A New Beginning

It’s a normal day, in every sense of the word. Matthew and Levi are lounging on the couch, Levi’s head in his lap as he reads. Matthew scrolls through his phone, neither saying a word.

He runs his fingers through Levi’s hair, putting his phone down and humming in thought.

“Hey, babe, look at me.”

He puts his book down and directs his eyes upwards, studying his boyfriend. “Yeah?”

“Marry me?”

Images of a beautiful woman in white flash through his mind. She’s smiling, walking down the aisle towards him. Sparkling, shining rings being exchanged, and a smile that could light up an entire city being directed at him as they take each others’ hands for the first time as husband and wife.

The images change, fading.

He sees that smile, still bright as ever, pasted on a pale face, growing weaker. She’s in a different kind of white gown now, but her eyes are on him just like last time. They’re shining with a different kind of tears now, and her face is obscured by tubes, instead of a veil.

When their fingers entwine, it isn’t a mark of a new beginning this time. It’s an ending, as their stories split apart.

He’s drawn back by the hand in his hair, his boyfriend’s patient face watching him. “Levi?”

“I’m here.”

“You’re here.”

“I- I want to.”

Matthew nods encouragingly. “But?”

“But I have to do something first.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurts.

The other man tilts his head. “What for?”

“I- I’m sorry I can’t- I can’t say yes right away. You deserve- I’m sorry.”

He leans down, kissing Levi’s forehead. “Don’t be. You don’t owe me anything, and I’m not upset.”

“I want to…” He takes a deep breath. “I want to do it now.”

“Want me to come with or no?”

“Drive me?”

“Sure thing.”

Both men get up, stretching. Matthew grabs the keys and tosses Levi’s jacket to him as they go out the door.

---

The drive isn’t long, but it’s quiet. Matthew parks, and squeezes his boyfriend’s hand. Levi shoots him a grateful smile and opens the car door. “I’ll be right back. Wait for me?”

“Always.”

He knows the path by heart at this point, taking his usual route with no rush.

It’s peaceful here.

When he arrives at the familiar stone, he stops.

“Hey.”

There’s no response, but he continues.

“I know I don’t visit you as much as I used to, but don’t worry, this isn’t…” He lets out a breath. “This is a good visit. Not a bad one.”

A bird flies above him, chirping some song to itself.

“When I lost you, I lost myself. I was in denial for a while, and even then I’d spend hours here with you. We had been together for so long, I forgot how to be apart. I figured it out eventually, but it still felt weird. Wrong, you know? The world just moved on, even without you living in it.

“And, well, I always said no one would ever replace you. That I’d never marry again. But I’ve realized that’s not what that is. Matthew - you remember him, right? I’ve told you about him - Matthew isn’t replacing you. That’s not how this works. It’s not about having one person that completes you forever, it’s about a person that you want by your side - for as long as you’ll have them.”

He takes a deep breath. “You can’t stand by my side anymore. And I still love you, but I have to move on. I think you’d be proud, actually, because I think I have moved on. Think about… thinking about you doesn’t feel so all-consuming anymore. It’s not weighing on me every waking moment. It took time, but I had patient people with me. Like Matthew.  I, um, I think you’d like Matthew. He’s certainly better at taking care of your plants than I am!” Levi laughs, bouncing on the heels of his feet. “They’re still around for the most part! All of them! Got their own spot in our new place.”

He stands in silence, watching the darkening sky as he gathers his thoughts.

“He asked me to marry him. Nothing special, nothing flashy, but that’s okay, because it feels right. And in case you couldn’t guess, I want to marry him. So much. But I didn’t want to say yes until I’d… told you, I guess. I wanted to, I don’t know, get your blessing? Give you a heads up? Something like that.” Levy studies his left hand, the familiar ring still resting on his finger. His right hand twists it back and forth fidgeting. “So, all this to say that I hope you’re okay with me doing this.”

With those words, he slips the wedding band off, looping it through a chain that he clasps around his neck. It begins to rain, the gentle drops of water trailing down his body and everything else in their path, breaking through the air and allowing him to breathe a little easier.

She’d always liked the rain.

He smiles down at the gravestone. “Thank you, Elizabeth. Thank you for being in my life, and for everything I learned because of you - both with and without you. I’m happy now, happier than I ever thought I could be when I lost you.” He laughs, the sound bubbling up out of his chest without his permission. “Love you, Lizzy. If you’re still around in any form, you’re invited to the wedding.”

Levi turns, walking back along the path feeling lighter and happier than he ever had been in this place. It seems brighter, somehow, despite the rain, and he can’t help but pick up his pace a little.

He sees Matthew waiting for him at the gate, umbrella in hand.

“I was about to come give you this!” He calls, motioning with the umbrella.

“Don’t need it. I’m done!” Levi smiles at him, rushing forward and hugging him tightly.

“You’re done?” Matthew’s free hand comes up to rest on his cheek, looking into his eyes.

“Yeah.” Levi holds Matthew’s face in both of his hands. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Marry me?”

He snorts. “No fair, I asked first!”

Levi smirks, leaning closer and looping his arms behind the other man’s neck. “Does that mean you’re going to say no?”

“No.” He kisses his nose. “It means I’m taking that as yes to my question.”

Levi shakes his head with a smile before leaning up and pressing a kiss to Matthew’s lips.