Desperate Remedies

Joaquin found himself in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Late for his meeting, attempting to avoid a clogged freeway, he took an exit. Now he was in it deep.

Food trucks and sidewalk vendors lined the congested street. Brake lights glowed. Small time entrepreneurs moved from car-to-car hawking food, flowers and souvenirs. Colorful flags snapped in the breeze. A busker played an accordion. The mood was festive.

Joaquin wasn’t in the mood.

His autodial called the office where his meeting awaited. Project developers wanted his input. And dollars.

The secretary picked up.

“Ginny. I’m sorry. Traffic’s jammed.”

“Where are you?”

“Not sure. Got off the freeway and got trapped in a street fair. Want to reschedule?”

“They’re waiting, Joaquin.”

“I know. Suggestions?”

“Someone’s always holding a festival for some saint or whatever. If you see a church, go the other way.”

“There’s a steeple a few blocks down.”

“Yeah. You’ve got to go ‘round it.”

“I’m on it.”

“I’ll order lunch brought in and update them. We’ll be here.”

“Thanks, Gin. See you soon.”

Joaquin thought, ‘Oh boy... Moved three car lengths in the last minute.’

He saw a flash of color. Jewel wore that. Is that her? His thoughts turned to mysterious Jewel. Beguiled, he could think of no one but this perfect woman. His ideal. His destiny. His impossible dream.

Despite his every effort, she didn’t know he was alive. Mystified, Joaquin had never failed at anything but in gaining traction with Jewel. How could that be? How had he failed? What else could he do?

Traffic inched forward. A street vendor selling colored streamers approached.

Joaquin pulled a hundred from his wallet and waved the bill out the window. Grinning, the vendor leaned in.

“I’ll buy your whole lot if you get me out of here. Keep the change…”

The man’s eyes widened. He looked down the street and burst into laughter. He dismissed Joaquin and laughing, he moved away.

Joaquin yelled. “Wait. I’m not joking…” The vendor had gone. “Damn!”

‘Stuck with nothing to do but think about Jewel… And that’s okay.’

He saw a café and remembered his offering to buy her coffee. No response. She walked away as if he were invisible. They’d been face to face and she looked right through him.

At the time, he laughed. ‘I’ve been dissed by better looking women than her.’ What could it be?

How had Jewel captivated him? What was so alluring?

He entered an elevator once. She stood alone against the back wall, a vision of beauty. He heard a heavenly chorus. Her presence bewitched him.

The doors slid shut. She didn’t look at him.

He struggled to form the words. “Jewel, right?”

Did she nod?

“I’ve seen you around. On the fifth floor? I’m Joaquin.”

Again, nothing.

“I’m on the twelfth… Let’s have lunch… tomorrow? My treat.”

“I bring my lunch.”

The elevator stopped. She exited.

Joaquin decided Jewel was the shyest woman he’d ever met.

What could he have done differently?

Was he obsessed? He would say no. Okay, beguiled. Objectively? A case could be made… He wanted to know her. She was the focus of his life.

How could he be obsessed? They’d never spent time together. But he rarely thought of anything else.

His fantasies kept her abstract. Facts and actual time spent with her might ground him. Why not someone, anyone else? He couldn’t say. What emptiness in him needed filling? Could she fill it? She had to.

Did only he see her qualities? Far as he could tell, no one paid her special attention. She’d laugh in the lunchroom with co-workers. She was accepted. Adoration was not on their menu.

Were they blind? Or was he? What wouldn’t he do to win her love? Hmmm.

He sat nearby to listen. Her friends bantered and laughed at her comments. He hid his amusement. He envied their free-flowing conversation. How could he join in?

Joaquin’s assistant, Marcia, sat next to him.

She asked, “You attracted to her beauty? Or is she beautiful because you’re attracted?”

He feigned ignorance. “Who?”

Marcia nodded toward Jewel. Joaquin rolled his eyes.

“You think…? Me…?”

She laughed. “I have eyes… Hardly a secret.”

“Then you see she’s classic.”

“So, buy her a pedestal. There’s a sale going on down the street…”

“Her name says it all.”

“She’s precious? Or a shiny object?”

“She’s sharp. The way she dresses. Her manner. Everything.”

Marcia nudged him. “Word on the street…?” Joaquin nodded. “She’s not attracted to money. Not attracted to stuff. Not for sale…”

That severely diminished his options. Joaquin owned the building. He had over a hundred employees.

“…Status repels her.”

He turned to Marcia. “Checkmate. What can I do?”

“Your question exceeds my pay grade… Try being human? You know. Tone down the used car salesman…”

“Charm! Of course! Who ever thought of that?”

“That’s not…”

He stood up. “Thanks, Marsh… I have an idea.”

The next day, Joaquin bought lunch for her whole office only to hear later, she’d called in sick.

~

Honking horns drew his attention. He checked his Tesla’s charge level. They hadn’t moved in like forever.

Clapping hands and laughing, everyone watched down the street. He saw the costumed dancers approaching with tambourines, drums and horns. Hundreds of them weaving amongst the cars.

‘I’ll never get out of here.’

The driver of a parked car waved frantically. He wanted to merge.

‘Good luck buddy. You’ll get farther, faster if you just stay put.’

The car in front of him inched forward. Joaquin let the driver in. He swerved into the open space and shut his car off.

A sense of peace flowed over him. He was already late. Juicing his blood pressure wouldn’t help. Why not enjoy the spectacle?

He wished Jewel was with him. He wanted to be anywhere she was.

The crowd had almost reached him. Drivers joined in honking, taking the noise to new heights.

For relief, Joaquin ducked into a tiny shop and the noise abated. Incense tickled his nose. He sneezed into his handkerchief.

A woman called from the back of the store. “It’s a special blend of Palo Santo, Dragon’s Blood and Nag Champa. Clears negativity.”

‘Or at least my sinuses,’ thought Joaquin.

He couldn’t see her beyond cluttered shelves and display cases piled high with esoterica.

He’d never seen such a place. Suspended from the ceiling, a stuffed condor soared overhead. Its wing tips almost reached opposite corners of the shop. Posters of arcane rituals covered the walls. Books promoting the practice of ‘magick’ filled a tall shelf on one wall. Knick-knacks abounded.

Joaquin stepped, careful not to topple anything. Devotional candles for obscure saints and demi-gods crowded a countertop. Bins of herbs, dried flowers and crystals jutted into the aisle. Joaquin could not imagine what use any of it could be.

He reached the rear of the cramped store.  The proprietress sat at a bench filled with vials of colored powders and a pharmacist’s scale. She didn’t look up.

He said, “Busy today.”

She shrugged. “The universe brought you here. You buying?”

“Uhm, actually, I came in my Tesla.”

Unamused, she stared at him.

He said, “Yes… I saw your sign for ‘love potions.’ Are they real?”

She looked askance and continued her measurements.

“I mean… do they work?”

After what felt an eternity, she turned. “You think all this is a joke? That I play pretend all day?”

Flustered, Joaquin stepped back. “I’ve never been here. I know nothing… Where do I start?”

She pointed at the bookshelf. He sighed.

She said, “Tell me what you want, I’ll save you time.”

He wouldn’t tell the saga of his yearning, sleepless nights, and failed attempts to connect with Jewel.

“I… uh… you know… anything for… unrequited love?”

She’d heard it all. A sweeping gesture indicated shelves crowded with candles, powders and elixirs.

Joaquin’s mouth dropped open. She stood.

“I’ll fix you up. What’s her name?”

“Jewel.”

“Favorite color?”

“Oh… coral?”

“You’re asking?”

“No. Yes… coral.”

“You know her? Or you stalking?”

“No. I mean we’re acquainted. Work in the same building. Not stalking. Never stalking… but never dated her.”

She surveyed the shelves and pulled a sachet down.

“You want this.”

She placed it on the counter between them.

“I do?”

“What you asked for.”

She looked impatient.

“So, what do I do with this? How does it work?”

“Wear it. When you’re near her, pin it to your lapel. It will draw her to you.”

“That’s it?”

“You want more?”

“I want her to see me. To open up to me. To share love for each other.”

“Uh huh…” She pushed the sachet toward him.

Joaquin held it up to the light. It could be a few grams of salt tied up in gauze with a little blue ribbon.

 ‘What do I have to lose?’ He lobbed it from one hand to the other and set it back onto the counter. He licked his fingers. ‘Salt. But not only salt.’

Their eyes met. “Okay. I’ll take it. How much?”

“A hundred.”

Joaquin thought he misheard.

“Dollars? A hundred…?”

“Or two hundred? I can do that.”

He balked. She reached for the sachet.

“Wait…”

She looked at him with the glimmer of a smile.

Joaquin left the shop sporting the sachet pinned to his lapel. The parade had passed. The crowds and traffic had thinned. He walked to his car.

He murmured, ‘What have I done?’

It wasn’t the money. A hundred dollars meant nothing. He’d gladly spend a fortune to secure his place in Jewel’s life.

But to get played by a charlatan. And for a bag of salt? Almost enough to season an order of french fries. He snorted. He’d never been superstitious. He’d never been so desperate.

It’s for Jewel after all.

Pulling onto the road he followed signs to the freeway. He called Ginny who assured him he was minutes away.

The meeting went well. Joaquin only remembered the glances at his sachet. He didn’t care what they thought.

‘Look at them… Even if it’s all fake, just sleight of hand. It’s an attention getting device.’

He only thought of Jewel. Beautiful Jewel. Will she respond to him? Will they finally be together?

He hummed a melody and ad libbed lyrics about Jewel being the fuel of his life. Feeling giddy, he laughed.

He parked in his spot in the office garage and plugged in his car to recharge. But he didn’t go in. He walked around the block.

Joaquin wanted to collect his thoughts. He’d begun to doubt. This would be the acid test.

He asked himself ‘is her love real if I have to trick her into it? Aren’t I perpetuating the ruse played on me at the curandero’s?’

The entrance to his building was across the street at the next corner. Joaquin steeled himself. ‘Let’s do this. Now.’

Half a block away, a guy with a shopping cart rummaged in a trash can.

Joaquin struggled. ‘What am I doing? A hundred bucks? No problem. But to pull a trick? Will it be me she loves? What happens if I lose it?’

As he came abreast of the trash can, the man looked up. Joaquin pulled the sachet from his lapel and tossed it. He didn’t break his stride. The man retrieved the little bag and examined it. 

Joaquin walked up to the corner. He brightened as Jewel exited the building and paused at the crosswalk. They would cross paths. Joaquin waved.

She didn’t respond, but walked, focused on the man with the shopping cart. A car passed. Jewel jaywalked and went to the man wearing the sachet.

She spoke to him. They laughed and she touched his arm.

Joaquin saw his discarded sachet pinned to the man’s dirty shirt. The blue ribbon mocked him.

Jewel and the man smiled at each other. They turned, locked arms and laughing, walked away from Joaquin.

Joaquin thought, ‘Tactics. Gotta change tactics.’