Discernment

"You can just stand over there, by the bed, that's perfect."

"By the bed?"

"You can start on the floor, if you want. Move up later."

"Okay. Like this?"

"Yeah, just kind of--this is your bed, you're coming home from work and you've done the nightly routine early, maybe your spouse is away."

"My wife."

"Your wife is away, maybe, and you miss her. That's good. We can start there. You're--I want you to be comfortable. Pretend the camera isn't here."

"This better?"

"You can even get inside the covers. They're clean."

"Right now?"

"If you want."

"Are you shooting all of this? I'm not even in the bed yet. Seems pretty mundane, honestly."

"Did you want me to?"

"I mean, you're the photographer."

"I'll start in a minute. I want you to be comfortable."

"Oh, I'm fine. The whole set is amazing, you guys really went all out. Where's this bed even from?"

"Germany. It's vintage. My grandmother's."

"I adore the sheets, this satin..."

"Oh, do that again with your hand. Yes, perfect. Try not to anticipate the flash."

"Jeez."

"We can have a few closed eye ones, I guess, could be interesting, no? ...Okay, one more...and..."

"..."

"You're stunning. Tilt your head--yes, perfect, hold that for just...Got it. Want to see?"

"Absolutely not. I never look at my film until the shoot is over. Keeps me out of my head."

"You're a thinker, huh?"

"Too much, sometimes. How's this?"

"Break your body a little more. Stretch the neck--there."

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

"How about this?"

"It's good. You're very communicative for a model."

"Thanks?"

"It's a good thing. I'm usually prying them open with a crowbar."

"Holy shit, dude."

"Figuratively."

"Still."

"Move your hair just a bit. Over the left ear, yeah, there. God, the light just loves your face."

"Mr. Fellowes, please--"

"And your lips especially. There's this angelic glisten to them."

"What do you think of monogamy, Mr. Fellowes?"

"You can call me Louis. I think it's overrated."

"Do you need to be so close?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You're breathing on me."

"No, about monogamy. I'm not married."

"Neither am I, I was just curious about your take. You're sticking with overrated?"

"I'll subscribe to it out of pure laziness, but yeah, it's overrated. Why isolate yourself, single yourselves out, when you could live like a pride of lions and just spread the responsibility further?"

"That's a less Mormonistic view than I was expecting from you."

"Mormonistic?"

"I made it up. Just now."

"..."

"Should I get under the covers now?"

"If you want. We have lots of light left."

"How big will these pictures be? Display-wise?"

"I'm thinking big. See-your-pores big. Chuck Close big."

"That's terribly exciting."

"Terribly. Move your right hand over just a bit."

"Keep the robe on?"

"If you want. Like I said, we have plenty of light."

"It's actually a little chilly in here, I'll keep it on."

"I can open the window."

"It won't disrupt you? Or the camera?"

"Not at all. In fact--here. Is that better?"

"Much. I'll keep the robe on for a few more shots, though."

"Fine. Can you yawn?"

"..."

"Beautiful. You look like--"

"No, don't tell me. I have to stay out of my head."

"..."

"You can ask. It's okay."

"No, just-- What's so bad in there?"

"You don't wanna know."

"It'll make for a great photo."

"My head?"

"If you talk about it, people can see it. They can understand it."

"But they can't change it."

"True. God, that was a good one."

"Stop it!"

"Sorry. Just trying to understand."

"I'm diverting you. Monogamy is overrated, we'll agree, and so then what about, you know, spinsterhood? What do they call a single old man? A bachelor?"

"That title expires around fifty, I think. Maybe generously sixty. After that you're just sad."

"A curmudgeon, then?"

"A hermit."

"Mmm. Too mystical."

"Maybe. I think being alone is a skill. It takes practice."

"It's dangerous."

"Right. Do that again, with your eyebrow, wow."

"My mom was alone a lot. It made me want to be surrounded by life."

"Grab the edge of that sheet, pull it--yeah, yeah, great. Wow."

"Maybe I got around the wrong people. For sure a couple of bad friends. Nothing graphic or violent, just..."

"Just to the left a smidge..."

"Just wrong."

"God."

"Kid stuff, pretty tame, but I remember it always felt wrong, and I don't know why I went along with it for as long as I did. It always felt like I was observing negative behavior and not participating in it, but I was right there the whole time. In it."

"Part of the problem. Could you--"

"This hand? I'll move it."

"When were you last honest with yourself, before now?"

"My God, no one's ever asked me that."

"Glad to be the first."

"You're sweet. Are you going to come back over here?"

"I'm keeping the light."

"I wasn't honest with myself for a long time before I turned thirty. So it's only been a couple years, you know--ha, ha--but it's been really beneficial. There's a fine line between radical honesty and just being an asshole. Call it discernment."

"It's situational awareness. Decency. Discernment's a good umbrella."

"That, yeah. Assessing and reacting accordingly, modulating always. It sounds boring when you say it like that, but it's very active."

"Takes practice. Know your audience, right?"

"Lots. Right, but some people can't learn that, honestly. Ha. Honestly."

"And those people go on to be CEOs and presidents."

"Jesus. And isn't that just the saddest part? They think they want that. They think existing in a tall building is a personality trait."

"I wonder why defenestration isn't a more common crime."

"Can I stand up?"

"On those legs? I should hope so."

"Don't make me laugh, this is a serious photo. I'm a serious girl."

"Don't go stoic, though. Relax your face a little."

"You're making me feel something."

"It made your face get all tight. It was interesting."

"It's shame, I think."

"What for?"

"Not being honest longer."

"You certainly look honest to me. You can just throw the robe wherever."

"God, that air feels good."