Birds of No Feather

If her telephone notification had been anything other than “Jingle Bells,” Jamie might have recognized its ring immediately. Since she had been enjoying Christmas tunes since Thanksgiving, the seasonal song almost blended with the songs playing from her music app. When recognition finally registered, she rushed over, snatched up the phone, and almost spoke into it before hitting the green button.

“Hello,” she spoke hoarsely.

“Well, I was starting to wonder if you had left your phone somewhere again and didn’t remember where!” the excited voice of her sister, Samantha, crackled through the receiver. “I know how you are about losing things!”

A smile played across her lips as she playfully chided, “Ok, ok, Sam, you made your point. No, I was just lost in my Christmas music and wasn’t really paying it attention. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well …” Samantha drew out in her southern drawl, “today is the twenty-first of December, and I was just reminding you that I am coming in on the twenty-third. I am still staying with you and James, right?”

“Yes, you know you are,” she answered. “I have the guest bedroom all made up for you, and I have even placed a few Christmas decorations around the room.”

Samantha sighed loudly. “A few, huh? If I know you and your love for all things Christmas, it is more than just a few things!”

She couldn’t stop her grin from growing larger. Her little sister knew her too well. “Ok, you caught me. But it is not overdone, I will assure you.”

The hearty giggle from the other end was infectious. “I believe you, I think. Anyway, I was also calling for another reason.”

“What might that be,” she queried?

“I wanted to let you know that I was bringing you a bird for Christmas,” her sister informed her.

“A bird! I don’t know what to do with a bird! Where did you get a bird? How big is it?” Her curiosity was getting the best of her.

“It was on sale, and I thought it would be something different this year. Besides, I’ve had it awhile and need to get rid of it. It isn’t a very large bird.”

“But I don’t know what to do with it!” she exclaimed.

Suddenly Sam was speaking faster. “I’ve got to go, my friend is here. You’ve got two days, Google it and figure it out. Bye!”

The call was gone before she could ask any further questions. A bird, she puzzled. What am I going to do with a bird? The sound of the front door opening took her eyes first to the clock and then toward the sound. Her husband of two years, James, was home from his work, singing a song very softly, something about snow. When he strode into the kitchen and saw the look on his bride’s face, his face took on a quizzical look. “Hi, babe, what’s going on? You look like you just lost your best friend!”

“Why do people always ask that question? It is so macabre! I would be crying if that were the case, not scowling!” she scolded.

The hurt look in her husband’s eyes and the apologetic droop of his shoulders made her realize that she had snapped at him a bit to0 quickly. She walked over to him, slowly slipped her arms around him, and said, “I am so sorry! I love you!” The strong embrace she received signaled that she had once again been forgiven. Pushing away far enough to gaze at his face, she recognized the playful look and knew what was coming.

“Don’t you dare,” she squealed, as she struggled to free herself. But the tickling spree had started, and she doubled over in laughter. Together they went to the floor, him on top of her as she struggled to catch her breath. Soon he had ceased, and together they lay in a heap on the floor.

“Did that help?” he asked sarcastically.

“No, you know it didn’t,” she lied.

He quickly stood and pulled her up to him. Now it was love that twinkled in his eyes, and never more than now did she know how much he meant to her.

He spoke to her in soft tones and said, “So, want to tell me what was causing your consternation?”

She returned to her stove to finish the dinner she had begun. She answered, “Sam called. Initially she wanted to remind me she would be here in two days. But then she puzzled me when she informed me that she was bringing me a bird!”

“A bird?” James exclaimed.

“Yes, that is what she said, and your reaction was my reaction. What do I know about caring for birds? She told me to look on the internet and find some answers.”

With a shake of his head, James headed toward the bedroom. “She’s your sister,” he called over his shoulder. “Good luck with your research! I’m going to take a shower.”

“You’re no help!” she called after him.

He suddenly pirouetted in the middle of the doorway, and said, “By the way, honey, you are still cooking your delicious, glazed ham for Christmas day, correct?”

The new smile on her face was only a reflection of her husband’s love for her cooking. “Yes, honey, I am! Sometimes I think you only married me for my cooking!”

“That, and a few other benefits,” he called back as he continued to the bedroom.

Try as she might, though, she could not get past the conversation with her sister. She could never figure what was going to happen next with Sam. She would just have to postpone her thoughts until following the evening meal, and then she would deal with it.

__________

The following morning found Jamie on her computer researching birds. The problem was, she was not sure what breed of bird Sam had, its exact size, or its age. She never knew so much was involved in having a bird! Its size would establish the cage needed and its breed would determine the type of food it required. If it was a large bird, maybe it was a cockatoo or an amazon. A medium bird could well be a parrot or macaw. In the small bird category, there were parakeets, cockatiels, and canaries. Her head was spinning with all the possibilities and scenarios. It suddenly occurred to her that her sister-in-law, Jerri, worked at the local pet store. It was then that she decided to pay Jerri a visit.

Arriving at the pet store, she entered the door to a cacophony of sounds: dogs barking, cats meowing, birds chirping, etc. She closed her eyes as a pleasant recollection of going to the zoo with her dad flooded her memory. She knew that Jerri worked in the pet grooming area, and so determinedly she stepped in that direction. Jerri was busily brushing a poodle when she glanced up to see Jamie.

“Hey! It’s great to see you! Give me a minute and I’ll be done, and we can talk.” Jamie nodded her head and began walking around the store, intensely searching for bird supplies.

When Jerri finally caught up to her, she relayed the information from Samantha. Her beloved sister-in-law, who was really more like a sister, was overjoyed to be able to assist her. First, they discussed generic bird food options. Next, they looked at bird cages, finding one that would be a perfect for any bird. Finally, she settled on a few bird toys and gadgets to occupy a bird’s time. With arms loaded down, she thanked Jerri and headed to her car, wondering just what her sister had gotten her into!

__________

The next morning Jamie and James were up early, ensuring their home was spiffy and clean, and decorated to perfection. Jamie had always treasured the Christmas season, and her family all seemed excited to be sharing the joy of the holidays at her new house. The first guest to arrive would be her sister, Samantha, in just a few hours. The previous evening, she had staked out a small section of the den in which to place her surprise present from her sister. The cage was setup, the bottom lined with newspaper. The food and water containers were in place, and so was the swing and mirror and other bird gizmos necessary for a happy bird, all from Jerri’s informed opinion. Now, it was a waiting game, and Jamie hated waiting!

The beeping of a car horn notified the couple that their guest had arrived. Jamie found herself walking anxiously and briskly to the door, unsure if her excitement was because of her sister or the bird she was bringing! When she opened the door, Samantha fairly stumbled in, her arms full of suitcases and presents.

“Sam! You didn’t have to try to bring everything at once!” she intoned. “James would have been happy to help.”

Breathing heavily, Sam spoke. “I know, but you know me, I like to do everything in as few as trips as possible! I got all my Christmas shopping done in one day!” she proudly announced.

Dropping her load onto a nearby couch, Samantha reached for her sister, embracing her in a huge hug. The pair of sisters were as close as any two siblings could be, and their time apart was always hard on them both.

Trying her best to corral her enthusiasm and excitement, Jamie inquired, “Is that all? You have more?”

“Just the bird, and I’ll go get it now.” Out the door she flew, and Jamie called to her husband to come and greet her family.

When Samantha waltzed back through the door, Jamie had been staring at the bedroom, pondering where the love of her life has vanished. When she turned to face her sibling, the shock that befell her was more than she could contain. It started as a low rumble in the bottom of her throat, and soon it erupted into full-blown, bellyaching laughter. Samantha stopped in her tracks, believing her sister was on the verge of going mad. James charged into the room to seek the source of the loud-pitched noise he was hearing, only to find his wife hysterically laughing and crying at the same time, striving hard to catch her breath. When he tried to ask if she were okay, and what the matter was, her wails of laughter got louder, and all she could manage was to point at her sister.

Staring in her direction, it took James only a minute to comprehend his wife’s behavior. James, too, began to chuckle uncontrollably, which only led to a more confused look on his sister-in-law’s face. Samantha, who by now was totally mystified by her family’s reaction, finally found a voice with which to speak. “Would you two mind very much telling me what it is that has turned you into howling hyenas?”

The only thing Jamie could gasp out before returning to her screaming laughter was, “The bird, the bird!” She and her husband were now enveloped in each other arms, seeking to gather themselves into some form of sanity. Her sister, still bewildered, could only patiently wait for their explanation. A few moments later, Jamie calmed enough to face her sister again, struggling not to laugh again. Breathing laboriously, she finally managed a few words.

“The bird,” she explained. “You said you were bringing me a bird! I bought bird food, toys, a cage!” She paused to catch her breath again.

Hearing her sister’s words, Samantha could only stare at the bird she carried. It was now Samantha’s turn to laugh, and after a few moments, she finally was herself able to speak again. “I thought you understood what I meant,” she squeaked. “You know Dad always called a turkey “a bird”! I just thought you might like to cook it for Christmas dinner along with your ham!”

Jamie, chagrined at her honest mistake, could only comment one thing. “Well, it looks like you’re the silly goose, and I’m the sitting duck to your little gaffe. I guess birds of no feather really do flock together!”