The Huge Dragon Which Terrorized Danville

The Huge Dragon Which Terrorized Danville

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a man who opened his own store which specialized strictly in pants. His name was Sir Pantsalot. Now, he was a really nice guy who went to a full-Gospel Pentecostal Church which is called New Hope. The pastor there was a really anointed man, Bishop David, named after the greatest Earthly king of all-time who is in the Bible. That king had only one major fault which was lusting after a woman while she was bathing named Bethsheba. Actually, what would have been a much more appropriate name for her would have been, “ ‘Bath’-sheba.” Bishop knew the Word quite well and studied it all the time, not just preparing for his messages, but because he loved God and wanted to make Him be happy. Quite often he preached on devils and how to cast them out of people's lives when they come up and attack them the way demons love to do all the time and the Word was all he needed for his armor to fight them off when they attacked him since the Bible does say that we can do it.

Then one day a gigantic monster was seen walking though the huge city of Danville and terrorizing all the people who lived in that great big town. It was recorded as being about 30 feet-tall, covered in purple fur, with 4 legs and a long, vicious tail which looked as if it could be used to knock down things like buildings and entire trains. The creature kept on terrorizing the whole metropolis. Mayor Jones had set out an a. p. b. on the monster, although he had an exceptionally difficult time spelling a. p. b. because he wasn't exactly the smartest mayor the city had ever had. In fact, when it came to being smart, he made a good golfer. Some people said when God handed out brains, he figured He said, "rains" and ran for cover. Other people said he figured He said, "trains" and missed his altogether, so at any rate, he was still the mayor of that huge metropolis. It was his responsibility to, “may” all the people who lived there, since that’s what mayors do. He had to oversee the entire city. That's because he was about 7 foot 3 and he was the center on his college basketball team. In other words, when it came to being an awesome leader, he made a great free throw shooter. Now, that would be putting that statement mildly the same way he liked his dipping sauce in any Mexican restaurant, mild. It was also the main thing the people liked most about him.

Regardless, he was still the leader of that great city and the people respected him. He ordered everybody tn that great big town to stay in their homes until the monster had been taken care of, but obviously, that didn't happen because the people had to work and get their kids to school, not to mention all the errands the residents of that big city had to do in their every day routines. Yet naturally, that request went over like a lead-balloon which meant the people stopped running away every time that horrible monster appeared anywhere near the huge city. Even the mayor was at a loss for words because he couldn’t, “may,” which is the favorite activity mayors are the best at doing. Sometimes he would even, ‘May” in June. It really didn’t matter because he particularly loved being able to, “spring” into action so long as he didn't “fall” down while trying to do that.

He hired several men to rid the city of that awful menace, but all of them ended up at K. F. C. because they were all, "chicken." Some people thought the idea of a monster in Danville was just too corny to believe which was the reason they ended up needing somebody to pass them some butter with a, “Promace,” and yet all that corn came from The, "Colornal."

Anyway, the monster sightings kept on becoming more regular all the time. A really big reward was offered to anybody who'd kill the savage beast, and an even bigger reward for capturing it alive. There was one man in particular named Sir Pantsalot. He was actually Sir Lancelot's great, great, great nephew who was in charge of the 4 corners of The Round Tale. He was, "volunteered" to do the job by all the brave men in that tremendous city and be- sides that, he was such a total screw-up, the townspeople wanted to get rid of him anyway and thought they'd kill 2 birds with 1 stone that way. They told him unless he could succeed at doing that task, he would be put to the rack and burned at the steak and then beheaded. After having that happen to him, what was left of him would be put in prison. That gave him some huge incentives to succeed at, "draggin' that dragon" to the kind no matter dead or alive.

When Sir Pantsilot went to the cave where the terrible fire-breathing dragon laid there asleep, he kicked him to wake him up and while holding his little, tiny sword up in front of him said, "Get up so I can kill you, dragon! Now, don't be, 'draggin' your feet! I must sleigh you!"

"Uh, what do you mean, 'sleigh me?' " yawned the really perturbed, extremely immense dragon as he scowled down at the little knight, "Now, the only kind of ‘sleigh' I know anything about will get pulled by Santa’s reindeer on Christmas Eve! Hopefully they will not have any, ‘rain, dear!’ " Then he let out a big belly-laugh and said, “Oh, boy! That was a witty one alright! Now, why aren't you laughing at it?”

Sir Pantsilot scowled at the tremendous monster who was obviously annoyed by the little knight who had just stuck a tiny sward into the dragon’s face, which stung just a little bit. "You have got to go! You've been terror-izing all the villagers with your fire-breathing big mouth! They have all had way too much of it and have sent me to slay you! That doesn’t mean like what Santa drives on Christmas Eve either! The governor has hired me to do it, even though I can't get high! Sorry about that!"

"I just wanted somebody to play with me!" said the dragon looking down at the ground. He was almost to the point of tears. He had to keep his upper lip stiff without catching it on fire.

The little knight took the huge dragon back to town with him and even gave him a job of lighting the villager's fireplaces whenever they went out in the winter time. He also enjoyed letting the children fly on his back and let them play late at night since he could light up the whole neighborhood with the fire that came out of his mouth. Because of that, he was extremely welcome in their village. Another thing he did that wasn’t very, “cool” was keep the home fires burning for anybody who need- ed it done at night time or when they were away from home. Plus he got quite interested in dragsters because he just loved, “drag” racing. The only real problem the dragon ever had was occasionally he would allow his fire to go out which meant he would catch a hot, (dragons never catch a, “cold).” So anyway, as mythological beasts are concerned, he was second to none, but that was because he had no competition, being the only one around. He did many other really nice things to help the town’s people out in any way he could. Of course, as everybody knows, dragons live forever unless they get slain, so after the little knight grew up, got married and moved away with his own family, there was always another little kid whom he could be friends with. He did that throughout all of eternity, thus making himself be the happiest dragon in history, which also made the village become a considerably better, much more enjoyable place to live for all of the residents concerned. So like the best-written children's stories of all-time will finish up with, THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!” ---------------------------------------

The end.

By, Cuz Roye.