I should not have this many clear memories of being six

Not for long wasn't even a day really, not that I can remember that far back. There were a few kids that matched this description before I was pulled out on account of rather intense issues, to put it bluntly, anxiety, and personal unassertiveness not helped by the extreme amiability of the people in my life. 

In any case, there are two children I thought about with this prompt. One being a girl whose appearance was at one point picked at by a friend at the time. The other being a boy who liked my babydolls more than I did.

I know I met the boy first, as he was one of the children that was about my age who lived close by in the trailer park when I was a kid. He was relatively average looking, white but tanned in the median that most people who aren't actual redheads can be, his hair like most boys of about six in 2006 was cropped short without much style. 

I don't remember what else we played or if I found him all that fun on a personal level at the time, but I remember that for a good long while we'd play house by the tree in my yard, and he'd change my baby doll's diapers for what felt like five hours every time he came over. 

I can't say that I intended for any real ignorance at the time, but I know he was a rare topic at the time and is currently someone I assume would be a good dad, given that he could just do that for hours and be suitably entertained.

I've met babies, and I've sat for my sister. It's one of the three things you gotta be ready for.

The girl, who also lived in the trailer park but farther away than the boy who liked my dolls, was a freckled dot of a person and I have little memory of her asides from the middling wave of her hair and how very nice she was.

That and how I actually made a point of befriending her. You see, I was a hopelessly shallow girl as far as the friends I'd make. This might seem odd to say about your six to eight year old self, but it's true. I honestly didn't hang out with people who's features I didn't find at least a bit appealing, and this is honestly one of those things that's still true now. 

To be fair, that was kinda a big part of the little click I'd gotten into at that age, appearances were a big deal and I was drawn to it 'cause I honestly felt like those things mattered. They certainly mattered to everyone I knew, from my sister who would literally start fights over her dietary restrictions with my mom when they were home from college, to just how many weight loss sojourns I'd watch my sister's go through before they were of age. 

It was just a big part of how the adults and near adults around me tended to act, and why at the time they seemed so willing to be treated badly. Which by the by was crap, anyway. The story of the girl starts with my vanity, but it also blends together with another big yikes in my life. 

Have I ever told any of you that I had an eating disorder? Yeah, that year when I was six, my friends were all the girls I liked seeing everyday, and one of them pointed at my stomach and it was the first time anyone I thought anything of had mentioned it like it was a problem.

Which is funny, you'd think a bunch of people with ingrown insecurities would pick at a little girl until she bled, but it wasn't ever like that. My sister's thought badly of themselves physically, my mom sometimes thought the same way, and I knew like them I needed to feel bad about it too.

So for a while during lunch, the hour shrinking everyday anyway that decade, I just forgot. I wouldn't eat the lunch I brought and I'd leave for recess instead. 

My homeroom teacher would say something similar about my granola upon request from Jess or Tess two seats over, and I'd hide that I was eating 'cause I couldn't handle going that far. 

But at some point I stopped eating those too. 

I remember this clearly because some time that year I caught a stomach bug that had been exacerbated by my not eating for the two times a day I was supposed to eat at school for almost a year, and the doctor as cheap as he was, was ready to put me through surgery over a stomach ache. I remember being in one of those CTscaners like in House but my doctor was a moron. 

I remember this because an intern bounced me on the table to test whether I even had an inflamed appendix let alone a burst one, and I asked to go again. 

I remember because my mom drove up to my school and reamed a new one into the principal until I was allowed out for an hour during lunch just so I could eat without anyone saying anything for a whole month. 

And I remember because sometime during or after this I realized that the girl I'd thought of as a friend wasn't just shallow but mean, and frankly I'd literally been sick of it. (I know for a fact that we'd picked on the freckle, and I still feel mortified.) 

And I know at some point I'd befriended that freckle of a girl because the alternative was letting that little twit be right, or just missing out 'cause the freckle was at least close by and nice ya know? 

I hadn't really expected most of my girlfriends to ditch her for me, that wasn't the maneuver I was going for. I thought they'd pick her, but maybe I wasn't alone in my assessment of her. Or heck, maybe they were also a bit shallow and thought I was cooler, or heck they remembered how much school I'd missed and felt weird. It doesn't matter.

But that's the thing, I don't think I ever hid a relationship of any fashion from anyone I knew already. 'Cause that sounds like a waste of time.