We'll Stay Here

'All of Me' by John Legend was playing on the loudspeakers. Couples pressed together while slowly moving, but all of them seemed to be staring at the two boys slow-dancing.

They were watching them like hawks. Gazes penetrating their backs, watching every step and every little touch the two boys shared. They could hear the whispers, could see the pointed and crooked fingers as kids sneered.

Logan and Roman kept dancing in their little corner. Even as the song faded to a quickly broken silence, they kept their eyes locked with delicate smiles. At least Roman kept looking at his dancing partner. Logan, on the other hand, couldn't resist looking at everyone else.

He could feel his own mind darkening just looking at the other students.

"Don't look at them, look at me, dear."

Logan's eyes snapped up, but he still couldn't focus, especially not on Roman. He could feel the air leaving his lungs, could feel a thick itch under his skin from prying eyes. Whispers of all kinds, right in his ears, flooding straight into his mind and shadowing every logical option he could think about.

His hands tightened around the fabric of Roman's suit, looking down as he willed himself to step back from his partner. Logan's hands were shaking, one twitching at his side as he turned to the gym doors. He nearly sprinted out of the room, Roman grabbing his hand but Logan ripped it away on instinct.

He could hear snickers and footsteps behind him. Laughs and sneers. Logan couldn't handle it. He ran to the bathrooms, turned around corners and passed kissing couples.

Why could straight couples make out in the hallways when two guys couldn't slow dance together? It was so stupid and infuriating. It's not like he asked to be like this; love is love so why do students have to be so incriminating?

Logan gripped his hair, shutting the stall door and sliding to the dirty ground with his back against the metal. He couldn't, wouldn't cry, and definitely not in the school's boy bathroom, on the floor, mind you.

Everything was overflowing, bunching up and screaming like rushing water down a slippery hill. It was like he was at the bottom of that hill, thoughts of resentment and sin racing over him and drowning him. It forced his body back, slamming him back against spikes of self-loathing, before pulling back up and repeating.

"Logan! Lo, open the door!"

The pounding of the door paired with the banging in his head. Roman's words were urgent, but he could barely hear them. Logan pressed his palms to his ears, foot-tapping as a nervous stim response.

"Logan, at least talk to me, dear. Even though the stall door, I need to know you're okay."

Roman's voice was softer this time, knees visible from under the door, accompanied with a soft knock against the metal. He must've leaned his head and palm against it. Logan could feel his sweet presence, but he still couldn't will himself to move from the floor.

Logan opened his mouth to speak, but panicked breathing escaped out instead. He nearly choked, forcing his hand against his mouth as he felt his tears slide down his cheeks.

"I... I'm s-sorry, Roman. I'm s-o sorry," he murmured, pulling his knees into his chest and tucking his head down as he tried to calm his breathing. He ran through breathing patterns in his head.

In for four seconds... hold for six seconds... then out for seven and repeat.

He could hear Roman's reassurances, he could feel the syllables washing over him, nearly counteracting the dashing stream. But some of that corrupted water pushed back anyways; he could feel the points of the shining spears, but Roman was there. Roman's words forced the spikes to contract, pulling back and disappearing into a deep and sullen corner of his mind. 

Logan could finally breathe, his chest no longer heavy, but he still couldn’t will himself to speak. It felt like he was nearly choking on his own emotions and tears, nearly being drowned by an even worse storm. 

“Logan, listen to me. Breathe, baby, breathe.” 

Roman’s hand slipped under the stall door and Logan’s hand shot down to grasp it. His partner slowly rolled the pads of his fingertips across the top of Logan’s knuckles, squeezing every time Logan’s breath would unnaturally hitch. 

“I’m here, baby. I’m here for you. Just talk whenever you can, okay Lo?” 

Logan felt himself nodding, shifting on the floor so he was facing the bathroom stall door. He pressed their knees together, needing another connection to Roman. And as if Roman knew this, he pressed his palm to Logan’s left thigh, letting his hand sit like a rock that held Logan’s kite-like mind down on Earth. 

“I… I’m sorry, Roman. I-I panicked and… and that never happens… but it-it finally did.” 

He could hear Roman’s sigh as Logan finally managed to force some words out of his barred throat. Roman didn’t speak, he let his partner sit in his own thoughts, squeezed his hand whenever deemed necessary, and let Logan speak when he was able to unclog his mouth.  

“I… I a-appreciate you m-more than you’ll ever… ever know, Ro. B-Believe me when I s… say, no amount of hate could stop me... from l-loving you.” 

This time, Roman’s breath flinched and Logan pulled his hand away so he could stand from the washroom floor. He unlocked the door and fell into Roman’s arms. 

They swayed and Roman’s hand found its way into Logan’s hair, breathing words of ease and solace right into Logan’s ear. 

The latter male could finally breathe. He was in his lover’s arms, wrapped in a blanket of safety that no hate-filled looks could penetrate. Logan pressed his head into Roman’s neck, keeping his arms around the boy’s shoulders. Roman allowed this, arms around Logan’s waist as he hummed into his lover’s ear. 

Logan loved his partner’s singing, loved the smooth drag of his voice when he belted. But the soft whisper and delicate hum that folded into his voice when they were intimate like this; Logan seemed to melt into his lover’s chest even more. 

“Are you alright, Lo? No more doubts, or panic?” 

The words that ran down the hallway still bounced around his head, but they had faded into a whisper. So, Logan shook his head in response, keeping his arms around Roman even though he knew his partner wanted to go back to the dance. Logan wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea, but he needed time alone so his mind could completely calm down. 

“I guess we’ll stay here then.”