Christmas Funny Fiction

Christmas morning, I go to see what my boyfriend has gotten for me. I see a parrot flying around my house, and a pear tree. What the heck? Why did he give me this? Is he trying to recreate the twelve days of Christmas? Oh that is partridge, not parrot. I take off a tag from the tree and look at it.

I am not sure if you can really keep partridges as pets, so I got you a parrot instead, Don't worry I am only going to do one day of the song. You are not going to end up with like a million birds. I hope you will enjoy him. I looked for some book about how to take care of a parrot, but there was none.

“Ugh, does he expect me to know how to take care of this? And he didn't give me a cage either.” The parrot was flying about, landing on things and starting to tip stuff over I ran to grab some lamps and cursed.

The bird squawked. “I love you, I love you.”

“Hum... I guess he taught you to say that. I wish I could say it back but I can't because you are making a real mess.” I juggle things the parrot knocked over. “I am going to call him and ask him to take you back!”

I called him, and hear the answering machine click on. Where in the heck was he? Was he with some other woman or what? He leaves me with this pain in the butt parrot and goes on to his other life.

The bird squawked. “Look in the big box, big box.”

I scan the room, seeing a huge box I hadn't noticed before. It was a cage. I try to catch the parrot, but end up making more of a mess. Tinsel, Christmas balls, and Santas were everywhere. “Come on bird..go in the cage, please?”

“Bottom of cage. Look Look.” it squawked, landing on top of it.

I look, and see a book about taking care of parrots. I flip through it trying to find how to get a parrot in a cage I finally find it. “Hum..a treat will coax it in the cage..” so I get something for it to eat. Um, an apple piece? Would that be good? I am unsure what parrots like to eat. I look at the book. It seems that would be OK. So, I slice an apple and put it in the cage.

The bird looks at it, and flies around the cage as if checking it out. “Come on...go in...you know you want that yummy apple.”

The bird doesn't go in. Ugh! I slice another and put it next to the gate opening of the cage, hoping that would get it to go in. It eats the apple, then flies back to the pear tree and sits there. “Stupid damn bird! I want you to be in the cage.”

The bird squawks. “I love you. I love you.”

I try to call my boyfriend, I was beyond annoyed. “You better be home.”

A click. “Hello, sweetie how did you like my gift?”

“It's awful, it won't go in it's cage and making a terrible mess!”

“Hum, let me come over and help. He behaves for me.” a click and the call was over.

“It better.” I mutter staring at the bird.

The bird flies over and starts to look at the apple in the cage.

“Yes, go and eat the apple.”

It looks at me and points at the door with a claw.

“What do you want?” I frown, wondering why it is being so stubborn. “The door is open. Go in. Please?”

The bird paces, looks at the apple then flies back to the tree. “Ugh, I hope Ben comes soon.” I muttered

A bit of me arguing with the bird, and Ben knocks. I answer. “Can you get rid of this bird?”

“Get rid of Buddy? But he's your gift.” He lifts his hand and the bird lands on it.

Gaping, I freeze in place for a moment and finally say “How did you do that?”

“I am just nice to him, that's all.” he shrugged and puts Buddy near the cage and he goes in.

“But...I said please for him to go in.” I grit my teeth. “Isn't that nice?”

“Hum, maybe he just doesn't like you for some reason? I will take him if you really don't want him.” he frowns.

“Yes, I have no idea about taking care of him.” I pass the cage to Ben. “Bye Buddy.”

The bird looked at me. “I love you, I love you.”

I felt so guilty. “Ok, teach me how to care for Buddy. I might try to keep him.”

“I am so glad to hear that! Soon you will be an expert on bird care.” he then started going on about how to take care of Buddy.

I tried to listen as best I could. Hopefully me and that messy bird might get along, with Ben's help! “I just hope I will be good enough to get him to go in his cage.”

“I am sure you can do that, just take some fruit and lure him in.” he said, showing me how.

“I tried that, he kept flying back to the tree.” I frown, I am not sure I will ever get this.

Ben looks at the tree. “There's pears on it, that's why.”

“What? Oh man I should of looked on there before.” I groan feeling stupid.

Ben chuckled. “You probably didn't think of that. Just put the tree outside and I am sure he will go in the cage.”

Ben helped me out it outside, then Buddy went in the cage with some coaxing. “Yay, I did it.”

“I am sure you and him will be great friends.” Ben smiled as his phone rang.

“You better not answer that.” I mumbled, still not in the best of moods.

Ben looked at it. “Er it's my mom...”

“OK, you can answer it.” I sigh.

He talks for a while, then looks at me. “Uh my mom twisted her ankle and needs my help.”

“I will be fine with Buddy, you go help her.” I inwardly groan, this happened at the worst possible moment, I didn't trust Buddy was going to behave for me yet. Well, I could just keep him in his cage and it would be fine, right?

I yawn, it been a tiring day. I decide to go to sleep. Middle of the night, I hear a loud racket coming from the cage. I get up shaking thinking it is a burglar coming. “Buddy...what's wrong?” I look around not seeing anyone. I then look in the cage. No Buddy! He escaped! How?

“Come on Buddy, don't do this to me.”I glanced around to see where he was, he was sitting in the Christmas tree, pecking at ornaments.

“I guess you like those.” I pluck one off and put it in his cage. “Here, go in and you can have it.”

Buddy then went to another ornament on the tree playing with it. “Argh, you are so frustrating!”

Buddy bobbed and squawked “I love you, I love you.”

“If you will go in your cage and sleep I might start liking you, too.” I tried to lure him with some fruit. “Ugh, maybe I should call Ben...he will know what to do.”

I look at the clock. “Hum..Tomorrow would be better. Come on Buddy please go in the cage. I will be your friend.”

Buddy looks at me and bobs his head looking at the apple, then slowly goes in. Success! Maybe me and Buddy can get along after all...

I will learn how to take care of this bird, even if it means weeks of fitful sleep. Hopefully I will get it before then though! Yet, Buddy behaves for Ben for the most part and always misbehaves for me. What am I doing different? It's a pain in the butt how that bird favors him!

I have an idea, I dress like Ben. “Let's see if this works. Buddy go in your cage.” Buddy looks at me, confused like. Not sure what to think. He kinda wavers near the door of the cage.

Sigh, somehow he seemed to know it was me. Maybe I should just give Buddy to him, since he likes to be like that when he is with me. I go to Ben's. “This bird dislikes me, you take him.”

“I thought you wanted to try with him though.” he takes the cage with Buddy who I had taken an hour to get him in there.

“I did,now I don't. He just likes you better.”

Buddy then calls. “I love you. I love you.”

Ugh, not this again! “Yeah sure. You will stay with Ben I am not falling for that.”

I head home. Strangely, I miss Buddy's antics. No he will stay with Ben, I think muttering as I look at the spot I kept Buddy.

Then, I see Buddy fly through a window. I almost pass out with surprise. “Hum, looks like you misbehave for Ben when I am not around.”

I call him. “Ben, I think we need to move in together for the sake of Buddy.”

“What? Oh man he flew away to your house? Er...if you think it will help I guess?”

“Yeah I do, anyways we been together for years it's about time.”

“I think so too. Lauren, I am so glad we are making this step.” he gushed.

I almost think he planned things this way. Why not ask instead of getting a bird? Ben can be weird...I get my stuff ready to move to his place, since it is bigger. I never thought I would do this for a crazy bird!

December 22, 2020 16:46

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