White Rabbits

I’m late! Oh, the sickness is coming. I feel it twisting my stomach, upsetting my bowels. I regret the lemon cookie I ate with such gusto, washing it down with that milk sludge. I poured it, thinking I would get to it straight away but of course, I didn’t. One thing led to another, as it always does, and I only picked up the glass when I was nearly choking on lemon crumbs. But that crumb was delectable. So buttery, yet light! I wish I had another. I shall visit the baker in the morning. He’ll remark that I’ve come back a second day. But there is nothing to be done. I want a lemon cookie and I shall purchase a lemon cookie. If only I could tell him that without stuttering. He sets my spine on edge. Where was I? 

Look at the time! Oh, how I wish this watch would lie. If it came to a crashing halt and stopped at a quarter to the hour, I would never be late again! I would lift my chin and flick the corner of my mouth into a half-hearted grin, amused by anyone who would dare suggest I wasn’t ahead of the hour instead of behind it. “Look at the watch,” I’d say, and what would they say to that? Nothing. 

But this watch has never been on my side. I am convinced it runs fast whenever I’m not looking, for the simple pleasure of watching me squirm. Of course, I could never get another. She gave it to me. And I treasure it - I do. It shows my position. My place. I belong at the top. No one else was given a watch. Only me. But, oh - the blasted thing! I am so very late. 

At least my vest is crisp. She’ll like that. She’ll remark how well-ironed it is. Even if she doesn’t say the words, I’ll see her eye linger with appreciation. It’s the little things. You don't see a bright blue vest with brass buttons every day. It’s a statement piece. Not an overt statement, but a subtle one. Something you’d notice if you were the type of person to notice such things. But now I am sweating through it. I shall be a crumpled mess in no time. 

Time! What time is it? Anyone? Has this watch finally stopped? I can only see I’m late, but my gummy eyes cannot read the hour. The world was once blasted full of colour, with greens so bright you could taste them and blues so rich they made you full. I used to move over the earth as deftly as the wind. But now the world is muted and my joints ache. The funny thing is, I don’t remember growing old. Time passes so quickly when you are late.

It was that girl. That blasted girl trailing after me, asking question after question, begging me to stop. I told her I was late. Again and again! But did she listen? No. Being a child, she has no concept of time. And certainly has no idea about what’s important. Like me, for example. Not that I would brag about my importance, that’s unbecoming. But, if she were anyone but a child she would have noticed the watch, and that would have said it all. It was a gift, you know. 

I do wonder. I don’t like to, but I wonder nonetheless. What would happen if I simply stopped? Didn’t go. Didn’t rush in panting and stumbling over words, begging for forgiveness. If I didn’t go, then I wouldn’t be late. What an idea. It’s a silly one, and as I say, I don’t like to indulge in this line of thinking, but once it worms its way into my brain it settles in, nice and comfortable. I could turn back. Go home. Where is home again? Oh yes. Over there. My, I haven’t gone far at all. 

A slight left and I could take that path to my front door. Mary Ann would be surprised to see me. I’d almost like to do it just for the expression on her face. I would unbutton my vest (alone of course - not in front of Mary Ann). I'd sink into my armchair and wait for tea. I might ask for a second sugar cube. I know it rots my breath and weakens my teeth, but I do so love the taste. The syrupy nectar at the bottom of a teacup sets the length of my ears on fire. It’s wicked to think this way. An old rabbit like me needs to set an example. And what kind of example would I be without any teeth? I’d be laughed out of court. On the other hand…

The sugar must be eating away at my brain. Who would I be without my position? This place would fall apart if I didn’t keep things in order. Order. Discipline. These are the important things in life. And time. I mustn’t forget time. But I do. Oh, this watch! It means to see me fail! March ahead. That’s all I have to do. March ahead, and try to do so with a little dignity.

I admit, it is hard to feel dignified when you are rushing. How many times have I stumbled over my feet? How many times have my words gotten stuck in my throat like they’ve been smeared with honey an inch thick? I just need a little water. If someone would be kind enough?

Maybe I should go home. Mary Ann would think I was finished with my obligations. She’d think I’d been successful for once. I’d take off the watch and fit it snuggly back into the box she gave me. A small red box with a line of hearts down the middle. Mary Ann would ask if I meant to have it fixed. And I would say no.

I would simply say no. 

No. The queen is counting on me. If I don’t show up, she’ll have my head.