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American

So, what’s the catch? 

Now there’s a question. It’s actually a secret. 

Wait, I don’t mean I can’t tell you. I mean that the catch is I have a secret, and that’s a problem. 


The odd thing is that my secret shouldn't really be a secret at all. This is 2023, not 1923. We’ve had an African American president, an orange president, and for good measure a female vice president as well. It’s the era of #MeToo and rainbows and non-binary acceptance. 

Why then, is revealing my secret so hard? 

Wait, don’t answer. I’ll tell you. 

It’s because the only person I really want to accept me and my secret may not—and the thought of that rejection is far worse than keeping a secret with which I can no longer live.


My name is Ricardo, but my friends call me Rico. Since I was ten, I have introduced myself as such. My mom is a humanities teacher at The University of Kansas, and my dad is a nonprofit lawyer. The family joke had always been that being nonprofit wasn’t intentional—it just worked out that way. 


My parents are unique to say the least. They were born both 20 years too late as well as 20 years too early. What I mean by that is they were flower children long after it was cool and ultra-progressive long before it came into fashion. 


This anomaly was of great benefit to me as I was raised to be open-minded and accepting. From the time I was young, my parents taught me that love was love and, unlike those who are hypocritical, they meant it. They didn’t care who I chose to date or marry, the only thing that mattered was if I loved them and they loved me. This was critical because, unlike the other boys at school, I liked the other boys at school. 


In many families, this would have been cause for anxiety and counseling and, in the worst case scenario, conversion therapy. However, in my home, the revelation was greeted with hugs and smiles and encouraging words. This is not to say that my classmates and their families were so open-minded. On more than one occasion, I came home with my eye black and my clothes torn. Honesty and openness, a hallmark in my family, could be dangerous at my school or in our small town.  


There was only one other person who accepted me for who I was, Terry Whitaker. Terry’s family had moved next door when I was nine years of age and a full two years before I came out. We were thick as thieves from the moment we met and, as good luck would have it, the Whitaker household shared my family's open-mindedness, unlike the neanderthal hoard which inhabited the rest of the town. 


The day I told Terry of my attraction to boys, it barely registered a blip. I remember a little sideways glance, then we went back to playing with our trucks before climbing our favorite tree. I’m not sure what the exact definition of friend or acceptance is, but I’m pretty sure if you look either up in the dictionary there will be a picture of Terry’s smiling face.  


Emboldened by Terry’s acceptance and my parents' encouragement to live my “authentic” life, I didn’t give a second thought to being honest about myself when I entered high school. In theory, I did the exact right thing. In practice, not so much. Being gay in my hometown was, to say the least, complicated and, truth be told, it was a recipe for disaster. It was bad enough that everyone knew who and what I was, but what made it worse was no one else in my whole school was gay. Yes, that’s right. 500 kids in my freshman class and over 2000 in the school, and I was the only “homosexual.” Not only that, in a school full of kids from different families, different backgrounds, and different ideals, Terry was the only one who stood beside me, the only one who would admit to being my friend. As a result, the two of us had something in common. We each had only one friend, but to us, one was enough.  


It’s a funny thing about being gay. You have a sixth sense about others as well. I’ve heard it called a “gaydar,” but whatever it is you call it, I had it. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true, I could tell the guys in my school who were in the closet. I even liked some of them, but if I ever tried to act on my feelings, that was when I received the aforementioned beatings. It became clear to me that I could live my true self as long as I did it in secret.  


No one was happier than I was when graduation day arrived, and I was able to walk across the stage and received my diploma. Well, no one except for maybe Terry. The two of us were headed to college where we hoped we would find greater acceptance. We no longer climbed trees or played with trucks, but we were still thick as thieves and we were leaving this one sexually-orientated town in our rearview mirror together. 


When you spend your life feeling like an outcast, trust doesn’t come easily. Neither Terry nor I were ready to take a chance college would be any better than high school. For this reason, we rented a small apartment just off campus instead of taking our place in the dorms. This allowed us to live together, giving us the chance to see if things in higher education were actually different from a safe distance. We were two old friends, inseparable and like-minded, living together. What could go wrong? Or should I say, what’s the catch? 

In a word, everything.


From the moment I met Terry, the only feelings we had for each other were platonic. This made sense because, even though I didn’t know it when we met, Terry was never my type. Not only was I gay, but I was also particular. I wanted boys to be sure, but I wanted them big and strong. To say the least, Terry was nothing like that. 


This brings me to my secret. 


The first time I ever really saw Terry everything changed. We had been friends for ten years, but that day in our apartment was the first day I had seen Terry naked. We both knew we weren’t interested in each other. We were friends—that was all. But there had never been a time when being naked would have fit into our friendship. Terry had just taken a shower and, without a towel, walked across the room to get dressed. I tried as best I could not to stare, but how could I not? I was being treated to the most beautiful body I had ever seen. 


Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t have many points of reference for the naked human body—just what I had seen in a few magazines and from a couple of pornos I had watched online. But this was different. I had been wrong all along about my type. 


Terry was not muscular or at all hairy, but I was floored at what I saw. All of a sudden I saw Terry as more than a friend. I had been too blind to see it before, and now all I could think about was how these new feelings would play out. 


If I told Terry, it might change everything. Heck, who am I kidding? It would change everything. But if I said nothing… Well, after that day, that wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but so many questions flooded my mind. If I confessed, could we still be friends? Did Terry have an inkling? Or, God willing, did Terry feel the same?  


There is a saying in football that when you throw a pass, three things can happen, two of which are bad. That seemed to be a metaphor for my new dilemma. I could express my feelings, and Terry could say thanks-but-no-thanks, and we could go back to being friends. The more I thought about that option, the more dismayed I became. Even if we stayed friends, there would be a dark cloud over our heads. I could pour out my soul and freak Terry out. If I did that, it was entirely possible I could lose my one friend, another awful outcome. Or I could trust my instincts and find that maybe—just maybe—Terry felt the same. The only thing I knew was that the status quo was not going to work.  


Love at first sight is a myth. I hadn’t fallen in love with Terry at that moment. It was a love nurtured over years. It was trust and acceptance and kinship. It was a shared experience and a unified outlook and connection. It was a deep, soul-level love, and I had found that with Terry. I decided to be honest.  


Public places are the best place for shocking declarations. As much as I knew Terry wouldn’t make a scene, I still wasn’t taking any chances. I set up a table for two at a local restaurant and told Terry I wanted to celebrate all our years of friendship and support. Never underestimate the power of free food because as odd as my request seemed, Terry accepted without hesitation and the “date” was set. 


Terry arrived at the restaurant first and had already ordered a bottle of wine and filled two glasses by the time I entered the restaurant. I was both excited and terrified but was also resolute as I made my way to our table.


Seeing Terry waiting for me crystallized the gravity of what I was about to do. There was no way to know how it would come out, but there was also no turning back. Sitting down with a nervous smile on my face I looked across the table at the object of my affection, my heart began to race and my palms began to sweat. 


I grabbed my wine glass and drank its contents in one gulp. I then cleared my throat and posed the question. “Can you keep a secret?”


“With my life,” came Terry’s response. “You know that.”


“I’m in love with someone who has no clue about my feelings.” The words, in any other situation, would have been normal for old dear friends, but nothing about this was normal.


“That’s fantastic.” Terry replied. “Are you sure they don’t know?”


“I’m not.” I responded, shrugging my shoulders. “Do you know?”


“Do I know? What do you mean?”


“It’s you, silly.”


“You are in love with me?” 


I nodded my head.


“But…”


“Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are.”


“You know I’m a girl right?”


“Yup.”


“And you’re gay.”


“I thought I was, but turns out I was wrong. So, what do you think?” I filled my glass again and emptied it in a single swig. I waited anxiously for Terry’s response.


“All of a sudden I’m not hungry.” The look on Terry’s face reminded me of the day I first told her I was gay, but instead of going back to playing with trucks, she smiled and called for the check.


“Don’t you want to talk about this?” I asked, afraid of her answer.


“Talk? Hardly.” She responded, her smile growing even bigger.


“What, then?”


Taking my hand in hers, and giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek, she said, “Let’s get out of here and go home.”


What’s the catch? The funny thing is it turns out there isn’t one after all.

March 11, 2023 00:11

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28 comments

Mahogany Ree
00:21 Mar 15, 2023

I'm in love with Terry too. This was so very well written and extremely entertaining.

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Calvin Kirby
16:56 May 27, 2023

Thom, as always, A great story. I was going to use Grace and Mercy next time with my group, but this has peaked my interest enough to change my mind. I loved this story so much. I will be on touch via email to follow up with you. It will be June 26th. Cal

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16:54 Mar 18, 2023

Wow, I am surprised! I thought Terry was a boy the whole time. Then I thought maybe Terry was trans because she said she was a girl. Funny how things work out. I do believe things happen for a reason.

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Deb Silverman
01:55 Mar 15, 2023

I have 5 books on my bedside table, I started all of them and put them all down to read a Thom Brodkin short.

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Thom With An H
18:23 Mar 15, 2023

I’m speechless. You made my year. Thank you.

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Sue Schroeder
03:05 Oct 09, 2023

Love this story. So heartfelt!

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Amanda Lieser
04:17 Mar 17, 2023

Hey Thom, This was a beautiful piece with an exceptional title. I loved the way you described these parents and I loved how reflective your character was at a young age. I thought you did a superb job of explaining the complicated nature of human sexuality. I also love how you wrote about love-even if I disagree with it(love at first sight is a hill I will gladly die with). Nice work on this one!

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Stevie Burges
10:01 Mar 14, 2023

Great twist. I was so impressed with your 'gay' take on Terry's naked body - but then it turned out Terry wasn't who I thought Terry was. Good story.

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16:54 Mar 18, 2023

I thought Terry was a guy the whole time and then thought he was trans....such a surprise ending.

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Stevie Burges
09:24 Mar 20, 2023

Yep I love this guy's writing. There are some fantastic writers on this site.

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Russell Mickler
22:57 Mar 13, 2023

Hi Thom - Very thought-provoking... I liked the narrative voice and the lead-up to the reveal. Would you think Rico is making a binary choice here, where he believes he's straight, not gay, or, is he recognizing fluidity? Perhaps bi? >> “I thought I was, but turns out I was wrong." This kind of conclusion doesn't necessarily have to be a binary choice - in your thinking, is Rico questioning his own assumptions, or has he just dismissed his attraction to other men? R

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Thom With An H
23:12 Mar 13, 2023

Honestly I didn’t view his response as binary. The fact that he has found attraction and love with someone of the opposite sex definitively means he is not gay. I felt like, in the moment, it wasn’t about trying to redefine what he was, it was to state what he was not. In other words Rico didn’t say “turns out I’m straight”. That would have forced the binary choice. I also look at my stories as a partnership between myself and my readers. In some ways it’s up to you to decide what comes next. You get to decide if Rico is bi or straight or so...

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Russell Mickler
23:21 Mar 13, 2023

Sure it is :) And that's cool ... myself, when I read "turns out I was wrong", I see that as a binary true or false statement, rather than, "Well, I'm reconsidering, especially after seeing you naked ..." But that's why I asked :) It's nice to see that there are no catches and Rico just _is_ :) a good read! R

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16:58 Mar 18, 2023

I had a conversation with someone who is trans and I said that I didn't think it mattered, at least not to me, what people considered their sexual orientation or gender. Well, I got quite the talking to because for that community I guess it really is all about defining who they want to be. I guess I am very accepting but I was also not caring about the part that they go through on a daily basis. It makes sense in a really confusing way but the only thing I could do was apologize at that point. I hadn't meant it in a bad way.

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Mary Lewis
17:15 Mar 13, 2023

You got me! Interesting twists! My favorite line is: "This was critical because, unlike the other boys at school, I liked the other boys at school."

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Richard E. Gower
16:34 Mar 13, 2023

I've probably said this before, but I'm a sucker for a great love story, a happy ending and an O. Henry twist.; this one has all three. -:) Well done! RG

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Thom With An H
17:35 Mar 13, 2023

You had me a O Henry. The Ransom of Red Chief is a personal favorite. Thank you, sir.

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Richard E. Gower
17:37 Mar 13, 2023

OH wow, one of mine too....and then there's the Gift of The Magi....that one always grabbed me by the heart...

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Susan Catucci
15:49 Mar 13, 2023

Stunning stuff, Thom! I went back to the beginning and read it again to be sure I hadn't missed the big reveal. And, seriously, when I read it the first time, the delight I felt was palatable. To my way of thinking, this is a perfect piece, complete and satisfying, suspenseful and perfect! I'm beginning to think the "m" on your M&M up there must stand for Miracle-Maker. L-O-V-E it!

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Thom With An H
17:36 Mar 13, 2023

Susan=Sunshine. You always brighten my day. Thank you again. You really are the best!!

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Susan Catucci
19:04 Mar 13, 2023

I almost edited my typo up there, Thom, but decided to own it instead - I, of course, meant to say palpable! I can't help being a genuine fan. I'm just happy I get to enjoy your writings now and then. :)

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17:42 Mar 12, 2023

Great job, nice twist!

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Mary Bendickson
16:18 Mar 12, 2023

Gee, Thom. I felt like I had read this story before but with a different opening. I knew what the secret was. I have read so many lately I can't remember where I thought I had seen it. But hey, it is great and I admire you. It means a lot to me when you like something of mine so thank you for liking 'No more Bullies'. That was an emotional one for me.

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Wendy Kaminski
14:57 Mar 11, 2023

The big reveal in this was an absolute hidden gem about our own assumptions. :) Thank you for the fantastically-told story that is also a humbling reminder that we're living in a new era and need to catch up our old ways of thinking. While you certainly led, I easily followed... but I cannot say that I didn't enjoy every step, Thom. :)

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05:14 Mar 11, 2023

Okay I am in absolute LOVE with this story. I am 1000% obsessed and I will be following you instantly. I loved the portrayal of growing up gay in the beginning, it was a very interesting read. And the plot twist?! Complete perfection. I normally have more decorum when writing comments on here but I am a bit too excited about that perfectly executed plot twist to not use capital letters. Wonderful story, amazing authorship!

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Thom With An H
23:37 Mar 11, 2023

This goes in my feedback hall of fame. It’s about the nicest most encouraging thing you could say. I’m going to say nice things about you to everyone I meet today. 😀 Seriously, thank you!!!

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04:39 Mar 12, 2023

Thank you so so much you're so sweet! I love your work and I have to be properly expressive about it. I'm so glad I made your day a bit brighter, as you've made mine!

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Lily Finch
03:02 Mar 11, 2023

Thom, quite the cute twist in this one. Well done. Terry a bit of a generic name that can loan itself to males and females. Well played and cleverly written. Years of feeling the same way have gotten the best of Terry. Yowza! LF6.

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