The Parade

March 21, 1974. The day in Port Townsend would be forever known to the locals as “The Shopping Cart Parade” day.

The chain of events kicked off as Leo Rauscher emerged from the IGA with his bag of groceries. The cool breeze leisurely wafting through the parking lot brought thoughts of cruising on his boat that afternoon.

“Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to meeee,” he crooned to himself softly while twirling the keys to his sleek new Jaguar XKE around his right index finger.

Stepping off the curb, he made his way across the parking lot towards his cherished dream car. A broad smile spread across his face as he drew closer to his prized possession. Perhaps a drive to Hurricane Ridge rather than a sail? Glancing upwards, he let the sun's warmth envelop him. It was decisively a top-down kind of day. 

Seagulls swooped overhead, and Leo watched as crows swooped in to hassle them, vying for control of this prime hunting territory. 

Leo's attention shifted to his left, where he noticed his elderly neighbor, Mrs. Crosby, cracking open the back window of her 1957 Ford Del Rio station wagon. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Crosby,” Leo hollered, elevating his voice to reach her weakening ears. Her pastel blue hair, fortified with a sturdy layer of hairspray, defiantly resisted the wind as she busied herself with loading groceries into the back, oblivious to Leo's greeting.

“GOOD MORNING, MRS. CROSBY!” he bellowed this time.

This time, his voice pierced through Mrs. Crosby's aging ears. “OH, oh good morning, young man.” Though she had been neighbors with the Rauscher family for over sixty years, his name eluded her memory, though she recognized his face from next door.

“LET ME HELP YOU WITH THOSE,” Leo offered, approaching her.

“Oh, thank you,” she responded gratefully, stepping back from the cart.

Leo momentarily set his own bag inside the cart, the fresh loaf of pumpernickel bread shifting to the side. He grabbed her bag of groceries, hoisted the paper bag out, slid it into the back, and nestled it snugly next to the inner wall of the car to prevent tipping—a five-minute drive home was no reason to risk catastrophe. Given Mrs. Crosby's penchant for a leisurely pace behind the wheel and her ninety years, perhaps someone should have reviewed her driver's license long ago.

Leo straightened up and pushed the cart away from her car.

“THANK YOU, Leo. You're a good boy,” Mrs. Crosby praised, reaching into her purse and withdrawing a flowery coin purse. She opened it, fetched a dime, and placed it in his palm.

Leo met her kindly, faded blue eyes and remarked, “WELL, THANK YOU, MRS. CROSBY,” tucking the dime safely into his pocket.

She patted him on the arm and headed to the front to settle herself inside.

Leo cautiously backed up the shopping cart across the parking lot, keeping his eyes on Mrs. Crosby at all times. Aside from the wobbly wheel, he could hear a distinct jangling sound.

Someone had hooked a bike security chain around the front of the cart and locked it in place.

Moving swiftly to the front of the cart, Leo grabbed the handle just as Mrs. Crosby maneuvered her car to line up for the drive home, three blocks straight ahead. As she reversed, Leo realized she wasn't stopping as expected.

"Mrs. Crosby! Mrs. Crosby! Wait, stop!" Leo cried out, but she continued slowly backing up, the cart jolting with a clank and a thud.

Without thinking, Leo seized the cart's handle as Mrs. Crosby shifted gears and drove forward. However, the bike chain lock had become wedged under the chrome bumper, causing the cart to move along with the car.

"Stop, Mrs. Crosby! For goodness' sake, stop!" Leo yelled, but his voice went unheard. Desperate to prevent the cart and his groceries from spilling onto the street, Leo attempted to dislodge the stuck cart.

His efforts were in vain. As Mrs. Crosby accelerated, Leo stumbled in large strides trying to keep pace. Realizing the imminent danger, he started to release his grip on the handle but the realization sat in that she was speeding up. Doing so would cause him to skid across the pavement. Instead 

Frantically, Leo grabbed the cart again, clutching the handle with all his might. Panicked, he hopped onto the back of the cart. Just like he did when he was a kid.. 

"Mrs. Crosby, please stoooopppp!!!"

His grip on the cart handle tightening as the car accelerated down "Boson" street. He bent his knees, feeling like he was skiing behind her, heart pounding with each passing moment. Praying fervently, Leo hoped he could make it through the last two blocks in one piece.

A sudden whoosh startled him as a black crow swooped by, landing in the cart with a thud. "Get out, you stupid bird!" Leo exclaimed, his voice tinged with panic. The crow hopped onto his bag of groceries, its sharp beak tearing through the paper bag to eye the loaf of special order pumpernickel.

Leo's hands ached from the strain, sweat beading on his forehead as his legs turned to jelly. He knew he had to hold on, his gaze narrowing at the thieving crow. "Oh, no you don't, bird! Get away from my bread!"

Leo's heart raced as he clung to the shopping cart tethered to the bumper of the car. His knuckles white, fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins in a strange mix of terror and dark amusement.

As they approached the final intersection, Leo gazed ahead at "Enterprise" Boulevard, a bustling street awaiting their chaotic intrusion. The car showed no signs of stopping at the stop sign, pushing Leo to the brink of sheer panic. With jaw clenched and eyes squinting, he fought to maintain his precarious hold, knowing one wrong move could spell his doom at any moment.

But just as Leo braced for the worst, fate twisted its cruel hand. Mrs. Crosby, the driver, obliviously sailed past the stop sign, hurtling into the crowded thoroughfare.

A glimmer of hope beckoned from the left, but Leo's gaze met the wide, frightened eyes of a woman in a Volkswagen Beetle to the right. Frozen mid-sip, a soda can trembled in her grasp as she lurched forward, the screech of the brakes echoing in the chaotic scene. Fizzy liquid sprayed in a frigid burst, adding to the pandemonium. The car stopping several yards from the cart.

Despite the peril, a flicker of dark amusement danced within Leo—a sense of the outrageousness of it all. Clutching the cart tighter, he murmured desperate prayers under his breath, his fingers straining. 

Meanwhile, the indifferent crow continued its feast on pumpernickel, ignorant of the impending calamity. 

Home, a sanctuary amidst the madness, loomed ahead, urging Leo onward. "Hold on, hold on," he urged himself, his voice charged with urgency. "Move aside, you blasted bird!" he growled, determined to salvage his dwindling groceries. 

Suddenly, Mr. Cromwell, the postman, appeared in his peripheral vision, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief as Leo swiftly maneuvered past.

Later, Mr. Cromwell attempted to recount the surreal scene to his bewildered colleagues. In his telling, a station wagon cruised by, towing a shopping cart with the Mr. Rauscher holding on for dear life, behind it. Inside the cart, a crow gleefully feasted on groceries, while in the wagon, a majestic black and white cat observed the chaos unfolding before him.

Leo's heart raced as he locked eyes with Snuggles in the open back window, silently urging him to retreat. With a mischievous glint, Snuggles shifted into stealth mode, poised for action. Eyes narrowed, ears flat, butt wiggling. In a swift, calculated move, Snuggles launched himself towards the startled crow, aiming to seize his prey.

However, fate had other plans as Mrs. Crosby accelerated slightly, propelling Snuggles over the crow. Startled, the crow fled, leaving Snuggles to careen into Leo's chest, and a pungent reminder on top of Leo's head to his passing. Claws bared, Snuggles involuntarily latched onto Leo's neck, sinking his talons into tender skin.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Leo's cry pierced the chaos, met with a plaintive “Meeeooooowwww” from Snuggles as the precarious situation intensified.

It took every ounce of Leo's self-preservation to keep his grip on the cart handle. The impending disaster loomed large, sending shivers down his spine and his heart racing. The sensation of dread was thick in the air, suffocating him with fear.

That's when salvation came. Mrs. Crosby slowed to a crawl and started to make the left turn into her driveway. Snuggles leapt off to the left to get himself out of danger, his fur standing on end in terror.

The left turn caused the chain to be released from the car, and the cart with Leo in tow headed towards the curb just in front of his house. When the side of the cart impacted the curb, his body tensed, anticipating the worst. Leo jumped from the cart, rolled, and landed softly in the grass right of way.

Leo sat frozen in place against the cool blades of grass..

By now Mrs. Crosby had exited her car and walked to the back. She looked over at Leo sitting in the grass, a combination of amusement and concern in her gaze.

“OH! You boys.” She waved her white-gloved hand in a dismissive manner. Then her eyes widened, a new realization dawning on her as she observed Leo.

“I don't recall Leo having a twin brother,” she said, her voice tinged with confusion and curiosity. Leo sat and took a deep breath, his body trembling with the aftermath of the near-miss.

As the adrenaline started to ebb away, he felt a mix of relief and disbelief. His limbs felt like lead, his whole body shaking with the intensity of the moment.

“OH! HEY!” Mrs. Crosby exclaimed, breaking the tension.

“YES?” Leo yelled back, his voice shaky.

Mrs. Crosby pointed to her head. “YOU HAVE SOME BIRD DOODY, JUST HERE,” she said pointing to the top of her head.

With a final smile, she headed towards her front door and disappeared inside, leaving Snuggles sitting at the door, a silent witness to the chaotic events that had unfolded.

Leo fell back onto the cool grass. 

“Happy Birthday to me.” and he closed his eyes.