Henry!

   Let me tell you about the most perilous predicament I have ever found myself in. It all started when Ann convinced me to go spend a quite weekend on her grandparent’s farm out in the country. After breakfast, I went outside to explore the farm. I had made it about ten feet off the front porch when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around to find a hen with five little chicks following her around the corner of the porch. “Oh, that’s awesome!” I exclaimed. Then he came strutting around the corner.

At first, he looked majestic as he puffed out his chest and lifted up his head to let out a loud COCKADOODLEDOO to ring out over the farmyard. He was absolutely gorgeous cover all over with deep red plumage and an emerald green tail that streamed out behind him. He turned sideways and cocked his head to stare at me with his bright orange eye. That is when he transformed into a living demon. He lowered his body down and stuck his wings out to the side Then he charged right at me!

I let out a terrible scream of fright and turned and ran into the farmyard as he was blocking my path back to the house. I ran like I had never ran before in my entire life, but that rooster was right there behind me, and he seemed to be gaining on me with every second that past. I ran around the corner of the barn trying to lose him, but I ran into the side of a large cattle pen. When I turned around, I found my only escape route blocked by five pounds of feathered furry!

 I stood there panting for breath staring at this angry rooster with all his feathers standing on end, and all his attention focused straight on me. I think this rooster was half eagle or something with his fierce beak and vicious talons on his feet. “Help!” I screamed as loud as I could hoping someone in the house might hear me and come running to my rescue. The sound of the scream caused the rooster to throw his head to the side, so he could get a better look with his evil unnatural orange eye. The movement caused this big red growth coming out of the top of his head to wave angrily. He started to scratch the ground with his claws like a bull does before he charges in the cartoons. I let out another terrified scream for help and backed all the way up against the cattle pen.

 Out of the corner of my eye I saw an old rusty coffee can on a shelf on the side of the barn. I grabbed the can and threw it at the rooster with all my might. The rooster just attacked the can in mid flight. He attacked the can with such furry kicking and pecking it with all his force until it rolled into the cattle pen. My fear of him increased tenfold at that moment. This Rooster was more terrifying than any creature I had ever come across in the city.

Cowering against the cattle pen I suddenly felt this rough tongue that felt like sandpaper reach out and lick my arm from behind. I jumped forward and turned in the air screaming with fright to see a huge cow with its head stuck between the boards, and her tongue sticking out trying to reach me. As soon as I hit the ground that rooster was on me. He grabbed a beak full of my pant leg, and he was shuffling on my leg with those fierce talons. This time I let out a truly blood curdling scream, and I fell forward face first into what I hope was just farm dirt. As I lay there trying to kick this living tornado of a rooster off my leg that cow grabbed a mouthful of hair and ripped it out of my head munching on it like it was no more than a mouthful of hay.

That was it. I just knew this was how I was going to die. I could see the news release now.    

City Boy Goes to the Farm and Is Eaten Alive by Farm Animals! 

“It will be a quite weekend” she said.

 “It will be fun” she said.

I do not know what her idea of a quite fun weekend is, but this was definitely not my definition of it.

 I was finally able to get that rooster off my leg and crawl up against the side of the barn. I could feel the warm sticky sensation of blood running down my pant leg, and there was a burning sensation on my scalp where that cow had ripped out my hair. The rooster puffed his chest out and sent a challenging COCKADOODLEDOO skyward, and then he dragged a wing across the ground dancing closer to me. I dragged my knees quickly up to my chest and hugged them tight to my body. The rooster kept staring at me and dancing back forth in front of my only opening to freedom dragging a wing along the ground. From the other side the cow was mooing at me and reaching out with her long serpentine tongue trying to get another taste of my scrumptious body.

 Just when I was giving up all hope of getting out there alive, I heard the voice of an angle calling my name in the distance. “Help! I am over here behind the barn. Be careful there is a deranged man eating rooster over here.” I shouted in response. Ann came around the corner with sun shining around her golden head like a halo. “Watch out he’ll get you!” I yelled out pointing at the rooster. A broad smile spread across her freckled face as she knelt down and scooped the rooster up and cradled him as if he were nothing more than an infant. “Not Henry.” She cooed at the rooster. My mouth dropped open in astonishment. I could not believe that this fiend that had just terrorized me so was now just sitting in this girl’s arms with his eyes closed snuggling with her as gentle as a lamb.

One thing I know for sure. I am never going to the country for some fun and quite again!