11 comments
Please check out Apple Pie Part 1 first!
SCENE 4: SUGARFALLS MANSION LIVING ROOM
Lottie: Feel free to take a seat! I will bring some pie from the kitchen.
(Reporter and Cameraman sit down)
(Lottie comes back with apple pies)
(TV announces: And the winner of this year’s Mirror Mirror Beauty Pageant is LOTTIE WHITE!!!)
Lottie: Oh my! I have won this year’s Mirror Mirror Beauty Pageant! This calls for a celebration does it not?
Reporter: I want more pie!
Lottie: What happened to the pies I had placed on the table a few seconds ago?
(Cameraman looks at Reporter)
Reporter: Uhm. (munch munch) I ate it.
SCENE 5: WINTERTIDE MANSION LIVING ROOM
Vanessa: THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! NOOOOOOOOO!!! LOTTIE WON THE MIRROR MIRROR BEAUTY PAGEANT!!! I NEED TO DESTROY LOTTIE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! (evil laugh)
I know exactly what to do! (evil laugh intensifies)
SCENE 6: SUGARFALLS MANSION LIVING ROOM
(Phone rings)
Reporter: GIMMIE MORE PIE!
Lottie: One moment please. (Lottie picks up the phone) Hello? Who might this be?
Vanessa: This is your car insurance and we wanted to let you know that if you don’t renew it right now, we will have to take away your car! Give me you social security inf-
Lottie: Hmm… that’s odd. I thought I told my insurance company to contact my secretary for anything.
Vanessa: Erm- Well this was REALLY urgent, so I had to contact you! Now hand over the social security inf-
Lottie: Sorry, but I’m quite busy right now. I have guests. (hangs up) Florian, please refrain from eating pie crumbs off the floor, I will bring you some more pie in a moment!
(Phone rings again)
Lottie: (picks up) Hello! This is Lottie speaking!
Vanessa: You are the lucky winner!!! You have won a raffle for 10 Billion dollars!!! Click the link that will show up in your text messages to redeem your prize!
Lottie: Oh my!! That is quite the surprise! I’m afraid that I’m already quite wealthy and have more money than I know what to do with! I politely decline this offer and request that you give the money to someone who needs it more than me. (hangs up)
SCENE 7: WINTERTIDE MANSION LIVING ROOM
Vanessa: WHY IS SHE SO NICE!?!?!?! I HAVE TO SCAM HER IF I WANT TO HACK INTO HER COMPANY OR STEAL HER IDENTITY OR DRAIN HER BANK ACCOUNT!! WHAT A GOODY TWO-SHOES! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SCAM HER IF THERE IS NOTHING SHE WANTS!
….
(gasp)
That’s it! I got the perfect idea!
SCENE 8: SUGARFALLS MANSION LIVING ROOM
Lottie: Utilizing a spoon to scoop pie crumbs off the floor does not make it any more sanitary to eat, Florian. Please be a little patient, pies take time to bake.
(Phone rings)
Lottie: (picks up) Hello. This is Lottie speaking.
Vanessa: Hello, I’m calling from an orphanage and I was wondering if you would partner with us to do a food drive for homeless people. I saw that you had many apples in your orchard and we were wondering if you were willing to donate a few to us.
Lottie: Of course! It would be my pleasure!
Vanessa: Thank you so much! I’ll text you the address where you can drop off the apples!
Lottie: You are welcome! (hangs up) (turns to face cameraman and reporter) I have a little errand to run, I’ll be back in an hour! Don’t eat all the pies, you two.
SCENE 9: MIDDLE OF THE FOREST IN LOTTIE’S PICKUP TRUCK
Lottie: (drives pickup truck with apples) This is quite the odd location for an orphanage is it not? But this is where the person from the phone call instructed to drop the apples off at and the map says this is where the address is located
(small building comes into view through the trees)
Lottie: This must be the orphanage! (gets out of car and knocks on door of building)
(7 Kids come out)
Sunday: Hi! Welcome! My name is Sunday! These are my friends (gestures toward friends) Their names are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday!
Friday: Oh hi! You must be the person that Vanessa told us to take hostage!
Sunday: (aggressively whispers) SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, DUM-DUM!
Monday: (whispers) I agree! Shut up, Friday! I hate you! You are so stupid!
Sunday: (aggressively whispers) Monday, stop bullying Friday! We are supposed to be on a mission!!!
Lottie: (clears throat) It is a pleasure to meet you! My name is Lottie White! Would you be so kind as to let me know who to give the boxes of apples?
Sunday: You can just give them to me, I’ll take ‘em.
Lottie: Pardon me, but don’t you have a supervisor or an adult here?
Sunday: Er- yes. They are -um- inside! Follow me!
(Lottie goes inside orphanage)
(Tuesday slams the door shut and Sunday, Thursday, and Saturday tie Lottie to a chair.)
(Monday and Friday stand guard outside)
Lottie: HEY! LET ME GO YOU IMBECILES!
Sunday: Ugh.. now where did I put that darn duct-tape!!?!?!
SCENE 10: IN FRONT OF THE ORPHANAGE
(Reporter and Cameraman climb out of the back of Lottie’s pickup truck)
Cameraman: Did you hear that? It sounded like Lottie screaming!!! I knew that scam call was suspicious! It was a trap to kidnap her!
Reporter: It's a good thing that we decided to hide in the back of the truck and stalk her!
Friday: (notices reporter and cameraman) HEY!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!?!
Monday: They literally just came out of the back of the truck, Friday.
Friday: Nobody asked you, stupid!
Monday: YOU’RE the stupid one!
Friday: That’s exactly what a STUPID person would say!!!
Monday: Well it's not MY fault you have the IQ of a mailbox!
Friday: MEANIE!!! (steps on Monday’s foot)
Monday: OW!! (pushes Friday into a tree)
Friday: (slaps Monday)
(Friday and Monday start hitting each other while screaming insults)
Cameraman: (whispers) Now is our chance! Let’s sneak past those two while they are still distracted, go inside the orphanage and see if we can save Lottie!
Reporter: (whispers) Did you bring your camera, because I want you to take a video of me fighting off the bad guys and saving Lottie! Then I’ll put the footage on the news channel and GET FAMOUS!
Cameraman: (whispers) The fact that you learned how to fight from watching Kung Fu Panda makes me think that you won’t be able to fight them off. (mumbles) I'll record the footage of you failing miserably and post it online anyway. (turns on camera)
(Cameraman and Reporter sneak into orphanage)
Reporter: Welcome News 4 Now! We will be doing our new segment: “Florian Saves The Day” Where I beat up the bad guys with my epic combat skills!!
(sees Lottie tied to a chair) RELEASE LOTTIE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!!!!
Sunday: Ugh, who let these hooligans in here? Monday and Friday are terrible at guarding the door. Tuesday, go tie these two up as well.
(Reporter waves around arms pathetically, screaming “HIYA”)
(Reporter and Cameraman get tied to chairs)
Reporter: I’d say I put up a good fight, don’t you think so too viewers? That’s the end of our segment for today!
Cameraman: Being tied up by a single 7 year old in less than 30 seconds is not putting up ‘a good fight.’
Reporter: SHHHHHHH!!! You’re ruining my reputation!!
Sunday: HEY! THEY HAVE A CAMERA!! (grabs camera from cameraman and turns it off)
Stay tuned for part 3!
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
11 comments
I read both parts and find this to be an interesting twist on Snow White. I'd like to see how all this turns out. One comment: from the scripts I've read in my critique group, your scenes need some description of the locations, characters, and settings. These two parts are mostly dialogue (which scripts are), but without added description the dialogue tends to be flat. I like your story but show us more of the scene and the characters to fill the gaps in our imaginations. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it.
Reply
Thank you so much for your helpful tips! I really appreciate it. Originally, I thought that it would be better to leave appearances open-ended so that whoever is putting on the play gets to decide on how everyone and everything looks, so it will be easier on them, but from a readers perspective, I see what you mean! I'll try to implement that next time. Thank you again :)
Reply
I read both parts and find this to be an interesting twist on Snow White. I'd like to see how all this turns out. One comment: from the scripts I've read in my critique group, your scenes need some description of the locations, characters, and settings. These two parts are mostly dialogue (which scripts are), but without added description the dialogue tends to be flat. I like your story but show us more of the scene and the characters to fill the gaps in our imaginations. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it.
Reply
Thank you so much for your helpful tips! I really appreciate it. Originally, I thought that it would be better to leave appearances open-ended so that whoever is putting on the play gets to decide on how everyone and everything looks, so it will be easier on them, but from a readers perspective, I see what you mean! I'll try to implement that next time. Thank you again :)
Reply
Although I've never written a script, there was a woman in my critique group who is very good and has won several contests with her scripts. She pointed out to me that you should write enough information so that a person in the audience can see the scene and knows where everything is taking place. They can't see into the character's head, so you leave out any internal thoughts. You can write in the script hints to emotions in a particular scene, but, and you are right, the interpretation of those emotions and scenes are left up to the actors...
Reply
Ah, i see. I'll include more scene descriptions in my next piece for sure! Thank you so much for the advice.
Reply
My pleasure.
Reply
Love the action and the advancing story! I will stay tuned!
Reply
I'm glad you like it! Thank you :)
Reply
Seven dwarfs up to no good!🍎🥧
Reply
Haha! Yep :)
Reply