TUBA

Dave sat back. He knew that it was the shine from the sun hitting the window but he really thought the tuba seemed to smile at him. He hadn't always wanted to learn to play the Tuba. ''The Tuba is the best musical instrument you can learn,''. Okay gran. ''Because of it's versatility,''. We get it gran, you like the Tuba. ''When I was in school, I had a beautiful Henderson Tuba''. We know gran, we have heard the story like 500 gizzilion times!! ''I always wanted to learn something meaningful, not like a guitar or the drums or boring old instruments like that,'' And yet you made dad learn the guitar,'' ''He didn't have the smarts for Tuba'', You had to have a fun outgoing character to play the Tuba and that just isn't your dad now is it''? She had me there, fun and outgoing, William J Barry was definitely not!! ''I didn't want to waste my time on just any old instrument, so I decided to learn a instrument that was the bees knees''. Seriously gran who talks like that. ''And I was, once I'd learned the tuba, I was the cat's pajamas''! Now your just making them up. Honestly Dave, she said. I wasn't a very good singer'', we know gran, every Christmas after too much sherry, we are treated to just how much of a ''not a very good singer'', you are. ''However, she continued, ''singing with an instrument to accompany me made it so much better, it masked the weakness in my voice''. No it didn't''! ''And that's why I made up my mind to learn to play the Tuba''. She sat back, seeming as though the unsolicited monologue she had just ranted had totally taken it out of her.

Dave realized that he had not made a very wise decision. Learning to play the guitar like dad, would have been a lot easier and a lot less painful. For one thing, he wouldn't have had to come round to Gran's every weekend for lessons which turned into Gospels. He had originally bought the Tuba for the old lady as a present, to cheer her up after Granddad died. But she had totally flipped out when she saw it and got so excited by the fact that he was going to learn and had decided to ask her for lessons that he just couldn't tell her the Tuba was really for her and that the guitar pick burning a hole in his pocket was aching to be used. His yearning to play the guitar had nothing to do with following in Dad's footsteps, he had always wanted to play guitar. He loved music and patience was his greatest virtue. He had learned the basic chords from watching guitar videos online but since starting his lessons with Gran, guitar had taken a back seat. He hoped that if he could somehow get good at the Tuba soon, then maybe he wouldn't have to continue to come around to Grans on Saturdays and he could actually buy the fender in Mr Prendergast's Music Shop and get back to his dream.

Focus Dave. ''Every time before you start to play'', Gran was off again, ''You need to tune the Tuba'', For a minute Dave thought he heard tune the tuna, and the image of Gran blowing into a fishes mouth made him have to smother a giggle. ''The tuning process'', she continued, ''is very important for getting the right sound when you blow,'' Dave, with his lips around the tuba, was about to give an almighty blow when Gran started again, ''First you need to learn the scale Dave, these are made up of a few different combinations of notes''. Guitar, I could be playing Guitar right now, Dave thought. ''Every time you play the tuba, a unique sound is created'', Gran, I mean, I´m no expert, but I believe I know what will happen when I blow into the Tuba.'' Play so, the old lady said, sitting back in her chair, go on, dazzle me. Dave looked at her. Okay, challenge accepted. Dave inhaled and then blew hard. No sound, just hissing air. He tried again, and again, still nothing. ''Are you going to listen to me now? She said smugly. Yes Gran. ''Knowledge,'' oh here we go, ''knowledge of how the Tuba works and the ability to identify the notes quickly and easily are key to being a great Tuba player'', I'd settle for being an ''okay'' Tuba player to be honest. ''There are a lot of notes on the Tuba, but you will only be able to memorize the common notes at the beginning''.

Well, I could just search for other notes online when I needed them Dave thought. ''I was able to play the most important notes very quickly', because I used to spend more than an hour practicing everyday. Yeah but it was different times Gran, you also didn't have football practice. ''Concentrate Dave, blow slowly at first to see if the mouth piece is clear''. ''If you were a natural like me, then you would be able to play different notes straight away'', ''I was able to switch my fingers as quickly and precisely as a little chipmunk. You realize Gran that Chipmunks can't play the Tuba. ''Then you can connect several notes together to make a song''. Voila! Yeah Vomit!

''There are different types of notes Dave, each with different characteristics, patterns and qualities''. ''With my help and encouragement, I guarantee you will start to be more enthusiastic about the Tuba very soon, I promise you''. ''And don't be worried if your mouth develops a few cold sores, the pain will die down after a few weeks''. A few weeks!! Also, the more flexible and strong your mouth becomes, the easier it will be to play the Tuba. My mouths’ flexibility and strength? Oh yeah Gran, no problem, I'll just take my mouth down to the gym and let it run the treadmill before doing a serious of free weights. ''I actually turned out to be a natural at improvisation Dave and I learned to play the Tuba in three months, I learned how play my favourite song as well and was so good I quit the class and decided to join the town band. Quit the class, maybe I can do that, Dave thought to himself, but what he said was, ''Yes Gran, I've seen the pictures''.

''Practice makes perfect Dave'', in order to get better and become a more skillful Tuba player like me, you have to practice every night. I don't think Mam will agree to that Gran, ''That is what the shed it for, is it not''? Well Dad has his clocks and things and....''poppycock, that can be your new studio''. ''Anyway that is all for today.'' All for today? I haven't even blown the Tuba yet. ''I'm tired Dave'', ''I need a rest''. Okay Gran. ''Come back and see me next Saturday now won't you''? Of course Gran. ''There's a good boy'', ''here's a fiver'', ''go and buy yerself something nice for tea''. Thanks Gran. Dave gave the old lady a kiss on the cheek and let himself out, being careful not to bang the Tuba off the side of the door as he had done the last time. Bye Gran.

At home he began to search for music videos, and started to follow a girl called Rayna Danes, ''Tuba for Tubes'', that had tickled Dave a lot. He started to learn the basics just like Gran had said. Many of Rayna's vid's thought you how to play full songs, and Dave decided to surprize Gran by learning Stairway to Heaven. She loved that song. It took Dave the whole week to learn it, but he found the learning fun and enjoyable. He even stopped thinking about the guitar. He was really going to surprise Gran on Saturday with his new skills.

Gran was right, the only way to become a good Tuba player was with practice. Dave had been practicing 7 hours a day, in a bid to have Stairway to Heaven ready for Saturday, he was still rusty and he had a long way to go before he could say he was a good player, but he was delighted with the progress he had made in such a short time. Dave was actually now finding it very pleasureful and really enjoying it.

When Saturday came, Dave raced around to Grans. He couldn't wait to show her his progress. Dave let himself in to Grans apartment. Gran, in her usual Chair, was having a nap. Dave decided to get out his Tuba and give it a clean while he was waiting. It was only when he sat down opposite Gran he realized she wasn't breathing. Gran? Gran!!!