The (Dis) Reunion

Surprise!

I was taking a well-deserved smoke break during my shift at the Game Lodge. I decided to catch up on Facebook happenings (it was still pretty new then). As I took a deep drag, something caught my eye and I nearly choked on my B&H Ultra Mild ciggie!

“What in the name of fuck...?” I thought to myself. A reunion? “Bwahahahahahahahaha”  I laughed and laughed and laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” I said a little too loudly as my eyes skimmed over the details.

I was very distracted the rest of my shift and could not quite get myself to restore my mind to beast mode. I all but dropped a tray of full wine glasses on my guests, messed up the orders, and kept on chastising myself for the constant muttering under my breath, while doing stocktake.

Gossip!

Rushing home, bursting through the door, I threw down my keys, grabbed a cold beer from the fridge, and proceeded to move to the patio, while feverishly typing up a monologue of a WhatsApp message to my bestie, Lilly!

“Duuuuuuuuddddde” I drawled…” Have you seen the call for attendance on Facebook for a reunion?” I got almost feel her double eye roll and laughter before she even responded. 

“I am so curious, but I am NOT going” she responded.

We proceeded to pour over both our best and worst experiences in High School and made a secret pact not to go, but still reminisced and fantasized about what it would be like at the reunion.

We talked about Foxy Snacks, Snoepie Pies, N’Sync, Britney Spears, The Backstreet Boys, and our bad 90s fashion sense. I distinctly recall Lilly’s silver platform sandals and my Spice Girl Shoes.

High School was special for Lilly. See, she captured the attention of the love of her life, Duke,  during our High School tenure, and subsequently became Mrs. Knock. An experience so bittersweet, a match made in High School-Sweetheart-Heaven!

Lilly’s deep blue eyes are a fond High School memory, and they have many stories to tell!

An Experience That Left a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Thinking back on the absolute hell that I had to endure for five years of my life, the whole thing seems laughable now!

It was a proud High School, with the emblem of the prowess of a Horseman on his steed. All against the backdrop of a sunset, where the sky is awash with hues of orange and red. “What bullshit!” Why you may wonder, do I feel this way?

Because the majority of the girls were a bunch of pompous and self-righteous assholes! All high and mighty, and this bad behavior went highly rewarded by the teachers. The deeper you were prepared to cement your nose up their a-hole; the bigger the proverbial gold star on your forehead for display!  Imagine the thinnest of thin g-strings...all up in your business...E’rrrday!

Let me give you a break down of the types (picture me in my David Attenborough voice):

Hardy

She thought she could sing (everyone told her so) I can recall her fake nasal cacophony to that of cats mating! She played netball, she performed academically,  and she stopped short of nothing to remain the darling! But she was THEE biggest narcissistic bitch around!

Friendly if you sucked up to her, but she won’t hesitate to draw her bow and shoot anyone with a poison arrow. I distinctly recall her pulling her huge-ass tunnel mouth at me whilst I had to make a speech one day in front of the whole class. I dared not say anything, because she would get someone to ‘sort you out’ after school. I was not cruisin’ for a bruisin’ at the time.

She and her posse of ballaches even got away with bullying and threatening a new girl in school - as I say, they got rewarded by the powers that be, the fates decided!

Laurel

In many ways, she was the opposite of Hardy but was also her best friend. She wanted everything that Hardy had. And so a rivalry ensued...so much so, that she was a mastermind at carefully stalking her prey like a lusty wolf.

She successfully managed to steal Hardy’s very popular boyfriend. And then...there was war!

They avoided each other like the plague and steered clear. I distinctly recall Laurel’s poor attempt at making peace the day the school closed...she brought her a violet! A fucking Violet! 

Like mother like daughter! What very few people know (including my inner circle) is that Laurel’s mother was the cause that my own mother got beat up one night for no reason, by my absent, good for nothing, deadbeat of a (I am whispering now) “father”, or how I affectionately refer to him as a sperm donor!

Because just like Laurel, her mother loved men and would stop and nothing to get what they want. When they don’t like someone, they won’t stop at spreading false rumors, because they lavish in the pain they cause others.

Cinderella 

A little asinine dwarf! I can’t even think what she did there in the group, but come to think of it, each popular princess needs puppets on leashes to stroke her ego and do her dirty bidding. She is nothing without them.

Cinderella was nothing. She was the one that was aiming to bite at your heels and just ended up yapping at air because she was scared. It was equally easy to get rid of her by giving a low blow as if to metaphorically kick the irritating little dog to the curb. (Just to be clear, I hate humans, not animals - this is merely a metaphor)

Confucious

There was the girl that was very poor but also one of the biggest bullies in school! She constantly fell in and out of love with guys (all out of her league of course), wrote them letters, dedicated love songs to them, and in true stalker fashion traced in which classes and where she could walk past them and try to say something to catch their attention! Total fucking whackjob!

She smelled bad, did not take care of her basic hygiene, and did not shave her pits or her legs!

Rocky

There was that girl in school, that was a South Paw for hire! Yes, people, the woman in my school felt empowered by striking fear in others and threatening them with violence. Shot Rocky, so where are you now in life...hmmm?

What I did actually like about school

One of the fondest memories that I have is of the athletics meetings that took place and the chance that I got to show the moves my Momma gave me.  I was part of the Cheerleading Squad. (But make no mistake…Cheerleading in my country is not USA cheerleading, and the concept is completely different and watered down. You see we love to try and copy everything that the American’s does, only it does not work here!)

I felt like someone, it felt that I had a bit of power and for just a little while, felt that I mattered.

And my friends, I had a few really good friends, we laughed a lot, snickered behind the teacher’s backs we did not like, and then also how we would replay our favorite scenario’s in our heads of what we would’ve said to Hardy and her posse if fear did not rule our teenage lives then.

I am privileged enough to say that I am still friends with some of those people today.

Dissing the “Reunion” 

I mean, think about it! What in fuck’s name is a reunion? A reunion of what exactly, in a school system where you were never part of a union in any case? Even the word itself is an irritant to me.

What is the reason for anyone wanting to see everyone from school? What can your adult self possibly have to say to the bullying child or the Ex-Jock, not in such a svelte state anymore and still wanting to exercise this Jockdom on all the females! Fuck me, George! Get over yourself! 

Or, is it possible that I am looking at this completely the wrong way? Am I supposed to use this is the last laugh? Should I actually go, prove a point in the fact that I still look very good for my age, and the fact that I have actually achieved something with my life?

Even though I flew under the High School radar. I was then, but merely a pleb in the bleachers! 

Today, I rise! Happily married, having my own business, and being a published writer. And the best of all? I can still swap stories with my school besties.

Through all of it, I stayed humble. I don’t feel the need to show off anything to anybody. I don’t suffer from small penis syndrome. 

In the words of Old Man Steve from Gilroy’s Brewery...Up Yours!!!