Harold

Okay, okay, here we go. You can do this Harold.

There, right over there. A nice guy, all alone walking down the street.

That's right, my dude... come a little closer... a littler closer...

*Woosh*

HA AH! I did it! Wooshed right through the sucker. He even shivered! This is getting easier. Well done Harold.

Okay, next target... what do we think..... there. Two kids... hmmm... do I want to spook kids? I mean I always enjoyed a good spooking... and it is Halloween....

Drat. Too far away anyway.

This whole not knowing how to move my body thing is really annoying. My body? My spirit? Essence? It's been a week and I don't even know what to call myself yet. Clearly I'm a ghost. I mean, I MUST be a ghost right?

I died... I'm sure I died. There was the whole cancer thing going on. I don't remember dying... but I know I was gonna die. Like, soon.

And I've been stuck on the sidewalk outside of this house for at least 1 full week now.

And no matter how loud I yell, or try to wriggle my "being" around... no one or thing sees me. They all just pass right through me. Woosh.

SO, I must be dead and a ghost.

And it's Halloween. Somehow I know that it's Halloween. Which.... must be important to dead things, specifically ghosts. Right? That's what living people always thought. That the veil or whatever was thin or lifted or... oh I don't know. I wasn't a weirdo into the occult or death or whatever.

HA. Guess they get the last laugh on that one. Me being an occult being or whatever now. Maybe If I had been a weirdo I'd know why I don't have any hands.

NO HANDS!

Casper had hands. Those Luigi Mansion ghosts, had hands. Patrick Swayze, had hands.

Patrick Swayze had a whole lot more than hands. HA

BUT no. I'm a mist. An armless, footless, headless....? Do I even have a head? I mean, I can see so I must have eyes... and arguably they would be on my face...?

Aaaand now my head hurts. Apparently ghosts can still get headaches from overthinking despite not having a brain.

This is all just too much. There should have been a rule book or something. That couple from Beetlejuice got a rule book. They also got their whole house, come to think of it. And bodies!

Either I got the shit end of the deal, or you really can't believe everything you see on tv.

*WOOSH*

Oh dang, totally did not see that girl coming right at me. OH! She turned around. I must be getting better at this whole haunting thing.

Clearly that is my mission now. On Halloween. To Haunt.

But why am I on THIS sidewalk? Of all the places in the world, I get stuck on this crappy sidewalk outside some random... wait...

...wait just a god damn minute.

That's the house I grew up in!

Why I'll be... dead! I'll be dead and outside my childhood home. 400 miles away from where I died.

That's odd, right? There has to be some standards and practices to this whole dying and becoming a ghost thing. A reason I am haunting my childhood home. I mean, no one I know even lives here anymore.

Oh

Oh no.

If I'm stuck here, and never figure out how to move...

How am I gonna haunt the crap out of Tom Stevens? That little stick-wad has a whole heap of haunting coming his way.

Okay Harold. Let's try this moving thing again.

Calm your breathing.... iiiiiiinnnnnnn...... ooouuuttttt.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my god what a fool I am.

BREATHING! OH boy I am a CAD!

Okay. Okay.

Calm.

Feel yourself.... *cough* ... I mean.... no I really mean to feel myself. I need to try and feel every part of my being. Normally I would wiggle my toes... but...I have no toes.

Maybe if I just try and wriggle the very bottom of myself. I know I'm not touching the ground... so I must be hovering above it... so if I focus really hard on my ending......

GAH!

This wold be a whole lot easier if I knew what I looked like. A frozen misty statue who can't even swivel his neck! If I even have a neck to swivel.

I wish I could see another ghost. Then I could have a good idea about what I look like. Not to mention all of the things I could ask! Maybe ghosts just are not meant to move. Maybe I will just hover here, in this spot, for all eternity. Casually wooshing through people and giving them a spook.

I wonder how many times I wooshed through a ghost when I was living. Every time I felt a slight chill on an otherwise nice day? The goosebumps that come unexplained?

Being a ghost is going to get really boring, isn't it.

Okay Harold. It's Halloween. Your first of many especially spooky days to come. Don't waste your first Halloween bumming yourself out about... dying.

Sure, you didn't want to die. Not that you had much to live for. Sarah was right, in the end.

"You're gonna die alone Harold, if you don't make amends."

Rotten sister.

She was the best. She would know what to do as a ghost. She always knew what to do. Practically raised me. I could use that right now. Not that I wish her dead. She has plenty to live for. Those stinking adorable kiddos. My nieces.

If I had tear ducts I bet I would cry a little right now.

I'm gonna miss those terrible little nieces of mine. Terribly wonderful little angels.

Fine. I'm dead and a ghost and I WILL figure out how to move mark my words other spirits and the man upstairs or... downstairs? Did my soul go somewhere... AM I just a soul now? Floating around?

I could really use a handbook.

Okay Harold. The sun is setting. The bewitching hour is upon us.

Ha. I've always wanted to say that.

Okay. Now the streets are starting to fill with families. Plenty of people will walk right through me to get to their candy. I just need to stay perfectly still.

HAHAHA. Oh Harold. It's a good thing I am so funny.

*WOOSH*

Yes! Another victim.

*WOOSH* *WOOSH* *WOOSH*

WOOOO WHOOOOOO I am a ghost and this is Halloweeeeeeen!!

HOLD up. Did I just fist bump the air?! Do I have a fist?!

I do! I have hands! It's a Halloween miracle!

I can wriggle side to side. And do the twist! Ee-YAH!

Maybe... I can throw myself forward. I won't fall... but the wriggling forward motion might propel me into a kind of... floating walk? Drift?

Okay. 1....2...3!

AH HA! I moved! Like, less than a foot but I moved!!

One more time....

YES! Another foot.

Let's see if I continue using that same effort I might be able to manage a continuous drift forward.

Slowly...slowly...

I'm doing it!! Look MA, no hands!!

Except I have hands now! And I can move!

Look out world, here I come. I don't know why, or what, or how, but I'm a ghost now and it's Halloween. Get ready to be wooshed!

This is going to be the best Halloween ever.