Behind My Skin

The Life Here

“I think, being the great engineer, altered my perspective. I see most things differently; I prefer to work on the structure before anything.”

“Thank God, I’m not one of your buildings,” I giggle and gulp in the red wine served before me. I’m on a date with my handsome George who always nags me about my background. I don’t get it, what’s the point of saying you love someone if you can’t love them alone with no knowledge of where they are from or who their families are.

Okay, maybe I’m just saying this because I have something to hide but what’s the point? I never asked him to tell me about his family, not that I have no clue about them or that I haven’t met them, but I never asked for it.

“Be honest with me,” he bites his lower lip hard as he leans forth on the table. “You’ll never let me in, right?”

“You are in,” I breathe a smile as I point to my chest with my index finger. “In, in my heart,” I elevate my eyebrows and widen my smile. “George, I love you. I don’t care where you are from, who you were with as long as you’re here with me and now,” I tilt to my left as I lick my lips wet.

“Six years,” he utters and I press my lips as I look around us. To the luxuriesly dressed tables that are decorated well, while the extra expensive customers are bantering about their business; some over dinner and some drinking. “We know each other for that long; we leave together, we have common... friends, we start pretty much everything together and just as your wish. I should meet your family long ago. You have as good as no friends, limited social interaction...”

“Are you saying, Kevin and Derek aren’t enough?” I shake my head. He has a point, I mean if I was someone with no secret it’s about time that he meets my family, parents. “They are my anchor, they built me brick by brick.”

“I’m not denying that, but I want to be there for you too. Know you the way they know you. I deserve to know your truth and lift your heavy weight up and or off your shoulders.”

“It’s different with them. Even though, I’m still struggling to fit in, they did amazing, by far,” I shrug as I think.

Derek and Kevin are husbands and best friend for me. After I moved to Seattle, they were the only real thing that had my back. They are the only one who knew the real me. I met, Kevin back in Chicago, not on preferable terms; I was trying to still his coat off his left hand and he was so disappointed, at first. When I realized that I was a bad thief I ran off and disappeared.

The next day Kevin claimed he was just walking around when we meet again. I thought he was going to get me arrested, attempted stilling, but he didn’t. He explained himself to me, his life that was filled with hunger and lose after he come clean about his sexuality to his extremist Christian families and was kicked out. He struggled quite a lot, until he managed to complete his education while working. He then met Derek who altered his entire life completely. He said that he saw the same hopelessness in my eyes, that he once hosted.

Kevin offered me help and I took it, but it was then he saw the real me, I wasn’t able to control the glow I thought I lost after I left home; after all, I wasn’t sure to be loved or get help because someone was simply kind. I thought I was stranded alone in a place filled with hate. He took me to his hotel and Derek wasn’t sure until he saw me. It might be the glowing or perhaps whatever they say they saw in my eyes. They trained me and helped to start life and it wasn’t long that I met George.

“Besides, I doubt if you have the strength to lift anything that’s mine,” I giggle and he sit back.

“Oh, trust me I see that,” he nods as he sips from his wine. “It’s clear you are strong, faster and over all different. I’m only hoping to know the source.”

“So, you are after my strength,” I laugh slowly, but enough to move my shoulders. “You do realize that, back where I came from, there is no shop for strength, right?”

“I know mothers have secret for everything.”

“Trust me,” I blow stream of air as I shake my head. “Mine don’t have any and if she has one, she hardly cracks,” a momentary silence takes over as he simply looks at me and I gulp one more glass of wine and he bites his lower lip as he thinks. “Believe me, who or what I am, my strength and everything about my true identity is behind my skin.”

"While we’re at it, what’s her name?” I arched my forehead at him with my lips pressed. “Oh, come on, it’s clear you took after her,” he presses a partial smile and I load my chest with air. “If not about her, then tell me something, anything about where you’re from.”

“I know, what you’re saying and I understand you. How can I tell you something I’m working hard to forget about? I’m trying to start a new life, to fit in these new customs?”

“You do realize it’s only hard to tell something you have forgotten, right?” he sits back and I load my chest with air gaspingly. “If you’re still struggling to fit in, it must be because you haven’t forgotten anything, nor let go of it. It’s good, we still can do something about it.”

“What if the truth is weird, odd... or too hard to swallow?”

“What if I like... love all those things?”

“What if I’m not from this world?”

“I don’t care if you’re from hell. I just want to know you, be closer than before, understand you and your background. I want to love you your way.”

“I love yours.”

“Please,” he holds my right-hand across the table with his left. “Try me,” he whispers.

I don’t know if this is right, but it’s really not like he would believe me if I start telling my story. I know this is going to sound crazy and both Kevin and Derek would vote against it, but I think I should try it.

“I’m from kirzrik; another dimension; a place as good as heaven; beautifully filled with magic. My parents are of the Kahil and Azrat blood line; two different power; light and worriers. I’m too different than any mixed bloods, I took on both my parents’ side and have my own power as well. I can heal, rise you from the dead, shine light and fight with full strength of Azrat’s fighting power. I run away from home, when I was eighteen, supposed to marry the queen’s brother. Great general and great worrier. I can’t use my power here on earth. I’m cursed not to and if I even accidentally use it, I’m to return home immediately. They think I can’t resist to use my power. See I managed this far, no matter how hard it was for me,” I nod as I complete my narration and bite my lower lip hard as I try to figure out his thoughts.

I can’t say what’s going on in his mind, but he is simply staring at me deadpan. He is exquisite and amazing; I think I like him too much to let him think I’m crazy. You know what I love him to lose him over this. I did wrong that I just told him, so wrong.

“Getting married?” he utters as he closes his eyes. I told him bunches of crazy things about myself but it seems like he is disturbed to hear the part I was supposed to be married.

My Reality

As a child, I grew up free spirit; a girl with freedom to speak her mind and heart out, quite stubborn, active and daring. I loved and still love doing things I’m told not to do.

Home was filled with magic; almost everything is as good as perfect, but we all know if there’s ‘almost’ in an explanation, there is something missing. But that ‘almost’ works for me and me alone.

I loved everything until I realize that it was redundancy and I was easily bored. I used to do quite a lot of things, magic, flying around, combat trainings with the boys, the horse riding, the running races... there was nothing I didn’t do; including helping my families, who worked for the palace as a help, I even befriend the princess to get a closer look to her life. Using my healing power, I also used to offer my service to the locals.

I turned eighteen and every doing started to turn serious in my life, it all became a job than something I used to enjoy. Princess Adaline, got engaged and with more responsibilities in her hands, we started to grow apart, as her life burden grew with each passing day. It was all becoming solemn and her uncle started showing interest in me.

kirzrik was more than home for me until I realize there is limit to having fun. I was quite spoiled and free as I mentioned, but the day Princess Adeline’s uncle send dowry to ask for my hand in marriage, my family, suddenly, decided to put fence up to my freedom. My entire family were happy that I was to be part of the royals, married to a great warrior who have slaughtered as many demons as possible, the princess was much more happier that I was to be closer to her like family than a friend and I was sad that I was about to lose my entire freedom just like that.

I didn’t even want to sit for a conversation with General Darol. The night my parent’s send out their approval to the palace I decided to run away and to Azgard. Earth or as we call it, Lintish, home of human, wasn’t in my mind.

The next day I hear that our wedding was to take place on ‘grishil Kabol nul,’ night of the blue moon, my birthday and three days after we got the news.

The new blue moon celebration night is to thank the gods for all the blessings of the past year’s harvest as well healing ability. The moon appears once in three year according to earth timing, but after four red moon nights according to time of kirzrik. We offer all sorts of foods and drinks and medical herbs to say our thanks as we dance, eat, drink and enjoy the night with all sorts of fairies joining us in kirzrik for that night.

Mom was happy my father lost his mind. They all agreed it’s perfect day since the night and the moon light matches my glowing shine. They were all eager to see me married and I was eager to see myself off and out of that dimension to Azgard, to find my freedom and happiness. I run away that very night, to escape the faith of marrying myself into the royals and into all those responsibilities. It was all happening so fast and I didn’t get any chance to plan it properly and I was caught by the royal guards and as punishment, I got stranded to earth on the choice of my family.

I lost Control

It’s hard to say he accepts it or that he believes me, but we anyways changed the topic and the night was back to its normality and we were talking about the future. After we’re done with our conversation over dinner, we decided that we visit the only family I have here for me.

It’s not like we planned on it, but, even though it is almost mid-night, George suddenly called Kevin and asked if it’s okay to join them. I think this is supposed to be an attempt to make me happy and for him, to help me drop the crazy story I just told him.

“You know I know wine,” he smiles to Kevin on the other side of the phone as he winks at me. “I’ll bring a bottle... park, really?... sort of but to say it would get me killed... she is staring at me now and shaking her head... I was insisting... thanks, you’re a life saver.” He hangs up the phone and widen his smile to me. I can guess what the conversation was about.

“Kev, can be protective of me,” I utter to him.

“Six year, but it feels like the first time meeting him,” he giggles. “They’re anyways waiting for us at the park, they say they’ll have blankets for us as well.”

“I thought the wine can worm us,” I giggle with him and we left the fancy restaurant for some family time.

***

It was a good idea to be here with Derek and Kevin. The night gets much younger with all the laughter and enjoyment. I love having them around and they make the visit worthy.

“God, I have hearing tomorrow,” Derek utters as he looks at his watch.

“Oh, that poor girl,” Kevin answers supporting him. “He really needs to rest; he needs all the energy he can get.” They start leading the way with us cuddling in a blue blanket behind them. “You love birds should crush at our place,” Kevin winks at me looking to us.

“Yes, your room is still not touched,” Derek utters standing and I press a smile to them happy to the way they think for me. They’re like my parent’s and the weird part is that they understand me well unlike the real ones.

“I’ll get the door,” Kevin takes the walk leading, though we are still standing. Crossing the asphalt to their apartment.

It all happens too fast and George and Derek are racing to Kevin who is just hit by a speeding car, that just commit hit and run. I’m standing in the blue blanket, hardly breathing and feeling like dying. I saw his body rolled under the car’s tires and as it left, it rolls over and over and stays still with no movement and sprawled on the cold asphalt and under the chill air of the night.

I love Kevin more than anyone in this world and I also love George. Derek is screaming and crying as my George is calling for help. I’m walking, taking extended steps towards them; I once again have a choice and this time around my choice is putting my life on earth on jeopardy.

George grabs me and hugs me tight and I do the same. I slowly kiss him on his right ear and he slowly lets me go as he looks at me frowning and astonished as well shocked. My entire skin is glowing as the wind is starting to grow stronger. The human skin I hide behind isn’t my choice any longer. I can’t simply lose Kevin, the one good thing I find on earth. He gave me life so my George can see me and become the meaning of it. I don’t want to choose between them, but I should.

“I love you, George,” I whisper to him and turn my attention to Kevin on the ground and in Derek’s arms who is crying the hardest.

“You... ca...” Derek can’t complete his words; I know he needs this as well.

I can hear Kevin’s weak heartbeat; I can tell and see everything about him is dying slowly. I can hear the distant sound of ambulance that is on its way, also miles away from us. I know by the time it arrives we will lose Kevin. I kneel down and holds him on his hand and I stay still transferring my energy to fix him. I wait until everything about him is fixed and normal and I stay still crying; happy that Kevin is safe and sad that I won’t stay to celebrate it with those I love.

“Why, why?” Kevin utters, waking up and as he holds me tight. I sob with him hugging. I take a moment and step away from him and stand still. He is still covered in blood, but he is healed well.

“What’s going on?” George asks, as he is looking at me in shock but with confirmation to what I was telling him. I for once wished to stay here to explain myself to him, make him understand.

I simply look at Kevin as if saying help him understand and he nods to me as he holds Derek tighter. Then I take time looking at them, one by one, as they are staring at me, but I can see they are seeing me fading away from their vision and I’m once again back home, just like that. Just when I start life.

I open my eyes and I’m right before my parent’s place. No tear or sadness can change what’s happening. My younger sister walks out and gasps as she runs back home and they all run out to welcome me. I keep sobbing pressing my belly tighter, yielding to the heartbreaking sadness I'm hosting in my heart and I’m sinking in, falling weak in my mother’s welcoming embrace.