Ick Cord, a Gentleman Thief, Steals a Prison Wall

"Well, hello. May I suggest that your blue eyes fit rather well with your police uniform?" 

"You can rightfully do so, Mr. Cord." The policewoman approved but still handcuffed him. "It just won't get you anywhere."

"Married?"

"Happily married for seven years."

"Now, that is interesting!" Cord laughed. The policewoman ignored his words and just pushed him into the car.

The policewoman handed him over to another policewoman.

"I thought I end up in prison. I can't see how this is punishment?"

"A fine English gentleman, are you, despite not being English," the new policewoman remarks.

"Well, I am 1/8 Irish, 1/8 German, 1/8 English..."

"Just don't. We will keep you around for several years, at least if nothing happens. Work on your charm during this time, as it may need some fine-tuning. And most importantly: Don't try to break out Cord."

"Wow, rude. I would never break out."

"Except if someone gave you the job of breaking out. We know your speel, Cord. Only doing contract work, no own drive to do anything."

"Maybe we both should work together on our charm during those years."

"Nope, just do your homework, exactly like a child, Cord," she commented and pushed him into his cell. "See you soon."

"Help! I am threatened!" Cord shouted in fake panic.

No reactions, I am alone here, or everyone is asleep. No good camera. "Hello!" He waved at the camera, "next time, please wear red lipstick." He made an educated guess regarding the area that the camera can cover. Well, I am out of range when I am close to the prison wall. Did none of the architects ever saw a prison-break movie?

"Yeah, the architect seemed to be an idiot, just like you." The policewoman said.

"Oho, Miss Policewoman —"

"It is lady Screw for your kind."

"No need to be so hard on yourself. I can see you going well with red lipstick."

"Not for you, Cord."

"I like my girls daring."

"I like my prisoners fed. You are free to suggest what the main dish will be for you."

"Coconuts. I want 5 coconuts to eat."

She looked at him.

"No?"

He looked at her.

"Besides the normal meal, of course."

"Whatever, you will get your daily coconuts. It isn't even in the top 10 weirded things I had to bring —"

"Do you have whale meat here?"

"F you, Cord!" She spitted out and withdrew to get his coconuts.

This event started Ick Cord's daily attempt to break out of prison.

"What?" Cord asked a leading question to the woman. "Never saw a man smashing a coconut against a brick wall?"

"I knew that you will try to break out!" Lady Screw said loud with clear annoyance in her voice.

"Breaking out? How hard do you think coconuts are? No, I damage their shell. Look here now." He instructed her. He put both of his hands around the coconut, pressed his thumbs against it, and split it open.

"Well, Cord, looks like the coconut milk is now on the floor, poor you. Probably need to master your technic a bit more, Mr. master thief."

"Maybe, but you know, I have a lot of time to practice."

"Fair enough!" She chuckled, turned around, and moved away.

"Cord."

"Yeah?"

"It has been a week."

"Yeah, and you still aren't wearing red lipstick."

"35 coconuts have been smashed against the wall so far."

"That's correct." As he answered, she opened the prison door. Happily, he moved towards it while humming a song.

"Funny." She dryly commented as she smashes him against the sidewall and put handcuffs on him. 

"I don't know how you do it, but be aware, I know it."

The Screw examined the brick wall that got smashed for a week. 

"If you don't trust me, remember that you aren't forced to bring the coconuts to me."

"Oho," she walked over to him and drove her pointer in his left cheek. "Don't think that I bow down to a challenge, especially not from a womanizer like you."

"So, I don't need to train my charm anymore?"

She made a grimace as she removed the handcuffs. Before she released herself from Cord's presence, she shoved him hard against the prison bars. 

"Maybe train for muscles and weight a bit."

Cord coughed.

"Don't get Covid in my prison. Get this thing at home."

"No Covid, it is just that the air in this thing—"

"My prison."

"is rather bad. Can't we open the windows?"

"No? Who even gets such an idea? This prison is surrounded on 3 sides by houses. The only side with a window is the one with your brick wall. Of course, it is outside your cell, but who knows what weird scheme you can use to escape through it. "

"Who even builds a prison in the inner parts of a city?"

She pressed her head between the bars. 

"A man did."

"I like your red lipstick."

"It is apricot, Mr. Cord."

"For you, it is Ick."

"Eat your coconuts, Cord." She ordered without much power in her voice. As she was outside his view, she smiled slightly.

"Here we go." He celebratory smashed a coconut against the brick wall for the last time. Just as planned, he was able to leave after one year. Right in front of the hole lay a big sack. As instructed, Cord put many bricks in the bag, shouldered it, and moved towards an already waiting car.

I need to train for muscles? Pfff, usefulness over bodybuilder aesthetics.

"Happy seeing you again, Mr. Coconut and other fruits & vegetable seller."

"Same goes for me, Mr. Cord."

"Honestly, that plot was out there. I had my doubts, but now I have to applaud your wacky schemes."

"Thank you, Mr. Cord, hearing such a thing from a high-level thief means much to me."

"But come on, how did you get the idea? I smash the coconuts against the wall so that nobody can hear you removing the mortar from the wall. Big respect for removing it in a way that nobody seems to get it."

"Oh, that was easy. That prison is simply garbage. In the city, without a camera that gets regularly checked, an absolute no-brainer. Removing the mortar was even easier. Instead of removing it around one brick, I slowly and consistently removed it among many bricks at the time. That gave it the look of design instead of prison-break."

"Haha, yeah, I can see how people in this city would get this idea."

"Glad to be able to entertain you, Mr. Cord."

"Now that this is done, every person that was involved with it will probably get fired."

"Oh, I hope so. Carla wanted to be my partner in crime, but this wasn't the idea I had. So much for her helping me in the store. We wanted to turn it into a big store with the size of a castle." He groaned. "Getting her back is worth the big stack of money I have to pay you, Mr. Cord."

"I am happy with your money, believe me, but I wonder about one thing. How long have you both been married?"

"Seven years."