My Vamp Agenda

I wouldn’t have even thought about going if I hadn’t spent the last two years of my life deeply regretting one thing: not having been able to apologize to him.

I mean, okay, so it was a little ridiculous for a vampire to apologize to his prey for biting him when it was all too clear what my intention had been, so in no world could I imagine waltzing up to him now and saying, “Hey, it’s Dylan, remember me? I’m really sorry for outing the fact that I was a vampire right in front of you, and oh, forgot to mention that I definitely didn’t mean to use you as my snack. We cool?” 

Yeah, as if that’d go swell. 

I sighed and slumped lower in the seat of the taxi, watching the occasional party light illuminate the heavy drapes on the front windows of the mansion and feeling more than hearing the bass that made my seat tremble underneath my disconsolate body.

I sighed for the sixth time in a minute and sensed my taxi driver’s patience reach its limit. 

“Are you getting out, dude, or do you want me to push you out? I have other customers to get to, so make up your mind, man!”

I spared a glance at the man’s peeved expression in the rear-view mirror and stifled another sigh, almost content to just let my melancholy drag me under so I wouldn’t have to face anyone from my old high school class and, least of all, a certain someone from my homeroom class. 

Why, oh why, did I think it was a good idea to come to this reunion?

I held up a hand and splayed my fingers a little so that the glimmering letters of the card I gripped loosely peeked through, reflected in the dim light from the mansion and making the words “catch up” and “together” seem almost ghoulish in the murky gloom of the car. 

“Okay, fine,” I sighed and finally opened the door with limp, reluctant fingers. 

I slid outside the car as if I was walking to a funeral and not a reunion, and watched forlornly as the taxi peeled off the second my hand released the car door. Sighing again, I stood there for a moment in the bitter cold of October, slumped and defeated, wasting a few precious moments contemplating the woes of my life before I finally made up my mind. Half-heartedly tugging at the stifling collar of my tuxedo, I started up the driveway on feet weighed down by dread.

If Terence came tonight, he’d be able to sense my presence from a mile away. That is, if he hadn’t forgotten about me and inadvertently locked those bad memories in a safe somewhere the way a trauma victim willingly blanked out parts of their memory for their own sanity. While a part of me embraced that ideal full-heartedly in the way that a completely humiliated person welcomed death, there was an unrelenting side of me that felt unspeakable hurt at the notion that Terence would up and forget me just like that. Of course, I had no right to begrudge him of such a decision, not to mention it was a premise that’d simply be too convenient for someone with the bad luck of a mangled dog to ever hope for, so I didn’t waste my breath praying for a miracle. I was out of options, and out of time, and while every molecule of my being rebelled in the name of cowardice, my heart was set on apologizing one last time. 

Repulsive words from a repulsive vampire.

I swallowed my own self-loathing down a parched throat and rang the doorbell. 

This close to the house, I could feel my eardrums giving way to the thunderous bass that threatened to steal what remained of my hearing after nineteen years of hard rock. I had no idea how someone could even hear the doorbell over the racket, but it was only a few minutes before Darla pulled open the door.

The surprise that widened her eyes conveyed pure delight, and I felt a twinge of guilt that someone should see me and greet me with such enthusiasm, like they couldn’t care less that I was a vampire hiding among them. 

“DYLAN!!” Darla squealed, throwing her arms tight around me. 

I started to sigh but caught myself just in time to issue a meek and subdued, “Hi Darla.”

Darla laughed, finally letting me go long enough to grab my shoulders and pull me back to examine my face.

“Wow, Dylan, still as broodish as ever.”

I opened my mouth, unable to stop myself from saying, “Er, ‘broodish’ isn’t a—“

“Shush shush!” Darla cut in forcefully, her amusement making her eyes sparkle. “Come on, the party started like two hours ago!”

I glanced up at the night sky, envying the stars that floated freely behind the clouds and twinkled laughingly down at me. “Yeah, but—“

Whatever last-minute protest I had died in my throat when Darla grabbed my arm and yanked me inside.

The music was even louder inside, and every beat seemed to spike a stake through my heart with each shrill note. I held back a shudder and tried to keep my eyes on my feet, avoiding the strobing lights and the boisterous laughter and the hectic dancing. The faint wave of lightheadedness was starting to creep in along with a few foreboding white spots melting my vision around its edges, but I ignored it with a practiced ease that meant a few desperate swallows against an impossibly dry throat and pinching myself hard along the skin of my wrist until I felt the bruise blossom like a faint, welcoming ache. 

Keep it together, keep it together...

Darla didn’t let go of my dress sleeve until we reached the ballroom, where disco lights spun a kaleidoscopic array of lights along the gilded walls and people squashed together along every square inch of space. 

“Come on, Dylan, have some fun!” Darla shouted over the music, but I mutely shook my head and backed further out of her reach. She only made a few more attempts to get me to join her before finally rolling her eyes and melting back into the crowd. 

Without Darla as a distraction from my spiraling thoughts and my deep-rooted reservations, I had nowhere to turn to seek comfort from the way my heart pounded dizzyingly along every inch of my skin until I felt like my body would shake itself apart. My breaths grew shorter and faster, and I fought not to fall to my knees and yank my hair out and scream.

I was teetering on the edge of my sanity and ineffectually scrabbling at the panic squeezing my chest like a vice when someone clamped an arm around me and hauled me off through the jostling crowd to a side door. I barely had time to register the doors swinging shut behind us, muffling the sound of the dance floor, before my savior slammed me up against the wall. Hard. I could’ve sworn my shoulders broke the wall a bit from the murderous force my offender put behind his shove, but my indignant words died in my throat when I caught sight of eyes a dusky gold shimmering with barely-contained rage. 

I could’ve been wrong, but I thought it safe to assume that Terence remembered me, Terence hadn’t forgiven me, and Terence was about two seconds away from ripping my windpipe right out through my throat.

“Uh, hi, Terence!” I squeaked, my eyes darting every which way, instinctively looking for an escape route even as the sinking in my gut told me I was too late.

“Don’t even try it,” Terence ground out through teeth that seemed to be grinding his jaw into paste with the way he was practically snarling at me. Looking at him, I couldn’t believe my seventeen-year-old self thought he’d be ideal for my first-ever, live snack. I must’ve been delusional from hormone-driven hunger and naively drawn in by Terence’s nice act. You see, Terence was a sweetheart with his friends but an absolute monster to his enemies. And I’d made the mistake of calling myself his friend at some point. Maybe even his best friend. So what if I’d thought he’d accept me as a vampire? I’d been wrong, and I’d learned my lesson, and also? The way I’d broken the news to him by sinking my fangs into his neck probably hadn’t endeared me to him at all. 

I swallowed hard and slid my eyes away from Terence’s hateful gaze.

“I—”

Terence smacked my shoulders against the wall again, making me hiss a little in pain and shut up.

“I don’t care what you think you’re doing here, but I’m only going to say this once, and you’re going to listen, got it?” Terence’s voice started off as a furious hiss and ended on a growl that promised bloody things to come if I dared say no.

Luckily, some of my survival instincts were still left intact, so I gave a frantic nod. 

“I want you to stay away from here, Dylan. I don’t want you anywhere near my friends, you understand?”

Terence gave me a little shake as if he could bully his threats into reality, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hadn’t drunk since the first and last time I’d done it to him. He wouldn’t have believed me anyway, and I wouldn’t be able to get the sour taste out of my mouth that would’ve accompanied such words. Words that would’ve triggered my memory of the look of absolute fear and revulsion on Terence’s face that day. It was a memory I wanted to claw right out of my skull, if not for the fact that it served as a bitter reminder of the monster I was.

Instead of replying in so many words, I settled for a timid nod and tensed in preparation for a violent response that’d befit a victim meeting his estranged ex-best friend/bloodsucker-gone-rogue, but instead, Terence scanned my face with his searching gaze and frowned. For the briefest of moments, I caught the alarm flickering in his eyes before his expression shuttered and I caught myself trapped in the burning gold of accusing irises. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Terence spat, and I flinched at the sharpness in his voice.

“I’ll leave now,” I said in a tiny voice and tried to shrug his heavy hands off my shoulders. 

Terence tightened his grip on me, and I braced for another breath-stealing shove, but Terence just held me still and tried to catch my eye again. I desperately avoided eye contact until Terence groaned in frustration. 

“You’re infuriating, just tell me what’s wrong!”

This time Terence slammed me against the wall, but due to my heightened senses and spike of alarm at the hint of desperation in Terence’s voice, I could tell by the way his trembling fingers gripped me that he wasn’t actually trying to hurt me. I made the mistake of locking gazes with him though, and what I saw made my heart falter. Terence looked at me without hiding the fear that flickered like a dying flame within his gaze, and it made my chest tighten to paralyzing levels. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling my knees go weak as my strength gave out.

Terence opened his mouth, but I lost the battle with my nausea and slid down the wall to a heap, twisting the fabric of my slacks between stiff fingers like I could just strangle the burning sensation in my throat away by crushing my knees. 

“Hey. Hey. Hey! Dylan!”

Terence’s voice cut through the fog surrounding every painful breath like a knife slicing through butter. My eyes finally focused on worried eyes and a furrowed brow, like Terence wasn’t sure whether to punch me or throttle me and that indecision was killing him.

“Just...leave...” I managed to gasp out through numb lips, and I let my head hang back down so that my vision twisted between colors and darkness.

I’d gone too long without it, but it was all right. Through the thin fabric of my suit pocket, I could feel the delicate shape of a vial pressing into my skin. That’d be enough, that had to be enough, to end all of this. 

I sensed Terence squinting at me through the veil of my lanky locks of dark hair, then he abruptly straightened and disappeared around a corner. As soon as he was gone, I fumbled the vial out of my pocket with trembling fingers and eyed the pale lavender liquid sloshing around inside like a tempting drink.

Yeah, a tempting drink of doom. One I was willing to ingest. 

It took me several tries to pop the cork off, and not because I hesitated or had second thoughts. I’d never been this motivated before to do anything in my life, yet the fuzzy weakness in my limbs made it hard for me to focus on anything at all. Weakness was necessary for this to affect me at all, but for one frustrated moment, I wished it wasn’t because it just made each second last longer, and each second was a chance for things to go wrong. I doubted Terence would come back at all or in time, but I didn’t want anyone catching me. I needed this over, and I needed this now.

When the cork finally popped off, I wasted a single second watching dumbly as it tumbled softly to the ground and rolled away end over end. I barely had a chance to turn my attention back to my salvation when the next second turned violent. Something smashed the vial out of my hands and instinct made my body jerk up, ready to fight back, but the other person managed to take advantage of my weakened state to usurp my powers. He slammed me hard into the ground, pinning me there and ignoring my desperate cry for the thing I’d lost. My mind was awash with panic and lost opportunity, regret and guilt flooding my body with equally repulsive emotions, and I was a second away from turning my grief into rage before something cold and solid forced my mouth open and a heavenly scent flooded my nostrils. 

“No—” was all I managed to choke out, but Terence just pressed his knees harder across my chest and arms and forced me to gulp down the first swallow by holding my head still.

I fought back on the second swallow, but he simply covered the top half of my face with an arm and ordered me to “drink or suffocate, your choice.”

I hated the blood. I hated him. I hated myself. But I couldn’t deny the fact that its sweet and salty tang on my tongue flooded my veins with something lighter than air and warmer than flame. I felt more alive than I had in two years, and tears leaked unbidden from my eyes as I realized whose blood this must be. My suspicions were confirmed when Terence finally let me go and sat back, and I got a good look at the arms he now had hidden beneath a thick outer jacket that couldn’t quite conceal the peek of a bandage underneath. 

“Terence—” I choked, wanting to say sorry but knowing it wouldn’t be enough.

“Dylan,” Terence said, and the way he spoke made me finally drag my stare up to his face. 

Terence’s expression was calm and unruffled, as if having watched me down a whole glassful of blood was nothing bizarre. Terence’s eyes watched me unblinkingly, emotions flitting through the gold-brown of his irises too fast for me to follow or read.

“Did you really mean what you said?”

When I gave him a mute, befuddled look, Terence clarified.

“What you said in your letter. That you never did it again.”

I wasn’t floored so much by the fact that Terence asked about it, but by the fact that Terence had even read it. I’d sent that letter a year ago in the hopes of at least explaining some of the lies that made up who I was. Now knowing that Terence had read it, I wasn’t sure who was more delusional. Him, for believing a bloodsucker like me could have any honor or mercy to speak of, or me, for wanting to believe the sincerity in the way Terence asked me for the truth. 

“I—” I swallowed and tried again. “I didn’t lie,” I finally managed, a bit lamely, since that seemed to be a woefully inadequate truth for all the lies I’d subjected him to.

Terence was quiet for a long moment, and when he next spoke, his voice trembled with barely-concealed anger. 

“I want you to promise me something.”

Terence waited for my unhesitating nod before continuing. “I don’t want you to ever, ever, try to kill yourself again, you got that?”

I gaped at him, too stunned for words to enlighten my brain with the appropriate comeback. That was what he was worried about? I spluttered for a good minute while Terence continued to trap me with his earnest gaze.

There were things we still had to work out between us, things I should apologize for and things he should explain—namely where he’d hid his sanity and how to get it back—but for right now, I had my hands full dealing with the thought that Terence, of all people, had saved my life knowing who and what I was. And somehow, we were okay.