Russian Roulette

The Nicholas family is a large family. Originally from Russia, and being relatives to the Tsars, they continue to meet in their homeland every 3 years for their family reunion. 

The time has come again, but a global catastrophe has stopped them from doing so. Of course, the tradition is to have a reunion, so as great-grandpa Alexander put it, “Who can stop the Nicholas family? No one!” followed by a string of Russian ranting. Everybody agreed, mainly because the least they could do was fulfill his wishes while he was on his deathbed. 

So it was decided that the reunion would be held virtually.

“How do I turn on my video?”

“Why is everything blurry?”

“What is happening?”

“I can’t hear anything!”

It was a big mess. The 125 people there had no idea how to use the video conferencing software, and many complained about why they weren’t doing it the traditional “Russian way”. Nevertheless, they were all happy to see each other again, all the way from great-grandpa Alexander to newborn baby Sergey. 

They all had some official family businesses to take care of, followed by some announcements about the latest additions to the family and other general topics. However, they all wished they were in their large hall in Russia. 

However, they were enjoying their virtual meeting. They could unmute and mumte as they pleased, and discuss with their family behind their backs. They were just like that, the Russians. They always had to whisper behind each others backs and plot against one another. The Ncholas family was no exception.

After they all had their virtual feast, all focus was on the head of the family, Viktor. It was the family’s tradition to make extremely important announcements at the end of dinner, just the let the words weigh heavy in their stomachs.

Viktor was the one who had organized the whole meeting. He cleared his thoat and shuffled around.

“All, I have a very important announcement to make.”

Everybody hushed at once to his booming voice. 

Families gathered in front of one screen, eagerly waiting for what he was going to say. It was obviously very important, judging from his sober face and tone. 

“I… I… You know that I am the sole manager of our family’s restaurant business, right?”

Everybody nodded in agreement. Of course, they knew about their family’s restaurant chain, which was widely renowned in Russia. 

“Well... Well, I…” he hesitated. All the command he had held a few minutes before had been replaced by shyness and hesitation.

Some stared at Viktor enviously, as they had been second or third in line to take over the business, which they resented him for, while some sat dumbfounded about why he was bringing up the topic. Everybody sat at the edge of their seats.

“Go on boy, come on,” said great-grandpa Alexander. 

And then Viktor found his voice. “I… am discontinuing the family business. I have thought long and hard about it, especially because we are in losses. I have made the decision to close it. I don’t care what you think, but this is the best for all of us, to uphold the family honor.”

He was greeted by dumbfounded and taken aback faces. Some looked at him, purely horrified while others were mildly amused. The family business had been going well recently, booming due to the holiday season. What was this nonsense about losses?

There were a few seconds of silence, which were then broken by Viktor’s scream. 

Everybody watched, helpless, as a man in a ski mask came up behind him and pulled him away, slipping a bag over Victor’s face. Victor’s wife cried out, and wrestled with the man, who then knocked her to the floor. She yelled out in distress, with the kidnapper pulling Victor out of sight. It was followed by a few thumps, most likely Viktor resisting.

There were a few minutes of silence while everyone frantically made phone calls to each other and to Viktor and his family. 

“Good. Looks like the hitman did a good job.” said great-grandfather Alexander smugly. Baby Sergey responded with a fit of giggles.

“Yes, my boy. We don’t want Viktor to ruin the business, do we?” he chided.

Everybody else stared at him, shocked for the second time. Parents took children to their rooms, sensing that the scene was about to get nasty; this always happened in large Russian families.

“He was an expensive hitman for such a small job, though,” Alexander said to himself. 

“Yes, father.” someone agreed. 

A few others murmured in agreement.

“Ok then, that is taken care of. Looks like somebody will have to run the business.” Alexander concluded calmly. He looked like he had just woken up from his afternoon nap, and not like he had hired a hitman to kidnap his own son. He smiled in victory. 

Everybody then started talking at once, just like a bomb that had detonated. Those who had sent their children away left the meeting, disgusted by what they had just seen. Some were still confused about what was going on, about whos yells and screams they had heard earlier. The last group of people were Alexander’s other children, which there were a number of. They earnestly waited for Alexander to hint that one of them would be taking over the business, or at least help carry it on.

“You really think you got me there, grandfather, didn’t you?” Viktor said mockingly in Russian. 

For the first time, Alexander looked shocked. Viktor was back, unscathed. All the command Alexander had held for the past few minutes was gone. 

“But… how?” He cried. “How did you survive?”

“Grandfather, it isn’t that hard to bribe a hitman. Especially with all the money we have,” he added. 

“But…”

Viktor held up his hand, halting his elder. “Enough.”

He paused for a few seconds, building up his anger.

“I don’t have anything to do with this family anymore. I am purely disgusted and will remain in possession of the business until I can pass it off to my son or sell it off. I officially am leaving this family. Bye.”