Silly To be Questioning Myself. A waste of time anyhow

…On the drive home from school, I stared out the window, my backpack still on my back. Silence crept upon the car we rode in. Well, almost silence. The radio singing ‘Luv yourself’ and my mom humming after it kind of throws off the silence. But I chose to ignore the sound. Silence is what I want. That is why I said, “Mom, Please turn off the music.” 

“Silence is you, Alex. Isn’t it?” she told me

I didn’t answer because- well, silence.

“You don’t have to answer. I. Already. Know. Silence is you.” mother replied to my silence

I smiled. So did she. I saw it when I looked at the rearview mirrors.

When we got home I asked dad if he could take me to the library after I changed out of my uniform. He said “If you change quick enough. I have a meeting afterwards so be quick.” Explaining this after I‘m done changing and we are in the car going to the library with my older brother Derek, I want to get a book, maybe even books, to read ‘cause It brings the peace to me so I don’t have to hunt for it. When I read I get absorbed in my book so that I only hear what I want to; the voices of book characters in my head. And occasionally, my younger sister throwing a tantrum. But I can’t ignore those sounds, so It’s not what I want to hear. It’s so loud when she throws a tantrum that it interrupts the characters and I no longer can hear anything but the sound of my ears begging: “Please! Turn that noise off!” and, well, the tantrum. “Hey, Alex!...Alex! Snap out of your daydream would you? We arrived!” I heard Derek calling. Whoops. I had fallen into a daydream…Again. I helped myself out of the car. “Whoops. Sorry. How long did it take for me to snap out of it this time, Derek?” I said to Derek as we walked away from the parked car. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t long I started to try and get you out of it beforehand so that it would be about time you actually heard me when we got there. It was about a minute from when I started to get you up till’ you actually got up.” He answered “Sweet! A new record.” I joked. I was searching the fiction section for chapter books when Derek tapped my shoulder. I turned to find him holding a book. “What’s that you got there?” I asked. “A book recommendation. You should read it. Don’t take it seriously, but it’s pretty based on science and facts” he handed me the book and went off in search of his own book. The book was titled ‘Who are you?’ It was thicker than any chapter book on the whole cart I was browsing so I decide not to get another. This one seemed good enough.

I would read in the car but that makes me nauseous so I didn’t. When we got home I made sure I was far from my little sister before I started to read; No distractions this time.

The book explained that it was to determine who I was. Where I would most likely end up. I started to read.

1:00 pm. Not even close to half

3:00 pm. Not close yet to passing half

Note to self: the book is SO LONG!

5:00 pm. Half completed

7:00 pm. Didn’t move far from half

10:20 pm. Past bedtime by 20 minutes

10:21 pm. GET TO BED!!!

10:36 pm. sLeApInG!

Note to self: I write this in the morning, as I eat breakfast ‘cause I’m done getting ready for school. Poppy, my younger sister, wrote that last part on 10:36 pm; I WAS SLEEPING!

School was going by just fine. I was enjoying the silence until one kid joined me. He came out of nowhere and started walking next to be quiet and all. He had his hood on his head, he was holding the straps of his bag, and he was looking down. Hey! He was copying me! This kid always does this. He thinks it’s ‘our thing.’ to be silent and to enjoy it, I mean. “Kevin, stop,” I tell him. But his name is not Kevin. His brother’s name is. But I call him Kevin sometimes to annoy him. ‘Kevin’ does not answer. “Kevin. Stop following me.”  say again as I realize him walking faster, to keep up with me, and sticking closer like he was glued to me. “Kevin!” I say, trying to get away from him. I step to the right a little so his pants weren't brushing on mine. But he just copied me so it was no point. “I don’t have to speak for you to understand, Alex. You know that! ‘Cause, That’s what you do. People don’t need an answer from you ‘cause they already know. It’s our thing.” He finally said. And I lost it. I wanted to say: Stop talking to me! Stop thinking it’s our thing. It’s not! It’s not a thing. Get a grip, Kevin. And walk away from him. Missing. I wanted to go into hiding after saying that to him. I rolled my eyes, taking a turn in the hallway. “ No, Kevin. It isn’t a thing and it most definitely isn’t ours. If it was at all a thing it would be mine and only mine. I don’t get it. Stop faking you are like me. I like silence and we can’t bond over it because you don’t like it, and I don’t believe you when you say it is. It is not ‘a thing’ and it isn’t ‘our thing’ please, stop. My day, ruined.” I blurted. “Ok fine. No hard feelings? Sweet. One thing. My name is Neo.” He replied “Oops.” I said with an eye roll. Then I walked into my class and did something I always wanted to do. Slam the door in his face. 

Back to the main topic, the book. I couldn’t focus in class because of it. I took It out of my backpack and started to read it. Do you know what I found out? That my personality does not exist. And like Derek told me earlier, it was writing based on scientific facts and basic facts and basically, intelligence and common sense. What is that supposed to mean? I don’t exist? What? That doesn’t even make sense!

I see now. The reason for the titling of this story. Now I have a question, and I am questioning myself if I’m real. I know it's dumb to ponder this, ‘Am I real?’ Obviously. I don’t know where I am taking this. But I still have a question. What does this even mean? What point does this make? What- Hold on. Correction. …But I still have questions. Anywhoo, class ended and I head home walking ‘cause I choose, that it is quiet. And I. Like.Quiet.

So here, I have you a wonderful summary of what comes next. Finished the book some weeks later and Hey! Better confess my question to Derek, the recommender of this book! So I ask him about it and he tells me. “Oh” And I say “This whole essay speech I just said and all you tell me is ‘Oh?’” and then he takes the book from me and flips to a certain page and points.  Hel looks up to me and says, “Thought you were this one.” I read the description under the thing he was pointing at and it said ‘quiet. Kind.sometimes obnoxious.’ then a while space under in big bold letters it said, “WHO ARE YOU?” and I slapped my forehead. Looking down on Derek as he sat crisscrossed on the floor and I stood next to him, I wanted to sit on him. So that is what I did. Because this was a whole waste of time when I thought this had a meaning, in which I recorded all of this and wrote it here which is now a story. Not a story fully, it’s in my notebook. But you're reading this, aren’t you? Stories are for reading. But so are useless long texts that waste your time so, yeah.

The end

Author note: This is fantasy.