Down the well

Running around the pond, the princess was laughing. Her hair was covered in leaves and dandelion seeds were floating in her trail. The goldfish in the water were trying to mimic her movements, darting in circles like frantic flecks of sun. A grey wolf with snow white specks on his muzzle was sitting not far away, watching the young girl run and laugh, and stop to catch her breath.

``````"It ` s not as good when you are standing there like a good little dog", she said accusingly. The wolf simply yawned and shook his majestic head.

"Perhaps I `` m just tired of your little girl `` s games. A dog obeys and wags its tail, and jumps on command. I am a hunter and a king; the whole forest squirms under my paw. Different things entertain me."

"Oh ? Pray tell. Did you come here to scold me, or to sulk, or perhaps even to brag about how bored you are?"

"I came here to keep you company", said the wolf and yawned again. "But you are insufferable these days. Whatever has gotten into you? You laugh and you dance for hours, then you fling yourself onto the ground and cry. You sleep for days and then you go and run around the pond like you did when you were seven...Is this a princess thing? Are you sad there are no prophecies tied to your name, no doom hanging around you like a cloak of mist?"

The princess straightened her back, like she had seen her father do so many times, and her soft lips quivered when she tried to control her anger.

"I am so sorry you find feelings so hard to understand", she said, slowly approaching the wolf. "Of course, being an animal, you do not have much of a choice. You only think of food and trees, and barring your teeth at other animals. The great king of the forest! If only your subjects could see you now, skulking because you find your task of babysitting me unbearable..."

"Thread carefully, princess", growled the wolf raising his head slightly.

"I do not want prophecies, or impending doom, or golden apples hanging from the sky, or adventures coming my way. I simply want...I..."

"Helena?"

Her face went blanc and she looked at the sky like she was trying to read an invisible letter, written there with wind and light.

"I am only....I am only..."

"Helena!"

The wolf jumped to his feet and approached her, but he was not sure what to do so he just nudged her with his nose several times.

"I am only.... only trying to remember", she said with a very uncertain voice. Even though she was not moving now, the goldfish were still darting frantically around the pond, like a handful of stars falling in all directions. The wolf nudged her calf almost pleadingly and asked:

"What is it? What are you trying to remember?"

"I don `` t know." Her voice was listless, trailing. "There are things...I always try to remember them, but then something erases them from my mind - a whiff of lilac, the buzzing of the bees, somebody calling my name, a dreamless sleep...Everything in this place is a poison for my memories. It` s surprising I still know who you are."

She looked at the wolf and smiled, stretching her hand to pat his spiderweb-grey head. He shook it off.

"I ``` m not a dog. I ``` m your friend and I `` m not to be forgotten. "

"Perhaps not yet.."

"Not ever. When did this start?"

"When did it start? I do not even remember what I have forgotten. I don `` t remember when my childhood turned into a maidenhood or when was the last time I climbed a cherry tree.."

"Two days ago and you fell. Look, you father..."

"My father is ill and I know better than to poison his last days with my strange tales, Ragbowd. As a king of the forest, you should know that a kingdom is enough of a problem. A kingdom that he is leaving to me, thinking I `` m fit enough to rule it..."

"With a husband by your side, do not forget that."

"How could I ever?" Princess Helena kneeled next to her silver-haired friend and buried her face in his neck. "Me, losing my mind, married to a stranger, with a kingdom in my lap...I fell of a cherry tree two days ago and don `` t even remember it. What will I do, Ragbowd?"

"Pray that a kingdom is not like a cherry tree."

She laughed and all the goldfish reacted to her laugh like it tugged on a hundred golden cords, attached to their bodies. Clouds were gathering above - white like a flock of geese, like a herd of untamed horses, glistening in the sun - they were rushing, rushing to somebody `` s aid.

"I dont `` t know how all of this happened, Ragbowd. I was a little girl, running around the pond, racing deer and rabbits, falling of trees, my mouth always full of raspberries. Suddenly I closed my eyes...and a gust of cold wind blew, and I felt like it was rocking me to sleep, but I was not really sleeping...then I opened my eyes and my life was full of these decisions, these burdens I must carry with me wherever I go and I ` m simply crumbling under their weight. My shoulders are not broad enough to carry this kingdom upon them. My eyes can not see far enough, my hands are unsteady, and what of my heart? Oh, how did this happen, Ragbowd? I am not ready...I am not ready..."

"You need to stop, princess. Talking of this will not make you more ready. Think of the prince that will come to marry you, think of how white his teeth will be or how musical his voice or whatever it is you need..."

"His voice!" Helena jumped to her feet and clasped her hands. "Ragbowd! If you are truly my friend, you will follow me to the empty well!"

They ran together, the beautiful round-faced girl with leaves in her auburn hair and the old wolf with his tongue slightly hanging out. They ran past the pond, past the tree where nightingales would gather at dawn, past distant windmills and women carrying buckets of fresh milk. When they reached the empty well, they were both out of breath and the sun was setting.

"Do you wish to...tell me...what is this about?", asked the wolf and licked his ruffled tail.

"Oh, the well ! The voice in the well...The voice, old friend! I remember, I remember something. I remember somebody calling from the well, and a voice talking to me."

"But the well is empty", said Ragbowd with a puzzled look. "Faces appear in rivers and lakes and even wells, but you need water for that..."

"Oh", said Helena and put her palms on the sides of her head, like she was trying to keep it from falling to pieces. "It ` s the words....I must say something...the first time I came here I was so overwhelmed by everything that was happening that I screamed in despair and I called, I said..."

She stood in silence for a moment, then peered into the well and whispered into the dark, waterless depths:

"I am stranger to this world and I need another home."

There was a gulping sound - like a large fish swallowing a whole river in one breath - and then the surface of the well was glistening. It was full to the brim with water, glazed with dying sunlight. And from the depths of the well, a voice was heard - soft and quiet, like somebody was speaking from another room while trying not to wake anybody:

"Is that you, princess Helena?"

"It`` s me", she said even quieter.

"I have been waiting for you. I thought...But you are here", the voice hesitated and then said softly:

"Have you come to honour our promise? To give me an answer?"

Ragbowd barred his teeth, approached the well slowly, like he would approach the leader of a foreign pack , and growled:

"What promise?"

"Who is speaking?", asked the voice and the water on the surface splashed playfully at the question.

"None of your concern, but this is Ragbowd who strikes at dusk, the king of the forest, princess Helena `` s best advisor. And you are you, speaking from a magic well, bodiless and nameless and talking of promises I know nothing about?"

"Prince Lethon...future king of Alethia...all the forests here belong to my father, and then they will belong to me. I have a body, advisor, but only my voice goes through the well. We talked with princess Helena...not just once, and she has confessed in me. Life in your kingdom scares her. Her memory is crumbling. Soon she will not be able to keep herself together. I offered her salvation...A life here, with me, where nobody will ever expect anything of her. She may marry or not marry, rule or not rule, and her memory will stay intact, so she may actually be able to make these decisions by herself. Heed my words, advisor...I offer her happiness, and I hope she has come tonight to take it..."

"Over my dead, rotten, grey-haired, battered body", said Ragbowd, the hairs standing on his neck, and then he nudged the princess not too gently. " Helena, let `` s go. If this is as stupid as it sounds, there is nothing for us here."

"Nothing....except salvation", whispered Helena.

"Do not throw away my words, advisor, king of the forest...they are not rubble. Your princess is losing her mind. My kingdom will heal her, make her whole again."

"She can heal here. She does not have to do anything she does not wish to. If she thinks she can `` t rule..."

"But she must rule. That is what your kingdom is built around. She is the ruler, so she must rule and if she strays away from her purpose, it`` s your realm that will be losing its mind soon. She is the king ``` s daughter so she must marry, and if she doesn ``` t, how will life go on? Do you think your trees will keep blooming the way they do, and your hares will keep leaping and your people will keep ploughing their fields and dancing after sunset? No, I don `` t think so. Over there, you are all strung together - like beads and to take just one of the beads away means to cut the string...Fatal. Here it `` s different. Here each bead has its own string. See sense, advisor, and send your princess to me. I have only heard her voice from the water, but I love that voice already and I will take care of the one it is attached to, no matter the cost."

Ragbowd just sat there, staring at the shimmering well with great sadness in his eyes, and their golden colour dimmed, like somebody pulled a cloud over them. He looked at his princess, longing for her to say something, but she was just standing there, staring at the well, just like him. Her hands were clasping the stone edge like she was barely keeping herself from flying away, like a weightless feather, a flower petal. Ragbowd finally spoke, and his voice was way quieter than before:

"So be it, faceless stranger. If that is your advice and her wish, my heart will not have a say in the matter...but allow me this much: allow me to come with her. Surely she will need a companion in your strange land. She is not used to being without me. I taught her things that even her father could not teach her. And I was the first one she was running with in the forest - over hills and under rocks, through valleys and across brooks...So let me come, and I..."

"But I can not", said the voice in a slightly apologetic manner. "Only one may pass through the well. Then the gateway will be closed. I would have let you come, advisor, and her whole castle is more than welcome, but only one may pass..."

"Princess", said the wolf and looked at her pleadingly. She was still staring at the well, looking as though she was reading an invisible letter written on the surface of the water with light and air, then she finally shook her head and locked eyes with her advisor.

"Princess..."

"What will you do, old friend? Beg? Roll on your back, like a puppy? How far will you go?" She smiled, but her eyes were swelling up with tears, like magic wells.

"You can not leave me."

"I can not stay."

"Look at me. Look at me and say you are going to leave me and never see me again. That you will abandon your father and your people without a word and go to your new, carefree life with a stranger..."

"He is not a stranger to me", said Helena, but dropped her gaze immediately. A single tear rolled down her cheek and got lost somewhere in the shadows of her lowered face.

"Look at me and tell me that you are not going to need me, when you want to cross a deep river and you want somebody to carry you on their back. Or when you want to run like the wind, and nobody can race the wind like the king of the forest..."

"I can run on my own", said Helena with a stern voice. "And it `` s time for me to cross my own rivers."

"When you pick cherries from a tree, you will think of me. Or when you fall and scrape your knees...Helena! How do you think that will feel? How do you think you will bear this?"

"Ragbowd." The princess kneeled next to her advisor and buried her face in his neck. It smelled like dirt and oak trees, and heat. "I will always think of you. Not only when I pick cherries or scrape my knees, or wait for the sun to rise. I will think of you when I `m singing new songs, or wearing new dresses, or learning how to shoot with a bow for the first time. You are a part of me and just like I know I ` ll never forget how to use my arms, that is how I know I `` ll never forget who you are and what you are. But I have to go. There are no roads for me here. Everything I do is running in a circle...And the prince is offering me a direction."

"He is a stranger. In a strange land."

"So may be it." She smiled like a little girl curled next to a bonfire. "Everybody is a stranger, until they aren `` t. And princesses are supposed to meet strangers, after all, and fall into magic wells and have adventures...I am nothing else but the form of my nature. Let me go, old friend. I can not go until you let me."

The wolf smiled. His eyes were also filling with tears and looked like drops of sun, melting with the dusk.

"So you will remember me, won `` t you, princess of folly? You will remember your old, battered, hairy, loyal friend?"

"I will make another promise to you. I will find a way to see you again", whispered Helena into his fur. "So we will see each other again. And this is not a real goodbye."

Then she jumped to her feet - with a sudden determination that almost looked like courage, but reeked of tears - and climbed on the edge of the well.

"I `` m coming, Lethon", she said and her voice was almost calm, and her hands were almost not trembling when she put them over her head. The wolf, sitting on the ground wanted to speak, but no words came out and he just howled, a low and terrible howl that sounded out of place without a full moon hanging in the sky. Helena took one last breath, calmed her voice completely and said without turning her head back:

"Do not fret, king of the forest. I am just one of the cubs in your pack and as such, I will return to you sooner or later. And when you find somebody to rule in my stead....tell them the tale of the girl you taught how to run like the wind."

The prince said something from the depths of the well, but his soft voice was drowned in the longest howl Ragbowd has ever let out in his life. When he finally stopped and opened his eyes, the well was empty again and nobody was standing on the edge, and a very shy and not really full moon was peaking through the rushing clouds.

"She will find me again", though the wolf and sighed. "So I have nothing to be sad about, and yet...How strange. I think I finally understand feelings".