The Last Day

“NO!!! That doesn’t go there!!!”

I have heard this a million times, over and over again. Every party. Every event. Every ____ day!

When will this ever end! This is the most horrible party ever. Supposed to be the best, but sooooo boring. When will this night ever end!

“Jake? Go get my blue wig from the van, I will need it in an hour or so.” Bliss!!! Awesome!!! A break finally.

My name is Jake. I come from a use-to-be small town before joining the big black hole known as the GTA. Maybe you have heard of it? It used to be called Stoney Creek, now it’s a part of a bigger entity ~ Hamilton…oooooo, aka Steeltown. That’s about all for that name for now. We’ll get back to this part later on. First, I need to go back to those days of blissful innocence and yup, you guessed it ~ small town boredom.

Anyways, lazy summer days were spent walking and hiking around with friends; Line-ups at the Stoney Creek Dairy (yummy tiger tail best e-v-e-r, am I right peeps!). My mom used to open the door and shoo us out saying, “Come back for lunch!” or “Come back for dinner!” and away we went looking for friends. Easiest way to find them was to take our bikes and drive around the block. Whichever driveway had a pile of bikes is where the gang was! Easy, peasy.

On really hot days, we were allowed to have ‘friends’ over. I write that in quotes, because, even today as an adult, you automatically have ‘friends’ when you have a pool. No Pool? You have to be the one being the ‘friend’. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. There is always THAT ‘friend’ in everybody’s group. Same goes if you have a cottage or a really cool house with like a bowling alley or basketball court in it too!

So, one of THOSE ‘friends’ happens to be the biggest event planner in the GTA, and I’m not gonna lie, when I say the whole GTA, I mean the WHOLE GTA.

Sam was the best! She knew people. She went places. She did things. Oh boy, and when I say she did things, she – really - did - THINGS! You can’t even write them all down!! Not enough paper in the world. I don’t know if I have ever even seen her sit down, seriously! How you ask? Funny you should ask…Clowining! Yup, that’s right, you would never guess it, but it is sooooo true! She may dress like a million bucks and have 5 different cars including the latest lambo, but she’s a clown! Not like a class clown. Like a real Party Clown! She has 2, count’em One, Two Clowner Closets upstairs and a WHOLE BASEMENT downstairs of Clowner Gear! You want funny, pick from a hundred funny outfits. You want scarier than It? You got it! (lol, same word different meaning, see what I did there lol) You want hot for the adult crowd? You Got It!! Money no object? You really, really got it!!!

Enter, Us. The back-up Krew. I know, not spelled right, but that’s what she wanted us to be known as. Her Klown Krew - The KK. You might be thinking wt_? But you do what you gotta do to pay the rent and feed the kids right?

As the KK, we had to know about each closet, each corner, each nook and cranny and know what it was for. We have been trying to keep track of it all. Charts, sheets, drawings, maps, data bases, GPS – you name it we had it and still, somehow, something disappears. Every Friggin Time! And SHE KNOWS!! How the heck can she know? There are a million pieces at least in here. But she does. She knows where every single thing sits, hangs, flops, boxed is. When it’s not there, her sixth sense wakes us all up like the most wicked rooster in the morning, “Where’s my F*#$%^G Wig? You know the one!! The blue one with the thing and it’s supposed to be downstairs, left closet, on the middle shelf, 9 inches to the right of the other one that is similar to the wig I am looking for?

Enter, behind the scenes reality. Yell, yell, yell. Must have been her mantra for the day. EVERYDAY.

You may have figured out that we also live in this tiny home. With a pool. With a bowling alley. With a basketball court. We ARE the ‘friends’ in grown-up version.

Billy was a blond bimbo-male version. Yes, males can be bimbos too. From day one back in grade school he was the cutest of us all. The girls swooned over him ALL THE TIME. We used him to bring them into our little group. Then, by association, we all became cool. Smart thinking, right?

Some of the girls stayed in our group like G. She was super neat. Curly dirty blond hair. Built to protect. Got that from her dad for sure. Loves skull-candy and is a TRUE Virgo. Heart of gold, but still has some questions about life. After years of us bugging her, she now has a chain of X-Ray joints across Southern Ontario. GRL.

My little brother Ethan was the cool one. Smart, handsome, quick. Ethan knows something about everything. We nicknamed him Google. Google got the gang moving in all directions. He was the leader and the follower at the same time. He always thinks about the whole gang and nothing but the gang. Never leaves anybody behind. “All-for-one, One-for-all!” was his motto. He can coordinate anything anytime anywhere anyhow and with anybody. Another Virgo in the group. Need I say more lol.

Tommy, was a bit cruel. But life dealt him the coolest thing in the world. Tank 16000. Built tough, Tommy Tough! You piss him off, you better watch out, he just might accidentally run you over! Pancake city here we come! Syrup and all! Tommy has a wicked clothes-hanger move that will have you flip over 2 times not just once! Tommy and his tank engine wheelchair was either your friend or your enemy. No In-betweenners with Tommy. If you were his friend, you had his protection, and if that wasn’t enough, you also had the protection of his friends in high places. Let's call them his special 'Steeltown Angels'. He had connections with people who had offers you couldn’t refuse. If you were his enemy? Well, you probably already know enough about that from the previous sentence.

Back to the missing blue wig.

“Where’s my F*#$%^G Wig? You know the one!! The blue one with the thing and it’s supposed to be downstairs, left closet, on the middle shelf, 9 inches to the right of the other one that is similar to the wig I am looking for?”

Last night was super loooooonnnngggg. We didn’t get home until 4 in the morning. We each had our own vehicle so we could carry the gear back home. None of us arrived together. Nobody really knew who came home first or last.

The tv alarm went off. It is set to the news station. It started blaring ‘SPECIAL NEWS ALERT' that there was a murder at Swanson’s lake and the cops were all over the place. Why was this important? WE WERE THERE LAST NIGHT! Holy Crap! I jumped up and checked all the rooms… Tommy was missing? What? How?? Panic – SHRILL “Where’s my F*#$%^G Wig?” Geez, what was this about, what is going on? My head was spinning. My heart jumping beats. Cold sweat covering my body. I was supposed to team up with Tommy? Where is he? I’m just running from room to room calling out his name. Nobody waking up? What's the deal here? I turn and just about to run and “STOP” yelled Sam. I froze. Sam was covered in blood. Splattered from top to bottom. She screamed at the top off her lungs, “Oh My God, Jake, your covered in blood!” I yelled back "So Are You!!!” Then we both screamed, “ARRRRGHHH”, grabbed our own hair and ran in opposite directions.

“Jake!”

“Jake!”

“Jake!”

“Jaaaaaaaake!”

I felt my body shaking and then all of a sudden jumped to my feet. My Eyes were wide open, I was yelling “I didn’t do anything”. My heart was racing a mile a minute. Then I shook my head. Looked around.’

“TOMMY! YOU’RE ALIVE!!! I yelled.

“of course, man, what’s your problem man???” said Tommy.

“I, I didn’t do anything bruh, you gotta believe me!” I said.

Tommy replied, "I know you didn’t do anything!!! That’s the problem!!! You were supposed to get her wig an hour ago?? Where’s the Blue wig? Sam needs it now for the show!!!

I looked around and I realized I was in the van. My van. The KK Van.

I took the wig from my back pocket and gave it to Tommy to take to Sam.

That’s the last day I worked for Sam.