Oh, Romeo !

Conures, a freaking Conures. Above everything else in the list, it has to be the loudest small bird in the bird world. 

There is this very weird tradition in our office were secret Santa gift-giving is done without a wish list. It is extremely unprofessional to randomly select something. So, can I expect a nice essential oil diffuser from a marginally known coworker?

NO, because being just three months in this new job made me realize that people in the publication is neither fun nor friendly. Apparently, they aren't very good at selecting gifts either.

Actually, I don't have a right to obligate. This might be a very consequence of pretending that I love birds in order to suck up to my editor in chief. After every Zoom briefing, we all spent straight up thirty minutes or more, listening to her "well spend" working from home time with her five birdies. One day I voluntarily asked how her birds are doing just out of complete boredom. She ended up explaining the generations and ancestors of the five type of birds in her house. That is how I know this little parrot is called Conure. My sucking up techniques must be at the very next level to receive this noise machine as a gift. 

Maybe someone else gifts me this? So, it might not cost my job if I accidentally left the cage open. But the problem is, I can't take statistical uncertainty when my much loved new job hangs in the balance. What if my boss lady think I am really irresponsible to lose a bird in a few hours? What if she is checking my potentials to carry the entertainment column?

Letting it out is absolutely not one of the options. 

That is how I end up with this bird of mine, who hasn't stop shrieking every five minutes and non-stop back and forth walking. Apparently, it is a he and also named as Romeo according to the name tag.

You can only imagine the fresh horror in my face when it got delivered.

I honestly thought it was a mistake because who in their right mind decided to gift me one. I don't know how to properly take care of myself so how am I supposed to take care of a bird?

The birdcage was on the floor near the door. I haven't picked it up after the delivery man put it there. Romeo is walking back and forth on the hanging pole, only stop to fright my dear life out by providing a shriek.

He has a body full of orange colour feathers. It is that very disturbing orange colour on traffic cones but he looks cute. He'd look cuter if he stops that bone-chilling shrieking for a bit.

I have to talk myself up to do this. This is not about Romeo or I mistakenly letting him go. It is all about that entertainment column. How can I let anyone have the glory of receiving the entertainment column over a bird? It is mine and my Romeo will help me to get that.

Well, at least that sounds romantic.

So the initial mission is to get a general idea of what birds do. I know they fly and lay eggs. Hope to god that this one is neutered thought. I am not ready to look after a baby bird. NO!

The main priority is to figure out how to shut his damn beak because it creates an unhelpful addition to my stress level.

I googled how to take care of pet birds thanking whomever up there to invent Google. It is always very easy to follow instructions if you have a list and google always provides.

What if it said I have to keep him away from water and food after 12 to 1 in the morning? Birds are weird. Maybe they need constant attention like kids. If it comes nearly to raise a kid, I should forget about that soon to be my entertainment column.

Apparently feeding and providing water is the main part of this job. That is easier than I thought. I can clean the cages during weekends.

Then I searched "how to get my bird to shut up" because Romeo is testing my level of patience in a great deal. It said to hold it in your coat as the first suggestion and I am not going to do that. It said talking will help too so I'm going to try out that.

I kept staring at the birdcage on the floor for a few minutes to collect myself to do the talking. So, it should start with a proper introduction, right?

"Hello, Romeo".

I can surely say Romeo is startled by that. He stops the pacing and shouting. That’s a win for the team. May be birds are not deaf, I could talk a little low.

"Romeo, I am your new mom. Can you be a good boy and stop the shouting for a little while?”

Oh, Romeo is actually listening. I know I could be good at this parenting thing. I feel so proud of me.

My train of thoughts stops from another loud shrieking. He is now flying around the cage and wing slapping sound makes me really afraid. He must be having an episode. I can understand that "All things named Romeo have to be dramatic enough for the sake of that name".

I reached for my water bottle because this episode seems not to end soon but he suddenly stops when taking a sip. He keeps watching me following my every move while I was checking his water tray in the cage. Yes.it is empty. Oh, that's why you are so cranky. Romeo just needs some water.

I poured half of my water bottle to his tray through the space between the wooden poles in the cage. Obviously flooded his cage floor and my floor too. But Romeo starts drinking just after I moved the bottle back.

Romeo sends a friendly whistle while drinking.

Alright, I figured out one section already. This is going to be a really interesting holiday.