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Thriller Funny

Kate turned from her comfy spot on the couch and looked at the rain falling in sheets outside her living room window. What a perfect night to stay inside. She popped a few kernels of popcorn into her mouth before picking up her glass of wine and taking a sip. The liquid seemed to go straight from her throat to her head and she relaxed back into the cushion. All day she had rushed around, first to finish a project at work, then to run errands and finally to get her son ready for his late sports practice. All she could think about was enjoying  these two hours – and especially this last five minutes of her favorite show.

Viewers were about to find out which lucky woman would get the final rose and marry the handsome bachelor. She knew it was silly. At middle age, she shouldn’t be watching reality  dating shows. But this was one of her few indulgences and she wasn’t hurting anybody by watching a little trashy TV. She was a good wife and mom, a dedicated employee at the recruitment firm where she worked full time. She even volunteered at the local food pantry on weekends. But everyone needs a guilty pleasure, right?

 As the third commercial droned on, rain pounded on the roof and thunder rumbled in the background. She was glad her husband had taken Teddy out for pizza and to his late practice. She usually joined them for these outings but had made an excuse tonight, desperately wanting these few hours to herself.

Thunder erupted over her head, startling her and causing a few drops of wine to spill onto her sweatpants.  This was sounding bad. As soon as her show resumed and she found out who won, she would check that all the windows were closed, charge her phone and get the flashlight out of the closet. That probably should have already happened, but it was too late now.  

She rubbed the small wine stain off her pants just as the show was about to resume. Taking a large gulp, she put down her wine and picked up the box of tissues she always kept at the ready on finale night. There was the handsome bachelor, standing in his dark suit and perfect hair waiting for the first of his two prospects to get out of the limousine. Then the screen flashed to a sleek black limo, which rolled to a stop. The door opened and Kate felt her heart rate pick up. She hadn’t read any of the spoilers online and had no idea which woman he would propose to. They were both so perfect for him. 

Just then there is a loud bang, a flash of light and the room went dark. The TV went dark. Kate was left clutching a Kleenex in the eerie, silent house. She moved to put down the tissue box and heard a clatter. Shoot, she had knocked over her wine glass. She felt around for the coffee table and sure enough it was soaked, and there was her cell phone in the middle of the spilled wine. She pushed it aside, hearing it fall onto the oriental rug. Darn! First thing to do was get a dish cloth to clean the spilled wine before it stained both the wood table and the delicate carpet. She lifted herself off the couch, feeling a bit lightheaded from the wine and the sudden sensory deprivation. Taking her first cautious  step, something cracked under her foot. Oh no, her cell phone. She reached down for it, banging her head on the coffee table. She could feel that the glass surface of her phone was cracked, and it didn’t turn on at her touch. That wasn’t a good sign. She left it there, stepping over it as she made her way past the couch to the wall, which she followed with her hands until she reached the kitchen. 

Her eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness, and she could make out the vague outline of her kitchen cabinets. She should probably get ice for her aching head. A sizeable  lump was already forming. But it wasn’t good to open the fridge or freezer in case the power was out for a while. Another boom of thunder hit, and she shifted anxiously from the wall to the counter, feeling her way across to the drawer where she kept stacks of clean dish towels. Why hadn’t she opted for white wine tonight? 

She opened a few drawers, feeling inside for the dish towels, and cursed under her breath when she slammed one on her finger. Finally, she opened a drawer and pulled out several of the sturdy clothes, holding them in the arm of her good hand as she stuck her sore finger into her mouth to soothe it.  Then she began the journey back down the hallway toward the shadow that she hoped was the couch. After tripping over the edge of the carpet, she plopped down on the couch, and began to spread the dish towels along the wet surface, not sure how far the wine had spread. Bending down carefully, she put a dish towel on the carpet and attempted to dry off her damaged cell phone. Maybe it could be salvaged, but she wasn’t optimistic. Things weren’t going her way at the moment.

The rain and wind picked up outside her door and she remembered she still had to close the windows, and of course it was the upstairs windows that were likely left open. She pressed down one last time on the dish towels, hoping she had cleaned up all the wine, before slowly getting up.  Everything hurt now.  Feeling her way over to the wall, she  walked in the opposite direction of the kitchen, reaching for the stair railing. 

Grabbing hold of it, she was about to take the first step up when the kitchen door slammed hard, making her heart leap into her throat. “Who’s there,” she yelled. “Just so you know, I have a weapon.” Kate had never in her life even been within 10’ of a weapon. But someone could be in the house.  She had to protect herself. Wait!  Her son’s baseball bat was in the closest, just a few feet over from the stairs. 

Taking her foot off the first step and reaching back to the wall, she felt her way toward the hall closet. Grasping the doorknob, she listened keenly to make sure whoever slammed the door wasn’t about to grab her. Chills went up and down her arms as the closet door opened and a musty smell assaulted her senses. Her husband’s golf clubs were in the front. He didn’t even like golf, yet those darn clubs were always taking up space in the closet as if having them front and center branded him an actual golfer. She pushed them aside, creating a loud clanking sound. “Shhh” she whispered into the darkness, reaching and touching an assortment of odd-shaped things until she felt a long wooden stick. Yes, the baseball bat. Isn’t that what every victim grabbed for in an emergency? It was heavy, and as she pulled it out of the back corner, she was sure she could kill someone with this thing. If there was actually anyone in the house with her.

Tucking the baseball bat under her arm, she edged her way along the wall back toward the stairs. Grasping the railing, she listened for the sound of footsteps, but only heard the rain pounding down on the roof, followed by another rumble of thunder. She took the steps one at a time, aware that falling down the stairs would make this situation much worse, but also aware that if someone was in the house, and wanted to catch her, none of that would matter. This time the chill went down her spine, but she put the thought out of her mind and kept moving.

Midway up, she heard a muffled squeak. The fifth step always made that noise, but it sure sounded ominous this evening. Climbing further, she heard the distinct sound of the rain pouring down.  It was coming from Teddy’s room. That kid never just cracked the window. He always opened it to the max, and it had probably been that way since he left for school this morning. 

She moved quickly but cautiously along the wall to his room, pushing the door open and  picturing exactly where the window would be. She stepped in and immediately tripped, this time falling flat on her face. Her son had left something enormous and heavy on the floor. What the…? Her face was in the carpet, and she was tempted to stay there. Just let the rain flow into the room and the perpetrator come and get her. She pulled herself up, shoving aside a huge book. It must be his physics text, but why was it on the floor? Never mind.  Her body felt broken as she shuffled along the carpet, focused and determined to make it to the window.

Spitting rain and cold wind hit her cheeks as she got closer. Grasping the window with both hands, she slammed it shut.  The room went quiet. No pelting rain, no sound of footsteps. There might be other windows open, but she was too worn out to care.  She sat down on the damp carpet, clutched the baseball bat to her chest, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Just then, as if on cue, the lights went on. She saw the hallway light up and abandoned the baseball bat, getting up and walking toward the light.

She looked down at herself. Red wine stained her pants and her slippers, and her finger was red and throbbing. She limped her way down the stairs and found that the wind had blown the back door open. Of course. She had gone out to buy take-out and wine earlier and hadn’t shut the door fully in her rush to turn on the TV in time for the start of her show.  She knew that door could blow open in windy weather. She closed it firmly and locked it, looking around. The floor was wet, and three cabinets were opened haphazardly, dish towels strewn around the floor. What a mess, but it could wait for a few minutes.

She stumbled back to the couch where the TV was still reprograming. She stared down at the coffee table, wiping up the wine she had missed and then blotting the carpet, which still had a few stains.  Her phone looked beyond repair. Oh well. She began picking up the popcorn, which had somehow spilled all over the place. But then the TV came on, and she leaned back against the couch cushion, soaking dish towels in one hand and a handful of wet limp popcorn in the other. As the picture came into focus a limo was driving away into the sunset, but wait, which woman had he chosen? She started to laugh uncontrollably, the dishtowels and wet popcorn falling from her hands onto the floor. What did it matter. They probably won’t stay together anyway, and look at all the trouble she had caused with her obsession for this silly show?

The wine glass was tipped on its side, and a few drops still lingered at the bottom. She picked it up, downed the last few drops and let out a breathe, the adrenalin leaving her body. The power outage had been like a smack in the head, literally pulling her out of her TV coma. Kate got up and started to clean the house and get ready for her family to come home. She couldn’t wait to see them and hear about Teddy’s practice.  As for her show, oh well. She could wait another day to find out who got the final rose.

June 05, 2024 01:09

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4 comments

Trudy Jas
02:40 Jun 07, 2024

The bachelor? Tv Coma is right. :-) EWxcellent take of the prompt, Karen.

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Karen Hope
04:02 Jun 07, 2024

Thank you - she had a stressful few minutes there! I guess I just gave away my guilty pleasure LOL.

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Hannah Lynn
20:08 Jun 06, 2024

A stressful afternoon in the storm! Creepy feeling when someone might be in the house with you… or are you alone?

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Karen Hope
03:59 Jun 07, 2024

I think we’ve all had that feeling at some point! Thank you for reading and commenting.

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