I am sorry I made you go

‘KISS! KISS! KISS!’ – chanting was surrounding me as I was trying to not break under the pressure and cry. I lifted my arms, shielding my face, as if I was hiding from a physical attack. Looking through the gap between my elbows, I saw teenagers, who were looking like zombies eager for brains or vampires dying for blood. I glared at the stupid bottle, tip of which was pointing at me, it seemed like it was laughing at me. I gathered all of my strength and yelled, ‘NO!’ Everyone went silent for a solid second, then the owner of the party stood up from her sit and slowly walked towards me. As she was putting one foot in front of the other, she said, ‘If you do not want to kiss Erica, you will have to,’ she stopped to think about a cruel dare she was preparing for me. In that half a second my head was buzzing with thoughts, all I wanted was to go home – this was exactly why I never went to parties; they always end up like this. ‘Ah, yes, then you will have to complete a dare. Tell us your deepest darkest secret.’

‘Nah, that is so boring, have you seen him?’ I turned my head: it was best friend trying to cover my back. Despite making me come to this party, he was actually an amazing companion. Falling in love with Amma was pathetic of my best friend, but I could not do anything about his decision. I wanted to keep him company as he was too scared to go alone to the party. And now look at him, talking to the girl he has a massive crush on. I was hoping his little distraction technique would work. No one should ever know my secret.

‘Okay, Hans, what are you suggesting?’ Amma giggled and gave Hans a death stare, which made me shiver.

‘Um, I do not know, Amma. Maybe, you should not be mean to your guests,’ that was a good try, I have to give him that. But I suppose that my ship was sunken by his words.

‘Oh, I would never be mean to my guests, sweetie. If you don’t like it, you and your boyfriend can leave.’

‘He’s not my,’ Hans was about to scream, but I interrupted him, touching his arm.

‘It is okay, I accept the dare,’ I mumbled.

‘Awe, guys, you are an adorable couple. Say it louder, I cannot hear you, love,’ Amma said.

‘I accept the dare; I will tell my secret,’ I tried to ignore her comment, but Hans was visibly irritated. I guess he started to regret bringing me. However, it is me who has to tell my secret now, not him.

‘Oh, did I mention that you have to tell the whole story and not just a couple of words? And how come do you not want to kiss Erica? I think everyone will agree that she is one of the prettiest girls in here. Yes, she got her braces done recently, but still.’

‘It does not matter, Amma, he agreed to the dare, let him talk now,’ I didn’t know the name of the girl, who said it, but it was very nice of her. She didn’t know me, but she still expressed compassion towards me.

‘Fine, Jess. Start talking, the time is ticking, Adam.’

I was silent for 30 seconds, but when Amma sighed and was going to say something, I lifted my shirt. Visible confusion was covering the faces of the people surrounding me. Only my best friend had a face of fear, he knew what was supposed to happen now.

‘Start talking, not stripping,’ Amma giggled.

‘Give me a second, Amma, stop being such a bitch,’ I could not take her voice any longer, so I had to be rude. I pointed at my ribs, there was a tattoo, which said ‘be gay do crime’. ‘I got this a couple of months ago. First, I am coming out as gay, but this is not the reason I refuse to kiss Erica. I would do this for the sake of game despite my sexuality, there is no tension or feelings.’

‘So, your big secret is that you are gay, and you have a tattoo. Woah, you are so brave, Adam,’ it felt like Amma did not have any other settings for her voice other than bad sarcasm.

‘No, Amma. I have HIV.’

Everyone gasped and started looking at each other, then back at me. No one knew that except for Hans.

‘EW, get away from me now!’ shouted Amma at me, ‘Your disease is not welcome here! Get out!’

Everybody started to stand up, there was clear panic in their eyes. Apparently, they did not understand that it is not transmitted through air or even saliva, but through blood.

‘It is not contagious!’ I heard Jess shout. The chaos stopped. ‘It is transmitted through blood; this is why he didn’t kiss Erica. Not because he is gay, has a tattoo, or he cannot breathe near her because she will get sick too. She has cuts in her mouth from braces. Adam was just being cautious. And you are a bunch of uneducated morons. He is not dangerous. No one with HIV is dangerous. You know how to have sex but do not know anything about safety. Only words like HIV terrify you because you are brainwashed and stupid. Where is your empathy, he got infected via tattoo, didn’t you Adam?’

‘Yeah, I did it in some girl’s flat. It seemed clean, but my mum was still worried, so she made me take the test. And now here we are. I don’t want to be a scary story for you. I am a person with feelings, who got very desperate for a tattoo when being broke. That actually kind of broke me. But all I want to do now is break the stigma around people like me. We are not monsters,’ I finished my speech, picked up my bag and started walking towards the front door. Hans followed me; mouthing thank you to Jess.

‘Wait, Adam,’ it was Amma’s voice, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You should be, you are a terrible person,’ I said and walked out of the door. I turned around before crossing the road, to see that everyone else followed me, leaving Amma to stand alone.

‘I am sorry I made you go, she is horrible,’ said my best friend.

‘It is okay, but I will make fun of you for the rest of your life for falling for her,’ I laughed, and we went to his house to play video games.