The Question

Hey, I know this is probably coming out of nowhere, but I just really need to get something off of my chest. I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time now, I just haven’t been able to muster up enough courage to approach you about it. 

If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve liked you ever since the first day I saw you, freshman year. You were sitting in lunch with all of your friends talking and I thought something along the lines of, “what a bunch of vapid, stupid girls; I can hardly hear myself think over all their jabbering.” I know, I know, I was kind of a weirdo back then, but if we can’t look back at our past selves and laugh, what are memories for? What happened next changed my life forever. While I was immaturely brooding about how silly your friends seemed, through some act of fate our eyes met. Immediately my mind was wiped clean of my pubescent thoughts and I was captured, hook line and sinker, in your angelic beauty. Though our shared eye contact lasted only a few moments, it felt like eternity. Even when your gaze broke from mine, I was still transfixed by you. Your glistening hair, your cherry red lips, your perfectly shaped….you know. Everything about you was some level beyond perfect, and thus began my love (that’s right, I’m going there) for you. It soon became evident to me that what made you special extended far further than just your appearance; just listening to you talk gave me goosebumps. 

From that day forward, I made it my mission to seek you out, my heart jumped into my throat every time I turned the corner and saw you, and when you waved back to me I swear I swear I almost fainted. At first, I figured it was just a silly crush that I would get over, I’d been attracted to girls before, I know how these things go. However, even as time wore on, the feelings I had for you did not fade in the slightest, instead becoming exponentially deeper with every close encounter. 

I tried so many times, believe me, I’ve started writing this exact message dozens of times before, but could never bring myself to press that definitive “send” button. Something always held me back, maybe it was not wanting to ruin what we already had, maybe it was because of my fear of being rejected, or maybe, just maybe, I knew somewhere in my heart that you felt the same way, and I wasn’t ready to confront that reality. 

Even though we didn’t spend as much time together in real life as I would have liked, the internet is a wonderful place, and it allowed me to gaze upon your beauty for as long as my phone’s battery life lasted. I still remember checking your social media for new posts and pictures, and checking your snapchat story every night before I went to bed, allowing me to drift off with your figure burned into my mind. Full disclosure, I saved a lot of the pictures you posted in a special folder on my phone, sorry if that sounds creepy, but I had to have a way to look at you even if my connection was bad. Thinking of you became the only way I could make it through my day, and for that, I owe you my undying thanks.

Well, as the saying goes, time waits for no man, and you certainly did not wait for me. Not that I blame you, it would be ridiculously unfair of me to demand you hold off on dating while I build up the courage to tell you how I feel. I just wish you didn’t have to date such an unbearable asshole. I really have no idea what you saw in John, and when I found out you two hooked up, I was absolutely devastated. At first, I simply didn’t believe it, after all, why would you throw away our bond for this random dude? He obviously just wanted you for your body, and wasn’t interested in learning about what a truly special person you were. Every time I thought of you, I couldn’t help but think of him there with you, talking to you, touching you, sleeping next to your perfect body…..I couldn’t stand it. Looking back on it, I think you realized all of this as well, I could always tell when you were just acting happy to make others feel better. It makes me sick to my stomach to say this, but a part of me hated you for not breaking it off with him, I just didn’t understand what he had that I didn’t, save for a couple of STDs. I know I didn’t handle your relationship very well, I was immature and blind with passion and I really do want to apologize if my attitude had any adverse effects on your mental status at the time. I wanted to be happy for you, I really did, but I was just so consumed with jealousy that I couldn’t help myself, and I receded into absolute despair. 

That was, until I heard you broke it off with John, and my happiness bloomed once more. I was given a second chance at love, and this time I was not going to waste it. I was determined to tell you how I feel, I wasn’t going to let another opportunity at bliss slip through my fingers. Now, here I am, writing what has turned out to be basically a full blown essay about how much I want to go out with you, how much I want to hold you, how much I want to just….be near your body heat. 

Jessica, I know this is kind of a huge thing to spring on you all at once but, I really need to know, would you go out with me?

---------------------Message Sent------------------------

Notification: Text from: Jessica <3

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”