Wanted

“Ten.” Rain fell like a wall from the sky soaking the earth in rejuvenating water.  The wind rushed through the sky bending the trees and forcing them to bow to the earth.  The roar of the rain drowned out all other sounds.  Only the rumbling of thunder cried louder than the rain.  Its intense vibrations flowing through the earth.  Amidst the wind and the rain, a lone woman stood facing the elements.  Her body swaying slowly as she stood on the edge, staring down at the turning water below.  The rain had plastered her hair across her face and her clothes stuck to her body.  As the wind-battered her body causing her to shiver and shake with the cold she cried out with her voice.  A voice that was full of pain and fear.  One last cry for help, one last cry to scream for the life she never had.  Her face was wet with the rain and her eyes red with tears.  Black veins of pain and hopelessness wrapped around her soul.  The weight of the world pounded within her just like the elements slammed into the world.  Standing on the edge.  Swaying in the wind.

“Nine...” Words whispered in her ear.  Words telling her she was worthless.   Words of her father telling her it was her fault.  Words that cut deeper than any knife could.  The storm seemed to calm as the voices of everyone she knew whispered words in her ears.  Words that had once been a lie.  Words that she had heard her whole life.  Words that had become the truth.  Words that she now believed.  They wrapped around her head like a dragon taking her thoughts captive and sending flames to burn her heart and soul.  Flames that burned with the knowledge of their truth.  Smoke raised from the nostrils of the dragon.  The smoke that hung heavily on her soul and darkened it like coal from her burnt soul.  She would never be enough to make a difference.  Never be enough to have any meaning.  “Worthless. Useless.”

“Eight.” Eyes filled with pain and anger meet the stormy waves below.  Waves that seemed to jump up at her.  The tossing of the waves and the pounding of the rain seemed to call to her.  The turmoil below seemed to be the only place for her.  For the mess that her mind and soul were.  The danger of the waves seemed to be the only place she could put her mind to rest.  The only way to silence the whispers and the words that filled her head.  The dark waters that if she jumped would swallow her and open its arms to embrace her.  The water would be like a blanket that covered and protected her.  It would protect her from the storm.  Not the physical storm but the one inside.  The waves seemed so enticing all it would take is one step.

“Seven?” The cold chill of hesitation entered her soul and her mind.  What would become of her?  Nothing was holding her here, but what if she could find meaning?  Should she end it now?  Maybe she could give life another chance.  Perhaps she could still find a meaning for her life.  Was it worth it to wait?  Nobody cared anyway.  Her death would mean nothing.  Her life meant nothing.  Could she try and change it?  Could she give the world a third chance?

“Six.” The ache of old wounds filled her bones and the scars on her soul burned at the thought.  She had already given the world and her life a second chance and all it had done was hurt her.  She had been nothing more than a burden on the world.  Life was pointless for her.  She was worthless the world had proven this to her twice.  Her heart ached at the thought.  There was no point in giving the world another chance.  The flames of her heart raged as they burned away the last of her ties, the last of her hesitation.  No more.  She would no longer open her heart up for more pain.  She would no longer be a burden.  Raising her chin her shaking stilled and she tensed ready to end it ready to end the world’s misery.  

“Five.” The storm seemed to fade away as a voice echoed in her head.  A voice that was filled with warmth.  A voice she despised.  Words telling her to stop to reconsider.  The words that made her feel the pain.  Gentle words that filled her with righteous anger.  The words that came from one who claimed to care.  One who everyone said loved her, cared for her.  Saw her worth, but he never tried to interfere.  To protect her from the world.  The words from the world’s savior, but the one behind them only left her to suffer.  Why should he stop her?  He never cared before.

“Four!” Turning to scream to the heavens to let the frustrations and angry echo into the storm around.  Her heart closed and her soul accusing.  Accusing him that he had no right to care now.  Screaming that no one cared.  Claiming that he could not care now.  He never had why should he now.  The wind rushed past her pushing her closer to the edge as she fell to her knees in anguish and pain.  The black chains of hopelessness wrapped tightly around her heart, keeping it from opening up.  From trusting the one everyone claimed she should trust.  The one who she felt had let her down.  Sobs of pain fell from her lips as she curled in on herself.  Why should she stop?

“Three.” More words.  Pointless words.  They echoed in her head.  Useless promises.  Worthless words.  Words that begged her to listen.  Words that she refused to believe.  Words that she challenged there very meaning.  If someone really cared then where were they?  Why was nobody here to stop her?  Turning her head to face the heavens she whispered her challenge as she shivered.  “Send someone if you really care.  Send someone who cares.  Show me you care.” The rain pounded down on her face as the calm voice seemed to fade.  Her words seemed to echo into the storm. Words that meant the chain around her heart was loosened.  The last threads of her hope and trust lay heavily on those words.  Words that pleaded for the world not to forget her.  Begged the very universe to tell her she was not worthless.

“Two.” The sounds of the storm seemed to fade away along with the cold.  Silence echoed in her mind as her hopes were crushed beneath the silence.  The feeling of the pavement faded and she barely felt herself stand.  No longer could she feel the bite of the wind or her water-soaked clothes.  Her very life had become empty.  The storm within her mind seemed to empty and freeze.  Her mind was empty.  Frozen.  Through blurry eyes, she watched as her body stumbled toward the edge.  Swaying dangerously in the wind she could no longer feel.  A cold feeling ran up her arms as her body stopped at the edge of the bridge.  The black depths below so close, yet so far.  All it would take was one more step. One step she would make.

“One...” Blinding lights filled her vision.  Lights that pinned themselves on her.  She felt her body turn to look into the bright lights.  Had she fallen already?  As her mind struggled to catch up she felt vibrations under her feet and the crack of lightning filled the sky.  Thunder rumbled and the sounds of the storm slammed into her ears.  She stumbled back at the intensity as her body shivered from the bite of the cold.  Words that had been pointless, echoed in her mind as she felt fresh tears stream from her eyes.  Turning to look back at the headlights of the car she saw several figures exit the vehicle.  Figures of people who cared.  People who had been sent.  As the figures rushed to her side she felt her knees give out again.  Her body went limp as exhaustion washed over her.  As her mind slipped from her consciousness she felt wanted for the first time.