Little Secrets

I opened the empty metal tube. I put things that were special to me in it. I also put a secret in it. I buried it in the front yard. I never spoke of it again, until now. I am leaving this diary for my beloved daughter, Lana. This is the exact location of the time capsule and the story of the year after I buried it. 

The day is October 27, 2018. I just buried the time capsule. Inside are my valuables. Just things that helped me that might help you too. I have also hidden inside a secret that I don’t want you to know of until I am gone. I am going to hide this diary and give it to you in my will. I am hoping you will take the time to look at it because it will save your life. 

It is now November 27, 2018. I will be writing once a month. This month, your father left me. He had found out about my secret. It isn’t anything that will make you hate me- hopefully. I don’t want you to hate me anymore than you already do. You are eleven now, and are old enough to understand that I did something to make your father leave. You hardly talk to me, and you won’t look me in the eyes. I haven’t seen the real you in what feels like forever.

December 27, 2018- I didn’t get you any presents for Christmas. I couldn’t afford to. There were no toys that were cheap enough. I am terribly sorry. Ever since your father left, money has been tight. You won’t even let me take you to school anymore. I guess you don’t want to be embarrassed by me. It is like I don’t exist to you anymore. I hate being a terrible mom, but there isn’t anything I can do. 

January 27, 2018. I found out that your father hates me and sadly he hates you too. Hate is a strong word, and when I say hate I mean they will kill you if they have the chance. So look out. When you get home from school you greet me by throwing your bag in my face. I understand why though, I am a terrible person and an even worse mother. Please talk to me.

February 27, 2018. I haven’t seen you lately, you mostly spend the night at your friend’s houses. You are twelve years old now, I still couldn’t get you any presents. I did manage to get a cupcake for you. I lit a candle and asked you to come in. When you did you were delighted! I sang happy birthday and you blew out your candle. We talked for a while and then you went to bed. It made me so happy to see you smile and to hear you talk and laugh. I hope it is the same way forever.

March 27, 2018. This month we talked every day. You even let me take you to school. Things were looking up. I even got a job! I work at a diner called Moonlight Diner. I am just a waitress but it is enough to buy the things we don’t need, like toys for you. Whenever you make good grades, I buy you a toy. A small little cheap toy from Walmart, but you seem to love them! I love seeing you smile when you come home with your report card and there are straight A’s. You always walk in holding it above your head in triumph. I am so glad that you are talking to me again.

April 27, 2018. I got a new job, at a bank. I work as an accountant. That is what I majored in in college. The other day was bring your kid to work day. I brought you to work on monday morning. When I did I got to show you the vault, and you helped me mail some letters. I had a client come in, it was your father. He saw me and immediately walked outside and didn’t come back in ever again. I am kind of glad though, I did not want to talk to him. He obviously wanted to talk to me. Luckily, you were in the restroom, and didn’t see him. I hope I never see him again.

May 27, 2018. It is already summer break. You love coming to the bank with me, and come everyday. I do not know why you find it interesting. I mean, it is just banking. I love my job, although it is not very action packed. It is a lot of math, but you love math so maybe that is why you like coming to work with me everyday. The year has gone by so fast, and it still feels like we are distant. It is probably the secret, but I know you will find it somehow. Most likely in the time capsule, but I won’t be saying anything about what the secret is to you until then. 

June 27, 2018. The secret is tearing me apart. I swore I wouldn’t tell you other than the time capsule, but I can’t bear the secrecy. I can not tell you, but I need to. Hopefully I can keep the secret, but I do not know if I can. This past month you have been giving me hugs, all the time. It is amazing! I can’t believe that you are opening up so much. It makes me ecstatic! 

July 27, 2018. You said that you love me for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. When you said it I casually said “I love you too!”, but inside I was screaming! That was a huge milestone! We talked about what happened at school, and what your favorite class was. You even told me that you liked a boy. I got to go to a parent teacher conference with you. All of your teachers said that you were their best student! I was so glad to hear that!

August 27, 2018. This month I lost my job. I went back to the diner. I still had enough income to get you a couple of toys when you got straight A’s. You were sad when you couldn’t go to the bank with me anymore. You were glad to be back at school again. I stopped seeing you as much when I lost my job and you went back to school. You still let me drive you to school though. 

September 27, 2018. This is where I give you the exact coordinates of the time capsule and tell you why it will save your life. The time capsule is 7 feet to the right of the big Oak tree, and 16 feet in front of the rosebush. It will save your life because it holds my and your fathers only secret. I have mine and he has his secret. He is after you and I for my secret, and if he ever tries to hurt you, remind him that you have his secret.