Little Old Crazy Lady

I walked in the rain, as the old concrete crumbled under my feet. My boots began to fill to the top with cold water. I shivered, as I didn’t have an umbrella at the time. I stumbled across an elderly woman, rocking on her rocking chair, under the coverage of her porch. She took notice of me, shivering, soaked from the rain.

“Darling, you look miserable! Come in, I have some freshly baked cookies you could eat!” she grinned.

“Thanks, but no thank you, ma’am. I need to get home.” I replied and kept walking.

“Oh, please! Just until the rain stops,” she said. I guess I was quite miserable. How bad could this lady be? I finally agreed to let her shelter me. 

I stepped over the threshold into the house, to see fourteen other people, sitting at a long, wooden dining table. I looked at the lady in confusion.

“Take a seat,” she said and gestured towards the very last seat on the end of the table. I looked at all of the people sitting around the table. They looked confused too. I decided it wouldn’t hurt to sit down. The lady went over and locked the front door and hid the key in her coat pocket.

“Okay, let’s cut to the chase. There are fifteen of you here, yeah? One of you will come out of this house, alive. The others, however. The opposite. I hope you're competitive, because if you lose, you'll die.” she said, and even chuckled a bit. The fifteen of us looked at each other. Some were terrified, some angry, some ready to get up and get the hell out of here.

“First, rules. No talking, no sneezing, no coughing, no noise. Or you’ll die. Do whatever I say. Or die. Get it? You all came here in a certain order. Like one, two, three, and so on. That is your number and what you will be called. Let’s begin!” she smiled, ear to ear, “Get up and follow! Now!” she screamed. We all did as she said.

She led us through a dark hallway and into what looked like her own personal concert hall. 

“I like classical music, so in this game, you will be assigned an instrument, then run up and play the music or the sheet in front of you, for my pleasure. If I don’t like how someone plays, they die. Got it?” she said. We all nodded. I gulped. I didn’t know how to play any instruments on the stage. She began assigning instruments. One by one everyone walked up and got ready to play. Then, it was my turn.

“You, know. I’m in the mood for some singing. Fifteen, here are the lyrics.” She handed me a sheet of paper with the lyrics to Amazing Grace handwritten on it, “Go up to that microphone and sing for me.” 

I felt a wave of relief pass over my body. I have been a professional backup singer for years! I have even opened for some famous artists before! I wasn’t going to die! I got up on the stage and the lady’s command and sang.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind, but now I see.

I knew the rest of Amazing Grace by heart. I shut my eyes and kept on singing. At the very end, the lady looked at me and clapped.

“Fifteen, you won't be dying! You were my favorite. Which means, you will come to me, take this gun, and shoot three and fourteen in the head. They’re the ones playing flute and cello.” she said and gestured me over to her.

Well, fuck me. I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna kill anybody. She could get sent to jail. I wasn’t going to risk dying. This seemed so wrong, but I was going to do it anyway. I walked over to her and she handed me the gun. Holding back my fighting tears I walked up to three. He looked like he was in his thirties. I cocked the gun and put it to his head. He put his hands together and quietly whispered, “I love you, mama.” he said. I almost shed a tear. My hands trembled as I held the gun. I turned my head away as I put my finger on the trigger and pulled it. The man went tumbling to the ground. He immediately died. I stepped back and gasped. I was shocked. I had just killed a man. An innocent man who happened to cross paths with an old lady who invited him in for cookies and it turned into this. I felt sick to my stomach. Then I realized, I had to do it again. The lady clapped at me and cheered, “Again! Do it again, fifteen!”

Lord have mercy on me. I walked over to fourteen. Oh my god. She was a child. Maybe even five years old! She began to sob. She fell to the floor and cried for her mommy. Then I thought, maybe this was for the best. She would be traumatized for life, I should just put her out of her misery. I cocked the gun and shot her five times in the chest. I was walking back over to the old lady when I realized the horrible thing I had just done. Now some poor mother out there will never see her again. I handed her the gun and waited for my next command.

“Why such a fun game that was!” she chuckled and did a little skip, “Next, let’s play something artsy. I need a new self-portrait for my wall. So you all will have 15 minutes to paint me. If I don’t like it, well you know. By the end of this game, I want four of you left. So, one of you might just die, even if you have the best painting. Let’s get a move on!”

She led us out of the concert hall back through the dark hallway and into an art studio. This was starting to seem like a nice house. She led us each to a seat. When I sat down I felt like I was sitting on a bed of nails. Every time I moved the wood from the chair made a sound like nails on a chalkboard. We each had a canvas, three paints which were the primary colors, and one paintbrush.

“Ok, three, two, one! Paint me!” she screamed. I began to paint. I wasn’t an artistic genius, but I thought I could paint pretty well. As I frantically painted the canvas, I realized how mentally insane this lady was. I’ve been in the house for what, 10 minutes and I’m competing for my life and I’ve killed two people! All for this crazy lady’s pleasure. Gosh!

The more time went by, the more my painting started to look like shit. I mean it did! I almost laughed, but I wouldn’t dare make a sound. I was about to burst when the lady’s timer went off.

“Time’s up!” she said and slowly inspected each and everybody’s portraits. She went from one to two, to four, and so on. It was scary. When she came up to me she looked at the painting and smiled a great big smile. I was very confused.

“Fifteen! I love the abstract concept you used! This is my favorite! I wouldn’t say the best, but it’s really pretty. You win!” she said and clapped. I was astonished. I thought it was over. I thought I might die! I was really happy. I even smiled. The others looked at me angrily. I had won two rounds in a row. I actually might come out of this horror house alive!

“The contestants moving on are two, eight, fifteen, and four. Fifteen as our winner you get to, once again, kill everyone else!” she cheered and led us all to a huge pit of what looked like boiling water. Oh my. Was I going to push them into the water? That’s torture.

“Ok, if your number wasn’t called, you will step up to the board I have set right there, and fifteen, you will push them in!” she smiled so big and wide and began to clap, “One, please step up.”

One stepped onto the creaky board. She looked like she was around fifty. I was scared to do this. She looked like a very nice woman. I shouldn’t do this, but I had to. I stepped onto the board, shaking every step I took. I put my hands gently on her back, just about to push. She put her hands back and grabbed a hold of my wrists and pulled me in front of her and without a split second of hesitation she pushed me in. I felt the burn of the water taking over my body. I tried to push my way up to the top, but it was too weak. I heard the screaming of the lady one last time.

Then, I knew, it was the end.