A wicked sense of humour

Nadia was prepared for anything on April Fool’s Day. Eric, her son, could not be trusted to spend the whole day without coming up with some prank. With his wicked sense of humour, Eric was a man child who never tired of practical jokes. That’s how he was. An only child, who had grown up in a sheltered environment, he struggled to make friends, and his loneliness had resulted in treating his mother as the best toy ever.

He had promised his mother a weekend away and knew she loved the scenic drives into the country to visit historic buildings and dream of a life in yesteryear when people had servants galore. Eric worked for the National Coach Service, which, every year as part of their social responsibility, organised outings nationwide for a disparate group of senior citizens. This year, Eric decided to accompany his mother on the annual treat.

After an hour’s drive, the coach arrived at the gates of an imposing building on a small coastal town’s outskirts. Described as a haven for senior citizens, most facilities were within walking distance from the town centre.

  The last few weeks had been tense as Nadia thought about her future after retirement. She had become increasingly cranky, and her arthritis was now a recurring conversation piece. She worried that she was holding Eric back. He had talked of travelling for a while—seeing the world before it was too late. As they entered the pleasant seaside town, Nadia came out of her short snooze.

"I thought you said we are going for a break by the sea. We’re heading down a lane with an  Everglades Aged Care Home sign. I have not lost the use of my faculties yet! Isn’t this one of the places we looked at in one of your brochures!”

“Mum, keep your hat on! This place has one of the best spars and accommodation at the back for rental. People come here for retreats.  There are reasonably priced self-contained, two-bedroom units with separate bathrooms and wonderful sea views. We could spend a few days here. Let’s take a tour of the place. It will be fun! Think of the fresh sea air! I hear there are wonderful walks along with the beach and coffee shops galore in the town centre. There’s even a butterfly museum nearby, and I knew you would like that.”

As they approached the old castle’s majestic entrance, the main door opened, and a staid-looking woman whose prim grey suit and starched collar exuded authority and order. She greeted them with a smile,

“Hello, Mr Dixon. Welcome. You are just in time for a quick tour before we serve tea. Is this your mother? Welcome! My name is Mrs Tashaya.”

Perplexed, Nadia looked at Eric as he squeezed her hand and followed Mrs Tashaya. They entered a large foyer where the only decoration was an imposing vase of proteas displayed on a centre table. Mrs Tashaya led the coach load down a narrow corridor with a slight whiff of detergent in the air. At the end of the passage was a large room occupied by a few older people in various states of wakefulness, each with a caregiver in a starched white uniform, trying to cajole the residents into completing a puzzle or joining in a game. Some were seated in front of a muted TV while others listened to soft classical music, staring vacantly in the air. Nadia could see a beautifully manicured garden with white wicker chairs scattered around the patio and green lawns where other residents were sitting in clusters through the french windows. One or two seemed to be taking part in an art class, while others ambled around the herbaceous borders.

“What are we doing here, Eric? Do we know anyone here? I don’t want to be with these people! They are making me feel old and decrepit. Is there a point to all this?”

“Let’s have a look around. A life without any responsibilities, imagine that!” said Eric.

“Where will you be while I'm enjoying this life? Is this yet another attempt to put me in a home against my wishes?”

“Come this way,” said Eric as they opened double doors into a large empty room, decorated with party regalia and laid out for high tea, just the way Nadia liked it. 

“Surprise and Happy Birthday!” Eric switched on the lights, and adjacent doors opened and Nadia’s friends, who had been on the coach with her,  streamed in and came to hug her and congratulate Eric on keeping the secret. Mrs Tashaya, grinning from ear to ear, made a quick exit, intending to leave them to their own devices. Nadia was overwhelmed as familiar faces swarmed around her and took to their seats at the tables.

“Eric, please hold my hand and take me to a chair. All this excitement is getting to me.”

“Mum, what’s wrong? Don’t you like the surprise party?”

“I am grateful that you organised my celebration. But, please find me a seat and open the windows. I have chest pain and feel nauseous, yet, I have not eaten anything disagreeable. Please don’t broadcast my condition. I don’t want to spoil the party. I know everyone has made an effort to come here, although it is an odd place to have a party. I suppose it’s your idea of an April Fools Day joke!”

Eric approached his mother’s friend Mavis and explained the situation in hushed, anxious tones. He left the room hurriedly as the party mood picked up momentum in the background.

“What’s wrong with you, Birthday Girl? You look a bit peaky on such a happy occasion. It’s not often people of our age turn 70. How are you feeling?” said Mavis.

“I’m so glad you came, Mavis. I’m sure Eric is up to something. I don’t want to spoil the party. But as we entered the gates of this place, I started having heart palpitations. You know how I feel about aged care homes.  I have recurring visions of waking up in one, having lost my independence and surrounded by people who no longer have a zest for life.  Eric goes through phases when he throws subtle hints about such places’ advantages. I never expected this would be a venue for a party. I worry about becoming incapacitated and ending up in such facilities. Oooh! I’m sorry, there's increasing pain in my arms, legs, and jaw, what with all this stress. It’s getting worse, and I’m feeling so tired.”

Mavis' concern increased as she could hear Nadia’s laboured breathing. “You don’t sound good at all. Where has Eric gone?”

“I don’t know. Where is that child when you need him? Oh, he’s just come in. Who is that with him? I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

Eric approached Nadia, accompanied by a semi bald, middle-aged man walking with a surprising spring in his step. Dressed in a brown tweed suit, a white shirt and bow tie, his engaging smile aroused Nadia from her feelings of light-headedness. After introductions, Eric knelt by the side of his mother’s chair, holding her hand tentatively as he tried to read her mood. He explained that the new arrival was the resident doctor, who luckily had been doing his rounds when Eric and Mrs Tashaya requested him to attend to his mother.

  The party’s volume was reduced as the guests looked anxiously in the corner where Nadia was sitting. Mrs Tashaya read the situation and persuaded Eric and the doctor to escort Nadia away from the merrymaking into a side room that doubled as a clinic. The doctor requested Nadia to explain her symptoms behind the closed door. Nadia talked of extreme fatigue and a sense of the room closing in on her.

“She was fine when we left home! I don’t understand how all this started,” said Eric pacing by the examination couch. “This isn’t how I planned the party weekend. Now we have a room full of guests, and Mum’s not feeling well…”

“Eric, that is the least of your concerns," said the doctor. "I have been examining your mum. After piecing her narrative and considering the symptoms she is describing, I suggest we call an ambulance immediately. Let’s contact your GP to meet you at the hospital.” Eric, who was looking increasingly distraught did as he was told.

Later in the afternoon, Eric stood nervously by his mother’s hospital bedside.

“Mum, how are you feeling now?" 

“I must have fallen asleep. Where am I?”

“You’re in a private ward in the General Hospital", said Eric. "Our GP has just left and will check in later. I talked with her, and I couldn’t hide my shock when she said, you were lucky we acted so quickly because you suffered a mild heart attack. You have always appeared invincible. You gave us all quite a scare!”

“You’re not the only one,” said Nadia looking drained as she fiddled with her bedsheets.

“The doctor said something must have triggered the attack. I told her you seemed fine all along, and you hadn’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary. Was it the shock of the surprise party?”

“No, no, far from it! By the way, I hope you have apologised to our guests. I assume they have dispersed already?”

“Mum, your friends checked into the holiday two-bedroom units I talked about,  just as planned. But don’t change the subject! If there is something you’re worried about, please tell me. We don’t want a repeat performance in the future.”

“I’ll be frank with you. I was excited when I left home, but I started getting concerned when we arrived at the Everglades Aged Care Home. I just panicked and assumed you wanted to show me yet another age care home, despite my protestations. This time the real thing! I had had enough discussions about downsizing and seeing all those brochures coming through the post...”

“Mum, I heard you when you said you would rather stay in your own home. Knowing how your mind works, I suppose you thought I had organised this trip under false pretences and piggybacked on the National Coach Service’s itinerary. Your friends saw the funny side of this outing, after recovering from the news that you were sick.  You may not have liked the idea, but some are seriously considering this retirement home option and enjoyed the outing. Now you are in hospital, but it’s just as well we had packed your suitcase for the weekend. I  still want to take you away for a few days once you are discharged. You deserve a break.” 

Nadia, looking sheepish, said, “I’m glad that’s settled. I’m sure the nurses here will look after me, and when they hear how I got here, I'm sure they’ll laugh at my expense. Now shoo and leave me to get some rest.”