A little chaos

The dawn tip-toed its way into the sky, fusing the inky blue with bursts of amber and gold. But I was not as smooth as the sunrise and marched rather unceremoniously up the mountainside. As I went, the sweet singing birds burst from their perch in the trees above and flew in search of someplace undisturbed. I didn’t spare them a second glance. Instead, as I wound through the trees, my eyes followed the sky. Where the faint glimmer of the moon still lingered, as if it couldn’t bear to give up the night to the sun’s fierce radiance.  

Before I reached the top of my trek, I stopped at a break in the forest where a small cliff face jutted from the mountain. Thinking of the alarm my parents would experience at my expense for standing so close to possible death, I found a small delight in striding over to sit so that my feet dangled over the crumbling edge. I peered over my knees and didn’t bother to restrain the howl that sang through me at the thrill of danger. Everyday risks now seemed so trivial when I knew that my own death had already been planned for me. 

Down below, I watched the low-lying fog snake between the roofs of the clustered village squatting in the valley below. My village. The one I’d spent summers climbing peach trees flush with fruit and winters building log forts in the snow. People would start to wake soon and with that came the preparations for Summer Solstice. The men would gather armfuls of wood and set them smoldering in preparation for the grand bonfires this evening. The women would braid their hair, don their cotton shifts and scrub the sin from their body with rosemary and salt. And I would die. All for the Summer Solstice and securing another abundant and fertile year ahead. 

This yearly routine had been our village tradition for as long as anyone could remember. The mountain that I now sat upon housed the temperamental volcano responsible for our small valley in the first place. Legend had it that Helios, God of the Sun grew angry that the people of this land did not pay him enough respect and so provoked the volcano to spill the Earth’s core onto them as a consequence. Now every year we sacrificed one of our own, the first girl to reach womanhood that season, to appease the capricious God and keep our lands safe.

Anger sparked deep inside my chest and I grabbed the nearest rock beside me to fling towards the village I had called home my entire life. The stone fell short but I still felt a slight sense of satisfaction that helped to douse the anger, if only a fraction of it.  

“How can they murder an innocent person, one of our own, for some God of the sun whom we’ve never even seen? It’s…barbaric!” So far away from the village, I felt comfortable expressing my anger out loud. After all, even the birds had left me. 

However, when I wrapped my fingers around another rock and I twisted my arm back to take aim, a voice answered my unintentional question. 

“Because they are scared. And mortals tend to do foolish things when they are scared.” 

Dropping the stone like it had burnt a hole in my hand, I whipped around to face the owner of the voice. 

Emerging from the shadows, stalked a barefoot woman clothed in little more than strips of star speckled silk. Her skin gleamed though it was darker than the shadows between stars, and her shock of bone white hair tumbled in dozens of braids down her back. The forest around us seemed to go completely still and I realised, as my ears filled with the thudding sound of my own heart, that I was frightened. 

Despite my fear, I got to my feet, squared my shoulders and asked, “Who are you?” 

The woman chuckled at the caution wobbling my words but the sound held an edge of bitterness to it. It was then that I noticed her eyes glowed silver. True fear now sloshed like a bucket of icy water down my spine. 

“Luckily for you, I am not as proud as my brother and will not take offence that you do not recognise  with whom you are in the divine presence of.” 

All the breath in my lungs vanished and my knees grew weak. Immediately, I sunk to the dirt, gritting my teeth as sharp slivers of stone bit into my knee caps. 

“Forgive me, Selene, Goddess of the moon. I did not…I should have known.” Bowing my head, I cursed my brash ignorance. 

“Stand, child. You are of no use to me face-down and knelt in the dirt.”

I prickled at her command but rose, schooling my face into careful neutrality. 

“My apologies but I fear that I will be of little use to you for much longer. I am destined to die at the Solstice this evening.”

Selene smirked and I straightened on instinct when she stepped closer towards me. Her silver eyes bore into mine but I dared not look away even as she stood inches from my face.

Bringing her lips close to my ear, she murmured, “What are you more afraid of? A Goddess of the moon or your own death?” Her breath across my cheek felt colder than a midnight breeze and she seemed to enjoy my involuntary shiver.

I remained frozen as Selene circled me as a wolf did its prey. Her thin fingers trailed my collarbone as she went. 

“I grow tired of being the Goddess in shadow. I long to claim the same respect my brother hardly deserves.” She raised a pale eyebrow. “Do I order young men to sacrifice themselves or threaten to send wolves to your doorstep, or cause tidal waves to flood your small valley? I think not. Yet where is my reverence? My moonstone alters and heartfelt offerings?” 

The temptation to raise my head as Selene’s voice heated like molten silver was astounding but I forced my head low.

“Your people have long forgotten my quiet nightly presence in favour of my brother’s bold brilliance. It is time, daughter of the earth, to remind them of the night’s hidden strength. So I offer you a chance to…cause a little chaos. One that will also save your life.” 

Unable to hold myself back this time, my gaze snapped up to meet hers. Selene’s eyes glowed unearthly with their silver hue. Initially, I could not open my mouth fast enough to accept, hearing my mother’s placating voice in my ear not to do anything to anger the Gods. But something inside me warned that this Goddess respected more than grovelling gratitude. So I leashed my tongue and instead said, “What kind of chaos?”

Selene smiled, baring the pearly wolf-like points of her incisors. “You’ll see.” 

My heart dropped, echoing in my ears like a rock dropped in a well. I would not die tonight. This Goddess was offering me a chance to actually live. 

I tried to make the next words leaving my mouth sound confident and composed but instead my voice came out husky, drunken almost, on the miraculous hope I was being offered. Especially since she grinned with a confidence suggesting she already knew what my answer would be. 

“What do I need to do?”

By the time I descended the mountainside, on shaky feet I walked in to find the village already in full festive preparation. People randomly came up and kissed my hands, smudged holy ash on my brow and whispered protective prayers on my behalf. I would have been touched, if I had not known their acts of service and gratitude were based on the fact that I would be the one to die tonight. As if I had a choice in the matter.

I smiled, the action hollow, and promised myself that this would all be worth it. This would work. I just had to stall the ceremony long enough to allow the moon to breach the setting sky and give Selene’s power time to hold sway against her brother, Helios’. 

For the duration of the longest day in the year, my every flaw was attended to. I tried to sit still for the most part but my mother’s sharp tugging as she tamed my hair into braids ached along my skull and I longed to scratch it. In fact, it took all of my energy simply to reign in my anxiety over the dangerous uncertainty of my situation. 

What if Selene intervenes too late? What if she’s playing a game with me so that when I fall, I truly do succumb to the volcanic flames?

But I could do nothing to calm these thoughts except wait and pray that I had placed my faith in the right God. 

The day wore on slowly and it wasn’t until late in the afternoon the sun decided to descend from it’s mighty perch in the sky and meet us humans down on the earth, that the ceremony truly begun. 

The mountainside came alive as we trekked. Torches illuminated our path and incense swirled in amongst the forest foliage. My ears ached as the pounding drums reverberated so loud that I was sure Helios heard them up in the blush coloured clouds of his setting sky.  

As we made our way up, I searched the faces of those around me, some small part of my heart still hoping they’d change their minds and tomorrow Selene and the sacrifice would be only a fever dream. But when I dragged my feet, claiming fatigue as we walked, two mothers broke from their line to prop me up between them. 

This was no fever dream. 

Traces of guilt drifted across their faces every now and then but sheer will to live set their mouths in firm lines. They had justified the death of one was worth the salvation of them all. 

Grim acceptance hit me in the face like a wet cloth, dousing my nerves into an ice cold stillness. 

So be it. Let them have the chaos that awaits them. 

We soon reached the bare cliff space just prior to the volcano’s lip. Exactly where I had met Selene earlier this morning. A shiver of anticipation scuttled down my spine at the memory. I exhaled a shaky breath, even as I was led on by eager hands. 

I will not die tonight. I will not die tonight. I repeated like a mantra inside my head. 

But as soon as the mouth of the volcano came into view, breathing out a plume of charcoal soot into the air, all of the self-control I thought I had, vanished. 

My kneecaps melted, already predicting the intensity of the heat I was about to experience. 

“Be strong, dear. You…you can do this.” A familiar voice murmured into the soft shell of my ear. 

I turned to face my mother. Tears stained her ruddy cheeks but I was confident that pride glimmered in her eyes. Disgust made my stomach churn and I used that to fuel my anger. After all, mortals did foolish things when they were scared. And anger made me strong, hardened me into something that could hurt instead of being hurt. 

Not sparing my mother another glance, I shook off the women who had supported me and strode towards the volcano’s rim. The heat intensified until even the air inside my lungs felt scorched. Spinning on my heel, I pivoted so that my back faced the flames. Smoke now blurred their faces but I watched as my village formed a crowd around me. Two men, the blacksmith and son, stepped forward but I raised my palm in a silent gesture for them to stop. 

If I was going to my death, then I would walk that path alone and with my head held high.  

Scanning the crowd, I thought I saw a flash of bone white hair but when I blinked it was gone and I begun to worry the smoke was causing me to hallucinate. At my sides, I balled my hands into fists to keep them from shaking and turned around to face the volcano once more. 

This is it. Where is Selene?  

I felt the weight of a whole village worth of eyes drilling into my back as I tried to take another step. But fear had taken control now and my entire body shuddered, refusing to cooperate. Tears sprung along my eyes but evaporated before they had the chance to touch my cheeks. 

Am I really going to die?

That was when I heard it. Howls that split through the smoke and triggered a few women behind me to scream. The hairs on the back of my neck hackled as all of a sudden the world went dark. Tipping my head back to the sky, my jaw dropped as the moon completely blotted out the sun. Cackles of laughter rang out in the unnatural night and sent my heart cowering behind the bars of my ribcage. 

Then a voice somehow laced with both stardust and nightmares breathed against the exposed back of my neck, “Time for a little…chaos.”