Blanking on her name

“it just keeps happening doctor, I know I’m going crazy. There is no other explanation. I cant stop seeing her. I keep blanking. Help me”

Alex had barely sat down on the chair before he had started his tirade. He wasn’t even sure doctor Marfin had had time to ask a single question. Alex hadn’t visited doctor Marfin in over 3 years. Not since the death of Alex’s mother. Doctor Marfin had helped Alex quite adequately. He hadn’t needed twomore than the governmentally required 2 sessions to find a way to blank his grief.

This time however Alex had made the appointment himself if his way of entry could be called an appointment.. A weird occurrence in this day and age. Where every person gets mandatory blanking whenever the law requires them to. Very few people had to make an appointment anymore. Expect those that truly became crazy. As Alex hoped he had. He needed dotro Marfin’s help.

Alex had been walking around the mall over two days ago looking for a new All-round Cooker Device. His last All-round Cooker Device died and Alex had been glad for the opportunity to get an upgrade. He had been walking towards the appliance store dreaming of the pot roast he would be making that evening when the image of a car on one of the many ad-screens caught his eyes.

The car was a beauty for sure. But it wasn’t that which had gotten Alex his attention. The car was an NX 2067. The same car he had had 12 years ago in college. The same car he and Sasha had been driving when. Alex his mind went blank.

When Alex finally stopped staring at the screen the car had been gone, replaced by the NTZ 2079. Alex had shook his head and told himself he had imagined things. Why,  after all, would an ad-screen show a car that as far as Alex knew wasn’t even being sold anymore. Alex shook  his head again and went on towards the appliance store. His mind once again on the pot roast, though with a lot les enthusiasm then he had going into the mall.

When he had entered the appliance store Alex was greeted by a familiar face. The SARAH, or Shopping Assistant Rendering All Help, for this store smiled at Alex from her screen. Sarah, for all intense and purposes, looked very much like the perfect women. This was, Alex knew, by design. She was after all meant to get you to buy stuff. Still, with her long blond hair, ample bosom, long legs and skirt that rode just a tat to high, Alex couldn’t help appreciate her beauty.  

“Welkom mister Meyers to the Complex Utility Supplies Store. It has been 7 days since your last visit and 13 days since your last purchase. Did you enjoy the bread maker you purchased? Don’t forget it can make both regular bread and croissants, at the same time. Are you here for another purchase or do you need help with one of the 12 purchases you have made in the last year? ” The SARAH said with a voice almost, but not entirely, unlike a real women.

Alex instinctively looked around. He knew of course that nothing the SARAH said could be heard by anyone around him. She had hooked in to the audiocenter implant in his ears to talk to him directly, yet still he felt a gush of shame come on at the thought of other people hearing how many times he had visited the store this year alone. Cooking, and buying stuff for cooking, had become somewhat of an addiction in the last year. Sure not the worst of addictions but still addictive behavior was something to be embarrassed.

“Just here to look around. Thanks” Alex lied to the machine while looking down at his shoes. He had never been good at talking to women. Real or artificial. A friend had once called it a sign of Darwinism. Being unable to talk to women meant Alex wouldn’t procreate. Alex knew better. After the whole Sasha thing. Alex his mind went blank again.

Alex shook out of his stupor when he heard the SARAH speak once more.

“Are you sure you don’t require directions or assistance mister Meyers?”

Alex shook his head again. That was the second time he had been reminded of Sasha. Forcing himself to think of the pot roast once again he looked at the SARAH.

“No thanks I’m just going to get an All-round Cooker Device and be off again” Alex said.

“Off course mister Meyers. Have a pleasant day and feel free to ask for anything at all” The robotic voice answered.

“Though you seem more of a grill type of man to me” another voice, this time truly feminine, said seemingly also coming from the SARAH’s screen.

Alex looked up and saw that the tall blond SARAH had been replaced by a shorter red haired freckled girl. Alex startled and let out a little yelp of surprise. The image of the red haired girl disappeared even quicker then it had appeared. Alex looked at the screen which once again held a smiling version of the SARAH.

Alex started walking away as quick as he could without actually breaking into a run. It had just been a illusion, a flicker of the light. Sasha had been on his mind this day. That was it. Nothing to worry about. Alex had almost convinced himself of this when he arrived at the section of the store that sold the All-round Cooker Device.

Alex had planned to take his time, looking over the available appliances, perhaps have the SARAH talk him through each of their pro’s and con’s. instead he decided to leave the store as fast as he could. Today wasn’t the right day to shop around. Alex grabbed the first All-round Cooker Device he saw and headed to the cashier to pay and head home.

While walking out of the store Alex looked apprehensively at the SARAH screen at the entrance of the store but she didn’t change again. And Alex finally managed to convince himself that it had all been some trick his eyes had been playing on him. A last stroke of guilt, still poking through despite the years of planned repression.

Alex his mind was once again completely on the pot roast when he left the mall and headed for his car. He even started to regret leaving the store so quickly. Now he had an All-round Cooker Device with no idea of it would do the job. Though, Alex reasoned with himself, it would provide some challenge.

When he had put the All-round Cooker Device in his trunk Alex sat behind the wheel and started the car. The bald face of the DAN, or Driving Assistant Navigator, looked out at Alex from the screen next to the wheel.

“Where would you like to go mister Meyer?” the, not really human, voice of the DAN asked.

“Never mind. I’ll be driving myself” Alex answered.

“well you always were more of a do it yourself kind of a guy” a feminine voice replied.

Alex looked down at the screen of the DAN and saw that the DAN’s face had been replaced by the red haired girl.

Panic took hold of Alex. This had to be impossible. Alex felt his mind trying to go blank and fought against it.

“This can’t be. You’re not real” Alex found himself almost screaming at the screen.

“And yet I’m here” the girl said smiling.

“No your not” Alex screamed before getting out of the car and starting to run letting the blankness take over his mind.

When Alex finally came back to his senses he found himself in a familiar allay. Somehow his unconscious mind had brought him to the same place he had met Sasha that night. Alex supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Seeing Sasha on the screens had put her in his mind.

Alex calmed himself. There are three options here Alex thought to himself.

1.     I am going insane. Guilt manifesting itself. After 12 years the past has caught up. Not a comforting thought.

2.     Someone knew. Somehow. After all this time. Someone knew. And was using artificial constructs to torment him. Another uncomforting thought.

3.     It was Sasha somehow. That was impossible. Alex remembered the pool of blood.

His mind went blank again.

When Alex shook back to consciousness he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It was clearly dark out. He must have stood in this alleyway for hours. The blanks got worse. He had never experienced more the a couple of minutes at a time before. Then again he had never been so close to completely remembering Sasha and her. His mind went blank again.

Again Alex woke up in the alleyway. The darkness was gone, the sun shining once again. Alex felt the weakness of his body. He must have stood there all night. His legs were throbbing, his eyes were dropping and his stomach screaming.

Alex welcomed each of the unpleasant sensations his body had to offer. They kept him from thinking about the reason he had been blanking and gave him something to focus on. Weariness and hunger, those were known inflictions. Those he could deal with.

Alex started walking towards the end of the allay. If memory serves there was a place that would serve breakfast not too far from here. Alex managed to walk towards the breakfast place despite the agony his legs were experiencing. He saw several ad-screens when he got back to the street but deliberately kept his head down, not looking at them.

When Alex entered the breakfast place he sat down at the first table and looked at the order screen. The DORA, or Delivering Ordering Reality Assistant, looked up at Alex.

“What can I help you with today sir” the DORA asked.

“Get me some toast with butter and a cup of coffee and please call a taxi to pick me up” Alex said.

“Of course coming right up” the Dora answered

“Really coffee Alex?” a, by know familiar, female voice said from the ordering screen. “Do you think that is wise after the night you had”? “

Alex tried to catch himself but couldn’t help looking down at the screen. The red haired girl, Sasha , was there again.

Alex felt the blankness envelop him again.

“Who are you?” he managed to ask “why are you doing this”.

“O dear. You were always a bit slow on the uptake. But you know the answers to those questions” Sasha said before Alex felt the blackness take over once again.

“Wake up you blankhead”. Alex felt a hand slap him across the face.

“I’m awake” Alex managed to croak. He opened his eyes and looked at his attacker. A big and clearly very strong man looked down at him.

“Good, were closed. You have to leave now” the man said.

“No you have to help me” Alex began. “she keeps making me ..”

“yeah yeah” the man interrupted “we all need help man, time to leave”

The man picked up Alex and half caried, half dragged him to the door of the diner.

“no please” Alex managed to croak but he couldn’t say more. The weakness of his body go the better of him. The darkness outside told him he had blanked out the entire day. An entire day without sleep or food. At least he had been sitting this time.

The man threw Alex out of the diner muttering to himself about “fucking blankheads” and Alex fell face down in the gutter.

I cant think Alex realized. Any thought could lead him to her. Another blanking could be fatal. God only knows how long he would blank for then. Get home. Stay away from screens. Don’t let it happen again

Alex managed to crawl to his knees and looked up. Right in front of him was an ad-screen. Alex looked away but not before automatically reading the ad-screens contents. The ad-screen was an ad for the blank center of doctor Marfin. ‘remove those unwanted thoughts and replace them with nothing’ its catchphrase read.

This gave Alex hope. They had done this to him. They should be able to undo it. Anything was better. The blankness was no longer a comfort.

Alex knew the way to the office of SANDERSON and started walking. It was just three blocks. He should be able to avoid more screens in that short of a walk.

Alex kept his head down and repeated the same mantra in his head over and over. One more step. One more step. One more step.

When he made it to the office of doctor Marfin Alex walked up the short stairs to the door and he rang the bell three times in a row. The desperation started to leave him, slowly being replaced by hope.

When the doorbells screen lit up and the DASAI, or Doorbell And Secretary Assistant Intelligence, showed up Alex almost ran in fright. Another screen.

“I am sorry to inform you that we are closed right now. Any appointments can be made during business hours between 8 and..” the DASAI said

before being replaced with another voice.

“Oh so close Alex. Really. I’m impressed with the determination you are showing” Sasha said.

“No please, I don’t want to” Alex muttered before feeling the blankness take him over again.

When Alex woke up the sun was high in the sky and he was looking right at it. At some point during the night his legs had given out and he had fallen down the stairs. All of his body hurt. But the sun was up and he was alive. Alex focused on the sun. something about it was important.

Business hours Alex thought. Doctor Marfin was open now and he was alive. He still had a chance. Taking a moment to gather all his strength Alex pushed himself up and started to climb the stairs on all fours. Slowly getting closer to the door.

 When he reached the door Alex pushed on it an to his relief it gave way and opened up to a familiar waiting room. Alex knew that behind the desk there would be another DASAI. Deciding not to risk it Alex crawled to the same door he had used three years ago and pushed his way in. With an enormous effort he managed to push himself into the chair and stared speaking.

“it just keeps happening doctor,  I know I’m going crazy. There is no other explanation. I can’t stop seeing her. I keep blanking. Help me” Alex said.

To his horror Alex remembered something about doctor Marfin right before the screen on the side of the room went on.

Doctor Marfin wasn't a true doctor. It was the MARFIN, or Memory Altering Repurposing For Intelligent Needs.

“No please” Alex closed his eyes and started to sob uncontrollable “I beg you. Anything you want. Not this way. Please not this way. I beg. I beg you. I beg”

Miles away Sasha sat in front of her camera looking at the screen that showed the MARFIN's viewpoint and she started to laugh.

“Oh but I begged too Alex and that didn’t stop you now did it” she said.