You Said Loved Me all the Way to Space
9th of September 2019
I can’t stop thinking about yesterday, and the secret you told me. I know you meant it, I saw the way your eyes lit up, and you always tell the truth when you do that. What was going through your head, when you admitted it to me? Were you nervous? I bet on our nine-year friendship that you were. Your words continue to run through my head, much like your grandfather’s gramophone. It made my day, you know? I’m sure it would make any person’s day, maybe even someone’s week, if it was going horribly. Which mine wasn’t… if you were wondering. That’s because I spend every day with you. If you notice I’m not being myself, it’s because of you, Ty. My head is in the clouds and you’ve flipped my life around, in a good way, don’t worry. You and your sweet words that made my day. “I love you, Cyn. From Earth, all the way to the end of space.”
12th of September 2019
It’s your best friend, Jacinta, again. I’m not exactly sure why I decided to write these letters, it’s not like you’re going to read them, but oh well. I would like to send a formal complaint to the manager of that dock we went to today. And also to you, what happened today was not funny. I fell through the pier, thanks to the dodgy wooden boards, and into the ice-cold water. Do you know what was funny though? When you offered your hand to help me out and I pulled you into the water instead. You deserved it, Ty. Besides, seeing your smile was what mattered most, the too-big-for-your-face smile, my favourite one. By the way, your words from four days ago are still playing on loop. However, I have a second place incoming. The words you said to me today when we hopped out of the water and walked along the road. “Cyn, you’re a real pain sometimes, but you know what? You’re MY pain, and I like it that way. Otherwise, I would be missing out on you. The real you.”
20th September 2019
Wow, Ty. Just wow.
We went on our first date today. And even though you said it was rushed and you apologised a million times, I loved every minute of it. Especially when we ate each other’s ice cream. Personal opinion, but mint chocolate will ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS, will be better than plain chocolate. It’s the sad truth I’m afraid. I still ate your chocolate ice cream anyway, it tasted better knowing it was yours. You what made me sad though? Well, other than the part when the seagulls swooped at our heads and you dropped your ice cream. Now that was a tragedy. It made me sad, that even though you loved me to the end of the universe, I would never know how far that was. I’ve kind of run out of words now. When you kissed me, that made me speechless for practically the rest of the night. I won’t forget this night, never in a million years. Your words still echo in my head, you’re the song that will never be forgotten in my head. The lyrics I will never be able to erase. And you know, that’s fine with me.
25th September 2019
Hello, again Ty,
I have a question for you, darling. Do you find it almost… bittersweet, that nearly ten years ago, we first met? In two hours, on the 26th of September 2009, we became friends, a decade ago. I won’t lie, but that makes me feel really old. Next year, we’ll both be two decades old, scary. Though I don’t think we exactly became friends, does that make sense? I think you know what I mean. You asked me, “Are you strong?” To which I shrugged, and then as a result, you punched me in the nose. Remember how we laughed it off until blood poured out of my nose? Seven year old Jacinta walked all the way to the nurse’s office, alone. I think that was because you were a coward that didn’t want to get in trouble for punching me. That’s okay, I forgave you the second after you punched me. It makes me laugh, to think we were friends turned lovers, especially when you told me when we were ten, that you would never like me. Your reason being, “Girls are icky and full of germs,” but hey, we were kids. When you’re nineteen and in love, you don’t care if your lover has a cold. I think. Please don’t try to kiss me if you’re sick. Then I’ll get sick, and then we won’t be able to do anything. That would be the worst. Anyway, it’s only an hour until midnight. Even if you’re sleeping, I’m going to text you and see if you remember.
29th September 2019
Oh Ty, you idiot,
I can’t believe what you did today. Flat out rejecting a girl who came up to you, to tell you how much she admired you because you have a girlfriend. I’m flattered, really, but… judging by the way she was sobbing loudly in the bathrooms, I think you were a tad bit harsh, love. Either way, I apologised to her for you, just in case. She seemed nice, once she stopped crying. We’re in the same course, and who knows, maybe we’ll both be doctors together. Her name is Stella, she’s nineteen, just like us, and wants to major in Drama, but her parents said no. If she had her way, Stella probably wouldn’t be in university, at least, that’s what she said to me. She said, “I have big dreams, Jacinta. I want to be on Broadway, AND I want to be an actress worthy of Hollywood.” I laughed at her ambitions, telling her I couldn’t even play the guitar, and she was aiming for the big screen. Stella wished she could live that life, but sometimes parents don’t approve of our dreams. You and I both know that. Imagine, if our parents let us go to space, I wouldn’t be here, writing you letters you’d never read. That’s fine though, we’ve come this far already. And besides, I’m taking you to that little cafe on the corner of Mountrange Street, tomorrow. We couldn’t do that if we were in space.
9th of November 2019
It’s been a little while since I’ve written you a letter. This morning when you asked me what I was writing, I laughed and hid the page from you, saying it was a confidential exchange with the aliens on Mars. I hope you knew I was kidding. I’ve become a lot closer to Stella too, and I think you should as well. Then we can be a trio, rather than the Ty x Cyn duo, but don’t worry; Tycyn will always have a place in my heart. I saw your father today, as I was walking into campus. He asked me how you were doing, and I told him you were staying with me. The look on his face was priceless, I wish you were there to see it. I think he forgot that Daddy is… well, you know I don’t like this word, but rich. I told him we bought an apartment close to the school, and we were perfectly comfortable with it. Your father laughed without humour and said, “That boy better not come back crawling to me, he made his choice.” I bid him a good day and left him standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Grumpy old bastard. I’m glad Daddy isn’t like him… no offence, sweetheart. Though, I think you would agree with me.
21st November 2019
It’s been too long, my dear. I’m busy with studying, just like you. I heard from Stell that you two are friends, and I’m glad we’re a trio now. She said you can be a real pain in the everywhere because of your sarcasm, but she said that’s all part of your charm, so don’t stress. Oops, I need to leave now. Stella and her sister Ally are taking me to the movies. I’ll write to you again soon!
5th December 2020
I can’t stop thinking about yesterday, and the lie you told me. I know you meant to deceive me, I saw the way your eyes narrowed, and you always lie when you do that. What was going through your head, when you tricked me? Were you nervous? I bet on our ten-year friendship and one year and four months of dating, that you were. Your deceits continued to run through my head, much like your grandfather’s gramophone. It hurt me so much, you know that? I’m sure it would ruin any person’s day, maybe even someone’s year, especially when it was going well. I spent every day with you. You told me I was your moon to your stars, the sun to your clouds, you said I was enough. You lied. Because you didn’t want the moon or the sun, you wanted a whole fucking universe, something I never could give you. Is that why you chose Stella over me? You turned my best friend on me because you were selfish. If you notice I’m not being myself, it’s because of you, Ty. You and your stupid words that made me cry at night, you and your stupid words that gave me hope. You and your pitiful look as you whispered the same words you did to me, on the 9th of September in 2019. “I love you, Cyn. From Earth, all the way to the end of space.”
I hate you.
From, the girl whose hopes and dreams were ruined because of you. From, the woman who thought you were her happy ending. From, the woman who wished she’d never met you. Yours, Jacinta Raymond. The girl who loved you.