A Black Rose

The morning sun was warm against my skin as I looked out the window, I had a nice view of the sun rising above the horizon. Almost all my friends had looked at me with much displeasure when they found out I usually woke up before dawn. Eric had even called me crazy, I didn't mind though.

Sighing I strode out of my room and went downstairs to make myself a nice breakfast; a simple cut up soft boiled egg on toast lightly seasoned with salt and pepper. I was careful not to be too loud as to not wake my roommates. I chose to eat in the living room once I was done.

After ten minutes I frowned at my cold egg, the knots in my stomach made it hard to have an appetite. Today I was going to my mother's to have Sunday brunch, Dad used to chastise me for eating before I came but stopped when he learned what time I woke up. My family usually got up around 10 or 11 and whenever I got there the food wouldn't be ready as they liked to cook it all as a group.

This time was different, two weeks ago I finally told them that I was transgender and bi. I chose to tell at the end of brunch, I left shortly after that. It had gotten very quiet and awkward since then. Only my brothers and dad still texted me. I skipped the last brunch succumbing to my anxiety. They didn't even try to contact me though, but this time Dad invited me.

I took another breath and chose not to eat, setting the plate down I decided to just work out and read after to try to get my mind off it for a while.

It worked for a little bit but the anxiety came back when 11:00a.m hit, I needed to be there by 11:30a.m so it wouldn't go on for too long. I was taking another shaky breath when my roommate Sarah grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Look, when you get there you need to keep your head high and stand up for yourself. If they don't respect you then Lily, you come right back here and we'll go get some Chinese or Indian, ok?" I smiled and nodded, she was a good friend. I needed to hang out with her more.

She took another breath with me and I grabbed my keys. Sarah gave me a warm smile and thumbs up when I walked out the door to my car.

With the unusual busy traffic, it took me a little longer to get to the house. When I did I couldn't get out of my car, I was shaking with anxiety as I tried to take another calming breath. I needed to go in there, I needed to see how they felt about it. After an embarrassing ten minutes of gripping the car wheel, I finally stepped out into the cool spring air and forced myself to walk up to the door.

Usually, I just strode right in but this wasn't a usual visit so I rang the doorbell and waited. It took a minute but it finally opened and I was greeted by my dad, "Son! You came," a second later he cringed, "Shit, sorry, you uh...I should probably call you...daughter now, right?" I sighed in relief and nodded not hiding my smile, the anxiety seemed to melt away when he motioned for me to come in.

Luis and Anthony were waiting, from their smiles I knew they accepted it, it was Luis who asked, "So, sister, what do I call you?"

I was slightly caught off guard but said, "Oh, you can call me Lily for now on and-"

"What is he doing here?" everyone's face seemed to fall when the cold voice of my mother interrupted me. We all turned to see her standing by the stairs glaring at me.

Dad frowned and glared right back, "Marion, he-" another cringe "-she is still our kid. She's allowed to be here, with her family."

Mother bristled at that, "He is no longer my child. I gave birth to a boy-" she flung her finger at me and snarled, "-You are not welcome here."

That launched my parents into a fight, with them yelling and screaming at each other my anxiety seemed to overtake me. I shakingly walked to the door which caused Mother to scream, "That's right you get out of my house you stupid-" Dad grabbed her before she could say anything more as I ran out the door with my brothers. She was still screaming at me when I got out of the driveway and raced home.

I was shaking so bad by the time I got there Luis grabbed me a blanket while Anthony got the tea. I could barely keep the tears in and collapsed in Luis's arms sobbing uncontrollably.

A few days later I received some very hurtful messages from my mother, little did I know that that was just the beginning.

It had been a year since my big announcement and I was done. Every day I would get horrible texts and voicemails from my mother. A few weeks later it was from my grandparents and soon after that half my family would either not talk to me or belittle me. My dad, brothers, and I still went to brunch at some restaurants but lately, we had been having them at my house.

After a year of torture, I decided it was time to end my relationship with the person who started it. As I drove to my childhood home I thought that maybe I was being too harsh but I tried, I really tried to teach and help them understand but no matter how hard I tried they still seemed to hate me.

I had told Dad was I was going to do so he was waiting at the door, Mother was sipping coffee and doing some work at the kitchen table when I walked in.

She gasped and stood up, knocking the chair down but before she could say anything I said, "I am here to talk."

"Yeah like the last time?" she snarled and I glared at her.

"Let me get to the point so I don't have to be here any longer than I want to," I took a deep breath, "I am cutting you out of my life. I am blocking your number and will not be coming over when you're around. I will not see you and you will not see me,"

Something like dread or fear crept in her eyes, "You can't do that, I'm your mother"

"You don't act like it," I snapped and for once she didn't have a snarky come back, "You have hurt me, really hurt me. If you bother me or relentlessly send more texts and messages I will get a restraining order." I had blocked her many times before but she seemed to just keep getting new numbers.

She opened her mouth and from the fire in her eyes, I knew it would end in yelling and screaming so I snarled, "Goodbye." and strode to the door. As I passed Dad he gave me a hug and from the smile, I knew he was proud. Mother chased after me, calling my deadname. She raced to my car and stood in front of the drivers' door.

"No, son we are going to talk about this, you-" she started but I just went to the passengers' side, unlocked it, got it, and quickly locked it again. I almost wanted to take a picture of her shocked face as I drove away and flipped her off.

As I drove home at a steady speed I took another breath, it seemed a weight had been lifted off my chest and I finally felt free.