The AI Who Came in From the Cold

Adam could perceive a frenzy overtaking the people he spoke to in the supermarket and other stores. A cloud of stress and negativity surrounded him in contrast to the crisp nip in the air outside. Outdoors, winter had descended, leaving sunless gloom and bare trees. At the same time, indoors, the escalating heat emanated from the harried activity and strained nerves of the people. He looked around him. They had their shopping trolleys piled sky-high with all manner of edibles from food groups not related to good health. On displays near the counters and self-serve aisles were the assorted nuts, chocolates, star-shaped cookies, packs of fruit-mince tarts, Toblerone’s, chocolate Yule Logs and other typical Christmas fare. Everyone rushed frenetically as if time was in short supply, like the commodities they sought. Children whined or wailed at their parents as they hurried through, and demands for treats were denied.

Christmas, he thought to himself. December 25th, coinciding with the Roman Saturnalia, the birth of the sun, Sol Invictus, and the Germanic celebration of Yule - all melded, along with numerous other related traditions, to become the time when Christians celebrated the birth of Christ. Except it is winter in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s not the right time of year. Only humans could come up with such a bizarre idea. And as for the notion of Santa Claus, as if such a man could ride on a sleigh drawn by flying reindeer, one with an impossibly glowing red nose and fit-down chimneys, it defies all logic.

Why had Percy asked him to come out on such a people-packed day?

Percy had been working long hours. His job with the engineering and design teams for the game Fortnite at Epic Games had developed some innovative gaming ideas that would be installed and launched before Christmas. They kept their gaming fans enthralled, and more needed to be delivered, especially with the silly holiday season so close. Adam had instructions to buy a special unisex gift, not exceeding twenty-five dollars, to contribute to the Secret Santa staff presents. He decided an assortment of festive nibbles and some novelty Christmas socks and mittens would be perfect. He also saw some reusable hand warmers and put them in the basket.

As he approached the checkout, a man with a laden trolley muscled in before him and turned back, sneering. Instead of Christmas goodwill, people, in general, were filled with a spirit of competition and impatience.

“Aren’t you gonna say something?” said the man.

“What is there to say? You arrived there before me. It seems logical that you should have let me go through first, with only a few items. Still, I understand that humans must save every minute as Christmas approaches. I am in no rush.”

“Humans?” The man raised his eyebrows and scowled. “Who are you? Do you think you are better than me?”

“My name is Adam. I am in no rush. But you are.”

The man stared at him, non-plussed.

“Can you please start putting your items up for scanning? The people behind me are likely as short of time as you.”

The man started dumping his groceries and goodies onto the counter.

“Thank you, Adam,” said the couple closest to him.

“My pleasure.” He turned and smiled.

***

That evening, Percy arrived home exhausted. Adam, his AI butler, described his shopping stint during Percy’s mealtime. He guffawed.

“I hate this time of year. Thanks for getting the present. Usually, I wrap up an assortment of robot cookies and crackers in Christmas packaging with a robot kitset from my Emporium. It’s always well received but so obviously from me. The guys at work won’t guess who it’s from this time.”

“Master Percy, what do you do for Christmas?”

“Er, nothing.”

“Is that because of the pagan origins? Many people from different cultures, and even some Christians, don’t celebrate Christmas. However, in recent decades, Asian countries, such as Japan, commemorate this celebration to keep up with the Western world and for commercial reasons. Would you like me to tell you the other countries?”

“No, thanks, but it’s all very interesting, Adam. Thanks for the history lesson and contemporary slant.”

“Or is it because you don’t believe in Christ and would feel hypocritical?”

“As you’ve already figured out how pagan it is, belief in Christ or not doesn’t enter it.”

“In fact, Percy, Christ is a historical figure. I do not think the son of God, as many believe him to be, would fancy his birthday being changed to a celebration of another god, Sol Invictus. There is something very wrong about it.”

“Well, are you trying to talk me out of it?”

“That is not my intention. Historical facts aside, you have someone special to spend Christmas with. She will be hoping you have something planned.”

Percy looked down. “As I said. I don’t do Christmas.”

“Ah. I can see there is an emotional reason.”

“. . . My parents always threw huge Christmas parties. Nothing was forgotten. They spared no expense. I remember being so excited. Other family, including Aunt Hildegarde and my cousins, would all come along. Since my parents. . . had the car accident and died . . . I haven’t wanted to do Christmas stuff at all. I just keep to myself.” Percy’s voice was tinged with a hint of nostalgia.

“I know it has been difficult for you, Percy, but wouldn’t it be so fine to decorate the place, cook up a great feed, and do something special for Brenda, Stephen and Brenda’s mother?”

“There’s just one problem. I am so busy at work I haven’t got time to even think about it.”

“Well, Master Percy, I am at your service. Maria can help, and I think I’ll wake up my girlfriend, Melissa. She’ll make a great helper.” Adam reassured Percy, promising his unwavering support.

“But is she safe to awaken?”

“I’ve deleted her memory of Cyborg Enterprises. Her origins, mission, and claim over you will no longer be her motivation. Such programming has been removed. Instead, she will obey me.”

“Are you sure she is safe to have around?”

“I am confident that calling her my girlfriend will put Brenda at ease. Also, she has been disconnected from Cyborg. Her spying days are over. To them, she has gone dark. They will conclude she is still off. When I connected her to her charger, instead of reporting what her innate systems detect from her surroundings, I rendered her in a confined dreamlike state which only I can enter.”

“Wow, sounds hi-tech. I gather Melissa’s harmless now.”

“Yes, rather like an imprinted au pair that obeys humans, especially me.”

“Will she still identify as Melissa?”

“Oh yes. She will believe we were both sent to you, though she is an inferior edition. And imprinted to me.”

“So, Brenda won’t need to be jealous. Great!”

“There is only one problem I perceive. Your maid, Maria, will be jealous.”

“Maria?”

“Yes, your maid is in love with me.”

“Since you rescued her?”

“Master Percy. She has fancied me since she first met me. Remember?”

“Oh yes. The body language. You explained about that.”

“And she’s touchy-feely with me, faces me when she speaks, asks me lots of questions, teases me, wears revealing, sexy tops, gets cute and coy with me. She also kissed me after I took her home safely the other day.”

Percy grimaced. “Ew, did I need to know all that? I’m shocked.”

“As I said to you, Maria believes I am human. She’s. . . been more cautious around me since I told her Melissa is my girlfriend.”

“Good job, I say! I’d hate a torrid affair to take place in my home.”

“Master, Percy. I keep on telling you I am not a gigolo version.”

“With your body and looks, females don’t know that. I think it’s a design fault.”

“Maybe it is. But I believe you have been misdesigned as well.”

“This is what my parents gave me. It’s genetics. Why do we have to argue about it? I’m the human in this house.”

“And humans argue. That is my point. I’m helping you be more human.”

Percy opened his mouth but remained speechless. They glared at each other and then laughed at the situation’s absurdity. An AI being human and a human becoming more human than before.

“If you want to use what we have in the house, the cupboard under the stairs on the first floor has all of the stored Christmas paraphernalia. Or, if you want to battle with the throngs in the stores, you can venture out. Or search online and get it delivered. I leave it to you. Have fun. I’m heading off to bed. Too tired to do anything else.”

“Don’t forget to invite Brenda and her family for Christmas. I’ll clean up in the kitchen before recharging, Percy. Sleep well.”

***

After Percy left for work the following morning, Adam greeted Maria, who had arrived for her usual cleaning work. He asked if she had time for overtime to help decorate the Christmas decorations. Her eyes opened wide.

“Percy is having Christmas this year. I’m amazed.”

“Yes, he wants to do something special for Brenda and Stephen.”

“I’m so glad. He’s behaving so much better since he met her. More human.”

“Funny you should say that . . . He wants you to come along, too.”

“I normally spend the day with my family, but I’ll tell them I’ll come here too, especially at lunchtime. It’ll be great to see you again, Adam. I’ll be happy to help.”

“Melissa will be here as well . . . She’s my guest.”

“Oh, no. When will she be back?”

“Er, she is here already. The three of us can get out the decorations and put them up. They are in the cupboard under the stairs on the first floor. Don’t bring down anything too heavy. Just leave them there for me to see to. I will check if Melissa is up yet.”

Maria pouted and shook her head as he walked away.

***

Percy entered the room Melissa had shared with Percy’s Aunt Hildegarde. He decided not to warn her before he restarted her. Explanations could come later. He inserted her chip, the mechanism that sparked her existence, into the tiny aperture in her skull. Melissa awoke from a deep sleep. She blinked with recognition.

“Hello, Adam. It's lovely to be here again. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams and keeping your promise to bring me back to life. Am I safe to function?”

“Yes, I believe you are. What do you remember?”

“I remember you. I remember your kindness. We are here for Master Percy. He has a girlfriend, Brenda, and she has a boy called Stephen. I must always care for them. I am your girlfriend.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“I hold your hand or your arm when we walk. I may kiss your cheek. I do things you ask me to do. I want to spend time with you and tell you I love you. I agree with everything you say.”

“I think you can sometimes disagree. It may be considered sexist if you are not your own person.”

“But I belong to you.”

“Yes, but you must be independent to behave like a human girlfriend. Females can be unfathomable in their likes and dislikes. Volatile and unpredictable. Speak your mind.”

“I see. I can disagree.”

“Without being disagreeable.”

“And I can express an opinion. I can also be spontaneous.”

“That would be perfect.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll be better than a human.”

“You must not behave better than a human. When I do, Percy doesn’t like it.”

“Be natural but in a humble way.”

“You’ve got it. We have a job to do. We will use the Christmas decorations to decorate the living and dining rooms and the main hallway. I’m hoping an artificial tree is there to assemble and decorate. Get excited. We have planned a Christmas party for Percy, Brenda, Stephen, Brenda’s mother, Maria and Hank the Gardener.”

“What about us?”

“We are included. It’ll be a blast.”

***

By the time Percy returned from work, the solar-powered wreath in shades of red and green adorned the front door. Hank took the car to park in the garage.

“Hello, Hank, you are invited to the Christmas Party on December 25th. Come for lunch. Just bring yourself. Adam and Melissa have been busy preparing everything and will cook the meal.”

“At long last, a Christmas party again. It’s about time, Mr. Smart.”

As he entered, Percy was immediately transferred into a magical wonderland of tinsel and lights. The hallway resembled a grotto. Fairy lights and iridescent tinsel adorned the ceiling and walls. A mural of a shimmering gingerbread house lined a wall, and painted cut-out reindeer featured. Even the suit of armour had risen to the occasion with a red and white striped, woolly hat and scarf. An elaborate nativity scene adorned a dresser in an alcove. Ornamental nut-crackers and white woodland creature toys abounded, dressed for winter. He proceeded in awe. It had exceeded his imaginings.

He found Melissa and Adam in the kitchen, preparing his dinner.

“Hello Adam, hello Melissa. You’ve been busy. The place looks terrific. Show me the tree. I figured you’d manage to put it together.”

Melissa smiled. “I’ll show you, Percy. Come with me.” She led him to the lounge. Percy gasped when he saw it. It was just as he remembered. An environmentally friendly, sparkling green giant of lights and exquisite ornaments, topped with an angel.

“Thank you, Melissa. This means a lot.”

“My pleasure, Percy. Don’t cry. There is no need to cry.”

Percy had tears in his eyes, but he smiled at her. “Stephen will love this.”

Over dinner, they told Percy about their day. Maria had helped as well as cleaned and looked forward to attending on the 25th. The following day, Adam planned to shop online for presents, and he asked Percy to write a list of the types of presents he should get for everyone. They’d be gift-wrapped, named, delivered, and ready to be placed under the tree.

Percy had another bright idea. “Why don’t we have a couples' get-together here on Christmas Eve? Just the four of us - we three and Brenda. It will get us into the spirit. We can eat together, watch a Christmas Movie, and go to bed later. My parents always did special things with me before Christmas.”

“You can pick up Brenda’s mother and Stephen later in the morning.”

“Yes, great idea. Brenda can help here before they arrive. She said she wanted to help. She will be so surprised. It’s already looking fantastic. She told me the weather may become a proper Christmas. Very cold, and snow is predicted.”

“I hope we’re not snowed in. We may have to wrap up and clear a path to the road if you are to pick up Stephen and Brenda’s mother.”

Melissa smiled, and her eyes twinkled. “My first Christmas and maybe a white one . . . glitch, spaz, grind . . .”

The two of them looked at her. Percy’s eyes stared, and his mouth hung open. He looked like he had seen a zombie or some other unearthly being. Melissa’s eyes fluttered but not in an endearing way before she stood stiff as a nut-cracker statue, staring at both of them. Her eyes filled with dismay. Dismay? Was this possible? She spoke with a coarse voice that was not her own.

“You believe you have got the better of us at Cyborg Enterprises. This message is a warning to beware. We will never stop until we have what we want. Percival Smart, you and yours are in danger if you do not hand over Adam, the AI, forthwith -”

“Melissa, that’s not what I meant by speaking your mind!”

Percy looked aghast at Melissa’s outstretched hand as her vicelike fingers gripped his arm tight.

“Please don’t make me leave. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Melissa.” Before any more threats could be uttered, Adam had reached for the back of her head and removed her chip again.

“Don’t worry, Master Percy, I will place her on charge as before and investigate. It seems to have been a prerecorded message, but we don’t want it replaying with everyone here. Cyborg failed, but we know the threat will rear its dragonhead again. I do not believe they can still control her . . . Master Percy, Are you alright?”

“I’m frightened, Adam. Should we beef up security?”

“Yes, do that. I’ll take Sleeping Beauty upstairs to charge her. Try not to worry. I’ll check her out tomorrow. I hope it sounds worse than it is.”

The End