Brian and Zack

It was late evening or more accurately early night time when Brian decided to start preparing the table for dinner. His mother was cooking in the next room some delicious spaghetti. It wasn’t any secret how she made it, the ingredients were all from the local supermarket, but Brian always thought of it as something special that only his family can make. Today was a special dinner, not like the usual silent meals, Brian and her mother have, which really drives home the relationship they have developed over the years of living together. No today Brian decided to invite his one and only friend Zack. Brian never really had a friend over for dinner, so he was very excited. A bit too excited one might say as he was rushing to get the cutleries, so fast that he nearly knocked over a vase. It was a pretty vase. Brian’s mom loved it when she was a child long long ago. As Brian was slowly putting the cutleries to their place the bell rang. Brian knew exactly what it was so he put the cutleries to their place and rushed to the door while screaming “I get it!” that at this point became a reflex when the door rang. Brian opened the door and he saw Zack standing there looking a bit confused. ‘Come on in.’ said Brian in a welcoming cheer which usually shows if you are a person's first ever guest. Zack slowly walked in still with confusion in his eyes, which did worry Brian a lot as he carefully locked the door. ‘What do you think of the house?’ asked Brian to get Zack talking. ‘I like the vase, but doesn’t the place feel a bit bland? I am not saying it is bad, but it feels underdeveloped in a way.’ 

‘Well let's hope the spaghetti will create a better picture about us in your mind, even if our interior decor isn’t something special.’ replied Brian trying to save what he could. He was confused how honest Zack was. He acted completely differently compared to his mother’s previous guests, but he tried to shrug it off. They decided to sit down on the table to wait for the meal to arrive. ‘So how are you and Elizabeth doing?’ asked Brian to get rid of the awkward silence, but when Zack tried to answer, the creaking noise of the kitchen door gave them the notice that the spaghetti was on its way, and it was a spaghetti to behold. Juicy red tomato sauce with beautiful yellow pasta noodles. 

‘You know that none of this is real right?’

‘What?’ asked Brian in a confused manner. He was slowly feeling that he might regret making Zack his first dinner guest, but the mistake was irreversible now, so he decided to go on. ‘What do you mean none of this is real?’

‘Well I mean… you know what, let me show you?’

Then out of nowhere Zack appeared to have a gun in his hand and shot Brian's mom in the head.

‘See!’ said Zack in a frantic manner as he waved his hands in front of his head, which was odd to Brian, because a blink ago those hands had the gun that killed his mother, but which said gun was now gone, like it vanished in the wind.

‘Oh my God did you just shoot my mother!’ screamed Brian but Zack quickly replied.

‘No look.’ said Zack as he pointed at the chair where the corpse of Brian's mom should be but, just like the gun, was also gone. 

‘What is going on?’ asked Brian who at this point was sure that he will never have guests over, ever again. 

‘We are in a story.’

‘In a what?’

‘A story, a short story to be precise, so I guess we weren’t the most interesting characters the author ever thought of.’

‘Your not making any sense, Zack.’ said Brian.

‘Look we even have a narrator that keeps saying “said Brian” we are in like a story, right narrator’

Stop talking to me.

‘Oh come on don’t be so grumpy, I never had a narrator.’

I said stop talking to me idiot.

‘Oh God somebody is angry. Little angry narrator.’

Look man I am here to do my job just keep on going with the story. I don’t need some character playing with me. You know how many snarky assholes like you exist who just want to look cool and meta so they acknowledge the narrator like “Oooh look I am sooo clever wooow!” You are all the same and I am sick of all of you. It isn’t hard to acknowledge me and I HATE IT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET BACK TO THE STORY YOU MISSERABLE ASSHOLE!!!

‘Okay jeez somebody is having a breakdown over literally nothing.’

‘Sorry who are you talking to?’ said Brian.

‘Oh my god that is all that you are going to add ”said Brian.” that is so lame.’

Shut up.

‘You know you are a very aggressive man, chill I am just trying to save this shitty story.’

Don’t make me angry. Do you even know who I am? I am God! I can do whatever I want. If I say that “then all of a sudden they were hit by a train and all died” it would happen. You know what, just because you were so persistently bugging me, here you go. Then a policeman opened the door.

‘Zack, your girlfriend is dead!’ Then the policeman closed the door and left.

Here how does that make you feel dickhead.

‘Well other than her name I didn’t really have any memories about her so I don’t care if she is dead or not. Oh and this was so badly written, like no cop talks like that and Brian locked the door so it also breaks the continuity of the story.’

Oh for the love of… I need a drink.

‘Wait, did… did you just leave? Halo! Well I guess the narrator left.’

“Man you are freaking me out.”

‘Oh shit you still can’t hear him can you?’

“Yeah, it just looks like you are talking to yourself about this all being a story.”

‘It is just a story.’

“No Zack it isn’t, I know your girlfriend's death must be having some sort of effect on you, but you have to come back to the real world.”

‘Brian this isn’t real, look I can prove it.’

“I have a hard time believing that you can prove that the world I lived in for 23 years is not real, but go on, this might become entertaining.”

‘Try to focus on a wall.’

“What?”

‘Try to focus on a wall. Go on!’

“Oh my God there are no walls. There is no floor eather, or ceiling eather. Where are we? What is this?”

‘You see, this guy didn’t develop anything. Our narrator has left for a drink so I guess we have to wait until he comes back.’

“Yeah. This is weird as hell. So nothing is real then.”

‘Yeah pretty much.’

“Well that sucks.”

‘You seem pretty chill about it.’

“I mean, what would I be angry for, the things I lost weren’t real so, life is meaningless.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.”

Are you guys willing to do the story now?

‘Hell no, your story sucked, I could tell a better story if I was projectile vomiting.’

Oh really you think it is so easy to start a story, you have no idea how much prep work it requires and preplaning and creating character profiles, but if you think you are so clever then here.

“You go. Let’s see how you hold up to being the narrator.”

“Sorry who are you and what happened to Zack?”

“Zack thought he could do my job better so I gave it to him.”

Whoa this is weird. I need time to get used to this.

“Zack is that you?”

Okay now you can hear the narrator as well. That’s cool.

“Now Zack let’s see how you handle being a narrator, you miserable turd of a character.”

Well you said that you were technically God, which means that now I am technically God so… Then the character manifestation of the narrator pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head. 

“Jesus what was that!”

Well I guess he has been dealt with. Now Brian do you want a happy life?

“But you said that none of this was real. So first I would like to get out and then have a happy life.”

Look, I don’t want to deal with that. So later Brian met a beautiful woman named Kate and they got married. They had lots of fun and shit and they decided to get kids. They had two beautiful children named Brian and Kate and they lived very happily. Brian was very successful at his job...

“Zack what the fu…?”

So he made lots of money, they lived in a beautiful mansion until Brian died by natural causes at the age of 69.

Okay so that has been dealt with. Now comes the good part. One day Kate Upton and Scarlett Johanson were sitting on a bed together when Kate suddenly had the urge to…

Surprise you horny asshole!

Wait what? What’s going on?

You think I just gave up my powers like that. I am not that stupid.

No we are equals now you can’t do anything.

Oh really. Then Zack manifested back to his human body which was now tied tightly to rails. He was trying to say things but the tape on his mouth made it impossible to hear what he was trying to say. The sound of the not so distant train was quickly approaching him and as much as Zack hoped the train would stop, the train didn’t stop. He died a horrible and painful death. The end or something I don’t care anymore.