Warning: sexaul content and assault.
The pain of leaving them.. Was the only suiting comfort I had.
If I had stayed, my principles would have been rotten smelling grapes.
Being born to that family was all i needed from them. A womb to bring me to life. Growing up with them..was the only hell I had ever known. Giving birth to a child means take respobsibility to the greatest level. Which means food,water,shelter,clothing,education,moral upbringing. But in a situation where you struggle to eat two square meals, to wear clothes what happens?
Thats how my family was. My parents were not done with food and shelter not even clothes talkless of moral values.
When I was a child, no one tought me right and wrong. I didnt even know God. Yet I was'nt even a street child.
I left because..what was the need of having an older brother who finds you to be his sexual mate. Yes. I can vividly remember one faithful day,
He came back from one of his travellings one day and we were all happy to welcome him. He smelled so good in his expensive perfume and looked rich in his expensive t-shirt and
trouser. With a beautiful Auto-mobile. I was so happy to see him that i fell into his arms refusing to let go. I gummed to him like chlymadonamas. He had to carry me to his room.. There he felt sexual urge and he fingered a sister that knew nothing. And slept off. I left and came back and so much liked what he did to me that I wanted more. I began to explore what he tought me. He woke up and seeing us in such position he pursued me away. But I kept going back to him.. And he took it in good terms..he would sleep with me and pour sperm on me. I was just tender. I would often struggle to sleep in his room with him for the sake of the sensation he made me feel. When he notices that everyone had gone to bed, he would wake me up. Pull off my underwear and begin to finger me. First it will be with one hand, then two, three and then slowly and then skyrocket it to faster. I would grab on him to suit my pain. He would then give up on hand and use the pennis. He made use of both my vagina and bottocks. He didn't think I was his sister nor remembered that I was little. When other brothers found out..they told me that it was bad. Made me promise that I would never sleep with him in his room again. While all this evil was going on..the mother who gave birth to me knew nothing. Maybe if we had told her..it would have been different
An older brother didnt even know his moral. If he wasn't taught is it his little sister that would be taught. The one who was exposed to sich at a little age. It turned out that it was in the blood
While I grew up, I only knew neighbours as friends. I would pay a visit to them in their house. One faithful day, the one I called a bestfriend said to me
' lets play a game' I agreed and behold..the game she tought me was to have sex with her younger ones. We were just children. Me and her were age mates of about four while the rest were younger. The funny thing was that she laid with her own brothers and told me to lay with my little sister. Of course I could'nt get anything out of it. When I got home, my father noticed that my little sister was weak and suspected that something like that happened but he never talked about it.
If our elders fail to teach us..want then will we learn. My family was hell. I was taught sex at such a tender age..
I was tought to steal. On another day..i went out with that my female friend.
"Lets go somewhere today.theres an old woman who lives by the road.we will stop at her place." she said
we left. Passed alot of houses to the old lady's lonely hut. We stopped by at her place to check on her but she wasn't around. She was roasting fish and my bestie stooped low to take some fish
" what are you doing?"
"taking some fish"
"you don't even know her."
"she's my friend. I know her.
I tought what she did was stealing since the old lady didn't give her. I also thought what we did was break in since she wasnt around. But how do I tell her when I don't even know
I grew up just like that.we all grew up just like that
One day ,an old woman came by. She was looking for a child to stay with her. She saw my second older brother and asked him:
"Will you stay with me"
" God forbid i do such"
only because she was old and did not come as a rich person. I saw her going and decided that I will stay with her
" I will stay with you'
everyone were shocked but I was angry at the way the treated an old lady who needed help. My mom was even more shocked but she and my daddy agreed to send me off with the lady after all, they need some one to train their kids for them since they can't. I lived with that old lady but continued with my immoral life. There so many men saw me and wanted me both stable and unstable, both mental and non insane. Both young and old. It was as I grew that I learnt right and wrong
They say blood is ticker than water but how can those who love you watch your life become impossible, unreasonable, problematic and do nothing about it?
I can only be greatful that I cut ties leaving with them. Though the ties is not of relationship that I cut off but of leaving with them. I think of what my life would be if I did not leave that day
On another day, while staying with that lady.she sent me on an errand
" Beauty!..come and buy bread for me.
I agreed. While being a little girl I dont think I've ever said 'No' to anyone.
I left and went for the bread. I came by the riverside, the short cut eceryone takes. While passing by, I saw a young man who was just coming out of the bush dressing his trouser.he shouted..
I was so scared that I couldnt run. I froze to the ground I stood. When I realised what was happening I attempted to run but it was too late.
Right there he raped a child 5yrs old. He was so brute that he didn't forget to sholve his large pennis into her mouth.
He was damn too wicked that he'd asked her '"do you like it?". She wanted to protest but he threathened her life..
" say you like it or I will kill you!". I was so scared that I did his beedings.
I dont remember what happened afterwards. If I told or didn't tell anyone. But surely speaking, there has been no justice for the injustice done unto me.
If strangers were thought values too, even today, men will not marry an underage child. They won't think of rape, molesting or sexaully assaulting any girl or male child.
One day, a middle aged man came by. looking for a maid. He saw me and asked if I would stay with him..I said yess. The truth is that I didn't hear what that man said. But I said yes to all.
I wanted to deny that I ever gave concent to all he said but then I remembered that i kept saying yes that day. I started leaving with them in another city far from the one I knew. From my parents and all I knew.
I faced trials and temptations and heard things that made me cry and sad but it was better than have no one to teach me morals and values and principles.
My mom didn't. Or maybe she did when it was already too late.
.When things had gone wrong. When her children had rottened. She couldn't teach us Godly values nor morals.
there was even a time when my brothers discovered hemosexualism abd carried it out on themselves. They even had it with that girl I called bestfriend.
That girl was so evil. She helped me to get rotten. Everyone was bad in that home. My father did'nt have time neither my mother.
I cant cut the tie of relationship I share with them. But surely, I can cut the tie of living with them. They thought me nothing.
but this new family thought me everything:
Right,Wrong, Fear of God, Moral Value, Principles, Decency, Discipline,how to Survive.
Sometimes, we find love in the hands of strangers.
sometimes the best way to survive is to leave from the hands of those who are blood related.
sometimes blood is not thicker than water. And I really believe that blood isn't thicker than water
I'm better..stronger..disciplined.. I'll say that I found true love in the hands of a family I knew nothing of. They have become my other family that I cherish most in the world. Sometimes the only way to realise you is to move away.
This is why i had to leave. My leaving was to cut tie of closeness with them since it had bad impact in my life.sometimes I can't help but imagine what I would have been if I'm still living with them.
Maybe a life of a whore.
I'm still fighting for myself. Learning how to say "No" to bad things. Still trying to get rid of the pains of the blood that flows in my vain.. Maybe, this is the part I agree that blood is thicker than water.
My oldest brother is late. maybe is saddening for some people. But I'm happy he is gone.
My dad is late..he was a nice man. just that the burden of trying to put food on the table took away the time he should have used to teach his children good values.
I pray my mother lives long enough to teach my younger ones better than the older ones that she let evil be part of them.
I pray my other siblings find good teachers in life to teach them values and morals they need to know
my mum didn't stab me in the back..but she betrayed me for not teaching me well. she made whores out of her children, lesbians and gays..maybe only for a short time..minutes or seconds.
Good values was what they lacked..may be now they know..but it sure took things out of each one of them.
I still love you all.
A letter from me to my mother. This is why I left. If I ever visit, it will be for an hour but not to stay.
I love you mother.