Upon reflection, you’re unworthy.

She'd first seen the mirror, whilst hurrying home from work, and as she’d climbed onto her bus, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.  It had stood out from all the other junk that had been  crammed together to form a dated bridal display in the charity shop’s window. Nothing like the look she was planning on having for her own wedding, she mused. Then recalled her disappointment when studying her reflection in the gym that morning, as her body was not yet perfect enough to where the tube of silk she had her dreams staked on. Brushing these thoughts aside, she returned her focus on the mirror. It really was beautiful with its rich glossy cherry wood frame that spoke of quality, and was in stark contrast to the cheap flouncy bridal gown worn by the faceless mannequin standing before it.  

After a week of admiring it, as she ran past in a rush to catch her bus,  Sam finally decided that she had to have it, no matter what it cost.  Over breakfast she told Mark her fiance about it, in great detail, finishing with how great it would look in their bedroom. He grunted in return and continued scrolling through his social media content. 

Later that day, she managed to wiggle her way out of work a little earlier, and hurried to the shop, her mind eagerly sorting through what would be the best way to transport it home, as her usual bus would be far too packed. As she turned the corner that would lead to the shop, and having finally settled upon calling a taxi, her heart sank. The display had been changed to envision a beach scene with buckets and spades and multi coloured balls. Clinging onto hope, she stepped inside and inquired about the mirror, only to be told it had already been purchased. 

"you're late," Mark exclaimed as she arrived home. "Never mind, come with me" he continued, his face breaking out into an excited grin before she could explain that she’d missed her bus. A few moments later as entered their bedroom she gasped in surprise, as there in all its splendour was the mirror, looking even more elegant than she’d remembered. 

"I didn't think you were even listening," she half laughed, half accused.

 "I always listen, I just don't always reply. Besides how was you supposed to get it home without a car.?" He replied in his usual honest style. Stepping in front of the mirror, Sam studied her reflection, and tried not to wince. She had never stood in front of any mirror without experiencing disappointment, no matter how hard she tried, her reflection was never good enough.

“We will have to move it slightly.” she said sharply, “The light from the window is reflecting off it.” she explained, thinking that perhaps situated a little further into the corner it wouldn’t flag up all of her flaws quite so harshly. 

“You look so damn hagged” Sam  spoke aloud, as she stood in front of the mirror. But then she figured, was it really a surprise? They'd been married almost a year, and the honeymoon period was definitely over. It wasn't that she no longer loved him, just that marriage wasn't shaping up to be like it was in the movies. When Sam thought about it, it was shaping up to be  more like her parents' marriage and they all knew how that ended up. She was still standing in front of the mirror applying fresh lipstick when Mark emerged from their ensuite, a towel wrapped around his waist. 

"Mark, we have to talk." she started, glaring at her reflection, why did her lipstick always appear to bleed into her surrounding skin. Were those new lines under her eyes? 

 "About what" he asked, removing the towel so that he could  vigorously dry his back, the motion accentuating  his muscular torso. 

The sight of his naked body no longer evoked passion, if she was honest, she’d grown tired of it, and slightly resentful of the ease that he had with his own nakedness. Bristling, she focused on applying another coat of lipstick, using her little finger to tidy up the corners. It was then that she noticed the strange movement in her reflection’s eyes. Stunned, she realised that whilst she was looking directly at her reflection, her reflection was looking admiringly past her towards Mark. 

"Mark look at this" she whispered, her blood turning to ice in her veins.

"At what?" he asked, coming to stand behind her and peering into the mirror. Everything was as it should be. Thinking she'd imagined it, Sam shook her head. "Nothing, I thought I saw a crack." 

“You’re obsessed with that mirror” Mark stated then laughed “Best present I ever bought you.”

She forced a smile to her lips and nodded, before adding “Our chat, about us?”

"Can we talk about us later" Mark replied moving back across the room, "or I'll be late meeting the lads. But Sam, you know we are okay, and that you just have a tendency to overthink things” he explained in tone she found way too patronising but was too  distracted by what she'd seen to argue. 

Two years passed, and Sam continued to notice little strange things about her reflection, but every time she tried to tell Mark, everything appeared normal. She’d even tried confiding in her friend, who put it down to pregnancy hormones. Then as a last resort, her mother, who reminded her, she’d always had an active imagination. Eventually she started to believe them, and did her best to ignore the little out of sync movements, and longing gazes that her reflection sent Mark’s way. 

As she stood naked in front of her mirror, Sam  glared at her reflection. It wasn't the purple stretch marks that made her glare, or the heavy sagginess of her breasts, but the mocking glint in reflections eyes. She almost felt as if she needed to justify to her reflection why she had allowed this to happen to their body. 

"You spend way too long in front of that mirror" Mark observed as he entered the room carrying their six month old son in his arms.

"I don't like the way she looks.." Sam began then quickly corrected herself "I mean the way I look."

"Well you look beautiful to me. Just like a Mama Bear should look," Mark assured lovingly, oblivious to how much she detested his new nickname for her. She'd loved his suggestion of calling their son Teddy but hadn't realised at the time that would have a nickname for her tagged onto it. Teddy, just thinking his name made her heart melt, the cost to her body was worth it she decided, turning to smile at her son.  Turning back she froze,  her reflection had moved closer and appeared to be peering forward as if to get a closer look at Teddy.

"you're right," Sam uttered, her throat suddenly dry, as terror gripped her vitals. "A full length mirror is the last thing a new mum needs" 

"That's not exactly what I said." Mark laughed, “You always have to go that little bit further.”

"Regardless, I want it gone." Sam snapped. 

"Whoa, Where is this coming from, you love that mirror?" Mark asked, a look of genuine hurt flashing across his face.

"Not anymore. I want it out of here now." Sam insisted, as she tried to swallow down her mounting hysteria. 

"It will have to wait, I'm gonna be late for my shift." Mark sighed, as he held their son out towards her. 

"Look if you're serious I will pop it back to the charity shop before I come to bed in the morning."  Mark relented, shocked by how drained she suddenly appeared. “You have to stop overthinking every love, you’ll make yourself ill” he finished, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. 

That night alone in the flat with Teddy, Sam was unable to sleep. The moon was full and its silvery light was leaching through the curtains to illuminate the room. In the corner the mirror appeared to be glowing. She told herself it was all in her imagination, but the glow seemed to be intensifying. In his Moses basket Teddy began to whimper restlessly as the light skimmed over his face. At last, unable to stand it a moment longer, Sam reached for her toweling robe and climbed out of bed, thinking she’d cover the mirror and give them both a little peace. As she approached it she became aware of a strange sensation that made her feel light headed, she told herself it was just unnecessary fear, getting the better of her.  As she grew closer she saw that despite knowing she herself was grimacing her reflection was smiling serenely. The terror inside her threatened to overwhelm her, her breathing had become jaggedly painful. She hesitated, frozen to the spot, as what must have been a cloud passed over the room and pitched the room into darkness. 

The coldness woke her, it seemed to seep into every part of her being.  Lying quietly with her eyes closed, she thought with a shudder of the previous night’s nightmare. Then reaching out to gather the duvet around her, she realised she was lying on the floor.  Thinking she must have fainted she sat up. Something felt wrong. Slowly she struggled to her feet, it was too dark to see much. Just then a glimmer of moonlight illuminated her bed across the room, she could see the shape of a body beneath the cover and wondered why Mark had returned early and even more strangely, left her lying on the floor.  Beside the bed, in his moses basket Teddy murmured before breaking into a wail. Instinctively Sam moved forward, only to be brought up by what appeared to be a sheet of glass.

"what the…"  she cried, banging her fists against the surface. Her eyes widening as  across the room the sleeping figure moved and sat up. Sam froze as she watched herself reaching for her son. But how could it be when she was standing right here across the room? The penny dropped with a clutter of breaking glass. With icy tendrils wrapping themselves around her heart, she realised she wasn't in the room, she was in the mirror!  Trapped and helpless to do anything else she watched as her reflection nursed her son, before settling him back down. Then almost as an after thought her reflection glanced her way and spoke, a cold serene smile forming on her lips.

“Nothing was ever good enough for you.” The reflection stated, in a voice that sounded identical to her own.” For years I was your victim, the one you constantly accused of not being good enough. Then your judgement turned on Mark, suddenly despite being gorgeous he wasn't good enough. How long before Teddy isn't good enough? "

" No, never." Sam objected " I love and adore my son"

"You loved and adored Mark once" her reflection countered, then laughed a brittle hard laugh that sent shards of glass through Sam. “Upon reflection, you have been deemed unworthy.”

"What do you want?" Sam whimpered.

"What I have taken," her reflection replied sardonically, "Your life." 

Hours later as sunlight filled the room Sam watched Mark’s return. Noting how carefully he got undressed, to avoid waking either herself or his son. She tried to call out to him, but he appeared not to hear her. Sam shook her head, as she watched, her reflection snuggling up to him. 

“Damn I forgot you wanted me to run that mirror to the charity shop" Mark apologised,his voice tired and weary "I'll get up and..." 

"Don't be silly, the mirror can wait” her reflection murmured seductively" but I can't. I have waited for you, for way too long.”

From where she stood Sam could see her reflection’s hand caressing Mark's body beneath the cover.

"But I didn't think you felt up..." He began

"Hush, I feel different now." her reflection replied throatedly , her tone thick with desire "I really want you to make love to me. And afterwards, let's not bother with the charity shop and take the thing straight to the tip! I feel it’s coming between us, and I want us to start over, anew!”

" If you're certain that's what you want? "

" It is. Now come here, you beautiful man cos Mama Bear really wants Papa Bear!” her reflection crooned. 

Defeated, Sam sank to her knees, covering  her ears with her hands. She wasn't sure what would become of her, if the mirror was destroyed at the tip, would she still exist?  But if her reflection wanted rid of the mirror, Sam could only imagine her reflection wanted rid of the mirror to prevent them from swapping back. As a tear rolled down her cheek Sam realised, her life was no longer her own, and that she had no choice but to accept her fate.