Break Those Chains

Submitted into Contest #182 in response to: Write a story where someone’s paranoia is justified.... view prompt

15 comments

Creative Nonfiction

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

Cut those chains as hurtful as it may be. Killing yourself as the day passes not wanting to talk to anybody. Sorry for what you been through, sorry for the struggle. I get that you don't wanna acknowledge it. Isolating yourself in a bubble.

Sorry for not helping you although there is nothing that I can do. Just making the situation worse with any word that comes out although I don't attend to.

"Just save it man don't mention it. I've gone through enough yet you're piling shit."

I'm just trying to help.

"Help? You helping me? Since when have you been through a break up you've never been with anybody? Just keep shit to yourself there is nothing needed to be said you don't get my pain. Acting like you do cuz you write some stories but in person shit ain't the same!"

Sorry man but I'm just trying to help.

"Instead of writing about others, start writing about yourself."

Hey I've done nothing wrong to you why take it all out on me? Did I cause you guys to split no alrighty then chill we family.

"Chill? I can't fucking chill like I said you don’t get shit step in my fucking shoes. Being in love for nearly 6 years a close bond not many can relate to. To then evaporate into thin air while scratching the memories out of me. Leaving me with scars and pain that only the asshole who's destroyed who I am can see.

Sharing moments all around town things I witness on a daily basis. Just watching sadness dance around me acting like I should seek forgiveness. Yet I don't deserve what happened, a break up cheaters usually look forward to. Not speaking to a partner you've lend yourself hanging all of who you are hoping they will crawl back like “I fucked up I should have never done that to you.”

But no she grabbed all of those things I call love squeezing me suffocating my words like I'm a bottle of shampoo. To then walk away effortlessly dragging behind her a beating heart held up by chains and letting it go on a cactus as if I was the fool."

I'm sorry about that.

"Sorry nothing you don't understand!"

At least let me try. Your giving up on yourself acting like you got nothing else seeing the suicidal look in your eyes. All she ever wanted from you is your happiness. So you got to think twice and move past this shit.

"Happiness my ass which is why she broke up with me. It's easier said than done so she cut the tides and had a breath of relief."

Why was that?

"I don’t fuckin know she she tends to complain about any little shit. Going on and off with our relationship like some kid playing with a switch."

Who's at fault? Did you do something? Did you cheat?

"I don't do any of that shit you know me. She doesn't know what she wants half the time, that's the thing. Having her raged up like a used match attempting to get lit in winter. Having the spark throw us apart as if love ain't there. Expanding our words of hate regardless if it meant something. Although it doesn't half the time a pause takes place waiting for that “sorry about before let's start shit over again"

Dude you got to forget about this.

"How? How am I supposed to forget the one I love, who also turns out to be my only friend. I get that you are trying to help, I really do but you're changing nothing. I'm doing what I can to get her back."

Bro you can't she's gone you have to accept that. She's made her choice and she moved on. You got to do the same, I get that it hurts.

"The true pain honestly for me is that she didn't fulfill her actions vowed down by her words. Fucking around playing with my heart like it's some sort of poker game. Like once she gets what she wants poof gone like she is satisfied regardless of what took place."

But dude you can't pick up those broken pieces and tape them together it doesn't work like that. Sure you may get her back but the feeling is lost in the abyss along with the past.

"She fucked me up making me feel like I was complete. As if I was a crook with a slate wiped clean. Like a detective finding a killer's name on the scene. Joy so great as if I'm rich the moment I redeem. Seeing her face after things clear up making love official and the cycle repeats. A feeling you get used to as it becomes a routine. Arms wide open like I love you this much. To then figure out it's the devil taunting you like ha you'll never find true love."

Sorry it happened the way that it did my bad I can't relate. Sorry for not writing about myself yet coming up with these poems I create. Dude as much as I say sorry you have to be strong don't give up I can see the tears in your eyes. Crying for hours like you can't get her off your mind. But don't quit your uplifting to others encouraging them to live life since they got one. To live on the edge if necessary cuz once time’s up you'll regret things you've never done. Yet look at you now not caring if you lose anything else. Suicide doesn't heal your pain it just passes it onto someone else. Think about it.

"Think about what? That I wasted a quarter of my life for nothing. All of those moments gone like magic because of some stupid shit that lead her to say we done lets break up again. Fuck it! fuck it all what is there to go for? Why is life so hard to live If your chasing shit just to filter your life with some color? To in the end only destroy you without you even knowing until it's too late never again seeing life like the McDonald's motto. I still love this chick yet I can't turn around and shape it together, a rule too hard to follow."

Dude let me help.

"Get away man I'm done."

Chase what you want but your going in circles like a dog trying to bite its tail for fun.

"Screw you I'm headed out don't bother me."

But listen man you need the help. Go get therapy.

"I'll figure it all out, don't worry, all I need is time it'll come around."

Time lost is time you can't regain leaving you drunk hopeless laying on the ground. Bro I'm here for you.

"Yeah I get it, we're done now."

After months of silence my boy was never found. No answer no text no call no clue. I'm wondering where he's at. I'm just hoping he'll pull through. I know him all too well but It's been so long. Dam a mystery unsolved but where could he have gone. 

January 27, 2023 13:28

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15 comments

16:02 Feb 12, 2023

Wow - such raw emotion - it's everything I've felt and suffered put into a great story. This was my favorite bit - it was a family breakup for me - damn kids - but you nailed it. "Chill? I can't fucking chill like I said you don’t get shit step in my fucking shoes. Being in love for nearly 6 years a close bond not many can relate to. To then evaporate into thin air while scratching the memories out of me. Leaving me with scars and pain that only the asshole who's destroyed who I am can see

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Daniel Fernandes
19:32 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Yes, usually, with my style, I jump into people's shoes (sometimes my own like this one) and write a story from first person perspective since the emotions feel more organic. The rawness and emotion in these rough moments in life, people need to understand they are not alone and how feeling sadness or anger, even libido is okay. I am sorry for what did happen to you. In this story, being creative non-fiction I understand it's tough. Much love, and I hope you are feeling better. That paragrap...

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Martin Ross
16:07 Feb 02, 2023

This is some RAW emotion — it socked me in the gut, and I felt that pain not only of going through the damage but being unable to break through or even come up with the right thing to say or do. The telling is so poetically raw, too, in the best ways — the structure and tone match the emotions, anger, and frustration, which is quite a feat. Much respect. I’m looking forward into digging into your other work. Thanks.

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Daniel Fernandes
23:43 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I feel honored to have my work has touched the heart in such way. I enjoy writing in this style to give realistic scenarios that everyone experiences and letting them know there not alone. We as humans feel and that's okay. Thank you once again. Getting comments like these gives me the drive to keep writing.

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Helen A Smith
09:13 Feb 01, 2023

This has a poetry to it. I like the way you get the feelings across in the language Daniel. I hope the main character can see that the pain of loving someone, even when it all goes wrong, has to be worth it. Even though it doesn’t seem it at the time.

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Daniel Fernandes
23:46 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I love poetry and puzzles. I consider these stories my poems. Once the pen starts moving I only stop when the pain has been lifted off. I have shown the person in the story my poem and they are doing better now. Thank you for enjoying my work and providing feedback.

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Dena Linn
10:18 Jan 31, 2023

Daniel... heavy piece but not just fiction but a poem and a telling.

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Daniel Fernandes
18:48 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

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Hannah K
22:38 Jan 27, 2023

I notice this is creative non fiction. I don't know what the circumstances are, but I'm wondering if this story is about you having a conversation with a friend of yours who went through a break up. I wonder this because someone who writes poetry about everything but himself (maybe you) is having a conversation with a suffering man who has gone through a messy break up. I love how you take everyday conversations and turn them into poetry. It reminds of art made from mundane objects- like where they take trash out of the ocean or stuff from...

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Daniel Fernandes
23:54 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Yes this is based of an actual conversation that I have had. This was written 6 years ago actually but it was perfect for the contest which is why I posted it now. Been writting for years but only a couple months ago I've been putting my soul into getting recognition for my writing. It can touch lives and have stories be told in a unique way that can be both fun, personal, and relatable. From time to time depending on the situation I'd just sit back observe and would wonder how like you ...

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Hannah K
20:57 Feb 13, 2023

So glad to hear your friend's doing better. Best of luck in your writing journey, as you look for a platform to make your voice heard. Your writing has such potential to touch lives!

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Daniel Fernandes
03:14 Feb 14, 2023

Thank you so much for saying that. I am speaking with a publisher to try to get a book together. It will be my first book. A bit scared as any writer would who throw there soul into their work. Let's see how everyone will take it all in.

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Hannah K
03:36 Feb 14, 2023

Best of luck!

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Wendy Kaminski
14:49 Jan 27, 2023

I liked the different style of conversation in this, Daniel: the back-and-forth was well-incorporated into the story. I also liked the line "like a used match attempting to get lit in winter." It definitely left me wondering what happened to the friend; is this part of a larger work? It certainly seems like it's got potential to go a lot of places!

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Daniel Fernandes
20:04 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I wasn't thinking about continuing the story but I'll be open for a part two. The back and forth I felt was a nice addition to the story. Felt more touching if you feel that your in the conversation listening both sides like a spectator. I'll flag the poem on my notes to keep it in mind. It does have potential to branch out poems from different time-line or even perspective of the other partner. Thank you for the idea. Happy to see you back to check out another poem/story of mine. Means a l...

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