Hidden Memory

Trigger warning: child sexual abuse, substance abuse

"Nooooooo"

Matilda woke up breathing heavily with so much fear in her eyes.

She had another nightmare they seemed to be an everyday thing for the past one month.

Matilda was 20 years old, she was tall with a curved body and an hour glass figure.

She had short black hair and brown eyes.

"Are you okay I heard you screaming, what's wrong?"

Lisa, Matilda's best friend as well as house mate walked in the room.

They had been friends for 10 years but they had only been staying together for 4 years.

Lisa was short and chubby, she had long brown hair and big eyes with a baby face.

"Yes am okay I just had another nightmare sorry, you can go back to sleep."

Matilda had been having nightmares for years now at least once a week until a month ago they had been coming everyday.

The worst part was she refused to talk about them and her friend was getting concerned.

"It's almost time for work I might as well just start preparing, are you sure you are okay?"

"Of course am fine let me also start preparing."

Matilda worked in an accounting firm as a secretary.

She was raising some funds for school to study accounting.

Working there gave her an opportunity to gain experience and learn before going to school.

Lisa worked in a restaurant as a waitress.

She had no plans of going to school but was a great cook and wanted to become a chef.

That required her to go to school which she had no interest in.

"Matilda, Matilda, Matilda."

"Uhm, yea, yes."

"I have been calling you for a long time, are you okay?"

"Am fine, am sorry I was just thinking about something, how may I help you."

Lawrence, Matilda's boss looked at her in amazement.

He was shocked by her behaviour, he knew her as a hardworking and focused person.

For the past month she had been distracted and her performance was poor.

"I need the proposal I gave you to write, are you done with it?"

"Oh no am sorry sir am not yet done with it, I will definitely bring it to your office before lunch time."

"This is really getting too much, if you continue performing like this I may have to let you go. Maybe you need to go on leave so you can rest."

"No sir I don't need to go on leave I love working, I will be fine."

Matilda loved working it kept her mind busy from thinking about anything about her past.

Being idle brought back memories she never wanted to remember, hidden memories she couldn't remember.

After work she went over by the restaurant Lisa worked from, they bought some food for supper and headed home.

On their way home Matilda noticed a man lifting a little girl in the air as they laughed.

She quickly ran to the man and grabbed the little girl from him.

"Don't do that, don't ever hurt her, let go of her."

The child's mother arrived and got the child back from Matilda.

"That's her father what are you doing they are playing."

"Oh am sorry, I didn't know."

By passers staired in shock over the incidence that just occurred.

"Matilda are you okay,why did you do that?"

"Am fine, I don't know let's just go home."

Lisa knew that something seriously wrong was bothering her and she needed to get her friend help before it was too late.

Whatever bothered her was slowly affecting her mentally as well as her performance at work.

One weekend when Lisa was off from work, she decided to call Matilda's mother.

She didn't know what was bothering her but she thought the mother could be able to help.

After calling 3 times, there was finally an answer from the other end.

"Hello." The voice was that of a man.

"Hello, good afternoon is this the residence for Miss Martha?"

"Yes, may I know who is asking?"

Lisa took a minute to think this through, her friend would definitely be angry with her.

She realised it was best to find a solution before it was too late.

"This is Lisa, Matilda's friend, I have something important to tell her about Matilda."

The man on the other end kept quiet for a while until he finally spoke.

"She is not around at the moment, what do you need to tell her?"

Lisa didn't know who the man was because Matilda never mentioned him.

She wasn't going to start telling someone she didn't know personal information.

"Might you know when she will be back?"

Before she could finish her statement she heard a lady's voice in the background.

"Who is that on the phone Jack?"

"It's Matilda's friend, she wants to speak with you."

Lisa spoke to the mother about all the problems Matilda was facing especially the nightmares.

During the week Matilda's nightmares worsened to a point that she would be afraid of sleeping.

Her health was slowly deteriorating due to sleepless nights.

"Good morning sir you called me in for work today is everything okay?"

Matilda looked like a walking corps, her eyes were sunken and her voice was really low.

"I called you in because I needed to give you this letter, am giving you leave for a month to fix whatever it is you are going through. Your health is more important please take care of yourself."

She tried to protest, a month was too long, she was fine she just needed sleep.

It was final Lawrence wasn't going to change his mind, she just had to agree.

As she headed home a lot passed through her mind, what would she do to keep herself busy.

There was no way she would spend an entire month just sitting at home, maybe she could find a part time job.

She received the shock of her life as she walked in the house only to find her mum sitted in the living room with Lisa.

"Matilda it's been so long, you stopped calling my child, I needed to see you."

As she walked to hug her mum she could not find words.

Seeing her mum made her feel pain, she didn't know why she felt that way.

Matilda stopped staying with her mother since she was 10 years old.

She first lived with her grandmother until she went to high school which was a boarding school.

When she completed they rented an apartment with Lisa which they were staying in at that moment.

She hadn't seen her mum in 10 years but instead of being happy she felt angry and a sudden pain she could not explain.

"How did you find me?" Is all that managed to come out of her mouth.

"I called her am sorry, I am worried about your health and all these nightmares."

Matilda was angry with her friend but she knew her motive was right.

As she sat down to talk to her mum, she couldn't explain exactly what the nightmares were about.

A man kept on pursuing her but the man had no face, she couldn't see his face.

"Did any man try to hurt you and you interpreting in your dream, please be honest with me my child."

She didn't know what to tell her mother, she had hidden memories she couldn't remember and didn't want to remember.

She refused to speak about anything cause she couldn't remember.

The front door opens and a man enters through the door it is Jack the mother's husband.

Jack was not Matilda's biological father. Her father passed away when she was 7 years old.

After his death the mother went into a state of depression, she began drinking a lot of alcohol and life for Matilda wasn't easy living with her mother.

She acted like the adult in the house at a young age she would cook, clean and do all the chores around the house.

Everything changed when her mother was taken for counseling by the grandmother.

Jack was her counselor, he helped her recover and she stopped drinking alcohol.

After knowing each other well they started seeing each other and then got married.

Jack made her mother happy and things got better for everyone.

Not until everything changed when the mother traveled for a week for a work trip.

Everything for Matilda changed, when the mother returned she asked if she could go live with her grandmother.

She never went back to her mother's place not even during holidays.

Matilda had a good memory but whatever happened that week was something she couldn't remember.

She made her mind believe nothing happened and eventually it was wiped out.

Reality finally heat her as she saw him, the man in her nightmares suddenly had a face and it was that of Jack.

Fear moved all over her body she suddenly felt cold, she could barely say any word.

"How are you Matilda? long time."

She failed to respond and her entire body was shaking like one who had just seen a ghost.

"I think she needs to rest, let me take her to her room and you can have my room, I will stay in her room."

Lisa helped her friend to the bedroom, but all she could see was fear in her eyes.

For the next few days Matilda couldn't come out of her room, she couldn't eat either.

They called in a doctor to check on her, the doctor gave her some sedatives to help her sleep and some fluids to give her strength.

Her mother thought she might need some counseling so she asked Jack to speak to her.

Whenever she saw Jack her condition would worsen.

"I think let's get her another counselor, who isn't family that way it might help her."

Lisa spoke to Martha, she could see that Jack brought fear in Matilda's eyes and she needed to find out the reason to help her friend.

"I agree with you, I think that is the best idea, do you know of any?"

"There is one lady who worked at our school, she was really good, I have her line I can get in touch with her."

Lisa contacted miss Bernks a qualified psychologist.

After spending a few hours and examining Matilda she came up with a diagnosis.

Matilda blocked her mind from remembering an incidence that was too painful.

She made herself believe it didn't happen, but everything hidden would eventually be brought to the light at some point.

Through her nightmares, the mind was trying to inteprate that incident but she kept blocking it.

It worsened to a point that it put her in a state of depression.

Miss Bernks spent more days with Matilda and triggered her mind to remember whatever she was trying to forget.

During one of the sessions as Matilda was talking about her childhood Jack walked in and upon seeing him, that week came back.

When her mother traveled for work, Matilda was only 9 years old about to turn 10 years old.

In the night as she slept, her bedroom door opened and Jack walked in.

He sat on her bed, she was still very sleepy as she asked him what he wanted.

He was starring at her in a weird way, he started touching her thighs and telling her she was beautiful.

She felt uncomfortable and asked him to stop but he continued and started removing her clothes.

She was so scared, she screamed out begging him to stop he forced himself on her.

She was in so much pain and she was bleeding, she cried the whole night.

In the morning he walked in her room threatening her not to say anything to her mother or anyone.

He reminded her of how the mother got depressed after her father's death.

Matilda didn't want to be the cause of her mother's sadness, she decided she would pretend that incidence never happened.

When her mother returned from the trip she asked if she could go visit her grandmother but planned she would never return home.

She suddenly heard the mother crying as she came out of her thoughts.

She didn't realise she was telling the story the entire time she thought she was remembering it.

Her mother cried, how could she allow her daughter to pass through all this and she didn't know.

They reported Jack and he got arrested and Martha divorced him.

Matilda continued recovering and going for counseling, she couldn't believe she kept such a hidden memory.