A Failure

It's pouring when I float down beside the oak tree. I always used to think it was so dumb when in movies it was raining when someone died, now it just feels, right. My fingers are tracing the wood of the tree as my other hand finds my pocket and takes out the small pocket knife. Six years ago, before dad died I told him I wanted to use my powers to make a difference, to save people. A few hours before he succumb to the cancer he had been fighting for years, he gave me this pocket knife. I thought it was beautiful, but I was confused as to why he would give me something so seemingly unnecessary as his parting gift.

"Violet, I am so proud of who you've become and what you want to do with your life. Even before your powers were manifested I knew my Violet flower was going to change the world. Before you go off saving people I need you to promise me something, you will learn from your mistakes."

"Of course I will daddy"

"Listen to me my flower, I know it's hard to come to terms with, but you will lose people."

"No daddy, I'm strong, I can save them, all of them"

"My sweet Violet I know you are strong, but even the strongest of heroes lose people. What will set you apart, however, is learning from those mistakes. Every time you lose someone I need to to go to the big oak tree we used to picnic under and I need you to take this knife and carve the initials of the person you lost into the tree's wood. Let that always remind you that you must continue to learn"

"I will daddy, I promise"

Jason Mendez. J.M. Two letters. How could two letters change everything, shift your world, your perspective of life itself? I put away my pocket knife, are you still proud of me daddy?

My first real failure. Because dropping a car while in flight didn't count, putting up my shield without fully covering a building didn't count, sending a shockwave that wasn't strong enough to apprehend a villain didn't count. No. Nothing could ever amount to the failure that every hero must at some point face. We can't save them all.

12am the previous day

I can't believe this! I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but noooo! Of course some idiot in a ski mask has to rob a bank. I've been a superhero for four months now but it never seizes to amaze me the audacity some of these crooks have! This dude is so getting the beat down of a century after this is over. No one messes with the sleep of the amazing superhero, Violet Shock. No one.

I touch down on the bank steps and check my watch, 12 minutes, huh not bad. I could have made it in ten though if I wasn't so tired. Ugh, time to get this over with. One kick to the door and I'm in.. uh.. oops.. I'll help put it back on its hinges later. "Yo, ski mask dude lets get this over with" He looks at me and starts shooting like a mad man. My shield goes up just in time, heh, I'm good. One clap of my hands and my violet shield turns into a shock wave that sends the wannabe heist master into the wall. Well that was easy, time to handcuff this idiot and get back to bed. Hey, why is that guy just laying there? He looks like a security guard, geeze he could have at least helped. "Hey man you can get up now" Nothing. "Dude c'mon it's over let's go" Still nothing. I start walking towards him and then I see it... Blood.

"Please I need to see my husband!" I hear the pleas of his wife and the soft sobs of his young daughter. I hear gurneys and footsteps, orders from doctors and the rustling of nurses hard at work, yet I feel so far away. I'm in a daze, I have been ever since he was carried off into the ambulance and I was just left there at the steps of the bank, trying to unravel how this had happened. He had been shot in the chest. I hadn't even noticed, but the weapon used wasn't your run of the mill gun. No, because of course the robbers in town had decided to upgrade to guns with one specific advancement, bullets that shot through bullet proof vests. It took me 12 minutes. It never takes me 12 minutes. It's always 10, maybe 11, never 12. I could have done something but I was so wrapped up in my own insignificant little troubles that I slowed down, I let myself enjoy the warm summer breeze as I flew. I'm thinking about all of this, my failures and my faults when suddenly I'm brought back to reality with the most horrific words I had ever heard, "I'm sorry, we did all we could, but... we lost him"

5 years after the first carving

I'm back at the oak tree. Thankfully this time without another failure of mine to carve. I come here every once in awhile to remind myself of the affect someone in my line of work has on people. To remind myself that 12 minutes is unacceptable and being reckless is not an option. Over the years I have failed exactly 23 people. Most of them were from a villain attack 3 years ago, but that's no excuse. In the end every single one of these people died because someone failed to save them, because I failed to save them. I know them all. S.G. Sara Gonzalez, 42 years old, a baker and single mother of 2, died crushed by a collapsing building. L.M. Leo Michaels, 87 years old, loved to dance, died shielding his granddaughter from a villain attack. K.T. Katie Thomas, 8 years old, shot in a school shooting. As a hero you have to understand that no matter what. you simply cannot save them all, but as a human, every carving kills off a part of me. The day Jason Mendez passed I thought I would never fight again, but it was never a choice. Because when lives are at stake, no matter who they belong to, acting isn't a choice or a decision, it's a necessity. Everyday that I'm in the field, I remember everything these carvings have taught me. Each one a different lesson, each one showing me something I didn't know before. I will continue to do everything that I must to prevent the need for that pocket knife I carry in my pocket. I promised dad. So rest assured, It will never take me 12 minutes again.