A Whisper of Belonging at Kirkhelleren cave

Sensitive content: an accidental fall, heart attack, death

“I wouldn’t normally disturb you, but I see you’re distracted. It’s understandable.”

Ace’s voice penetrated my quiet. Though he wasn’t old, he had a low, gravelly voice, distinct from all others. With him kneeling so close to me, I could feel it rumble through my body.

I shivered and opened one eye. I lowered the neglected siku flute to my lap.

 “There you are.” Ace’s lips tilted in a half-smile. I felt an unbidden flicker of attraction.

“Do you… do you think he’ll live?”

He paused, searching for the right words. “I hope so. The rescue team took him to the mainland.”

I nodded, having run out of words.

“Did you know him?”

“No, we spoke on the ferry. He was a musician, too. His guitar is still here.”

I glanced at the man’s belongings. They sat alone. Everyone had moved their possessions elsewhere, as if you could catch a heart attack.

He tentatively touched my hand. His soft gray eyes sought mine.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

I placed my hand in his, and he drew me to my feet.

 “I’m Ace.”

“Perry.” I felt a flush coloring my cheeks, heating my neck. I had already learned his name, tucking it deep inside to savor later. The person who could claim his attention was not me.

“Perry. You’ve traveled all this way. Let me show you what you came for.”

“But we’re here already.”

“The cave is just the beginning. Come on.”

We made our way slowly out of Kirkhelleren Cave. I let my hand drag on the mountain’s wall of gray, drawing strength from its solidity.

The accident had shaken me. One moment, the young man was free climbing the rock, next, he was on the ground unconscious. There was a moment of eternity when everyone stopped, horrified.

My training kicked in, and I ran to him. His breathing was rapid, his face pale and sweaty. He wasn’t bleeding from the fall. A man pushed his way through. A doctor. His wife joined him, another doctor. I let them take over. One started chest compression. The other shouted orders. Help was on its way.

I slid back to being an observer, no longer needed. I found a spot in an alcove. No matter the comfort it might give me, it didn’t seem right to play the flute. I feared my music would become a lament, twisting the man’s fate. That’s where Ace found me.

I held my hand up to shade my eyes. The sun dominated the summer sky, brightening the vista. Shiny green grass poked through the rocky landscape. The wind dragged the clouds into long, wispy sheets. The water sparkled enticingly in the distance.

It was as if the accident had never happened. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Death seemed closer since Granny had passed. My life was a death, a slow, inexorable one built on small fears that grew into bigger ones, bolstered by rejection and a life of mediocrity. I pushed the thought away, but I knew she was why I was here.

The weather had warmed up since this morning. I removed my sweatshirt, tying it around my waist.

“Follow Your Wanderlust, eh?”

“It’s my favorite sweatshirt.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

“No. I’m a homebody. I only travel vicariously. Or I did. It was time for a change.” My voice caught. I held in a sob.

“Who was it?”

“My grandmother. After Curt left, she sent me funds. She told me there was a Norse god waiting for me on a remote island. Told me to go there so I could find myself. I didn’t.”

“But you’re here now.”

“After her funeral, we found a box with my name on it. Inside were love letters. They were beautiful. Grandpa loved her so. To me, he was aloof and gruff, even a little scary. To her, he was a poet.”

“You’re here to find love.”

“No. The box had a false bottom. One last letter- it wasn’t his. She had a lifetime of love, just not with the man she wanted.

I looked behind us. We had traveled far from the cave, far enough that I could see the mountain range that contained it. It felt good to escape its current gloom. I saw a small chapel a short distance away. Cheery and quaint, it lifted my spirits.

“Who wrote it?”

“She did. She addressed it to Aesir, care of the Traen Island.”

Ace stopped. He brought his hands to my shoulders, pinning me in place.

“That’s why you’re here, to find this Aesir?”

“Granny said our family belongs to the Aesir. They entwined us in a blessing, a vow. Which god are you?”

He walked away from me. I followed, keeping a bit of distance between us.

He sat on a rock ledge. I approached him, wary. We continued to stare at each other, gauging intent.

“I see her in you. Your smile, your mannerisms, the way you tilt your head.”

I smiled at him. He gifted me with his half-smile. He patted the rock, inviting me to sit next to him.

Somehow, half a world away, I had come home. I sat down and leaned into him. He placed an arm on my shoulder. His lips pressed against my hair.

“I missed you the first time.”

“You did?”

“You hide yourself, blend in… it’s intentional.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was true, had always been true. I swiped away a tear.

“Ah, don’t do that. I saw you the second time, when you aided the boy. You stood tall. You had a duty, and your mind stopped warring with itself. That’s when I guessed who you were.”

“The doctors took over.”

“But if they hadn’t, you had it under control.”

My face reddened. Compliments were a rare beast in my pathetic little world.

We rested in companionable silence. I sighed, contented. There was no need for words. The clouds drifted.

“Will you play for me?”

I removed the flute from my satchel, shifting to make room.

Ace stood up to face the sun. It was impossible not to admire his muscular form, his uncommon beauty. I’d seen the interested glances, given my fair share.

My eyes traveled down his face- a widow’s peak outlined his forehead, straight nose, soft lips in a wide mouth. His tawny beard and mustache emphasized a square jaw. High cheekbones and eyes the color of a stormy night completed the dream. His long blond hair flowed free, the braids at the sides their only restraint.

He straightened to his full height. His eyes were closed, his head back, communing with nature. He opened his arms, allowing the wind to embrace him. Oh, yes. He was a Norse god, the desirable one.

I inhaled deeply, allowing myself to relax. I played a tune, not the one I intended. It was a melancholy tune, one I’d fiddled with constantly, never quite getting it right. It swirled and eddied, changing, becoming a part of the wind, the waves, the gentle rustling of the grasses. Perfect. It only needed the right setting. I played on, allowing it to fill me with desire, to sweep me away.

I opened my eyes at Ace’s return. He sat behind me, his legs around mine, forming a shelter. I leaned into him. I continued the song, looping it back to the beginning.

“Vili. I am Vili.” His voice was rough.

I set the flute down, turning to face him.

I raised my lips to his. He met them. I reveled in their softness. 

“Vili, my heart knew it was you.”