A Diamond is Forever

The attic is cold. The kind of cold that lingers in your bones long after. The crack lines in the window taunt the thought of shattered glass on the ground. One harsh sweep of wind and the whole pane would fall, broken pieces digging into molding wood. Yet the windows are old and have lived through many bitter storms. The wind won’t break what’s been there forever. The rain dances on the roof somehow making the world seem quieter. Why I was sent up here I can’t even remember because now my whole focus is on the misfit items scattered around. Books with dust older than I am, bike tires long gone from their frames, teddy bears with disappeared body parts. It feels as if this room has been sitting and waiting for all these years. Waiting for someone to find the hidden door that leads to a whole forgotten world. Whispers, questions, and conversations linger with the aged things. Why was I forgotten and left among the dust? Why was I not good enough to stay with the shiny new toys? I realize I haven’t actually stepped into the room but I’m lingering in the doorway. As my bare feet hit the soft wood the door slams behind me, pushing me further. There’s too much to look at, too much to take in. 

"Maeve, did you find it?" a voice echoes through the walls as my task finally comes back to mind. "It has to be up there. Let me come and help." 

"Thanks babe." I smile, dropping to my knees and dragging out a weighted brown box.  Footsteps softly fill my ears as she sinks down to my side. She slides her arms around my waist and plants a kiss on my cheek. Her lips are soft and warm, spreading tingles from my toes to my forehead. "Brooke, there's so much up here. I don't know how we'll find the book." 

"Don't worry if my grandmother wanted me to read it she must have left it in one of these boxes." we start sifting through useless magazines and unreceived postcards. Paper cuts gather on my fingertips and a migraine settles in. When I'm just about to call it quits, something catches my eye. It contrasts with the other old colours. The post card is polished pearly white and twinkining even in the dimmed evening light. In large swirly letters the card reads a diamond is forever. The words sink into my soul, leaving marks in my mind. 

My arm is linked around my girlfriend as we make our way to school. The cool autumn air bites at my bare ankles. Watercolor leaves paint the sidewalk deep shades of orange. My doc martens skip over cracks and long shadows. 

"So umm I have something to tell you." Brooke says her voice shaking as a hint of nerves comes through. I stop walking, sensing something is wrong. "I got into UCLA." 

"Oh my god, that's incredible! Why do you sound so…" my sentence trails off as I realise what this means. Ever since Brooke and I got together in Sophmore year, ignoring all the whispers and stares, we knew our future. We would graduate and go to college at home in Massachusetts. I was set on Amherst and Brooke didn't' mind where she would end up as long as we were close. That was until UCLA was on the table and now it was threatening everything. Her going there would break every bound we took so long to build. My mind turns into a blur and my legs start to feel too weak to hold me up. I should be happy for her because that's how relationships work. What's wrong with me? I should be better than this.

"Maeve this isn't set in stone. I-I…." the second she says it I know it isn't true. There's no way she could turn that offer down. It would give her a brighter future. She grabs my arm but it's too late. I've already turned around away from the future. Away from the truth. I start to run. Sprint. I don't even know where I'm going. I can't think of anything. My mind is spinning with too many thoughts yet it's still blank. I can't form clear thoughts. When my legs finally give in I'm standing in front of a yard far from my own. The grass a little too short and the paint a little too tinted yellow. It takes me a moment to realize an old woman is sitting on a rusting lawn chair. Her voice is strained and scratchy yet still clear.

"Why did you run?" she takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. I take a step closer so that we're both on the grass. She waits patiently as I rack my mind. I finally give in.

"I don't really know." I say slowly and carefully as if I'm a ticking time bomb waiting for one wrong word to explode my whole life. The woman doesn't respond for a couple minutes. I start to turn away back to where I came from.

"A diamond is forever." 

"Wait what did you say?"

"A diamond is forever." 

I lie on the ground of my room letting the hard wood dig into my shoulders. My mind tells me to get up. It tells me to call her and scream I'm sorry until my voice grows hoarse. Yet my body is still. Not a statue because there's always meaning behind pieces of art. I'm more like a weed that's stuck in the ground. Weeds ruin beautiful things and that's what I've done. My mind keeps going over and over the phrase. A diamond is forever. Is it supposed to mean something to me? The fact that it keeps showing up has to be some sort of sign. A sharp knock sounds at the door, pulling me out of my thoughts. My dad's muffled voice floats through the door.

"Mail came for you." he slides an envelope under the small crack in the door.

"Thanks." I manage to push the words out. As I dive for the envelope, confusion fills my mind. I never get mail, so what could this be? The envelope is a pale colour with my name sprawled across the back. I run my fingers over the opening. My paper cuts from sorting through the attic scream with pain. I tear the seal apart and pull out the single piece of paper. All that's written on it is: a diamond is forever. My heart falls all the way to the floor. This can't be a coincidence. There's no way. I start to think about how this correlates with my life, yet nothing comes. It's not like I own diamond earrings. I stay lying on the ground for what is probably an hour. Then suddenly everything clicks into place. It feels like finding the missing puzzle piece hidden under the couch. I quickly get up from my place on the floor and rush out the door. When I open the front door of my house rain is drenching the world around me. The car isn't there meaning my mom probably took it somewhere. It's too far to walk so I grab my bike. It's a little too small for me because I got it when I was thirteen but it'll have to do. I start biking down the street and my hair is already sticking to my face. Puddles are scattered across the lonely street. I keep peddling to where I need to go even when my clothes get drenched. Mud is kicking onto my ankles and wind is spitting into my eyes. I have to do this now. After what happened yesterday I can't wait anymore. I eventually spot her house sitting on the corner of the street. I throw my bike on her lawn and march up to her door. I knock on the chipping teal paint and wait impatiently. I stand in the rain thinking she won't open the door for a couple more minutes. Then there's a close to silent click and the door swings open. 

"Brooke don't say anything. I'll do the talking." I scream over the rain. She closes the door and steps out into the leaking sky with me. "I'm sorry. What I did was stupid and selfish. Of course I want you to follow your dreams and go to California. I didn't really realise what a diamond is forever meant to me until now. A diamond is one of the strongest natural materials in the world." the rain starts to fall harder but I don't care. I take another deep breath. " I love you. You are my diamond. The most important beautiful shiny thing to me. We can do this because we're strong. It'll work out even if we're across the country from each other. A diamond is forever. We are forever." I feel tears stinging at my eyes as I yell the last part. Brooke looks at me through the blur of rain. She doesn't say anything. Suddenly she pulls me close and kisses me. I automatically kiss her back. Our faces are wet, dripping with water, yet we kiss. It feels like the first time all over again when I kissed her under the bleachers. She pulls back for a second and whispers softly into my ear.

"A diamond is forever."