55 comments

Friendship Sad

This story contains themes or mentions of substance abuse.

Things I don’t like about Ina:

1.   She’s old.

2.   She smiles too much.

3.   She always tries to use coupons that have expired.

4.   She wears cheap, ugly clothes.

5.   She calls me “dearie.”


Things I like about Ina:

1.   She’s a sugar thief.

                                                         **************

Paige closed out her register, clocked out, and made her way to Antonio’s car in the supermarket parking lot. Of the five cars in the lot, three had been abandoned; her car was near Antonio’s ancient Mustang. He called his ride a classic. She called it a disaster on four wheels. Not that hers was any better. A fifteen-year-old Toyota Corolla that spent as much time on the side of the road as traveling on it didn’t inspire a lot of confidence in her personal transportation.

His car was warm inside, and the familiar haze of marijuana welcomed her. Antonio passed the blunt to Paige, and she took two deep drags before passing it back to him. Antonio took a hit, gesturing to the bus stop. The only other person on the property was waiting for a bus that wouldn’t come.

“Ina,” Antonio said in a guttural voice before releasing the heavy smoke in his lungs. He repressed a cough, but the action caused his eyes to water.

Paige gazed at the old woman sitting on the bus bench. Her coat was thin and old and terribly out of style. Cheap shoes. No scarf or gloves. But she sat there with a smile on her face. For some reason, this angered Paige.

“Dumbass bitch probably doesn’t even know the last bus left.”

“She isn’t so bad. Funny old bird, though,” Antonio said. He cranked up the heater in his car, for the night was colder than usual. An Arctic blast had swept through the region, dropping temperatures into single digits.

“She bought four things tonight and tried to use four coupons. Only one was valid.”

“Let me guess. The two dollars off for that horrid fruitcake,” Antonio said.

“Yep. Irritating as hell, having to scan the coupons and hear that Godawful beep. Then I have to tell her that the coupons are expired and watch her face get all sad. A second later, she’s wearing that shit-eating grin of hers again.”

“She steals sugar packets from the coffee bar.”

“That’s the only thing I like about her,” Paige said.

Five minutes later, Paige left Antonio to get in her own car. She watched Ina as her car warmed up, wondering how a person got to be like her. Paige vowed that she would kill herself before she got as old and stupid as Ina.

                                                          **************

Things I don’t like about Antonio:

1.   He thinks his car is great. It isn’t.

2.   He doesn’t dislike anyone.

3.   He’s always giving me dating advice. Not needed, thank you.

4.   He has better tats than me.


Things I like about Antonio:

1.   He’s gay, so he never hits on me.

2.   He shares his weed with me.

3.   He’s from Brazil. Exotic.

                                                          **************


Paige drank straight from the whiskey bottle when she got home. She took the bottle with her to the shower, sipping on it as the hot water cascaded down her back. She took it with her to bed, hoping to get gloriously drunk before midnight. Instead, she threw up before she could get to the toilet.

Cursing under her breath, Paige cleaned up her vomit and bemoaned the waste of whiskey. She also cursed Ina. The old woman wouldn’t let her sleep. As much as Paige didn’t care about anyone, she felt a twinge of guilt for leaving the old woman out in the cold.

Uttering more curses, Paige grabbed her car keys and went back to the supermarket where she worked, hoping that Ina was gone. She was. And then a curious thing happened. Paige drove around, looking for her.

Why she was doing this, she couldn’t say. She wondered about it herself., hypothesizing that the whiskey did a better job of making her crazy than usual. It was a ridiculous thing to do; the old lady could be anywhere.

Paige spotted her ten minutes later, trotting along the side of the road. She recognized Ina instantly; no one else would wear a coat that ugly. Paige pulled her car over and jumped out, half angry and half relieved. The crazy old woman didn’t seem the worse for wear.

“Get in,” Paige said. She opened the passenger door and waved Ina in impatiently. Ina grinned at Paige and got in. More curses under her breath.

“Where do you live?”

Paige skipped the niceties of conversation, mainly because she didn’t have it in her to be nice. Ina, for her part, continued grinning as she blew on her red, raw hands.

“Not a night fit for man nor beast, dearie,” Ina cackled.

“Address?”

“I reckon I missed the last bus, dearie. I don’t remember things like I used to, you see. My mamma used to be the – “

“Yes, yes. I’m sure the long nights flew by in your household. Just tell me where you live.”

After a few torturous minutes, Paige got Ina’s address out of her. She had a headache now, and Ina’s steadfast cheerfulness was causing the headache to worsen. Fortunately, Ina’s apartment was only four miles away, and there was no traffic. Paige sped through red lights and stop signs to get there. Ina didn’t seem to notice any of these infractions.

Just when Paige thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. She dropped Ina off at her doorstep, waiting for Ina to get inside so she could go back home and attempt some more whiskey therapy. Ina, however, couldn’t get her key in the lock, her hands too cold and stiff to perform this simple task.

Paige let out some more curses and rushed to the door, opening it and ushering Ina inside. Ina chattered away as she entered before turning on the light in the front room. Paige looked around and gasped.

It was cold. Terribly cold. And bare.

There was almost nothing in Ina’s small apartment. A rickety kitchen table. No refrigerator. No television. Two hardbacked chairs and a bookcase full of tattered paperbacks populated the living area. Paige sneaked into the bedroom, finding it just as barren. A cheap bed with a thin blanket adorning it. A small table served as her vanity. It had a hand mirror, generic lotion, and a brush on it. Her closet was almost bare, as was her restroom. Paige had been inside less than five minutes and she already wanted to stab herself in the eye with a blunt stick.

Ina had made some coffee and cut a slice of fruitcake for them. The coffee was more like hot brown water, but it did have sugar in it. Packets from the supermarket.

The fruitcake was inedible, but Ina seemed pleased with it. Paige stuffed her piece into her pocket. She gave it to some stray cats on her way out. The cats ate it, thereby impressing Paige with their digestive fortitude.

Paige drove home after this episode, thinking furiously about what she just witnessed. Ina, she was sure, would freeze to death in that dingy apartment. She had no food, no clothes, no entertainment save cheap paperbacks. The blanket on her bed was too thin to offer much warmth, and the bed itself seemed like it was ready to stop being a bed and start being firewood and trash.

Paige went to bed, still thinking about Ina. The whiskey bottle had no solutions for her.

                                                 **************

Things I hate about my job:

1.   Customers.

2.   Bosses.

3.   Co-workers.


Things I like about my job:

1.   Quitting time.

2.   Antonio, when he has weed.

                                                     **************

“What!” Antonio’s voice rose to a strident pitch with one word.

“Yeah, but don’t tell anyone. People might start to think I’m nice.”

Antonio stared at Paige through the smoke in his car. He cracked a window to let some of the fug out. The winter had passed, reluctantly, and the spring night, though chilly, wasn’t freezing.

“Three months? Really?”

“Well…yeah. Her place was horrible, Tone. Just horrible,” Paige said.

“Your place isn’t the Taj Mahal, dear.”

“Better than hers. Anyway, it works out. She pays me rent and she won’t freeze to death waiting for a bus that never comes.”

Antonio passed the joint to Paige and stared straight ahead. This was a lot of information to take in. Paige, being nice. Paige, smiling. Paige, not doing cocaine any longer. And now, Paige the sugar thief.

“I saw you taking a whole case of sugar packets.”

Paige nodded not daring to speak. She didn’t want to release the beautiful smoke in her lungs yet.

“You put them in your trunk. A whole damn case!”

“Yeah,” Paige said, exhaling at the same time, “I did.”

“What the fuck, Paige.”

Paige handed the joint back to Antonio, who proceeded to decimate what was left. He toyed with the idea of sparking another blunt up but decided against it. He had a date, and it wouldn’t do to be too high before meeting his new boyfriend tonight. That would come later, along with the nose candy.

“For Ina. She has a thing about sugar packets. I set out a few on the table and she hides ‘em away in her purse. Then, when she makes tea or coffee, she digs ‘em out. I think it’s great fun for her.”

“Man, she must have had a fucked up past to be the way she is.”

“Dude! You don’t know the half of it. She eats crackers with margarine for her lunch, and then a slice of fruitcake for dinner. At least, she used to. I make sure she eats better now.”

“You aren’t making your famous mushroom soup, are you?”

“Yep.”

“Not so famous, sweetie. You open a big can of that generic mushroom soup and add a few mushrooms to it.”

“And bread,” Paige said.

“Oh yeah. Toasted white bread cut into triangles. Classy.”

“She likes it.”

“Better than crackers and margarine, I suppose.”

“I taught her how to use the Keurig. Now we have decent coffee with that shit fruitcake she insists on eating.”

“I don’t get that. I’ve tasted it before, when old man Hawkins put it out in the break room as a ‘gift’ to us for all our hard work. Tastes like sweetened cardboard.”

“Something in her past, I think.”

“Something dreadful.”

Paige agreed, but not for the reason Antonio purported.

“The fruitcake is from the good part of her past. Something else happened, but she won’t talk about it.”

“Ah. You’ve been snooping.”

“Not really. Just trying to get her to open up about it a little. She clams up, gets all sad, then I hear her crying in bed at night. I don’t ask her anymore.”

“Must have been bad if the fruitcake is a good memory,” Antonio said.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

Paige did shut up, by leaving and slamming the car door. Antonio showed his displeasure with this by peeling out and spraying gravel over the vicinity. Both would be fine the next day, though. Friendship for these two needed a little friction to survive.

Fruitcake and coffee awaited Paige. She shuddered, but looked forward to it, a strange switch in her lifestyle, outlook, and philosophy on everything. The brave new world she found herself inhabiting came with lots of sugar packets, though.

                                                             **************

By summer, life for Ina and Paige had settled into a quiet, predictable routine. Not that Paige minded her new domesticity. She had grown ever fonder of Ina and her ways, but it still bothered her that Ina was the way she was. The woman simply persisted on seeing the sweetness in life and grabbing on to it, despite evidence that life had repeatedly kicked her in the teeth.

Paige was surprised at her own transformation. She still smoked weed, but only once or twice a week, with Antonio and his boyfriend. She rarely drank whiskey now, and her body thanked her profusely for it. Like Ina, she was learning not to let the past dictate her future.

Ina had learned to make sandwiches. It had been a struggle, teaching her the fine art of putting bread, cheese, lettuce, and tomato together between two pieces of toasted bread slathered with mashed avocado. Ina’s idea of a sandwich had fallen woefully short of the mark, but what could one expect from a woman who had regularly eaten crackers and margarine for lunch.

“These are some mighty fine sandwiches, dearie. Lordy! It’s a feast.”

Ina munched happily on half a sandwich, which was all she would ever eat, smiling that peculiar smile she had, the one that used to drive Paige crazy. She looked around the park, smiling at the children playing, the mothers ignoring the playing children, and the young couples ignoring everyone but themselves.

“Just a sandwich, Ina. Nothing special,” Paige said. She knew better, though. Anything substantial to eat was special to Ina. The old woman was putting on weight, slowly, and she had some color to her cheeks.

“You forgot the fruitcake, dearie. Oh my. I could run back – “

“No!” Paige said instantly and forcefully. “What I mean is, I brought some peach pie. It reminds me of home.”

Home for Paige had been something she never talked about, another thing she had in common with Ina. It hurt too much to think about, let alone voice to another person. She had left home at a young age, and she had dealt with her pain by making lists of things she didn’t like. And drugs. Lots of drugs.

She still couldn’t muster a continual smile as Ina did. Whatever inner strength allowed Ina to do so was missing in her. Paige marveled that someone as ill used in life as Ina had that sort of iron in their soul. And Ina liked her mushroom soup, so that was a bonus.

“That’s some good peach pie, dearie. I ain’t never had anything like it before.”

Paige gazed at Ina, feeling good about giving her something she never had, simultaneously feeling terribly sad that she was giving her something she never had. Ina was eating her pie and doing something that Paige found difficult to do: enjoying the moment. She was learning, though.

“Let’s go home,” Paige said.

Home. A new way to think of that word, for both women. Home is hope. Home is what you have if you’re lucky. Paige, for the first time in her life, felt lucky. Even when Ina forced her to have a slice of fruitcake when they got back to their apartment, Paige felt fortunate.

She ate her slice of fruitcake and smiled at Ina. It was that kind of day.

                                                       **************

Things I hate about life:

1.   The people you love don’t stay long enough.

2.   The people you hate always remain far too long.


Things I like about life:

1.   Crazy old ladies who steal sugar.

                                                             **************

 Winter arrived again, and just like the prior one, it roared in with a deadly fervor. Temperatures plummeted overnight, and swirls of snow portended what was to come.

“You gotta stop crying, dear. Bad for the complexion,” Antonio said. He handed a joint to Paige. She took it and puffed gently; her greediness for weed had abated greatly the past year. Most of her bad and destructive habits had faded away, thanks to a woman who had briefly graced her life.

“I miss her.”

Antonio nodded. He wasn’t without feeling in the matter. The few times he had met her, he felt like he was in the presence of a person who acted like a child but understood everything. Her glee with the humblest of things was enchanting, and it made Antonio feel like he should re-examine his life. He missed what Ina got.

“As do I, dear. The moving finger writes and all that. I think we have to move on. Funny, though. I feel different. After meeting her, I mean. Like maybe I don’t have it so bad.”

“She was happy with the cheapest, ugliest stuff. Everything was a gift to her. And she goes and dies on her birthday.”

“Hey, we had a great time. Fruitcake all around, super sweet tea with all those sugar packets.”

Paige nodded. She handed the joint back to Antonio. Two puffs was her limit now. She was becoming satisfied with less. Just like Ina.

“She asked me to sit with her a little while, in her bed. She talked and talked and talked, finally drifting off to sleep. That smile of hers was still on her face when she fell asleep. It was there in the morning too, when I found her. Cold and stiff and smiling.”

“I can’t imagine, dear. That’s rough.”

“I still have all those sugar packets I stole from work. I can’t bring myself to use them. Is that weird?”

“Oh yeah. But I get it. They belong to her.”

Paige smiled a wan smile and slipped out of Antonio’s car, making her way to her own decrepit vehicle. She didn’t tell Antonio that she was going home to have a piece of fruitcake and to read one of Ina’s cheap paperbacks.

She paused at the bus stop. No one was there, no one waiting for a bus that wouldn’t come. Paige got out of her car and sat on the bench, crying fully for the first time since the funeral. Fat, wet tears splashed on the pavement, turning to ice in a few minutes. She yelled at whatever forces allowed a sweet old woman who never had anything to die, just when she found a little happiness.

No one was around to hear her. Snow, falling like sugar crystals from the sky, kept her company.


September 21, 2023 10:15

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55 comments

Adrienne Ellis
18:43 Sep 28, 2023

Like I said, I loved this story. Suggestions: 1. Don't explain the lists. Let them speak for themselves because those lists are freaking fantastic. 2. Don't talk about having a rough past. Figure out a way to show that within her relationship with Ina. 3. Don't tell us about how living with Ina has resulted in her drinking less. Have her go to drink some whiskey and decide not to have it. Maybe have her refuse a hit off the joint, have Antonio say who girl, what? And have her say Eh I just don't feel it... 4. Have Ina do the talkin...

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Delbert Griffith
23:56 Sep 28, 2023

Thanks so much for loving my tale, as you stated earlier, and a special thank you for your suggestions. I have given them some thought. I will say that I agree with all of them, wholeheartedly, but I did run up against the 3k word count and the deadline. 1. Don't explain the lists is great advice. It fits with Paige's character as well. 2. Talking about her past seemed necessary, given the word count, but I can see ways to show her past without exposition. That's a good idea. 3. Had this tale been longer, I absolutely would have gone the ro...

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Adrienne Ellis
07:04 Sep 29, 2023

I really love Ina and Paige.

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Amanda Lieser
17:58 Nov 11, 2023

Hi Delbert! Oh my gosh I just have to tell you how much I adore the format of this piece! Of course, it’s a unique take with endless lists on life. But you kept it short and sweet, which kept it close to my heart. I’m a sucker for a story about pre-judgment and the pitfalls that it presents for us. I’m also very appreciative of the stories that talk about the lives of those who are older than us, so that we can learn a lesson or two along the way. I loved this take on the prompt and would absolutely love to see more adventures for these char...

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Delbert Griffith
01:10 Nov 12, 2023

Wow, thanks so much, Amanda. I, too, resonate with older characters, especially ones that have heart and courage, but show it without fanfare. Also, Ina is a hoot! Again, thanks so much for the kind words, my friend. They mean a lot to me. Cheers!

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Sherry Bazley
01:54 Oct 30, 2023

This is another really good one, Delbert. I appreciate very much how you took a subject that I've not often run into in fiction, poverty and greatness of soul, and you have written a story that touched my heart.

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Delbert Griffith
11:29 Oct 30, 2023

Wow, thanks so much, Sherry. I really appreciate your kind words and your commentary. They mean a lot to me. Poverty can destroy, but for some rare individuals, it can strengthen. Ina is one of those who rises above it all and finds joy in purloined sugar packets. I want to be like her in so many ways. Thanks again, my friend, for the insights. Cheers!

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Sherry Bazley
12:39 Oct 30, 2023

LOL. I want to be like her too. Thanks for the joy.

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Marty B
23:30 Sep 28, 2023

Good story! the foreshadowing of this line stood out to me- 'wondering how a person got to be like her. Paige vowed that she would kill herself before she got as old and stupid as Ina.' Of course Ina is stupid, but just focuses on the 'sweetness' of life, instead of the bitter. ( A good practice for all of us) The lists remind of Nick Hornby's book 'High Fidelity', clarifying a different way of looking at the world, just like Ina vs. Paige, quantity vs. quality. The last lines are fantastic- 'No one was around to hear her. Snow, falli...

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Delbert Griffith
23:59 Sep 28, 2023

Wow, thanks so much for the kind words, and for the insightful analysis of my little tale, Marty. I appreciate it. Yes, we all need to be a little more like Ina, and her understated way of looking at life in such a positive manner is inspiring. Even Paige feels it after spending time with the old woman. I'll have to read "High Fidelity." I like Hornsby, but I haven't read that one. I'm pleased that you liked the final lines. Truly. That means a lot, coming from you, my friend. Cheers!

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Adrienne Ellis
18:33 Sep 28, 2023

This is really good. It made me cry.

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Delbert Griffith
21:03 Sep 28, 2023

Thanks so much, Adrienne, for liking my tale. I'm pleased that the story was emotional enough to make you cry. Cheers!

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Nina H
12:18 Sep 24, 2023

This is such a beautiful story, Del. The perfect pair of sweet Ina and salty Paige, and how they both came out better for having been a part of each other’s lives. There’s magic in some of the life connections we make. You did such a great job of showing that magic here. As I read, knowing Ina was old, I kept saying “Don’t you kill her Del… don’t kill her…” but you did 😭 But you had to, and showed Paige’s humanity in her tears at the end. The end shows more growth for Paige. And now for my interpretation of the symbolic meaning of the frui...

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Delbert Griffith
13:51 Sep 24, 2023

Wow, thanks so much for the praise, Nina. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my little tale. Such sharp insights, too. You really got the fruitcake motif. It reminded Ina of happier times - perhaps the only happy times in her life. She clings to the little happiness life has offered her, and she does it stubbornly, with a smile. To me, Ina is the real hero of the tale. She has strength, courage, and fidelity to herself. She may be abjectly poor, and she may subsist on crackers and margarine, but she has her fruit...

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Nina H
14:25 Sep 24, 2023

My grandmother and I used to have tea and saltines with margarine when she was around. I didn’t know that was a thing with that generation 🥰 good memories.

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Delbert Griffith
15:02 Sep 24, 2023

LOLOL Well, it was a thing with my mother, so... Good memories indeed, Nina. Cheers!

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Beth Connor
02:35 Sep 24, 2023

Hi Del- wonderful story. I love how you capture people and moments (not just in this one, but across all your writing!)

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Delbert Griffith
08:54 Sep 24, 2023

Thanks so much, Beth. I appreciate the praise, and I will try to create more characters and moments that are memorable. Cheers!

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Joan Wright
21:54 Sep 23, 2023

Beautiful story. There's always someone worse off. I love how these two women each gave what they had to each other, and how they changed each other as they suffered together. Super touching! Your descriptions made me cold, high, hopeless, and loved. Great job!

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Delbert Griffith
00:09 Sep 24, 2023

Thanks so much, Joan, for the kind words and the comments. I'm pleased that it got to you in some way, for that's always my goal in writing these little tales. And, you really got what i was trying to say. Much appreciated, my friend. Cheers!

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Aeris Walker
20:01 Sep 23, 2023

I have a soft spot for little old ladies (real and/or fictional) and I just love the visual of this unassuming old woman stealing sugar packets from a grocery store. This unexpected friendship between Ina and Paige is truly what the world needs more of: a melding of the generations and people meeting the needs of others. I think there is some irony here in the themes of vices: for Paige, it's drugs and alcohol, and for sweet old Ina, it's sugar. Lol. These women couldn't be any more opposite, but they were able to build a family of sorts an...

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Delbert Griffith
00:06 Sep 24, 2023

Thanks so much, Aeris. I, too, have a soft spot for old ladies. I think it all started with Miss Marple. LOL The whole idea about Ina being a sugar thief was two-fold: she literally stole sugar packets, but she also stole what sweetness she could from a world that treated her badly. I know this tale is lacking cohesion; I just couldn't quite tighten it up. Ina will be a secondary character in my novel. The fruitcake and the sugar packets will be along for the ride. She will be the character that injects some humanity into her serial-killer...

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Aeris Walker
00:37 Sep 24, 2023

I love it! Best of luck with the novel writing :)

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Shirley Medhurst
14:52 Sep 23, 2023

I loved this story - so so very sad, tragic, poignant yet simultaneously uplifting as we witness the transformation in Paige, and potentially even Antonio too… Clever use of dialogue also, to « show rather than tell » many of Paige’s actions such as taking Ina in as her lodger. 👏 👏👏

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Delbert Griffith
15:47 Sep 23, 2023

Thanks so much, Shirley, for the kind words and for seeing the relevant theme in my little tale of redemption and gratitude. I'm glad you used the word "poignant," because that was what I intended. I hope you liked the fruitcake and sugar packets as well. LOL Again, thank you for your comments. Truly. Cheers!

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Livana Teagan
14:17 Sep 23, 2023

What a beautiful story about learning to carry one of the most important things we can carry in this life, no matter our circumstances, Gratitude.

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Delbert Griffith
14:19 Sep 23, 2023

Thanks so much, Danie. I really appreciate the kind words, and for taking the time to read and comment on my little tale. Yes, gratitude. We often dismiss it, but it's a treasure we should adorn more often. Cheers!

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Stevie Burges
07:47 Sep 23, 2023

what a lovely story. I was really praying that Paige would get out of the car and offer her a lift - so thanks for writing that Paige did find kindness and compassion within her that ended giving them both something quite delightful. Great writing, thoroughly enjoyed it.

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Delbert Griffith
10:09 Sep 23, 2023

Wow, thanks so much, Stevie. I appreciate the kind words and the comments on my little tale of salvation. Yes, both women needed something from the other. That Ina was the one giving more was the point of the matter. Old people have a lot to offer, still. Cheers!

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AnneMarie Miles
01:35 Sep 23, 2023

Poignancy again, Delbert! There is truly so much I want to say about this. Perhaps a list, as Paige might, without the likes and dislikes (because theyre all likes).: 1. Paige can't see the beauty in the fact that she gave Ina her own happily ever after. 2. Ina gave Paige her own sort of happy ending, by transforming her life, causing a growth she might not have experienced without Ina. 3. Paige's lists were a nice dynamic between each sections. Was a great way to develop Paige's character right from the start and throughout. 4.Similarly...

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Delbert Griffith
10:03 Sep 23, 2023

Thanks so much, AnnaMarie. I truly appreciate you reading my little tale, and I certainly appreciate the thoughtful and very insightful analysis. I meant for the title to convey more than just sugar packets. Ina "steals" sweetness from life, though life has been hard for her. Paige learned to "steal" happiness from a life that she saw as a constant battle. I don't think I was very successful in this respect. Ina will be a secondary character in my novel. The fruitcake and the sugar packets will go along for the ride. LOL The main character...

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Lily Finch
22:21 Sep 22, 2023

The intense scrutiny of one and the obliviousness of the other meet is what I see in this piece. The idea of two strangers affecting one another. Well done. I loved this one Del. One thing you may want to fix. She wondered about it herself., hypothesizing LF6

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Delbert Griffith
22:33 Sep 22, 2023

Ah, thanks, LF6. Yep, those typo and grammar gremlins sneak in when I'm away. Thanks so much. I'm pleased that you like this little tale, Lily. I think we all have a little Paige in us, and we all need a little more Ina in us. And Antonio? He needs to share his drugs! LOL Thanks again, my friend, for reading and commenting. Truly. Cheers!

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Hazel Ide
18:22 Sep 22, 2023

Wow! I loved this story Delbert! The characterization of all three was beautiful. Ina seemed like such a unique person and the growth for Paige throughout the story was so thoughtful. Really well written and interesting. Thank you for sharing!

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Delbert Griffith
18:43 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks so much, Hazel, for the kind words, and for liking my characters. Ina is indeed a unique person. I plan on using her in my novel, and I'm exploring her personality, trying to find one that fits the book. I want her to be as she is here, in many respects: happy, hopeful, and smiling, despite her abject poverty and her past. The fruitcake will feature prominently in the novel, as will the stealing of sugar packets. LOL Again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my little tale. I appreciate it, truly. Cheers!

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Hazel Ide
19:38 Sep 22, 2023

The fruitcake and the stealing of sugar packets. Such a small detail yet tells so much about a person!

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Delbert Griffith
19:42 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks, Hazel. You're very encouraging. Cheers!

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Susan Catucci
14:05 Sep 22, 2023

I wanted to comment before the chills wore off. This sweet tale was a journey of two souls. The younger one beats at everything with a stick while the older one wanders around in blissful ignorance/innocence/acceptance and, ultimately, gratitude. They say we meet people for a reason and it's not difficult to see why Paige needed an Ina. She chose Antonio because he's (1) safe and (2) can challenge her in ways she can deal with, whether with another hit or slamming the door behind her. Either way, she gets the message and I believe t...

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Delbert Griffith
15:23 Sep 22, 2023

Well, my friend, you are too kind with your praise. As per, you see the relevant in what I write, even if what I write isn't all that good. This tale was maddening for me, Susan. It just doesn't seem complete. For whatever reason, I couldn't tie it all together. No glue. The fruitcake/sugar packet motifs worked very hard to pull it together, but in the end, i think Antonio was a problem. I could never get him quite right. I have been experimenting, though. trying to be more emotive, learning from all the good writers here who do that (inc...

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Susan Catucci
16:39 Sep 22, 2023

Hahaha - we'll see. What I suggest though, strongly, is that you hold onto this one, keep it and revisit at some point. Antonio is vitally important to the dynamic of Ina's passing through and Paige's subsequent metamorphosis. He'll let you know at some point what he needs to fulfill that role (if that's what you choose for him.) There's a lot here, in other words. :)

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Michelle Oliver
05:26 Sep 22, 2023

This is such a lovely character piece. Paige grows and changes as a result of her interaction with Ina, and Ina changes too, in little ways, but essentially she is as she ever was, someone who did not let the life she had lived destroy her. A woman who “simply persisted on seeing the sweetness in life and grabbing on to it, despite evidence that life had repeatedly kicked her in the teeth.” A really beautiful tale of how two random individuals, seemingly from different universes, can bring out the best in one another.

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Delbert Griffith
09:34 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks so much, Michelle, for reading my little tale and commenting on it. The growth of Paige, brought on by Ina, was the crux of the piece. Ina will be a secondary character in my novel, so, yes, I'm resurrecting her! LOL This tale was more of an exploratory exercise. I need to understand Ina better and see where she fits in the novel, what role she'll play. She'll be a sharp - very sharp - contrast to the main character, but, like Paige, the MC will grow because of Ina's influence. Again, thanks for reading and commenting on this tale, ...

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Michelle Oliver
10:15 Sep 22, 2023

Sounds like a fun story. Would be interested in reading it based on these interesting characters.

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Delbert Griffith
10:22 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks, Michelle! So far, I have about twenty pages done, so maybe I should get off my a** and get busy with it. LOL Cheers!

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Michelle Oliver
10:49 Sep 22, 2023

Haha I’m hearing you. I have trilogy completed that I need to edit, and I just can’t seem to begin.

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Chris Campbell
04:30 Sep 22, 2023

Delbert, What a tear-jerker! It's a tale of growth, understanding, love, and humanity. A little old lady helping a young woman more lost than she, to blossom and realise that sometimes, the little things in life are the best. I'm still choking up as I write this. Wonderful piece, mate!

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Delbert Griffith
09:30 Sep 22, 2023

Thanks so much, Chris, for reading my little tale and for seeing the theme of it: appreciation of what's important in life. I'm planning on having Ina in my novel, so I'm exploring who and what she should be. As a secondary character, she can be an intriguing contrast to the MC. Yes, I'm bringing her back to life! LOL I'm so pleased you like this piece, my friend. Ina deserved a better life, but she brought sunshine to those who got to know her. Especially Paige. Cheers!

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Mary Bendickson
19:32 Sep 21, 2023

Open our eyes and 🙈 see the goodness in the mundane.

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Delbert Griffith
21:50 Sep 21, 2023

Well said, Mary. Well said indeed. Cheers!

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Rebecca Miles
16:19 Sep 21, 2023

Evening Del (at least my side of the water). Now Ina is more than a dreary Dearie isn't she; sometimes it's the people who seem most tangential to us (sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus) and most frustrating initially (coupons, cheap clothes, old cake) can be the ones that affect us the most substantially when we realise we'be only been viewing them through the prism of our own prejudices. When Paige lets Ina into her life and interacts with her, she is the one who transforms, and into a far nicer person. I enjoyed the lists as a struct...

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Delbert Griffith
21:49 Sep 21, 2023

Thank you so much, my friend, for the wonderful and insightful analysis of this little tale. You are truly remarkable in what you see. This tale was tough, and it still isn't right. There's something missing. Some glue to hold it all together, some theme to tie it all up. I know that it's scattered and disjointed. I wrote this more as a way to work on a character in my novel. Ina. As you so sharply stated, she's a tangential character that has a huge effect on the MC. I still don't have Ina quite right, but I'll keep working on her. She ha...

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