a doctor; it was my paternal grandfather who wanted his sons to become doctors like himself was). In my case, I tried nine months of JROTC in 10th grade, and it was mostly okay. But I didn't go any further with it (as in, ROTC in college and military service like my father did). A career in it just didn't interest me. I ended up getting a B.A. in Anthropology (with a Certificate in Applied Archaeology, because the university didn't have an Archaeology major) instead. And then proceeded to confuse people I worked with in my post-college full-time jobs by mostly working with computers. They'd ask me why I majored in Anthropology. I replied, because Computer Science required a math course of at least Calculus level and I knew I'd flunk that (I'm not that good at math -- arithmetic, however, is much easier for me). And since I'd used computers off and on since the late 1970s, I realized (unless I wanted to become a programmer or network engineer) I didn't need a college degree to be a computer user. I would just learn how to use the computer I needed to use at whatever job I had (which was usually either data entry or typing, depending on the job). But I was, and still am, interested in other cultures, so a major in Anthropology made sense to me, even if I never got a job that I could use it in (and I never have). I certainly wasn't going to become a teacher or professor (definitely not the job for someone like me), so majoring in history or english didn't make sense. Though I almost double-majored in Anthropology and English (I just needed to take another seven courses in English; I still don't know I've never gone back to college to take them), because my mother suggested that I should take as many classes as possible in and around my prerequisites, and some of the non-major courses were English courses. When your mother is generously paying for your 2nd through 4th years of college (I paid for the 1st year out of the money I saved from the job I had between high school and college), you tend to listen to her suggestions of how to take advantage of extra courses (outside of the ones that the major requires).

Sorry for all the parentheticals in this response.

You're welcome. It's interesting "looking" through other writers' eyes and seeing what they see (or at least what they're describing to the reader). Some advice I've heard given to beginning writers is: write what you know, and write what you'd want to read. But sometimes you stumble onto something interesting without really planning to write about it in the first place. "Staycation on a Trampoline" was like that. I've been camping (at least four times) and I've camped in a backyard (once). But on a trampoline? I've *never* done that before (and still haven't). So I started with the familiar (camping and camping in a backyard) and extrapolated it to camping on a trampoline during a power outage. I also added a sister (I've never had one, though; I'm the youngest of three sons), because when I was growing up, it seemed that most of my male friends had a sister. But since then, my friends have tended to be more female (but they also have sisters). It wasn't too hard to write based on what I'd seen in other families mixed with what my own family was like.

Feel free to use any (or all) of my ideas. If you want some more ideas, just ask, and I'll see what I can come up with.

Harding. Interesting last name choice. Harding was the last name of a US president (I think in the 1920s, before or after Coolidge? Or was he between Teddy Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson?), first name Warren, I think. I'm a little rusty on early 20th Century presidents' names right now. Probably because it's almost 1 am in my time zone and I really should be in bed (I don't sleep well on warm nights; I prefer cool nights).

Please let me know in one of your responses (either here, among responses to your stories, or in responses to mine) that you have new stories and where I can find them, what their titles are (so it's easier to track them down), and I will read them.

Four parts already? Got busy, huh? (grin) Reminds me of the rough draft of my sequel to the "Good Omens: Lockdown" video on YouTube. In about three weeks (mid-May to early June) I wrote something like 29 chapters for a total of about 72,000 or 75,000 words. It invaded my life so much that I had trouble sleeping at night, because I kept getting more ideas for the story, and I'd have to get out of bed, go to the computer, sit down and type what was in my head just then, and then try to go back to bed. I don't think I've been that creatively active in probably 30-odd years. The story definitely needs editing, but I haven't gone done any editing with it yet. Not sure why. Lack of interest, probably. Or maybe just burned out, and need to stay away from it for awhile (which is almost 3 months now). It's hard adding a story to someone else's story, because the setting and characters are mostly (if not entirely) theirs. If you want to read the rough draft, it's at Archive of Our Own under my real name (Philip Clayberg). Maybe, after you read it, you'll be able to convince me it's time to start editing and that it's *worth* editing. I'll admit up-front that some parts of it are, um, not so great. But thankfully enough of it is good enough (at least in my biased opinion).

Okay. Enough rambling from me.

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Ola Hotchpotch
13:05 Sep 28, 2020

The story is fantastic.

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13:22 Sep 28, 2020

Thank you! It’s my favorite kids story. I’m looking for more prompts to give me inspiration for more.

Robert

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16:06 Oct 23, 2020

Thank you for reading and commenting on this story. I've written a new one for the current weekly prompt called "December 6, 1941". I'd like to hear your comments and feedback on this one if you have time.

Everyone's comments and critiques have been so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time.

Robert

Reply

01:51 Feb 26, 2021

Hello, I can’t thank you enough for following me and commenting on my stories. I’ve started a website. If you’re interested in keeping in contact, please visit me at robertgrandstaffhomepage.com

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Reply

Jasey Lovegood
00:27 Dec 02, 2020

Awesome story, Robert! The story was engaging and the relationship between the two brothers was very natural. I loved the ending with the Titanic and I think that was super creative. There are a few grammatical errors here and then but it's not too major.

[“John lets go!” said Christopher.] I think you need a comma after John.

[... this is the biggest room and it’ll be mom and dads.”] You need an apostrophe after dad (dad's).

[At their age food was always tops.] I think after age you need a comma

Wonderful job, and thanks for the follow :)

Reply

00:48 Dec 02, 2020

I really appreciate your feedback. So I looked at my original and made those corrections. I’m glad you liked the story. If you get a chance I’ve gotten better at catching these things. Check out December 6th 1941. I hope you like it.

Robert

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Jasey Lovegood
02:39 Dec 02, 2020

No problem, we wouldn't make it very far without feedback, would we? I have indeed read December 6th 1941, I immensely enjoyed it. Keep writing! :D

Reply

05:31 Dec 02, 2020

Cool, thanks! What kind of stories are you most interested in?

Robert

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Jasey Lovegood
05:45 Dec 02, 2020

I'm in LOVE with Romance (sorry, bad joke) and Drama stories. I do enjoy most genres though. :)

Reply

06:40 Dec 02, 2020

I’m kinda all over the map on this site so maybe check out a few other stories. I’ve got a little variety on here. Do you have any thing you’d like me to read?

Robert

Reply

04:27 Nov 13, 2020

I enjoyed how you let us know what happened to Michael too.

Reply

04:53 Nov 13, 2020

I’m glad you liked it. I don’t know if you’ve read anything else yet but please feel free to check out a couple other stories. “Just Say it Already” and “Achieving a Dream” have been a couple popular ones lately. I hope you like them and I’d like to read something you’ve written. Please let me know.

Robert

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