Snow Angel

       As I walked out of the hospital on that cold January day, the snow was falling making the whole world shimmer. Snow turns the world white like its starting anew and then makes it shine and sparkle, a sign of the good that will come. The cold air hits me and its invigorating. It hits my lungs making it hard to breathe, but I don’t care. It feels good to finally breathe in fresh air, unlike the stale air that circulates through the hospital. I’ve been sick for as long as I can remember, and I have spent months in the hospital dreaming of going outside again. Today, I finally can and its winter, my favorite time of year. The time when everything gets to have a fresh start and prepare for a new beginning. It seems fitting that this would be my fresh start as well. I am done with the hospital for good. They said I could finally leave and would not have to go back. A fresh start, full of promise, just like the fresh snow falling from the sky. I can finally experience the world.

 My parents are outside waiting for me with big smiles on their faces. “Oh, honey we are so happy. You can finally leave the hospital. It’s just so sad having a child spend their whole life in a hospital bed. There is so much for you to see and do.” We all hugged for what felt like an eternity. This was our new beginning. My beginning. I could finally have a life that involved something other than needles and medicine at all hours of the day.

             I never want to return to that hospital. I mean its ok for a children’s hospital, but with the boring white walls and the strictly scheduled meals and medications, sometimes it feels more like a prison. Kids just want to be free, to run outside, to get grass stains on their knees, like all the other kids get to do. We don’t want to be locked away in our rooms and our hallways by nurses and doctors. I remember one day, my friends Tommy, Sara, and I tried to escape the hospital, just to see if we could. We hid behind stretchers and desks and slowly made our way to the front door. We got all the way to the front lobby; we could just see the door a few feet away. Tommy got so excited he got up and ran as fast as he could toward the door. Well, the door doesn’t open very quickly, and Tommy ended up face first right into the glass door. The commotion of the crash and all of us laughing, quickly ended that escapade. Tommy ended up with a broken nose and a chipped tooth, but he didn’t care. He sat there on the floor laughing and holding his nose to try to stop the bleeding. That’s really what sent Sara and I into fits of giggles. He looked so ridiculous sitting there. Those times were the best; we forgot about where we were for just a few minutes.

             I will miss my friend Tommy. He’s been in the hospital almost as long as I have been. I will be sure to come back and visit him. He was always fun, making jokes and keeping the other kids laughing even when it was hard for everyone because we lost a friend, or being in the hospital was just getting to us. Tommy was always positive and always saw the good things in every situation. When Sara died, it was difficult for both of us. Our trio was now going to be a duo and pranks and games were never the same with two kids instead of three. Sara died during a very long experimental surgery that was supposed to save her life and set her free. When we found out she didn’t make it, we were devastated. Tommy, always trying to be positive, pointed out that now she didn’t have to sit in her hospital bed anymore, she could run around and play with other kids, and make it outside past the hospital doors we never escaped. I couldn’t help hoping what he said was true. Today, I felt like Sara, because I felt free.

             Freedom is an amazing feeling, it’s almost overwhelming because you can do anything you want to, you just have to decide where to start. I wanted to do everything, anything. When we got home to our small cottage just outside of town, I got out of the car and immediately plopped down in the snow and waved my arms and legs to make a snow angel. I got up; mom was laughing. She said “Tabby, you silly girl, let’s get inside and put some warm clothes on before you get sick again.” We went inside and I put on snow pants, a jacket, and some snow boots. Mom and dad must have gone shopping while I was at the hospital because these clothes fit just right and before today, I never needed any clothes for outside. Dad and I spent the afternoon making a snow fort so if anyone came to attack us, we would be ready. We even built two snowmen to guard our fort while we were inside drinking hot chocolate. It was my first time having hot chocolate and the warmth flowed right through me warming me up from the inside out. The hospital hardly let us have sweets, especially not a cup full of chocolate. I want a cup of hot chocolate every day now that I’m free.

             For dinner my mom made chicken noodle soup. She said she wanted to make something light because she wasn’t sure how I would handle the food outside of the hospital after being there for so long. It was perfect. There were lots of noodles and chicken and it was warm, unlike the hospital soup that seemed to only ever have two noodles and one little square of chicken if you were lucky. If you were really lucky, the soup was warm when you got it. Normally it was room temperature and hard to swallow. After dinner I was tired from playing in the snow all afternoon. I put on fresh new pajamas and climbed into fresh sheets on my bed which is one of the best feelings as you doze off into the dreamworld. I slept well that night, in a bed so comfy it was like sleeping on the clouds. Nobody was waking me up throughout the night to take a temperature or stab me with a needle. I think it was the first time I slept through an entire night.

             All week I played outside in the snow with mom and dad. We made our fort bigger and even created a whole family of snowmen. I had a cup of hot chocolate every day, just to warm up in between snowball fights. We had so much fun. We even went to town one day and had pizza and fresh bagels from the bakery. It all felt so magical. I never wanted this feeling to end, or these moments. I knew at some point mom and dad would have to go back to work and I would have to go back to school, but for now we focused on fun and just enjoying our time together.

             At the end of the week, I decided it was time to visit Tommy. I knew he had a big surgery coming up, so I knew it would be difficult for even him to stay positive. I wanted to share everything I had experienced that week with him. I knew it would help him during the surgery and would be just the thing to cheer him up. Plus, he was my best friend, how could I not be there for him. I asked mom and dad and they said we could go that afternoon if I wanted to. They called the hospital to make sure I’d be allowed to see him, and we decided to go right after lunch. Lunch that day was grilled cheese and tomato soup. My new favorite. There’s something about real cheese and homemade bread that make something so simple better than anything I have ever tasted, except hot chocolate of course.

             When we got to the hospital my parents decided to wait in the waiting area. I knew right where Tommy’s room was, so I ran down there to see him. When I walked into Tommy’s room he was crying. I don’t think I have ever seen Tommy cry before. It was a good thing I had come to cheer him up. I even had some chocolate chip cookies mom and I made that morning for him. They’re his favorite cookies. He looked surprised to see me, so I ran over and gave him a hug and told him about all the wonderful things I got to do that week and how much fun playing in the snow had been. He laughed with me and had a big smile on his face when I was done. “Are you nervous about the surgery?” I asked.

             “I am.” He said. “Is it awful?”

             “Oh no, they always give you something first, so you fall asleep and don’t even realize you are in surgery. You know that.”

             “I don’t think I’m ready for this. What’s it like?”

             “What do you mean? You’ll be fine. Then you’ll be free to leave the hospital and experience the world like I am. We’ll explore together!”

             Tommy looked at me with his big brown eyes “Tabby, you… you don’t know?”

             “Know what?” I said.

             “You didn’t make it out of surgery last week. You died, Tabby.”

             “What do you mean? My parents came and picked me up and we’ve been playing in the snow all week.”

             “Tabby..” He reached over and handed me a newspaper off the nearby table. The headline read COUPLE DIES IN 7 CAR PILEUP. “They were on the way here for your surgery when the snow started. It caused a bad accident and your parents never made it here. I am glad you are all together. That’s how I would want it to be if I didn’t make it. They love you so much.”

             “But that can’t be true. How am I here now? How are we talking to each other?”

             “Because I needed you, before my surgery. I haven’t been myself since you left, and I needed you to bring me back. Now that I know you are okay; I will be okay too. You’re an angel now Tabby. Go back and enjoy the world and explore like you always wanted to. It sounds like you are having an amazing time and I am very happy for you and your parents. I will join you one day, and we can share stories and see which world is better. Goodbye Tabby. I’m not scared anymore, and I have you to thank for that.”

             I walked out of his room, past my parents and straight out into the snow. I was crying. That’s when Sara walked up to me. “So it’s true?” I asked her.

“Yes, Tabby its true, but its ok because you can do anything you want to do and now that you’re here, maybe we can get back to some of our games and pranks. Plus, there’s lots of fun things to do and so many friendly people to meet. I promise it will be ok.” Sara smiled and took my hand.

My parents came up behind me and gave me big hugs. “Oh, Tabby we’re so sorry. We wanted to tell you, but you were so happy. We thought maybe you were visiting Tommy today because he needed you and we didn’t want to make you sad before seeing him.”

             “It’s ok. Tommy did need me today and I think I did help him.” I said. “I’m sorry you had to come too.”

             “Oh, its ok sweetheart. We would feel awful leaving you here all alone. We were trying to be there for you at the hospital, but the snow started falling and we lost control of the car. We are just thankful that we are all together now. Shall we go back to exploring the world?” my mom said.

             “Yes! Lets! We have the whole world to see! And we get to do it together. Sara, where shall we start?”

             As I looked back at the hospital doors and Tommy’s window, I waved to him one more time. He waved back with a huge smile on his face. I looked down at the fresh snow on the ground thinking of how it really is a new beginning. That’s when I realized, I wasn’t leaving any footprints. That’s how I knew I really had left Tommy behind. I knew we would see each other again one day and until then, I would continue to do all the things I didn’t get to do before. Afterall, I must have better stories to tell when we meet again.