A Glimmer

I’ve always wondered where the stars hide. They say they used to fill the night skies like scattered jewels on a silken sable dress. They would twinkle and blink, acting as the night’s gleaming eyes, watching passersby go on their nightly trails. Whether it may be a late-night merchant wandering along or a creeping thief waiting to pounce. My grandma would always say that the stars had their own secrets to keep. She would say, if you were able to catch one then you could hear their secrets. Whispering secrets that no mortal could dare keep. And to be sure that you would not tell, their glistening light would surround you and grant you one singular wish. 

            I’ve always wanted to find a star and hear its secrets. Listening to their tinkling tones, reverberate in a cacophony of sparkling splendor. Following their symphony to the unknown, where their mysteries preside. Catching a glimpse, a notion of the freedom they possess which no one has seen. Or no one will see, for no more stars fill the night sky. Only a faint dusting mist of indigo, lightened by the rays of the waning moon remain. Some say the stars were stolen. Stolen by those who wanted to keep the star’s secrets to themselves and have all their wishes granted. But I don’t believe that. 

            I think the stars hid themselves away. To keep their secrets well-kept from any greedy people like Petey sitting in the corner with his brown sack of (stolen) marbles. I wouldn’t want any grubby pinching fingers trying to grab hold, tearing each other apart in a fight for control. So, I wouldn’t blame them for hiding away, but I wish they had waited for me first. I’ve never seen a star like grandma and the stories she whispered to me at night has always filled me with such wonder. If I could just take a peek of the fleeting sparks that used to fill the night sky, I would feel complete.  For unlike the sun, whose blasting beams take hold of every living thing in its path, the stars release a soft radiance. A sole sparkle comforting those who are lost and don’t know the way back. 

            The other children make fun of me when I talk about the stars. They’re more obsessed with the things they can touch, like the dirt… or I guess the birds if they ever knew how to catch one. What’s so great about the things we can see and touch? There’s no questions, only answers. Well, the answers Mr. Steward tells us to remember.  

            Mr. Steward is (and is always) at the front of our little room, all of us are packed so tightly that we compete with the leaves on how crowded we are in one spot. Mr. Steward has always been a stout, towering man, looking over our heads with a determined gleam, his nose heading unusually downward, as if it were trying to hook the nearest person like a fish. I like to think that he wanted to be a general with power and prestige, but he happened to be stuck with children instead. Kids who only care about what’s under their feet and not what would have been above their heads.

            Mr. Steward had just finished his lecture as I looked out our pinched window, the last bit of sunlight blending with the trees, creating a purplish bruised sky with the greenery tickling from beneath. ‘There will be a full moon tonight’. Mr. Steward always kept us till sunset, he would always say it was a better indicator than a clock any day. Maybe that’s why they didn’t let him join the Order.  Finally, I picked up my bag and started walking towards the door, my mind still twinkling with sparkling stars. ‘How big were the stars next to the full moon?  Did they share their secrets with her as well? Maybe she would know where the stars went, since she and the sun are the only ones left-’.

            “Hey Kim! Over here!” broken from my starry-eyed thoughts, I turned my gaze to the yellowing field of grain. Up ahead, from a singular tree at the top of the mountainous field, two skinny arms waved enthusiastically from side to side, upside down of course. Sometimes I think Gin was meant to be a squirrel. Her round spectacles made her eyes pop from her head, she would chatter on and on no matter the topic, and if she were to ever let that dirty brown cap of hers fall, her hair would bunch up and curl in all kinds of wild winding patterns. As I came closer, her buck-toothed grin grew larger, although I shouldn’t say anything since the gap between my own two front teeth haven't come any closer to closing. 

            “Guess, what?” she almost screeched, still swinging from her branch. Shaking my head, I let my pack slide to the ground and situated myself against the trunk of the tree. ‘The moon should be rearing her head soon’. “What is it?” With a swift jump she landed on the ground on all fours and swiftly searched in her own pack, throwing one item there and another here. I closed my eyes and let the rustling continue, and breathed for a moment, trying to imagine the shining image of the stars once more. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. There I saw Gin with her hands tightly clasped, holding on to dear life for something, but her expression was something of enchantment, like wonder.

            “Kim, you know how you would tell me all about the stars? Well, I-I..” Her gaze became harder for a moment as she looked down to her clasped hands. With a deep breath she continued, but in a soft whisper almost inquiring to me. “I-I think I found one.” I sat up cautiously, carefully examining Gin’s hyperactive form. Since we were little, we would climb great spiky pines, staring up at the night sky, pondering over and over why those bright lights left the sky, leaving the moon by her lonesome. “Show me.” I said my mouth going dry. She opened her tightly clasped hands and we looked together.

…

Brooding night your cursed blank canvas hurts me so

All you dawn is one brightly covered eye half open and closed

Why do you shame me in this way?

Slowly your light begins to fade

I’ve seen how he consumes you in the passing days

So take me back once more within your rays

We are your children, your children of the night

Dear mother stop this madness and hear my plight

…

The forest always loved to call its crooked cry at night. The howling of the wind, mixing with the rustling of the leaves, and the snapping of branches under paw made for a perfect deterrent for any unwelcome guests. Myself included. No one ever liked the wood. It always had a sickening feeling about it. With its claw-like branches extending outward, trying to grab hold of anything or anyone. It didn’t help that there was no man-made path either, raised roots and inhabited cavities enveloped most of the forest floor. I had to grab hold of Gin’s hand so I wouldn’t go spiraling down into the coming darkness of the wood. The sun had fallen a good while ago and a blue blackness engulfed the night sky. Only the full moon could guide us along the fictitious path we seemed to follow. The forest’s eyes watching us every step of the way.

“Are you sure you know where we’re going?” I asked Gin, gripping her hand a little tighter.

“I’m sure of it! Just trust me Kim, we’re gonna see a real star. I just know it!”

Gin’s nerves remained firm ever since we left our little tree on the hill. I was amazed how she was able to stay so focused, after what we’ve seen. I wasn’t even sure what it was that we saw all together. When Gin first opened her hands, I didn’t see anything at first. I thought this squirrely girl had gone crazy at last, but on closer inspection I noticed a slight glow coming from her cupped hands. There, no greater than a speck of sand, lay a twinkling jewel or, no, maybe a shining slice of silver. No words could truly describe the glimmering object. What truly stood out to me, though, was that it felt so alive yet broken, like it was only a piece of a whole bigger than ourselves. 

I’d never seen anything like it.

After I stared at the noble shard completely at a loss of words, Gin’s voice resurfaced, thrilled, and proceeded to fill me in on where she had found the glimmer. She was running about the Wood, for although many disliked the Wood, she flourished in its curving paths and chilling cries for she craved hidden mysteries of ancient evergreens. But while she explored one evening, climbing about amongst the towering trees, she came across a stream. It being almost time for dinner, she had decided to wash her muddy hands in the running water, but as she scrubbed her palms she noticed a soft gleam contrasting from the smooth pebbles below. The sun had already started its decent, which made the glow even more prominent and that is where she found it. The glimmer.

When she finished her story, I immediately demanded that she take me there. I didn’t really expect such an outburst from myself and neither did Gin, but I was completely overwhelmed by the idea. The idea that maybe, just maybe, the stars may be closer than I thought. They were hiding, and it was Gin’s and my job to find it. But now that we’re actually in the woods, with the nightly beast about and the unknown at our fingertip. I just don’t know. Maybe we should have waited till daybreak to try anything. What if we bump into something or someone dangerous? What if there really isn’t anything there and that glimmer is just some silly little rock that glows?

These thoughts kept rattling on and on inside my head as we kept pressing forward. When we left, Gin put the glimmer right back in her sack. ‘I need to check it again, maybe I was just seeing things before. I need to check one more time to make sure this is all real.’ With my other hand free I reached forward with an outstretched hand towards Gin’s pack and -

“We’re here!” I retracted my hand immediately. Before I knew it we were already at the stream. The full moon’s rays filled the brook with a comforting glow. I let go of Gin’s hand and walked towards the water’s edge. 

I saw my own reflection in the water, slightly warbled. My hair had become even more frazzled than its usual frizzy barrage, and I looked exhausted. But there in my eyes I saw a spark. A flame ready to burn. - ‘This could be my only chance. This could lead me to the stars. This could lead me to my dream. All I have to do is take it. Take it now, whether or not we’re right or wrong.’

“Gin, did you happen to see any more of those glimmers when going up the river?” Gin pondered for a moment, her foot tapping in time with my own heartbeat. 

“You know,” she responded carefully, “I may have seen some more up the stream, but I could’ve mistaken them for the sun reflecting on the water.”

Sitting on it for a moment, I made a realization, “Gin, the glimmer in your pocket, what if it isn’t a star. Stars would have to be humongous for us to see them with the moon. So, what if the glimmer was only a fragment? A fragment of an actual star.” I paused for a moment catching my breath. “I think we need to go upstream and see where it leads. What do you think?”

For a moment Gin said nothing. Nervous I had made my friend think I was a lunatic, I tried to continue but was cut off.

“Seems like our best option to me. We’ve always wanted to see the stars, so let's go see them once and for all!” And with a little smirk she playfully punched me in the shoulder. “And you would be completely lost without me.”

I gave out a little chuckle. ‘So, this is it. Our dreams are finally coming true. The stars are right at our fingertips.’ 

“Then let’s get going!”

…

Brooding night your cursed blank canvas hurts me so

Your charming smiling is no longer aglow

You look longingly, longingly across these lands

Trying to find us and understand

I wait still in my solitude

Waiting for your warm touch to come seeping through

You chose this path to keep me safe

But what about you in that darkening shape

Your eyes are downcast

Your light dims

Was it really worth it,

To protect us from him?

…

            Was this reality or just my imagination? I stood at the bank of the small lake with Gin by my side. She was no longer radiating her self-assured smile. A firm line attached itself to her lips. No etchings or crevices, only one straight line. Her eyes swelled with what I could tell was confusion or maybe fear. The fear of this unknown place. Gin knew this forest like the back of her hand so how could she not recognize it? There was this unfamiliar feeling dancing within the air. Calling us closer and closer to this delusion of space, for before us lay a crack hovering above the center of the lake, and there, it bled.

            Glimmer after glimmer dripped out of the sky’s wound, creating a sky upon the ground and a black sea above. As each light tumbled with an airy spring, a resounding chime seemed to wrap every surface in a wisping light, which faded in a defiant swoop. Below our feet lay our brightly colored glimmers, brightening in time with our own breathing as if encouraging us to join them in the mellow waters below. 

           Those terrifying thoughts which I cast away, began to resurface once more. Doubt. That’s all that came to mind. ‘Was this truly where the stars lie? This demented image of our reality fractured as windowpane’s cracked glass. Light spilling like the blood of wound and the incessant calling of each glowing spark falling deeper and deeper into the lake’s depths. Would I find my stars here or was this just a trap made by imagination? How could any of this be real?’ To calm my nerves, I slowly reached down to the water’s surface, but found my hand could not protrude the top wet layer. I tried to push harder and harder into the water’s cold surface, but to no avail. I could not pierce the water’s surface. I quickly lifted my head forward to the rift. It was only a few steps away. If I could just see what it was.

            And without even thinking I was already walking across the water, a slow and careful pace as if I might scare the rift away from existence. I heard Gin call for me in the distance, but I didn’t answer. I wanted to know, I needed to know. Where are the stars hiding? Why did they go away? What were those secrets they were trying to hide?

            As I came closer, I found the rift's glow emitting many sparkling hues. Reflecting on the dark surface, I found a flushed rosy tint and blinking sapphire shifting in and out, fighting one another for dominance. But standing out from the others, an amber type of luster seemed to wisp around with an alarmed energy.

            I was so close now. All I had to do was bend forward and reach out, but I paused. I hesitated. My gaze was fixed on the moving shades underneath. The colors had consumed me thoroughly and I felt their warmth resonate throughout my skin. Without turning my gaze, I knew Gin was still behind me gawking at the absurdity of it all. If anything were to happen, she would tell grandma. It may not be the truth, but she would tell her. But that’s not gonna happen. I’m going to be fine because I will find out where the stars hide.

             With a determined glint, I thrusted my hand into the rift and felt for something, anything. My hand felt like it was burning on hot coals, but I found myself latching on to a cool spherical object. Just as fast as I put my hand, I pulled my hand firmly back to my chest. Steadying my breath, I looked down to the object that lay clasped in my hands. It gave off a dim amberish glow with blue and pink sparkles coming in and out. I held the object a little closer. Mostly for clarity. ‘I’d done it.’ I gave off a shaky sigh. ‘I actually did it.’ But as I was going to inspect the light closer, I felt a warming yet painful sensation within my chest and before I knew it I was sinking in the water.

            The orb of light was nowhere to be seen and the sprinkling trinkets of glimmer beneath the lake seemed to fill my vision. Slowly my eyesight was beginning to fade, but before I fully lost consciousness a woman's beautiful smile seemed to take hold of my mind as well as a haunting hum from a man seemingly far away, yet so close. 

…

Brooding night you surprise me so

You knew of their coming before I could go

You sent them my way

Without any delay

And now chaos may be free to roam once more

In this world you do adore

…